A Learned Behavior

If your parenting goes as normally planned, your teen or young adult will at some point leave home and live independently. I know.  Mine just left yesterday to go back to their grown up lives.

Life Skills will help your teen be independent and able to live on their own, which is the goal of a successful young adult and their parents. But it isn't easy. Older teens often feel they can take the big step towards independent living without possessing all of the life skills they will need to succeed in the world at large. Therefore, they start out at an disadvantage by not getting the confidence a person gains by learning an independent living skill and not having the ability to do the life skill. This makes the transition from a teen at home to their life as a young adult harder. .
You can help your teen be independent by encouraging good habits and helping them learn the life skills it takes to be independent. Here's a few from the experts.: Click on any of the links for more good advice.

1. The Ability to Cope with Loneliness
   Coping with loneliness is a very important skill on my list of needed independent living skills for teens because every teen I've ever known has needed it. Teens who know how to recognize loneliness as the temporary feeling it is, use their support system and work through their loneliness do just fine.
2. Finding and Keeping a Job
   In order to live independently, your teen will need to have a job. The job will need to make enough money to cover their living expenses, at minimum. Today's happy young adult has a job that contributes to a high quality of life and not just monetarily. 
3. The Ability to Procure and Cook Food
4. Health and Hygiene Skills
   In order for your teen to be happy while they live independently, they will need to be successful at keeping their bodies healthy and clean. These life skills are taught throughout your teen's childhood and adolescence by encouraging good hygiene routines and healthy habits.
5. Transportation Skills Or The Ability to Get from One Place to Another
   One life skill that teens need to learn to become independent but generally leave to their parents or caregivers, is transportation or getting from Point A to Point B.
6. General Housekeeping Skills
7. Money Skills
8. Interpersonal Skills
9. Goal Setting and Obtaining Skills
   Defining what it is you want is called setting a goal. Figuring out and taking the actions you need to get your goal is how you obtain that goal. Both of these are important life skills. Learning how to set and obtain a goal are necessary life skills your teen will need to be a happy and successful adult.
10. Ability to Find Housing
11. Time Management Skills
12. The Ability to Find What You Need in Your Community
13. The Ability to Deal with Emergencies
14. Stress Management Skills
15. Personal Safety Skills

Does your teen need to know all of ins and outs of each skill well? No. Your teen may even get by not having to know one particular skill at all. For instance, a young man who has no idea how to do laundry may have a girlfriend who does. This young man may be able to get his interpersonal skills to help with his household skills by convincing his girlfriend to help with his laundry. But, do your best at teaching your teen each skill as if they will need it. This will give them the greatest chance of being successful at living independently the first time they live on their own. Happy 2012!!  chrissie

Giving Back

As parents, we try to make Christmas about family, friends, love, beliefs and traditions. As a family, we hope to instill in our children that the holiday is not about what we get, it is about being together and counting our blessings. It is difficult if not impossible to keep the abstract ideal of Christmas over the concrete reality of the holiday in America today. First and foremost December 25th seems more like we are celebrating commercialism, consumerism and all too often, over indulging our kids in the process.


Fortunately, The Committee to Encourage Corporate Philanthropy reports that there is a growing trend of people giving to charities at the holidays - either by making donations in someone's name or by stocking up on gifts from places who donate their proceeds.

In fact, hundreds of thousands of dollars can be collected even when individuals spend just a small amount on an individual gift. So maybe it's time to drag our kids away from their video games, mp3 players, and other expensive toys and teach them a life lesson about helping those less fortunate than they are.

Some great places to look:
http://www.heifer.org - Help families across the globe by sending not just heifers, but milk, honeybees, or wool.
http://www.supportunicef.org/ - Unicef accepts donations and also sells holiday cards and gifts to help children in need
httpdr;//awbridges-tore.stores.yahoo.net/cards.html -awbridge sells all-occasion cards made by children without homes
http://www.ebaygivingworks.com/ - Ebay Giving Works allows you to support nonprofit organizations by purchasing a wide variety of items through Ebay auctions
http://shop.stjude.org/ - Buy gifts online and support St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital
http://www.charitymall.com/ - Buy the items you normally buy through your favorite stores online and a portion of the proceeds goes to fund cancer research
http://www.charitygiftcertificates.org/ - CharityChoice gift cards allow the recipient to donate to up to 3 charities of their choice.


