Eating Together.
It matters. Could anything be more
simple? It matters when our children are small and it matters when they
become teenagers. A family dinner is important to instill good eating
habits, for social interaction and for strengthening family ties. It's a
time to communicate about the day. It's a time to reflect and renew.
It's a time to give thanks. It's a time to be together.
Let
me take this family dining idea a step further. I read alot about "just
grab a pizza or a bucket of chicken, but sit down together." Certainly
with all the activities and practices and events in the life of a
family, drive-thru's and fast food are often the only options. I may be
old-fashioned but sometimes "sitting down to dinner" should be more than
a paper sack and squeeze packets of catsup. "Eating Right" is difficult
with food to go. Eating Out is expensive! And "nothing says lovin' like
something from your oven", right?
It takes a plan but
our families are worth it. Casseroles can be made and frozen over the
weekend. On Sunday, Dad can charcoal not only steaks but chicken
breasts, pork chops and hamburgers for the rest of the week. Baked
potatoes from the microwave, broiled tomatoes and a bag'o'salad with
extra veggies make a meal. Try baked apples with the pork, whole wheat
pasta tossed with fresh Parmesan and garlic butter and spinach salad
from a sack with bacon bits, Durkee's onions rings, hard boiled eggs and
Catalina dressing. Make fajitas out of the chicken breasts. Throw the
peppers and onions on the grill (on foil) and then just wrap up. Shred
the chicken and rewarm with the vegetables. Serve with flour tortillas.
Hamburgers, baked beans and potato salad from the deli, fresh fruit and
chips. Bingo. Four nights of meals.
Take dinner with
your family one more step. Set the table. Use real napkins. Add candles
or fresh flowers sometimes. Recognize a good grade, a soccer score or
passing a driver's test. Celebrate the little things. Celebrate the big
things. Enjoy being together.
Every once in a while,
how about pulling out your wedding china? If those dishes just stay
tucked away, our children will not associate them with anything
"family." Aren't those darlings we love most of all worth the "good
stuff"? And don't we want them to appreciate beautiful things, ...and
know which fork to use when they have dinner with the President? ( a
favorite Wagner reason to use their manners).
Turn off
the TV, don't pick up the phone, and keep the conversation positive.
Dinnertime is NOT the time to argue, chastise or pull rank. A study by
Columbia University has found that teens whose families eat together are
less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. They also have less stress,
better grades and -- perhaps most importantly -- better relationships
with us! Dinner around a table grounds our children, gives them a sense
of who they are, and is the way to nurture and love them.
Here's
one of those dishes you can make ahead and freeze. It is similar to
Beth's at Harmony House and is a Wagner family favorite. It is good with
rice and a grapefruit and avacado salad with Martinique Poppy Seed
Dressing. Note: An easy way to jazz up rice is to brown every 1 cup rice
(dry) in 5 tbsps melted butter. Transfer to casserole. Substitute
chicken or beef broth for the water. Throw in some slivered almonds if
you're feeling frisky. Bake, covered, at 325 for about 45 minutes or
until done.
Swiss Chicken Casserole
1 T butter or margarine
1 cup milk
4 boneless chicken breasts
salt and pepper
8 slices swiss cheese
1 pkg stuffing mix
1 can mushroom soup
Melt
butter in casserole dish. Add Chicken Breasts, cover with swiss cheese.
Mix soup and milk and pour over chicken and cheese. S and P to taste.
Mix stuffing according to package directions and put on top of
casserole. Can be frozen at this point. When ready to bake: Bake, still
covered, at 325 degrees for 1 1/2 hours or until bubbly. Serves four generously.
Newest favorite dessert- Weight Watching friend shared this at a meeting and everyone loved it. Google fr exact calories and fats but it is yummy and certainly less than traditional cake recipes.
1 box spice cake (some say chocolate works great)
1 can pumpkin puree
1/2 cup water
beat well and pour into a greased 9 by 11 pan or muffin tins (it will be thick)
bake at 350 for 25- 30 minutes or muffins, 15 to 18 minutes.
