Wednesday, October 31, 2007

ZZZZZZZZZZ

When I was teaching, one of the more frustrating things that occurred was the sleeping student. Some were pretty savvy, holding a book in front of their face and dozing in a sitting position. Others would nod off, head hitting the desk with a thunk and all attention diverted from me to the newly awakened individual. The last types were the most infuriating . Arm slung over the desk, head down, sound asleep. Some drooled. Some talked in their sleep. Some Snored. A few would not wake up until late into the next hour, look around and notice no one familiar. Usually they were furious with me for "making them late" to their next class. Small recompense but I usually had a smile on my face as I watched them stomp out.

There are so many negatives about napping during a class. The first and most obvious is, what is missed during the hour. Lectures, discussions, reviews, assignments...ZZZZZZ. Another downside is the student-teacher relationship. I was always pretty insulted when an individual so little valued what transpired in my class. Also that they were so disrespectful as to sleep in front of me. Common sense says, at least look interested for positive student-teacher interaction.

60% of teens admit to being sleepy during the school day. Why? Jobs, for one thing. Many of my students worked shifts at fast food restaurants that did not end until midnight. There are after- school practices, TV's in the bedroom and an online social life that keeps kids connected 24/7. After children reach their teens, many homes choose to not structure dinnertime, homework, social interaction and bed times. "It's a School Night" has gone the way of black and white TV's and family dinners.

Recent studies have shown that kids today are getting about an hour less sleep than they did 30 years ago.And that decrease in the amount of time spent sleeping can lead to an increase in several problems. "One hour less per night of sleep on a chronic basis can really make a difference on the way the body works," says Dr Ana Kreiger, director of NYU Sleep Disorder Center.

Students who experience even slight sleep deprivation can feel the effects in the classroom. For example, a University of Virginia study showed that sleep deprived kids lost seven points on vocabulary tests. It has also been proven that A students slept an average of 15 minutes longer than B students, who in turn slept more than C students, and so on. "Lack of sleep is definitely not desirable for children and teens," Kreiger continues. "It is going to impair the ability to function well at school and even interact with people at a social level."

Another example of sleeps importance? In the early 90's in Edina, Minnesota, the high school start time was changed from 7:25 to 8:15 .The top SAT scores in the school jumped from 1288 to 1500 after the switch. That is amazing!

Just as we worry about the effects of drugs and alcohol on our teens, we need to consider the effect of sleep deprivation on their developing brains. Sleep problems can impair children's IQs as much as lead exposure. Brains grow as kids sleep. Several studies have shown that sleep-deprived kids are a higher risk for depression, obesity and cognitive delays. Just how much sleep should kids get?

Infants - up to 18 hours
Toddlers 12-14 hours
5-12 years 9-11 hours
Teens 8.5-9.5 hours

Good Morning America's contributing experts Ann Pleshette Murphy and Laura Lacy offer some major bedtime booby traps and solutions to fix them.

No exercise at night: Late-night practices and games make it very hard for kids to slow down and relax - a prerequisite for a good night's rest. For little kids, watch out for pre-bedtime roughhousing, which is also too stimulating. Don't try to tire your child out, because "crashing" to sleep doesn't produce the kind of rest he/she needs.
Embrace the dark side: Light is a major "wake-up" cue, so install blackout shades in kids' rooms, and try dimming the lights before bed. Also reduce screen time before bed: If necessary, take the computer out of the bedroom when it's "lights out." The glow from the TV or computer screen may be enough to keep your teens motor running. Remove the cell phone, too!
Eliminate caffeine from your child's diet. Too many sodas during the day or chocolate for dessert can wreak havoc at bedtime. So can certain medications. Some cold medicine contains decongestants that are stimulants, and certain prescription pain medications may also contain caffeine. Check with your pharmacist or family doctor to find out if your child's medications fall into this category.
Avoid weekend "jet lag": Many people believe that it's OK for kids to catch up on their sleep over the weekend, so we let their routine fall apart. Instead, however, they end up suffering from the equivalent of jet lag and have to reset their biological clocks Monday morning. Try to stick to their weekly bedtime routine as much as possible. Also let them take short naps during the week if necessary, but get them to bed at a reasonable hour. The goal is at least eight hours of sleep, and 10 is preferable!
Walk the walk: We can't yell at our kids to get to bed if we're burning the candle at both ends ourselves. Look at your family's calendar. Make rest and sleep a priority and model that commitment. That means being willing to say no to things. It's a tough challenge, particularly at this time of year when there are so many events coming down the road.
Turn off the Beasts Computers, cell phones, ipods, video games, TV's.....after an agreed upon time, off they go.

