Take Those Things Out of Your Ears

Rain. Rain. Go Away. We needed here in Oklahoma. Boy, do we get it. It was a soggy Easter weekend. As usual, my group was gathered at our cabin on the river and it got to be pretty close quarters. Three generations of us watched the Thunder game in between vanishing satellite signals as the Easter Bunny made sure his magic happened. Eggs and chocolate were scattered between sprawling uncles and lightening strikes. The bunny did have to get a little stern. After all, eggs layed are eggs played......anything chocolate seemed to be a yummy addition to the OKC Thunder watching.

With all the water, I have had a chance to catch up on my reading. The piles of books, magazines and correspondence are finally getting attended to. It was time.

I did find one article to share with you in The Week. The Week is a fast read that covers the best of US and International media for, yes, the week. In the Health and Science section, "The lure of music for depressed teenagers" argues that teens who feel blue listen to music more.

Teens who spend a lot of time listening to music are more likely to be depressed, a new study has found, while those who read are considerably less so. Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh closely monitored the activity of 106 teenagers, half of whom had been diagnosed with clinical depression, over the course of eight weeks. Surprisingly, they found that the amount of time the subjects spent on TV, movies, video games and Facebook had no correlation with their mental health. But music did.

Those who listened for five or more hours per day were eight times more likely to be depressed that those who didn't listen often. And though only a tiny fraction of the volunteers spent much time reading, avid readers were 90 per cent less likely to be depressed than those who rarely cracked a book or magazine. The study doesn't prove that music causes depression, lead author Brian Primack tells NPR.org. But it does suggest that listening to music appeals to teens who "don't have a lot of energy" which is a warning side of depression. To read, on the other hand, "you really have to engage a lot of your brain" something that is harder for depressed teens to muster the energy to do.

It is emotionally healthier for teenagers to read? What do you know.

It's raining here again. Goody. chrissie

Honesty is the Best Policy

Politicians do it. Athletes do it. Role models do it. And, of course, kids do it too -- lying. Their fledgling attempts at deception can be almost funny, but how do you nip lying in the bud? By creating a 'safe environment' for the truth, one expert says.

Lying is certainly a frustrating challenge for parents, but fortunately, it’s one we can fix with a few adjustments to our parenting style. Why do kids lie? Amy McCreadt, Today show contributor, offers that by understanding where teens are coming from, parents will start to see what can be done to encourage the truth in the future.

One of the most obvious reasons for lying is to avoid punishment or an unpleasant outcome. It’s hard for a child to be honest when she knows she may face physical punishment, humiliation or a good tongue-lashing. And can you blame her? Even as an adult, you may do the same when faced with an angry boss or nagging neighbor.

Another reason is to avoid losing favor in your eyes. The last thing kids want to do is disappoint their parents—they’d rather lie than have you think less of them for something they did (or didn’t do). And finally, kids always want a reaction, so they’ll tell outlandish stories to impress you or others.

Many parents become very concerned about their kids’ repeated lies. How to respond to lies? Many paretns usually describe some form of swift and stern punishment. Unfortunately, this creates a vicious cycle: As kids are punished for lying, they’re less likely to tell the truth in the future. The punishment creates a result that’s exactly opposite from what we’re looking for.

But since lying really is a serious misbehavior, how can it be addressed it without fueling the problem? Try looking at the problem another way: Instead of doling out punishment for every fib, how about making sure to create a safe environment for the truth. Below are seven ways to do that.

7 Ways to Create a Safe Environment for the Truth

1. Be aware of how you respond to misbehavior in general. If your kids are worried about being punished or yelled at when they mess up, they won’t feel safe telling you the truth. Practice using your calm voice (although it can be hard at times!) and focus on solutions that will solve the problem instead of assigning blame.

2. Allow your child to save face. Don’t give your child the opportunity to fib by asking questions to which you already know the answer. For example, instead of asking, "Did you finish your homework?" try, "What are your plans for finishing your homework?" If your child hasn’t completed his homework, he can save face by focusing on a plan of action rather than inventing a story.

3. Focus on the feeling. When your child is being dishonest, try to understand what made him feel that he couldn’t be honest with you. Instead of calling him out about the lie, try, "That sounds like a bit of a story to me. You must have felt afraid to tell me the truth. Let’s talk about that." You’ll get the honesty you’re looking for, as well as information that may help you foster the truth in the future

4. Acknowledge and appreciate honesty. Express encouragement when your kids tell the truth. "That must have been difficult for you to tell me what really happened. I admire your courage for telling the truth. You are really growing up!"