Serve with lite Cool Whip
I substitututed orange juice for the water and added pumpkin pie spice
with chocolate, try strong coffee instead of water
chrissie
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Keys to Success
Sandra DuPont, family counselor and contributor on the web newspaper, Huff Post, shares her advice with parents on helping teens to have academic success. She offers a simple outline to get your teen on the road to excellence in high school.
When children become teenagers they begin to seek a separate identity. There is a lot going on during adolescence such as body changes, mastering peer relationships and defining educational expectations. As students across the country begin a new school year, it's an opportune time for teens to begin learning social skills, personal responsibility and accountability and respect for authority. Whew. That's a mouthful.
The teen years are also a period of transition for parents, who move away from providing for each and every childhood need to coaching their teen how to manage their own needs and deal with the frustrations and demands of daily life. As the parent of a teenager, your new role is to help your teen learn how to set realistic goals and expectations for themselves and let them take the lead while you encourage and support them from the sidelines. In other words, start cutting the cord while keeping them in your range of vision, without them knowing.........................easier said than done.
. The following tips are offered by Ms DuPont to help parents minimize their involvement and allow teens to take the lead in maximizing their own educational experience.
Learning Style
People learn differently. Some learn from listening to lectures or reading, while others learn best with visual aids or hands-on projects. If a teacher's style doesn't match your teen's learning style, students can supplement learning by using flash cards or sketching diagrams to aid in memorizing new material.
When taking notes, it may be useful for your teen to draw a sketch of something that helps the information stick in their mind. During class, students should listen for key words or phrases the teacher emphasizes, write them down, and highlight them so they are easily recognizable when reviewing their notes. There are lots of learning styles; visual, tactile, kinetic, through hearing .........google the term and identify how your child learns.
Planning
It is important for teens to understand their homework assignments and write them in their phone notebook, daily planner or notepad. Include specific details about what is expected and the assignment due date.
If your teen devotes enough time to do good work, they'll have greater means to succeed. Estimating how much time is needed to read a book, write a paper or prepare for an exam will help your teen establish an effective study schedule.
Organization
Organizing study notes helps students find information quickly when preparing for exams. This can be accomplished with highlighters, colored pens and post-its. Flagging information while reading makes it easy to return to. Highlight or write important topics, phrases or terms in a new color pen so they stand out.
If your teen can develop a good relationship with each teacher, they'll feel more comfortable asking questions and clarifying expectations, even if they don't personally like the teacher. This is a good one. As a former teacher, students who made the effort to relate to me one- on -one were one step ahead of the aloof ones.
Study Space and Time
Some people prefer a quiet study environment while others benefit from listening to soft music. A comfortable study space should reflect the student's style, but it should also be free of distraction. Cell phones and social mediashould be off limits during study time.
Homework Habits
Instead of watching television or plugging in to the Internet upon arriving home from school, use them as a reward for after homework has been completed. Consider establishing healthy homework habits such as:
As the new school year begins, check in with your teen by asking what they think of their teachers and how they are feeling about the subjects they are studying. Once school is underway check in daily or weekly by asking about their assignments and what they are learning. It really does help to know progress, rather than be surprised when the report card comes and it is too late. If there is a problem, teachers and counselors can help with tutoring available, study groups and additional tools to success. chrissie
When children become teenagers they begin to seek a separate identity. There is a lot going on during adolescence such as body changes, mastering peer relationships and defining educational expectations. As students across the country begin a new school year, it's an opportune time for teens to begin learning social skills, personal responsibility and accountability and respect for authority. Whew. That's a mouthful.
The teen years are also a period of transition for parents, who move away from providing for each and every childhood need to coaching their teen how to manage their own needs and deal with the frustrations and demands of daily life. As the parent of a teenager, your new role is to help your teen learn how to set realistic goals and expectations for themselves and let them take the lead while you encourage and support them from the sidelines. In other words, start cutting the cord while keeping them in your range of vision, without them knowing.........................easier said than done.
. The following tips are offered by Ms DuPont to help parents minimize their involvement and allow teens to take the lead in maximizing their own educational experience.
Learning Style
People learn differently. Some learn from listening to lectures or reading, while others learn best with visual aids or hands-on projects. If a teacher's style doesn't match your teen's learning style, students can supplement learning by using flash cards or sketching diagrams to aid in memorizing new material.