As discussed here, kids with a nightly schedule benefit in yet another way. Family dinners, homework a priority, calm and organized preparations for a new day, and now, the gift of a good night's rest. All are important to ground our children, and to give them the tools to succeed in their daily life and in the future.

Monday, October 29, 2007

I'm from the Government and I'm Here to Help

No, I'm not really making a political statement. I have just been thinking about how terribly complicated everything has become, especially where our teenagers are concerned.

I think I can trace it back to the year I realized both my small children needed a social security number and they were only toddlers, not even old enough to have a job! I didn't have to have a SSN until around the time I got my driver's license and the government certainly did not require my parents to use it for dependent deductions on income tax returns. I guess getting it as toddlers did help when my kids went out to get their first job, as it alleviated standing in line at the Social Security office.

Then came revisions in the way driver's licenses are issued. First an individual must pass his reading EOI in the 8th grade. Fine - that's a way to force people who don't want to learn to read to do it anyway, and as far as I can tell it is helping to raise the standard to the 8th grade level for all of us drivers.

Then the state began to put complicated restrictions on how many people can be in a newly licensed driver's car, when he can drive, how many can be in the car after dark, etc. with gradated restrictions. At 16 and without driver's ed, I waltzed into the DMV, took a written test, then the driving test, passed both, got in the car and drove home, deliriously happy at my new found freedom, although I did flunk the eye exam and have a restriction for glasses.

With safer cars and being able to read better, you'd think today's teens would have fewer restrictions. They should also have better hand/eye coordination from the number of video games they have played and text messages they have sent with one hand only while watching tv. I'm sure the government has a valid reason, though, for helping with these improvements in driver safety.

But, teens really must be on someone's hit list. Laws are being considered which would raise the legal driving age to 18 or tie a driver's license to school attendance in an effort to lower the drop out rate. It makes sense, as we are moving toward the European way in so many facets of our lives. For years European teens have waited until 18 and saving up for the $1000+ fee to get a driver's license. Of course, they do have a safe mass transit system in most towns, allowing teens greater mobility, which we will surely be getting anytime now in the U.S., because our long range government planners have our back, right?

Likewise, No Child Left Behind is an attempt to fix American education by making students pass end-of-instruction tests to graduate, just as they do in Europe. This is a complicated process of testing, remediating, and retesting until the student either passes the test or graduates or drops out of school, whichever comes first. As far as I can tell, the drop out rate has actually increased since I was in school when there were no EOI tests or No Child Left Behind, and conversely American creativity and productivity has declined. But, I am hopeful that all of these measures will help students finally achieve their full potential and find good paying jobs in our service economy.

I am being very facetious, but I am really serious about how complicated everything has become. More and more restrictions seem to be placed on us everyday. I am reminded of what Cicero said "Where mores are sufficient, laws are unnecessary. Where mores are lacking, laws are unenforceable."

How does this apply to the care and feeding of teenagers? The greatest gift we can give our children is the ability to self-govern. It affects every aspect of their achieving their goals in life. It also affects the greater American society and our ability to maintain our individual liberty. The government can enact all the laws in the world, but unless the governed consent to abide willingly and rightly by the law when it is rational, no amount of legislation will be effective, unless, of course, we are headed toward totalitarianism.

I don't want that for my children or grandchildren and I don't think you do, either, so I leave you with the words of former President Ronald Reagan -
"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help."

Let's all help by instilling our children with a sense of responsibility toward each other, but most of all toward themselves. It is their future, afterall.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Thumb Through One at the Check-Out....Yikes!

"Hallway make-out sessions: Dos and Don'ts" .
"How to let him know you're interested."
"How to look hot, even if you feel you're not."

"How to be IN and not OUT"

A recent issue of a popular teen magazine advocated ways to "flirt your way to a date". Another? Turning up one's personal heat (whatever that means) . A featured beauty tip? "Making lips look like they "want to be kissed", of course including a page and a half of advertising for lipsticks, liners and glosses. The marketing demographic? 12-16 year old girls.