Two local non-profits that help Muskogee's children are Kid Space and CASA. Children in protective custody or in the court system have a safe place and an advocate. Monarch Inc. has mothers trying to get their lives straightened out and children who through no fault of their own are involved in the process. These kids are waiting for Santa Claus too. The Salvation Army still needs help with their Angel Tree children. Any church can take donations for the Community Food Pantry. Habitat For Humanity always can use a helping hand. The Red Cross serves needs locally and beyond. The "Give Back" list just goes on and on. There are lots of places to give. Make your choice a family decision. Choose the one that speaks to you and your family.
Merriest of Christmases * Health, Prosperity and Blessings in 2012  chrissie

Pass the Popcorn

School will be out soon.  Here are a list of the most popular "teen" movies of the last two generations.  There are no Edward type vampires or Harry Potter type sorcerers, but they offer different viewpoints of the same subject- being a teen. So take a day off with Ferris or dance at the talent show with Napoleon Dynamite- settle in with your "teen somethings" and enjoy the movie.  Don't forget the popcorn!  Chrissie

1. The Breakfast Club (1985)

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Director John Hughes is the king of teen angst movies, and The Breakfast club is arguably his best work. This flick depicts five high school stereotypes ("the nerd" and "the jock" among them) and shows what happens when they're forced to hang out one Saturday.

2. Clueless (1995)

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This classic 90's high school movie is based on Jane Austen's Emma and follows the transformation of a popular valley girl (perfectly played by Alicia Silverstone) from a self-centered airhead into a do-gooder. A young Paul Rudd stars as the love interest.

3. Mean Girls (2004)

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Starring a pre-gossip rag Lindsay Lohan as a former "Mathlete" who tries to fit into the popular clique, this high school dramedy sets the perfect tone between satirical and sentimental, thanks to a great script by Tina Fey.

4. Better Off Dead (1985)

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Super-irreverent and dark, this teen cult comedy stars John Cusack as a depressed high schooler who wants to end his life but keeps getting interrupted.

5. Grease (1978)

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The original high school musical, Grease stars John Travolta as a 50's greaser and Olivia Newton-John as a sweet, naïve exchange student. The classic soundtrack (including hits like "Summer Nights" and "Greased Lightning") makes this a can't-miss.

6. She's All That (1998)

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The "makeover" is a classic teenage movie sub-genre, and this one, based on George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion, stars Rachel Leigh Cook as the nerdy, artsy girl who's transformed into the prom queen.

7. Never Been Kissed (1999)

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Depicting the fantasy of every adult who was less-than-cool in high school, Drew Barrymore stars as an undercover reporter who gets a second chance at being a teen.

8. Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)

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This totally classic movie is the godfather of the sexy high school comedy. It's most famous for starring a young Sean Penn as Jeff Spicoli, a burnt-out surfer dude with a sharp tongue.

9. Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

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Another John Hughes classic, Ferris Bueller is a teen fantasy about the ultimate day of playing hooky. Despite its silly tone, it's got deep messages about teen-parent relationships and the identity crisis teens face after high school.

10. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

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This cult hipster comedy is a look at life from the perspective of a goofy, unpopular teen in Idaho. The deadpan one-liners, killer soundtrack and hilarious dance scene make this movie a classic.

From Holly Ashworth, former About.com Guide

To Soothe The Savage Beast

Have you sat during the previews in a movie theater recently?  We can choose the movie to see, but we can’t choose the trailers.  Often the previews are so violent and over-the-top in sensory stimulation you literally have to cover your eyes at times.  Its so loud you have to cover your ears.  That can be pretty difficult when you are frantically trying to distract the kids you brought along.  Few parents with young teens could find much of value in anything on that screen. If this is the best our movie industry can do…. it is a sad example of our contemporary culture.

Here is something that is a good one for parents of teenagers to consider:  what does your teenager’s cultural diet consist of? Does it overload him with stimulation, ultimately desensitizing him to his feelings and internal self? Or is there a healthy balance?