When taking notes, it may be useful for your teen to draw a sketch of something that helps the information stick in their mind. During class, students should listen for key words or phrases the teacher emphasizes, write them down, and highlight them so they are easily recognizable when reviewing their notes. There are lots of learning styles; visual, tactile, kinetic, through hearing .........google the term and identify how your child learns.
Planning
It is important for teens to understand their homework assignments and write them in their phone notebook, daily planner or notepad. Include specific details about what is expected and the assignment due date.
If your teen devotes enough time to do good work, they'll have greater means to succeed. Estimating how much time is needed to read a book, write a paper or prepare for an exam will help your teen establish an effective study schedule.
Organization
Organizing study notes helps students find information quickly when preparing for exams. This can be accomplished with highlighters, colored pens and post-its. Flagging information while reading makes it easy to return to. Highlight or write important topics, phrases or terms in a new color pen so they stand out.
Nobody benefits from completing an assignment, but forgetting to turn
it in. At this stage, teachers have little patience for the excuse, "I
left my homework at home." After homework is finished, teens should put
homework in their binder or backpack, and set it next to the door so
they can grab it and go the next morning.
CommunicationIf your teen can develop a good relationship with each teacher, they'll feel more comfortable asking questions and clarifying expectations, even if they don't personally like the teacher. This is a good one. As a former teacher, students who made the effort to relate to me one- on -one were one step ahead of the aloof ones.
Study Space and Time
Some people prefer a quiet study environment while others benefit from listening to soft music. A comfortable study space should reflect the student's style, but it should also be free of distraction. Cell phones and social mediashould be off limits during study time.
Teens can optimize learning by getting adequate rest, taking breaks,
and being physically and emotionally healthy. Establishing bedtime
limits and a nightly routine of reading or listening to relaxing music
prior to bed helps teens get the sleep they need.
Test prep involves more than just studying. Teens need to be rested,
alert, calm, confident and comfortable. It is also important to learn how
to manage the time given for an exam and allot a certain number of
minutes to each section of the exam. Homework Habits
Instead of watching television or plugging in to the Internet upon arriving home from school, use them as a reward for after homework has been completed. Consider establishing healthy homework habits such as:
• Homework is done immediately after school.
• If self-discipline is an issue, homework can be done in the kitchen or common areas instead of their room.
• All social media is off-limits until homework is finished. You can do it. Be strong!!!
• Cell phone is only accessible when homework is finished.
Checking In• If self-discipline is an issue, homework can be done in the kitchen or common areas instead of their room.
• All social media is off-limits until homework is finished. You can do it. Be strong!!!
• Cell phone is only accessible when homework is finished.
As the new school year begins, check in with your teen by asking what they think of their teachers and how they are feeling about the subjects they are studying. Once school is underway check in daily or weekly by asking about their assignments and what they are learning. It really does help to know progress, rather than be surprised when the report card comes and it is too late. If there is a problem, teachers and counselors can help with tutoring available, study groups and additional tools to success. chrissie
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
What's For Dinner??
As teens become more independent in their food choices, they tend to make the wrong choices - even teens who were brought up eating healthy. Here are the four bad food habits teens have and more importantly, what to do about them:
Skipping breakfast is the leading bad food habit for teenagers. According to the American Dietetic Association, more than half of male teens and more than two-thirds of female teens do not eat breakfast on a regular basis. Your mother was right. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Eating breakfast can upstart your teen's metabolism, which helps with weight control, mood and school performance.
You can ensure that your teen eats a healthy breakfast by making the foods readily accessible to him. It is sometimes helpful to get all the prep done the night before. Pancake batter, ready to go. Cantaloupe peeled and quartered. Cereal out and table set. For late starts, a hard boiled egg and a cored apple- to- go are good for a quick hand-off.
The next unhealthy food habit teens have is increased foods from 'other' food group. Think of the food pyramid, the 'other' food group is the smallest smallest section at the top with what is supposed to be the least amount of servings. Teens tend to eat too much high fat and calorie snack foods that are categorized in the 'other' food group.