Dawn Currie, in an issue of Daughters magazine shares that if your daughter is typical, she'll be drawn to teen magazines. Their allure begins at about age 10 and can last until 16. During these years, she may feel passionately about traditional titles like seventeen and newer reads like Cosmo Girl. Whether or not you like these magazines, they're an unavoidable part of the adolescent landscape. And researchers have found that girls don't have to buy teen magazines to read them - they're everywhere. As parents, we must decide how to respond. Should you worry if your daugther avidly reads teen magazines?

Currie continues, "if you read Seventeen when you were young, you're in for a surprise." The editors of many teen magazines now treat adolescent girls like adults. Annemarie Iverson, former editor of the now defunct YM, was typical. She held a cookie klatch with teens every Friday, and told the New York Times, "Their lives parallel mine. They are so stressed out." Meanwhile, CosmoGirl's editor wants her magazine to tell girls 'everything we finally learned at 25 that we wished we'd known when we were 15." Even the new magazine Mary-Kate and Ashley, written for girls 10 and older, aims to "treat girls like smart women."

These editors argue that girl readers face grown-up problems, and therefore need the information they offer. Indeed, it's true that our daughters must make decisions about sexual activity, drug use, and drinking several years before we did. Teen magazines alone don't create that reality, but they do offer girls standards and expectations - ways of deciding what's normal.

Unfortunately, analyzing teen magazines' content reveals that "normal" means looking good, having a boyfriend, consuming goods, and high school as an endless popularity contest. The diverse identities and concerns of real girls are scarcely addressed, and messages like "be yourself" and "do what's good for you" are overwhelmed by basic beauty-and-boyfriend assumptions. These magazines have very little to say to girls about the value of academic achievement, community service or setting goals for the future. It's fair to say the brain is not the "hot" organ at the center of teen magazines content.

This narrow view does not address our daughter's whole self. Studies show girls are going to read the magazines. The question is, how to open up discussion and use the publications to help your teen identify marketing techniques and limited content.

*Point out the narrow content. It's normal for adolescent girls to want to fit in with their peers. With that in mind, try not to prohibit or attack teen magazines. Instead, discuss with your girl the limitations of their content, which is not nearly rich enough to reflect her life, interests, and potential.
*All girls are different. Research shows that girls who already have a poor self-image are more vulnerable to teen magazines. If this describes your daughter, talk with her directly about the underlying messages in these magazines. And if she's reading Seventeen or Cosmo Girl at 13, ask her to substitute one of the magazines listed below.
*Stress competence over appearance. A resilient girl feels competent. Help your daughter find things she does well, especially activities that lie outside traditional definitions of femininity. Promote sports, one of the fine arts or leadership and service . Activities like these give girls a deep and abiding sense of self.

Nancy Gruver (who is the founder of New Moon, the magazine for girls and their dreams AND the executive director of the amazing non profit called Dads and Daughters) , has put together some great tips for managing teen targeted magazines.
She suggests:

1. Decide ahead of time at what age you will allow her to read which magazines. Try to avoid censorship, which makes the magazines "forbidden fruit" she reads in secret-where you can’t discuss their content with her.

2. Read her magazines yourself so you can converse casually (don't lecture!) about them.

3. Look critically at the magazines as an adult. Do they objectify females or reduce them to body parts? Ask your teen, "how would you feel if it was your daughter in those photographs? Do your magazines make you judge your own body? Do they make you crave certain clothes, makeup, cars and products?"

4. Ask your daughter to identify her favorite article and ad in each issue. Listen for her underlying emotional need and think about other ways you can help her meet that need. Is she concerned about her body? Is she worried about fitting in or getting male attention? When you provide positive attention for ALL of who she is, she’ll have less desire for "appearance-only" attention from others.

5. Ask her what she thinks is real and unreal in each issue. Are the celebrity photographs altered? Do the models look like girls or women she knows? Does the magazine address everything teen girls are thinking of?

6. Tap your own family history for women of accomplishment and influence. Developing a sense of family heritage can feed pride in her ancestors who look like her and did wonderful, important things.