Say your daughter was not a vegetable eater growing up. A pediatrician counsels to view her diet on a weekly basis, rather than a daily one. This even-keeled approach helps avoid fights that would lead to self-defeating results.  How about taking a similar attitude in regards to many issues in raising kids?   Rather than imposing a complete ban on all cultural influences that could be unhealthy for them, more often go with the flow and make choices and decisions as it seems appropriate.  And without really thinking about it, say, the experience of over-stimulation from a heavy-duty scary movie was more often than not balanced by quiet time.  Over the course of a week, balance was usually achieved because of  kids’ natural interests.

Think about it: what are the activities and experiences that provide a healthy counter-balance to the more worrisome cultural inputs your teen ingests? What might some of those soothing activities be?  Quiet time. Time outside in nature. Spiritual resources and connections are an important part of their diet. Creative activities such as music, painting, writing or reading help quiet the mind and feed the soul.

You probably don’t need to shove this down their throats, but rather acting as “facilitator” you can make sure that they get that float down the river, the hike in the mountains, and the lazy day off.  Leave the i-pod in the car and just take a walk.  Soothe the soul spiritually.

Time outside in nature serves as a major spiritual connection for many of us.  It soothes our psyche and our soul. The miracles that abound there give us peace, perspective and a sense of eternity that reaches us on many levels. Even if your teens are spending time ingesting media you don’t like or understand, you can help them find balance by looking at their spectrum of activities over the course of a week.  Do all that you can to make sure they get a varied diet:  some down time, some time in nature, some creative time, some time to reflect and develop their inner and spiritual world. chrissie

Gratitude

 

 Another Thanksgiving come and gone.  Ours was lovely day with my brothers, cousins and our families.  As our grandparents and parents have passed away, we have all made a concerted effort to remain close and involved in each others lives. It's important for us-no one else loves us and knows our history like family.  It is also important for our children and grandchildren.  They need to hear the stories, look at the pictures and share the traditions that make us, us. This generation needs to know where they come from. They need to have an extended family who will dance at their wedding, ooh and ahh over newest additions and cry with each other when it's time to say goodbye.

 This Thanksgiving, between the food and the football, many of us contemplated the things in our lives which we were grateful for, and likely encouraged our children to do the same. Some experts say that by encouraging our children to appreciate what they have, we are also giving them their best shot at happiness. They say that  gratitude, combined with the sense of satisfaction in having earned what is ours, is a primary source of happiness. 

 For most of us, raising "happy" children is one of our primary goals as parents. But, these experts say that our attempts to make our children happy, may be backfiring. Many of us work too hard to smooth the way for our kids and satisfy their every want, thus inadvertently denying them the very happiness we seek to give. On the plus side, these experts also say that this troubled economy is actually making us more grateful for what we have (even though we might have less than we used to) and is causing many to question the materialistic ideals of the boom years. By modeling our gratitude for our kids, we are teaching them a valuable lesson that will stand them in good stead over time.

Almost December.  Take a deep breath- and here we go.  chrissie

Are They Here Yet?

 Game Day 2009 -All In One Place

There is a phenomenon experienced by many pregnant women called nesting. When a mother-to-be gets close to her delivery date, she begins a frantic push to prepare for the arrival of her baby.  It seems only natural that there is a primal urge to prepare a safe and welcoming place for a child.  I am asserting that no matter what the age of said son or daughter, Mothers still work themselves into a frenzy before their children come home.

I have not been out of my pajamas for three days. I've been cooking all the favorite things that my children expect and appreciate when they come home.  More than just happy, I feel contented and peaceful.  Before the cooking, I was organizing and redoing rooms upstairs.  New bedding, washing windows, cleaning out closets. Finally parted with most of their remnants of high school-hung on to a tennis jacket here, a cheerleader uniform there. I planted pansies, raked leaves, laid fires-I just got ready, for my children to come home. Here. Home.