You can help teens break this habit by having fruits and healthy snacks available more often then having high fat and calorie snacks available. It is easier to grab a bag of chips at the grocery store then picking up a bag of oranges and remembering to wash and quarter. It is worth the effort. Carrots and celery in a tupperware container are easy to grab.There is cheese and whole wheat crackers. Popcorn is always.popular and healthy to boot. Get the fruit out of their plastic sacks, wash and arrange in a pretty bowl, and watch the contents disappear. Shaved turkey and whole wheat bread with lettuce and tomatoes is a much better choice than a fat filled pizza pocket.
Increased eating outside of the home is another bad food habit teens have. Teens hit the fast food restaurants much more often then they did when they were younger. This tends to be because of school, sports and work schedules overlapping regular meal times.
To circumvent this bad habit, talk to your teen about only eating less fast food. Then make dinner and healthy food available to him when he has the time. This is another good excuse for sitting down as family and having dinner, no matter how inventive scheduling has to be.
Last, but not least, in this list of bad food habits is soft drink consumption. A study looking at American youths aged 6-17 found an increase in the prevalence of soft drink consumption from 37% in 1978 to 56% in 1998. You can help your teen choose a healthier drink by having fruit juice and water available and not buying soda. Or try fruit flavored carbonated water instead of soda. My teens really like these.
One common denominator for getting teens to eat healthier and avoid these bad food habits is an active role in providing healthy foods. When you get in the habit of making these foods more readily available to your teen, you will see a change in their eating habits. Eating habits that could last a lifetime. chrissie
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
All I Learned in Kindergarten
September is here and everyone is back in school. When my children were small, getting back into the routine took a little while. Earlier bedtimes, earlier mornings, schedules, homework- more structure and more expectations. Getting back into the swing of it all was not easy.
When my last child graduated from high school, I thought those days were behind me. No more sleepy heads. lunches to pack, tennis gear to find. Even more important,I did not have the angst and trepidation of a new school year. All those unknowns. The "good" teacher. Acceptance by their peers. Academic success. Making the team. Feeling good about themselves and their school experience. Over. Done.
Wrong. My Mom school days are over but "Oh-Mommy" school days have taken their place. My grandchildren, Annebelle and Wagner certainly have involved parents. That is an understatement. Annie and Greg more assuredly need no help from anyone to raise their children. They are doing an outstanding job. That said, I will share an example of my grandparenting.
Kindergarten is a big step. You deposit this little soul into the care of another, and just walk away. You have put 6 years of your life into this small child; what he learns, what she sees, who they play with. You know what they are passionate about, what they are afraid of, what makes them smile and what makes them cry. You know this child because you love this child with all your heart. And this is the child you have just left in a little bitty chair, with his backpack and his lunchbox and a look of terror on his face. A parent has to turn on their heels, and with one goodbye, walk away.
I have assured my daughter that he will be fine. It gets better. They get used to the long day and the routine. He will make new friends. He will sort out the rules. (He says that is all they talk about) He will not have to sit criss-cross applesauce all the time. They will soon, very soon, get to play in the centers. He will learn to eat his lunch before its time to go outside.
So, off he marches, everyday, to get his education.
I talk a big story. I know it is the truth. But maybe, just maybe, around 11:30, a car slowly pulls into the street behind the playground. The engine is turned off and the window is rolled down. As the children pour onto the playground, one in particular is watched very carefully. The little guy with with dinosaur on his shirt and back- to- school Nikes is spotted. Just observed. To see how he is doing. On the playground. His first week of kindergarten. Chrissie aka Oh-Mommy
When my last child graduated from high school, I thought those days were behind me. No more sleepy heads. lunches to pack, tennis gear to find. Even more important,I did not have the angst and trepidation of a new school year. All those unknowns. The "good" teacher. Acceptance by their peers. Academic success. Making the team. Feeling good about themselves and their school experience. Over. Done.
Wrong. My Mom school days are over but "Oh-Mommy" school days have taken their place. My grandchildren, Annebelle and Wagner certainly have involved parents. That is an understatement. Annie and Greg more assuredly need no help from anyone to raise their children. They are doing an outstanding job. That said, I will share an example of my grandparenting.