7. Ask her what effect she thinks an article or ad is trying to have on readers. Express your opinions (after listening to hers) about the articles and ads.

8. Provide her with alternatives magazines (see below) even if she does not ask for them. It’s like stocking the kitchen with healthy snacks, even if she begs only for chips and soda. Take old magazines and cut out images and words with her to create articles and ads with respectful, nurturing messages. Compare them to the usual fare.

Most important, keep the communication lines open and trust that as she matures and gains self-confidence, with your support, she’ll find shallow magazines less interesting and will turn toward more challenging and thought provoking pursuits.

Check out these alternatives to traditional teen magazines
American Girl celebrates girlhood and total self. Ages 8-12 http://www.americangirl.com/
New Moon Girl Strong on Total Girl Message ages 8-14 http://www.newmoon.org/
Dream/Girls Interested in Self-expression and the arts ages 9-15 http://www.dgarts.com/
Teen Voices Writing and Literature ages 14-22 http://www.teenvoices.com/


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Monday, October 22, 2007

The Teen Whisperer

Everyone has heard of the Horse Whisperer, but have you heard of The Teen Whisperer?

I had a conversation with Mike Linderman, the Montana based counselor/calf roping author of The Teen Whisperer: How to Break Through the Silence and Secrecy of Teenage Life, a brand of therapy aimed at helping hard-to-reach teens based on developing a trusting relationship first. While he is the model of his method - and he is an excellent role model - I wanted to know if he felt that his technique could truly be replicated by parents, teachers, counselors, or anyone who wants to help a struggling teen.

He gave me an unequivocal "yes." To sum up the publisher's review on Amazon, the book's basic premise is this:

The Five Primary Needs of Teens (Survival, Fun, Freedom, Power, and Belonging) are essential throughout a child's life, up through (and I would add beyond) the teen years. These develop a healthy family dynamic, but when a family is incapable of fulfilling these needs, dysfunction sets in in the form of various detrimental teen behaviors ranging from a noticeable silence or depression to severe rebelliousness. Mike provides concrete steps that parents can take to reconnect with their teens as they work together to create a stronger relationship and kids learn to:
Trust themselves and others
Process emotion and pain in healthy ways
Understand and appreciate boundaries
Gain joy and pride in real work
Live a life of love, respect and gratitude


In speaking with Mike on the phone today, I asked him what the essential qualities necessary for replicating his successes with teens are, since often a new therapy or self-help cure is contingent upon the person who originates the idea, but becomes weakened when passed on to others (think Covey's 7 Habits or Marva Collins/Great Expectations - great programs requiring great facilitators to keep up the enthusiasm).

Mike narrowed his response down to two basic ideas (I am paraphrasing Mike here) :

Pure intentions - parents/others must develop a relationship with the teen in which he/she feels that the intentions to reform his behavior are pure. Parents cannot be acting from a selfish viewpoint (such as "You're making our family look bad..."). Children are not property and cannot be treated as such. Once parents get their motivation clear in their minds, they can approach the teen in a rational manner, showing that the teen's success is the real issue.

2.) Mike uses Motivational Interviewing as his guideline for getting to the bottom of whatever issue the teen is facing. Mike says that what he tries to do is "come alongside teens and help them figure out their own answers." Again, children are not property; they cannot fulfill the dreams and wishes of their parents like little puppets. Parents must allow the child to reason out his own life and answers to his behavioral conflicts rationally.

If parents are going to use this book to help an ailing teen, then a synthesis of Mike's work for me speaks clearly to the parents as the models for rational behavior, developing especially the five primary teen needs. Ideally, we want to try our best to shape a happy, healthy family. I would advise parents read Mike's book even if they have a perfect child, paying special attention to the five primary teen needs.

So, I woud like to address a third thing that has made Mike's therapy successful and use it as a guide for others to follow, and that is Mike himself. His voice in The Teen Whisperer is clear, and parents should use all the techniques listed to help struggling teens.

But, as I have said before, parents can help their children by being the model of what they are trying to instill. Parents don't have to be infallible, but they do have to realize that they are being watched. If you are going to try to reform your offspring's behavior, you as the parent might also need a little tweak before you start.