5. Celebrate mistakes. Think of mistakes as a way to learn to make better choices in the future. If kids know that you won’t be angry or disappointed when they mess up, they’ll be more likely to share honestly. To respond, simply say something like, "That’s a great opportunity to learn for the future. If you could have a do-over, what would you do differently?" If your child’s actions negatively affected another person, ask what needs to be done to "make it right" with the injured party.

6. Reinforce unconditional love. Make sure your kids know that while you sometimes don’t like their behavior, there isn’t anything they could possibly do that would change your love for them.

7. Watch your white lies. Remember that young ears and eyes are always tuned in. Whether you’re failing to correct the barista who gives you too much change or making up a story about why you can’t volunteer at the school fundraiser, remember your actions set the example for acceptable behavior.

By following these guidelines, you’ll soon notice a sharp decline in the lies your kids tell. What’s more, you’re showing them that no matter the situation, everyone benefits. And that's the truth! chrissie

Up in Smoke

It's official. Joe Camel is officially "reassigned." The cool dromedary with the shades and hip wardrobe has been eliminated as the spokesman for Camel cigarettes. That is well and good but it would be hard to convince me that Joe is entirely responsible for the popularity of tween and teen smoking . Could it be peer pressure? Insecurity and wanting to look "cool"? Adults who smoke? The entertainment industry? An accepted and necessary addition to the teen experience as they perceive it? How about invincible, young and stupid? *********

Among persons aged 12-17 years, the first use of cigarettes per 1,000 potential news users has been rising continuously and has been steadily higher than for persons aged 18-25 years since the early 1970s. + At least 4.5 million adolescents (aged 12-17 years) in the United States smoke cigarettes. + Young people vastly underestimate the addictiveness of nicotine. Of daily smokers who think that they will not smoke in five years, nearly 75 percent are still smoking five to six years later. + Seventy percent of adolescent smokers wish they had never started smoking in the first place. http://www.parentingteens.about.com/

++++++++++++ Truth #1 anyone's teen can start smoking. Every day in the United States, more than 3,000 young people become regular smokers-that's more than one million new smokers a year. The pull to smoke is not just affecting someone else's kid. Your teen sees the glamorous advertising, has peers who smoke and is as vulnerable to becoming a smoker as much as any other teen.

******* * Truth #2: Nearly all first time smoking happens before high school graduation, according to the CDC. If your teen hasn't started smoking before he/she graduates, chances are he/she never will. That is good news. It means that you have the time to influence your teen and their choices. ******** Truth #3: Actively working on your teens self-esteem, self-confidence and resilience can prevent your teen from smoking. Often, teens cite 'being accepted' as a reason for starting to smoke, along with modeling someone they admire, to loose weight or to overcome stress. Help your teen develop friendships, shape a healthy body image and deal with stress without having to turn to tobacco use.

++++++++ Truth #4: Your teen needs to hear that smoking is bad for him/her from you. While your teen's friends may seem to be more important to your teen, you are his/her number one choice to learn about values. This is the time to make it count. Send a clear message to your teen that you consider smoking to be unhealthy.

********** Truth #5: If your teen smokes, he/she can't quit just because you've ask. According to American Cancer Society 'the best school health classes won't have much effect on the students who already smoke, unless those teens are also offered professional help to quit.' Teens do not realize they are addicted until it is too late. Among adolescents aged 10 - 18, about three-fourths of daily cigarette smokers report that they continue to use tobacco because it is really hard for them to quit. Your teen needs to team up with you and a doctor in order to kick this nasty habit. It is worth your time and money to help your teen get through this problem. ^^^^^^^^^^^^ Here's a questionnaire found on the net to figure out if a teen is smoking. It seems obvious, however, that a kid stuffing towels under the door and who smells like an old ashtray- is probably lighting up. My experience was that most kids with a lick of self preservation are not smoking at home. Still the same issues, just harder to catch in the act. ############# Here's the quiz ( or- Is My Kid Smoking ?- For Dummies)