Kindergarten is a big step. You deposit this little soul into the care of another, and just walk away. You have put 6 years of your life into this small child; what he learns, what she sees, who they play with. You know what they are passionate about, what they are afraid of, what makes them smile and what makes them cry. You know this child because you love this child with all your heart. And this is the child you have just left in a little bitty chair, with his backpack and his lunchbox and a look of terror on his face. A parent has to turn on their heels, and with one goodbye, walk away.
I have assured my daughter that he will be fine. It gets better. They get used to the long day and the routine. He will make new friends. He will sort out the rules. (He says that is all they talk about) He will not have to sit criss-cross applesauce all the time. They will soon, very soon, get to play in the centers. He will learn to eat his lunch before its time to go outside.
So, off he marches, everyday, to get his education.
I talk a big story. I know it is the truth. But maybe, just maybe, around 11:30, a car slowly pulls into the street behind the playground. The engine is turned off and the window is rolled down. As the children pour onto the playground, one in particular is watched very carefully. The little guy with with dinosaur on his shirt and back- to- school Nikes is spotted. Just observed. To see how he is doing. On the playground. His first week of kindergarten. Chrissie aka Oh-Mommy
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Good Morning Sunshine
How you handle your family's morning routine can make or break their
day. Getting tweens and teens to school on time, fed and ready while you need to get
ready for your day is a monumental task. Completing it and staying calm
can seem impossible. Are manic mornings your norm? Everyone going in
separate directions, things forgotten and no one with a smile
on their face, running madly out the door toward the day ahead.
Here a re a few ideas that might make the morning routine easier, less stressful and much more pleasant.
Anything that can be prepared the night before, should be. If you’re offering cereal for breakfast, get the cereal, bowls and spoons out and on the counter. Check the weather, let everyone know what it will be and choose an appropriate outfit.Planning wardrobe the night before can save last minute panic in the morning. Kids should have their backpacks packed and ready to go. Lunch money, homework, pencils, etc. should all be ready the night before. Depending on your teen’s maturity level, check or have him/her check their weekly schedule. Does he/she have practice or band the next day? Get this stuff ready too. Being ready the night before will save the last minute scramble time that will frustrate your teen, possibly make him/her late and not set a good tone to start the new day.
While it may be harder for teens to go to bed at an early hour, you should strive to get them to sleep at least 8 hours nightly. Everyone's day will be better if they got enough rest the night before.
Make time for breakfast. It serves as a healthy way to start the day both physically and emotionally for the whole family. Talk to your family about what they would like to have for breakfast. Make this time quality family time. Mix the pancake batter the night before. Precook bacon and recrisp in the microwave. Peel and slice cantalope, freeze a batch of blueberry muffins and take out what you need. I have even poached eggs ahead of time and rewarmed the next morning.
Model a positive attitude about the upcoming day. The more you moan and groan about your boss and co-workers or the project your working on the more your children will learn to moan and groan about their teachers and their next math test. Life isn’t always peachy - that’s a fact - but having a positive attitude about doing things that aren’t easy is half the struggle. You can give your teen this lesson daily every morning, without the lecture, just by doing it.
Say things like, "I'm looking forward to finishing ____ today." Then ask your teen if there is anything he/she is looking forward to in the day ahead. Everyday conversations with your teen count toward keeping the lines of communication open.
here's a good one. Get out of bed 15 minutes before the kids do. Start your morning routine or have a cup of coffee. Give yourself some quiet time before the rush of everyone else getting ready and needing your attention. This ‘me time’ does wonders for getting everyone in the family's day off to a good start.
Finally, finish your morning routine with a loving goodbye, complete with hug if your teen will let you. Here is a perfect time to strengthen your loving foundation and family bonds. Then, take a deep breath as you close the door. Chrissie
Here a re a few ideas that might make the morning routine easier, less stressful and much more pleasant.
Anything that can be prepared the night before, should be. If you’re offering cereal for breakfast, get the cereal, bowls and spoons out and on the counter. Check the weather, let everyone know what it will be and choose an appropriate outfit.Planning wardrobe the night before can save last minute panic in the morning. Kids should have their backpacks packed and ready to go. Lunch money, homework, pencils, etc. should all be ready the night before. Depending on your teen’s maturity level, check or have him/her check their weekly schedule. Does he/she have practice or band the next day? Get this stuff ready too. Being ready the night before will save the last minute scramble time that will frustrate your teen, possibly make him/her late and not set a good tone to start the new day.