Mike claims to not have a long list of PhD's following his name, which may be true. What he is, however, is a model of what he is trying to instill in others. He played football in Montana, was in National Honor Society, attended the University of Montana and intended to major in veterinary medicine. Taking his first psychology course changed his focus. He served in the Armed Forces for six years, served in Desert Storm in Iraq, earning his degree in counseling and finally returning to Montana where he now practices.

I asked Mike what part courage plays in shaping a family and reforming dangerous teen behavior. You see, Mike was not only in Desert Storm, but was also a firefighter and first responder. He said that by all means it takes courage. Parents have to have the courage to be there for their children. Mike wouldn't brag about it, but part of his success is the courage to respond to people authentically with pure intentions and a listening ear, a trait often derided in our "me, me, me" world. That is one of the most important lessons Mike Linderman can teach us all. We don't have to be perfect and we can't be there all the time, but we can try.

And, speaking of courage, Mike and his wife plan on opening their home to four troubled teens at a time to bring authentic love and trust into these young people's lives with the hope of reforming destructive behavior and saving their lives. If that isn't courageous, I don't know what is.

The Teen Whisperer is available at Amazon.com or at WaldenBooks. Visit Mike's website at http://www.mikelinderman.com/ or email him at TeenWhisperer@gmail.com.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Give Me Just A Little More Time

It seems Mel and I bounce around on both ends of the parenting spectrum. My last entry was about parents who hover and fight all their children's battles. This week I was stopped by a Mom who was concerned about a rocky transition her new middle - schooler was facing and how helpless the Mother feels. Secondly, a teacher friend confided how few parents attended his Parent/Teacher conferences, in particular, those who had been specifically contacted by the teacher to attend. So, forgive me as I see-saw back from the too muchers to the not enoughers.

Let's face it - a transition to middle or high school can be intimidating for both kids and parents. One thing parents struggle with is trying to find the right amount of involvement after elementary school. Often, participation becomes less and the chasm between school and home lengthens.

Finding the best ways to support teenagers in secondary school can be confusing for many reasons: 1.) parents think they hear other parents saying they should not be involved at the higher level schools; 2.) parents know they must give their teenager more ownership for their own success while they practice responsibility and time management, and 3.) teens will sometimes push back on parents, wishing them to be less visible in secondary school. So, what us the right degree of involvement? What does parent involvement look like in middle and high school?

Parent involvement is essential in secondary schools...yet involvement looks and feels different than it did in elementary school. It is more difficult to find a niche. No more Halloween cupcakes for homeroom or running copies in the office. But the experts say to stay actively involved and engaged in your child's education. Why?
· By involving yourself in your child's middle or high school you are showing him or her that you value education. When you attend school events you are demonstrating commitment to education. This may be one of the most powerful ways to instill this value in your teen.
* Students with parents who are involved in their school tend to have better academic performance, fewer behavioral problems, and they are more likely to complete high school.
* Despite the impression you may receive from your teenager, recent research shows that teens want their parents involved, and they feel that parent involvement in high school is even more important than in elementary school.
* The relationships you develop at school will give you information and insight as to your teen's world, friendships, and the expectations your child is faced with.
* Your involvement lets the school staff know that you value education and that you are someone with whom they can have a relationship. This can have a direct and positive effect on their educational experience.
* Should issues arise at the school, or with your child, you will already have relationships with people there that can help you.
* Schools need your help. Schools are often understaffed due to tight budgets and they can use your help in many ways.
* The more in touch you are with your community, and your child's friends and friends’ families, the more you are able to knowledgeably support your teen.
* If you want to see change, the best way to impact it is to be involved from the inside
.

What is the right level of involvement? Much of this will depend on you and your teenager.
Here are a few guidelines:
# Read all the paperwork and access web sites from your teen's school. Have a sense of what is going on there; keep all phone numbers, calendars, bus info, and contact information handy.
# Be sure to attend the school open house offered in the fall. It is important to meet your child's teachers, and this venue provides the best way to do so.
# If your child has particular issues, it is appropriate to discuss these with your teenager’s guidance counselor and/or teachers. Work with the school to address issues; they can guide you about working within their system.
# Viewing your teenager's assignment notebook regularly can be an excellent way to stay informed about school assignments without being over-bearing. (Note: MPS has on-line access to your student's grades. You may also directly access individual teachers via E-Mail.
# If your child is participating in school sports or other activities, be sure to attend the games. This provides you with the opportunity to meet other parents and some of your teen's new friends.