Have you found lighters, matches or crushed tobacco in your teen'S room, backpack or pants pocket? Does your teen's room smell like stale smoke? Does your teen use a lot of air freshener in his/her room? (No, but I do!) Does your teen put a towel down to block the crack under their bedroom door? Does your child come home from school or a friend's house with his/her clothes and hair smelling like smoke? Do your teen's friends smoke? Has your teen lost weight? (other issues here too) Does your teen brush his/her teeth more often and at odd times of the day? (Is this a bad thing?) Is your teen evasive when you ask where they have been? (This one just goes with teen territory-not always signaling that they are smoking!) """"""""""""""""""""""""" Seriously, the statistics are sobering. *On average, someone who smokes a pack or more of cigarettes each day lives 7 years less than someone who never smoked. *The resting heart rates of young adult smokers are two to three beats per minute faster than nonsmokers. *Smoking at an early age increases the risk of lung cancer. For most smoking-related cancers, the risk rises as the individual continues to smoke. *Teenage smokers suffer from shortness of breath almost three times as often as teens who don't smoke. *Teenage smokers are more likely to have seen a doctor or other health professionals for an emotional or psychological complaint. * Teens who smoke are three times more likely than nonsmokers to use alcohol, eight times more likely to use marijuana, and 22 times more likely to use cocaine. Smoking is associated with a host of other risky behaviors, such as fighting and engaging in unprotected sex. >>>>>>>>>>> My Mother started smoking when she was 15 years old. She tried to quit all her life. She would wet the pack and throw it in the trash. Two hours later the smell of drying tobacco would waft through the house. There were the filters that supposedly captured the tar. There were the "light" versions. One time she tried hypnosis. Mother white knuckled it sometimes. Not fun at our house then. Mom crunched sour lemon candy until her enamel was gone. She chewed the gum and wore the patches. She walked around and around the block. No matter how hard my Mom tried, she could never break the addictive habit. And did she try! My beautiful and brave Mother had to use oxygen 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 4 years. She died of emphysema at the age of 71., ten years ago today. How I mss her. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Anyone young and reading this- Smoking shortens your life. More importantly, smoking severely effects the quality of your life while you are living it. It ages your arteries, increases your risk of heart and lung disease, weakens your immune system and promotes cancer. It prematurely ages you on the inside and on the outside. When you become an adult, trust me on this one, you will want to live a long time. Additionally, you will want to be healthy while you are doing it. Don't start smoking, or if you are, stop. Get help if you need it. You ( and the family you will have someday) will never regret it. Shirley's daughter, Chrissie

Safe Prom -Sane Parents

Prom. Graduation. It is an exciting time for high schoolers but it can also be a dangerous one. Instead of biting your fingernails, how about taking a leadership role as a parent. Get pro-active instead of re-active. Proms and graduations are celebrations full of hopeful expectations. Each is a meaningful milestone that should be celebrated with family and friends. It can be a wonderful and memorable time in you and your child's life. There is a concern. Many students who would otherwise make good choices, might get caught up in the excitement and the peer pressure to do otherwise. Parents need to set appropriate expectations and continue to enforce household rules about alcohol use and curfews. Here's a few pointers from drug education specialist, Jeff Wolfsberg. ====================================================== 1. Curfews Studies show that teen car crashes increase exponentially late at night. If you decide to extend curfews, don't give large blocks of unaccounted for time. Know where your teen is, how long they will be there, and who is supervising the event. ******************************************************************************** 2. Do not rent a hotel room. Is anyone really surprised when a parent rents a hotel room and something horrible happens. If one is rented, an adult should be on the site and supervising the event. Parents are there to ensure safety and manage risk. ( Note: Liability is a concern to me. I would not want my name on the rental.) ######################################################### 3. Be up when they get home. A good anti-drug plan is coffee and lights. If a parent is up and awake, less happens and there is more accountability. A teen's curfew should never exceed a parent's ability to stay up. You know that old saying-Nothing good ever happens after midnight! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ 4. Initiate a dialogue about expectations. Although you may feel you have communicated your expectations often with your child, prom and graduation is a good time to reopen the discussion. Role play a few scenarios. Research shows that giving teens the opportunity to role play various situations and alternate endings strengthens their ability to make safe choices. *********************************************************************** 5. Keep the party local. Don't be tempted to allow your teen to go off to a remote location. Unsupervised, more driving, unfamiliar environment, all factors add to more risk. Gather other parents and offer an after- party that is supervised and safe. It's worth the effort, time and money. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ With prior planning the only horror your teen will look back on is a really bad hairdo or a neon tux. These are the type of memories we want them to live with. Nothing life altering. Just fun. chrissie