While it may be harder for teens to go to bed at an early hour, you should strive to get them to sleep at least 8 hours nightly. Everyone's day will be better if they got enough rest the night before.
Make time for breakfast. It serves as a healthy way to start the day both physically and emotionally for the whole family. Talk to your family about what they would like to have for breakfast. Make this time quality family time. Mix the pancake batter the night before. Precook bacon and recrisp in the microwave. Peel and slice cantalope, freeze a batch of blueberry muffins and take out what you need. I have even poached eggs ahead of time and rewarmed the next morning.
Model a positive attitude about the upcoming day. The more you moan and groan about your boss and co-workers or the project your working on the more your children will learn to moan and groan about their teachers and their next math test. Life isn’t always peachy - that’s a fact - but having a positive attitude about doing things that aren’t easy is half the struggle. You can give your teen this lesson daily every morning, without the lecture, just by doing it.
Say things like, "I'm looking forward to finishing ____ today." Then ask your teen if there is anything he/she is looking forward to in the day ahead. Everyday conversations with your teen count toward keeping the lines of communication open.
here's a good one. Get out of bed 15 minutes before the kids do. Start your morning routine or have a cup of coffee. Give yourself some quiet time before the rush of everyone else getting ready and needing your attention. This ‘me time’ does wonders for getting everyone in the family's day off to a good start.
Finally, finish your morning routine with a loving goodbye, complete with hug if your teen will let you. Here is a perfect time to strengthen your loving foundation and family bonds. Then, take a deep breath as you close the door. Chrissie
Monday, August 20, 2012
Accountability???
Do you sometimes feel your teen shows you a lack of respect? Do your
expectations not result in desired results? Does it it feel like you
have lost control over your child and your home? Are your threats and
cajoling falling on deaf ears? I promise, you are not alone. It is
normal for tweens and teens to test their boundaries and question your
authority. Normal, yes. Acceptable. No.
OK. Problem addressed. Now, how about a solution for getting your parent role back? Dr. Kevin Leman, contributor to Dr. James Dobson's magazine, Focus on the Family, offers the following insight.
It all comes down to who is really in charge in your family. Today's parents don't often act like parents. They are so concerned about being their child's friend, making sure their child is happy and successful, they fail in their most important role- to parent. They snowplow their child's road in life, clearing the path so the child never has to be uncomfortable or go out of her way. Mom and Dad become servants rather that parents who are preparing their children to be responsible and contributing citizens.
As a result, today's kids are becoming more powerful. They're all about me, me, me and gimmee. They are held less accountable for their actions and have less responsibilities in the family. Family becomes not what you give, but what you get. They rarely consider others besides themselves because they have never been taught to think that way.
Every child has a predictable strategy. He plays a trial and error game that is designed to get the best of you. He wins when he gets what he wants. If slamming the door has you trotting after your daughter with the car keys, she'll be more dramatic the next time. Children are masters at manipulation.
Leman offers the following strategy to regain your authority and insure your child is respectful and obedient.
Let Reality be the Teacher
Let nature take it's course. Don't rescue your kids from the consequences of failed responsibility.
Learn to Respond Rather than React
Often, parents react rather than respond. Our emotions get the better of us and we speak without thinking first. If the doctor says, " You responded to your medication," that's a good thing. If the doctor says, "you reacted to your medication," that's bad. Think about the difference when sweet thing asks (Insert anything here)....#1-I'm thinking of getting a tattoo...#2-There is a co-ed slumber party this weekend after the game...#3. I just don't think college is for me...
B Doesn't Happen Until A is CompletedYou never have to change this strategy. It works every time with every age. If you've asked your child to do something, and it's not done, you don't go on until the next event-no matter what the event is. The secret here is consistency. Attitudes and behaviors may get worse for a time. Don't panic, it means you're on the right track. There is no threatening, no harassing, no warning. There are no put-downs. What is, is.