So, get engaged. Get involved. Make your child's middle school and high school years a top priority. Parent involvement: It is still your responsibility when your teenagers enter secondary school. Involvment makes a difference in your child's success and paves the way for a bright and shiny future.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Marching to the Drum of a Different Beater

First, I would like to make one plea in light of another school shooting (in fact this past week there were three such shootings in America that I know of, one involving a school, another a staff development session, and another a 20-year-old who shot up his friends while they were sleeping. As I have pointed out before, all the shooters were young men.).

My plea is this: parents, please, please, please talk to your children about not making snide, rude remarks even jokingly, outloud or even whispered, about another person, foe or even friend. Today's kids say whatever pops into their minds without thinking first and it is very often hurtful, sometimes without even meaning to be, but from what I have observed today, most are completely premeditated.

I don't want to analyze why shooters shoot (although this isn't hard to imagine) or why kids say everything that pops into their head outloud these days (although Chrissie's previous article might explain part of it). But, I cannot reiterate enough: please, please tell your middle and high school aged children not to make fun of someone, even jokingly. Talk to them today.

I can hear some people now saying that it is a cold, cruel world and people should learn to take things in stride. It may be a cold world, but it's not colder than seeing your child lowered into the cold ground, shot by another child who felt someone had bullied him. It's not colder than the heartbreak parents must feel at seeing their child, who had been laughed at one time too many, locked up in a cold juvenile detention cell until he is 18 for taking a gun to school.

Proverbs says "Death and life are in the power of the word." The word death comes first in the statement because words can kill another person, maybe not physically, but just as surely mentally. At a young age the words are harder to get over. They leave deep wounds.

After a blog I wrote following the VT shooting, one young man wrote in to say that he could totally understand why the gunman did what he did, as some teens/young adults are fed up with the insults done them on a daily basis, by acquaintances, school mates, stangers, even just by society in general. In a society in which everyone feels entitled, rage is going to be the end result.

I cannot urge you enough to talk to your child about not saying hurtful things about other people out loud, nor under his/her breath for that matter, as they are audible in another equally hurtful way. Teach your child to deal straightforwardly with people, to mind his or her own business, and to treat others the way he or she would like to be treated. While they may feel entitled because they have been told their opinion is all important by our *me, me, me* society, the stark reality is that they are not entitled to say whatever they want about another person outloud and it can only lead to trouble if they do.

There is freedaom of speech, yes, but there is not freedom to bully others. Oklahoma has anti-bullying legislation. The Oklahoma State Department of Education also has a hotline for reporting any kind of suspicious behavior.

In a related issue, NPR has just done a story on boot camps aimed at reforming drastic teen behavior. At live-in boot camps kids have been beaten and even killed. There must be some proven benefit in behavior modification or boot camps would not continue to exist. If you are at the end of your rope with your teen and are contemplating sending your child to such a facility, I would thoroughly investigate it before commiting, no matter how desperate you are. I have not heard any bad reports on Oklahoma's teen boot camps, which is hopefully to our credit.

Here is the link to the NPR story:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=15149800

Monday, October 8, 2007

Are You Hovering?

We all love our teens and want only the best for them. We cheer them on at their athletic events, help them with their homework, and give them kudos for all their accomplishments, even the small ones. It is Parenting 101, right? Be there for your kids and celebrate their successes. In doing so, you raise children with great self-esteem and the ability to tackle life's toughest challenges.

Seems simple enough, but there are a lot of us who don't get it quite right. A little imperfection in our parenting skills is a given, but there some parents who really like being in the driver's seat…so much so, that their children may have a hard time actually learning how to drive, on the road of life, that is.

Welcome to the era of helicopter parenting.
Some people argue that you can't love your kids too much, but it is possible to take parental involvement too far. It's easy to do. From the moment our kids step foot into Kindergarten, we're encouraged to help with homework, volunteer, chaperon field trips, provide treats for parties, and attend events all year long to recognize our kids and their accomplishments. With all the focus on achievement, it seems only natural that we would continue in that role for a few years until the kids can take the reins themselves.