Babysat my grand babies last night.  They made the TV choices and we sat down to Toy Story III.  If you don't know the story, Woody and Company are losing their boy, Andy, who if off to college. I won't spoil the ending but anyone who has walked into an empty bedroom after a child first leaves for school will be crying with the toys.  I looked over at my husband and he was even misty.  The lesson in the end of the movie is that life is a cycle and it's best we accept the changes.   My addition to that is, why not celebrate the journey?
 

Mine don't live here all the time (I refuse to say "anymore")  but when they do come home, it will always be a place they feel safe, they feel happy, they feel peaceful and they know they are loved. Home.

Made in America

It's that time of the year again. We are all starting to think about shopping for Christmas. Making lists. Checking it twice. Those of you who are already finished are just show offs!

There is a new ad campaign that caught my attention. Small Saturday. The idea is to buy something locally this Saturday. Not just a necessity but make a point to support a retailer in our own hometown. It's a great idea. and easy. Anything I buy Saturday also shortens my Christmas list.

Buying American takes the idea to the next level. There's been a lot said about how much of what we buy is made overseas. Even the Smithsonian gift shop in Washington was guilty. The Washington Monument souvenir-made in China. Over 70% of the merchandise in the museum was imported from somewhere else.

Yes, we may have to pay a little more if we buy American. Competition is important but putting a free market system against a communist labor force is just not playing fair. We have sold out to countries where human rights are not in the equation and sacrificed our own way of life to do so. More important, our children's way of life.

Below are some Christmas shopping ideas to start changing how we spend our money- It came from a friend who has the right idea. Thanks Marion.

It's time to think outside the box, people. Who says a gift needs to fit in a shirt box, wrapped in Chinese produced wrapping paper?

Everyone -- yes EVERYONE gets their hair cut. How about gift certificates from your local American hair salon or barber?

Gym membership? It's appropriate for all ages who are thinking about some health improvement.

Who wouldn't appreciate getting their car detailed? Small, American owned detail shops and car washes would love to sell you a gift certificate or a book of gift certificates.

Are you one of those extravagant givers who think nothing of plonking down the Benjamins on a Chinese made flat-screen? Perhaps that grateful gift receiver would like his driveway sealed, or lawn mowed for the summer, or driveway plowed all winter, or games at the local golf course.

There are a bazillion owner-run restaurants -- all offering gift certificates. And, if your intended isn't the fancy eatery sort, what about a half dozen breakfasts at the local breakfast joint. Remember, folks this isn't about big National chains -- this is about supporting your home town Americans with their financial lives on the line to keep their doors open.

How many people couldn't use an oil change for their car, truck or motorcycle, done at a shop run by the American working guy?

Thinking about a heartfelt gift for mom? Mom would LOVE the services of a local cleaning lady for a day.

My computer could use a tune-up, and I KNOW I can find some young guy who is struggling to get his repair business up and running.

OK, you were looking for something more personal. Local crafts people spin their own wool and knit them into scarves. They make jewelry, and pottery and beautiful wooden boxes.

Plan your holiday outings at local, owner operated restaurants and leave your server a nice tip. And, how about going out to see a play or ballet at your hometown theatre.

Musicians need love too, so find a venue showcasing local bands.

Honestly, people, do you REALLY need to buy another ten thousand Chinese lights for the house? When you buy a five dollar string of light, about fifty cents stays in the community. If you have those kinds of bucks to burn, leave the mailman, trash guy or babysitter a nice BIG tip.

You see, Christmas is no longer about draining American pockets so that China can build another glittering city. Christmas is now about caring about US, encouraging American small businesses to keep plugging away to follow their dreams. And, when we care about other Americans, we care about our communities, and the benefits come back to us in ways we couldn't imagine.

THIS is the new American Christmas tradition.

Forward this to everyone on your mailing list -- post it to discussion groups

-- throw up a post on Craigslist in the Rants and Raves section in your city

-- send it to the editor of your local paper and radio stations, and TV news departments. This is a revolution of caring about each other, and isn't that what Christmas is about?

It's me again. Muskogee Tourism is conducting a survey, looking at branding options for our community. It only takes a few minutes and adds your voice to the direction our hometown is heading. Go to www.muskogeechamber.org and add your two cents to the survey. Its a chance to be heard and even better, to be part of the plan!! chrissie