Preferably, it is somewhere around middle school when we stop helping out with artwork on our children's science projects and going over all of their homework with a fine-toothed comb to check for neatness and accuracy. If high school rolls around and you're still doing those sorts of things, you may want to take a look at why. It's fine to track your child's progress, but there comes a time when they must learn to stand on their own two feet.

Not sure if you're crossing Helicopter Parent line? Peterson's College Prep web site offers the following quiz. Are you doing any of the following:
1. Intervene with the teacher or principal every time your child complains about a person, an assignment, or a grade - rather than letting them attempt to resolve the problem themselves first.
2. Complain to your child's teachers every time he or she has a grade that you don't agree with - even if your child earned it.
3. Refuse to let your child go anywhere outside of school unsupervised by you - even when they're in high school.
4. Provide your child a cell phone and call several times a day to see where they are or "just to see what they're doing."
5. Correct, complete, or rewrite your child's homework assignments to ensure that they are done correctly and neatly.

These are just a few examples, and most of us might be guilty. The key difference between "normal" and "helicopter" is being over-involved in every aspect of your child's life, particularly when it comes to school. If you find yourself constantly intervening to avoid any negative outcomes or impact to your child, then that's a problem.

With all the focus on achievement and the importance of getting into a good school, some parents rationalize their behavior as a necessary means of protecting their "investment'. For some parents, the college-planning years are prime time for becoming enmeshed with their children's affairs. They may find themselves writing their child's college application essays in an effort to ensure admission to a good school. And for some, it may not end there. Some admit to editing their child's college papers and tracking along with class assignments by keeping their own copies of their child's syllabi. A recent article by ABC News even profiled some parents who phone their children every morning to wake them up for class, balance their checkbooks, or drive two hours every week to clean their child's dorm room! (There's a special term for parents like that....Black Hawks!) It's one thing to help them with their laundry when they come home to visit, but when they're back on campus, they need to take responsibility for their own lives.

Helicopter parents are not necessarily bad parents, and they do not need to turn their backs on their children altogether. What they do need to do is allow their children to make decisions for themselves, to make mistakes, and to learn from the choices they make. Trust me when I say this: if you do your parenting job well, your kids will seek your help when they need it...and they likely will need it, even when they're 21 (or older).

Whatever your behavior is when it comes to involvement in your child's life, the key to making it successful is a willingness to monitor your own behavior, not just that of your child. We sometimes get so caught up in raising "perfect" children, we forget that we are not perfect ourselves. We shouldn't expect our kids to be. Let them make mistakes that they can learn and grow from. In the grand scheme of things, a few poor grades here or there probably are not going to make or break them. If your children don't get into Harvard or Yale, chances are they will still be just fine. Their character and success will be better defined through your parenting, their life experiences, and how they're taught to deal with challenges, not by the reputation of the school they attend.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Feed Me!

You have a great kid, and great kids deserve great food. But, so do great parents. If you have eaten the requisite 120 boxes of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (1 box per month x 12 months x 10 years), but your pre-teen's taste buds have not matured yet, there is a great recipe for Sophisto Joes in this month's issue (October, 2007) of Gourmet Magazine. It's nothing new, but the upgraded Sloppy Joe does satisfy the taste buds of both parents and teens.

Here is the basic premise, if you have never tried to upgrade your Manwich Sloppy Joe sauce:

1 can petit diced tomatoes, drained
1 medium red onion, chopped
2 tablespoons minced garlic
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 medium carrot, diced
1 celery rib, chopped
1 1/2 lbs. ground sirloin
1 tabelspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 cup dry red wine
(or 1/4 cup catsup, 4 tablespoons A-1)
2 tablespoons Worcestershire
1 1/2 tablespoons packed brown sugar
Hearty wheat or kaiser rolls
Cook onion and garlic in butter in a 12 inch skillet over medium heat until onion is tranparent. Add carrots, celery and 1/2 teaspoon salt and cook about 4 minutes until vegetables are tender. Add beef and brown, chopping into smaller pieces, about 5 minutes, until beef is cooked through. Add tomatoes, chili powder, cumin, salt and pepper to taste and cook about 2 minutes, then add wine (or catsup sauce mix), Worcestershire and brown sugar; bring to a boil, stirring occasionally until sauce has thickened and reduced, about 6 minutes.

Serve with Terra chips for the adults/the standard favorite for your teen, and ranch dip with sliced red pepper, baby carrots, and celery, and - voila - an easy, but tasty meal the whole family can enjoy!

Back to this month's Gourmet - if you are feeling really tricky, you might try the sloppy joes with the sweet potato hash with bacon on p. 183, accompanied by the pumpkin bread pudding on p. 184, which looks really scrumptious (I am definitely going to make that) and the peanut butter brownies on p. 42. Yum!!

If you have a great recipe for feeding teens and don't mind sharing, leave it as a comment in the reply section and we will post it. Happy eating to you and yours!

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

God Bless Amerika

Melony's last column struck a nerve. I #1. Know of no better and more committed teacher that Mel and #2. Know if she is concerned, we all should be. The dummying down of America is definitely an issue. Just watch the Jay-Walking segment on The Tonight Show. Passers-by are shown pictures of important people such as Winston Churchill or asked who discovered the cure for polio, or to recite the words to The Star Spangled Banner.....and course the bit is, most of those Americans questioned do not have a clue. Name one Supreme Court judge. Uh......Simon Cowell?

They are then shown pictures of Paris Hilton or asked to identify a current popular TV jingle. How about, what are the ingredients in a Mojito? You guessed it. Bingo. Right every time.

Perhaps you have heard about the new citizenship test, to be implemented next fall. There has been quite a buzz about it on NPR and on the news shows. With much fanfare, the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service recently announced the introduction of a redesigned naturalization test. Trumpeted as a great improvement over the old examination, the new format will "focus on the concepts of democracy and the rights and responsibilities of citizenship." Some critics and immigrants' rights advocates have complained that the new citizenship test is too demanding, asking questions that nearly all Americans, whether native born or naturalized, would be hard-pressed to answer.


Below is a sample of the questions. Can your teen answer them?
*Can You?.*


1. What type of economic system does the U.S. have?
2. We elect a U.S. Senator for how many years?
3. The House of Representatives has how many voting members?
4. Who is the Commander-in-Chief of the military?
5. Name one thing only the federal government can do.
6. Name our three major enemies during WWII
7. Name one responsibility that is only for United States citizens.
8. When was the Constitution drafted?
9. Who lived in America before the Europeans arrived?
10. Which U.S. World War II general later became President?

11. Name the 13 original states
12 Name one right or freedom guaranteed by the First Amendment.
13. From the following choices, which type of government best described the U.S.?
Monarchy,republic, socialist, democracy?
14. Who said, "Give me liberty or give me death"?
*******************************************************************
1.Answer: Capitalist economy or Free market or, Market economy
2.Answer: Six years
3. Answer: 435 members
4.Answer: The President
5. Answer: Print money or Declare war or Create an army or Make treaties
6.
Answer: Japan, Germany and Italy
7. Answer: Vote or Serve on a jury
8. Answer: 1787
9. Answer: The Native Americans or American Indians
10.Answer: Dwight Eisenhower

11.Answer: Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Caroline and Virginia
12.
Answer: Freedom of Speech, Assembly, Religion and to Petition the Government
13.
Answer: Republic
14.
Answer: Patrick Henry
********************************************************************

If we forget what we have done, we will forget who we are, warned Ronald Reagan in his Farewell Address. America: The Last Best Hope by William Bennett, responds to Reagan's heartfelt call for an informed patriotism. All of us need to know more about this land we love and the people who have made it possible for us to lead free and happy lives. America as the last best hope, comes from Lincoln's second message to Congress. He used that phrase when things looked far bleaker than they do today. Lincoln never lost faith in America, this last best hope of earth . Nor should we.

How can we expect the next generation to continue this place we call America if they don't know what it is? If young citizens don't understand this grand experiment our forefathers envisioned; how can our government, "By the People and For the People" be protected and preserved?
When information is assimilated on MTV and through People Magazine, intelligent debate goes out the window. Life as we know it, Liberty as we expect it and the Pursuit of Happiness is not just a given. Ask men and women who have served our country. Ask men and women outside our borders who see us as the promised land. Ask those who wish to take our way of life away. Our children must see that American citizenship is not only a privilege, it is a responsibility.