As you work together on attitude, behavior and character, you'll be building a relationship that is mutually satisfying. It's worth the effort. chrissie
OK. Problem addressed. Now, how about a solution for getting your parent role back? Dr. Kevin Leman, contributor to Dr. James Dobson's magazine, Focus on the Family, offers the following insight.
It all comes down to who is really in charge in your family. Today's parents don't often act like parents. They are so concerned about being their child's friend, making sure their child is happy and successful, they fail in their most important role- to parent. They snowplow their child's road in life, clearing the path so the child never has to be uncomfortable or go out of her way. Mom and Dad become servants rather that parents who are preparing their children to be responsible and contributing citizens.
As a result, today's kids are becoming more powerful. They're all about me, me, me and gimmee. They are held less accountable for their actions and have less responsibilities in the family. Family becomes not what you give, but what you get. They rarely consider others besides themselves because they have never been taught to think that way.
Every child has a predictable strategy. He plays a trial and error game that is designed to get the best of you. He wins when he gets what he wants. If slamming the door has you trotting after your daughter with the car keys, she'll be more dramatic the next time. Children are masters at manipulation.
Leman offers the following strategy to regain your authority and insure your child is respectful and obedient.
Let Reality be the Teacher
Let nature take it's course. Don't rescue your kids from the consequences of failed responsibility.
Learn to Respond Rather than React
Often, parents react rather than respond. Our emotions get the better of us and we speak without thinking first. If the doctor says, " You responded to your medication," that's a good thing. If the doctor says, "you reacted to your medication," that's bad. Think about the difference when sweet thing asks (Insert anything here)....#1-I'm thinking of getting a tattoo...#2-There is a co-ed slumber party this weekend after the game...#3. I just don't think college is for me...
B Doesn't Happen Until A is CompletedYou never have to change this strategy. It works every time with every age. If you've asked your child to do something, and it's not done, you don't go on until the next event-no matter what the event is. The secret here is consistency. Attitudes and behaviors may get worse for a time. Don't panic, it means you're on the right track. There is no threatening, no harassing, no warning. There are no put-downs. What is, is.
As you work together on attitude, behavior and character, you'll be building a relationship that is mutually satisfying. It's worth the effort. chrissie
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Six Easy Steps
It's almost that time. School supplies. New Clothes. Lunches packed. Homework. A return to regular bedtimes and after-school activities. Summer is rapidly coming to a close.
Daughter Annie shared my grand children's fall schedule with me. Art class. Gymnastics. Soccer. They are busy but Annie really tries to limit their activities after school. She wants home and down time to be an integral part of their schedule. Date night with their Daddy is also on the calendar. One on One time is a planned activity. It's a fine balance between offering opportunities and nurturing a secure home life.
Annie shared a book by Dr. James Dobson-Bringing Up Girls. He features a finding by Dr. Frank Luntz-six parental behaviors that are most likely to hurt-or destroy our own children.
television off and the phones down.)
2. Successful anti-drug and anti-alcohol education includes a spiritual component. If your child is taught at an early age that there is something out there that is bigger and more important that themselves, they are more likely to respect and appreciate the miracle of life and less likely to destroy it with harmful substances.
3. Checking your child's homework nightly. There are two components at work here. Participation daily sends the message that your child matters. It also serves as a warning sign if something is off track. Involvement in intellectual pursuits wards off harmful physical activity.
4. Demanding the truth-and getting it. Parents who insist on knowing exactly where their children are on Friday and Saturday night are sending a clear message that not every place, every friend, or every behavior is acceptable. Children who tell them the truth are acknowledging those boundaries. If they lie about where they are, they will most assuredly lie about what they do. Deceit in the name of "teenagers will be teenagers" should never be tolerated.
5. Taking your children on vacation for at least a week at a time. Long weekends just don't qualify because it isn't long enough to break the daily routine or reconnect relationships. Turn off all portable devices and turn your children back on.
6. Encourage them to participate in a team sport. Sorry, individual sports and other group activities like band and drama don't count. Team members are often even less tolerant of substance abuse than parents-for good reason. When teens depend on each other's physical health and performance, they are less likely to engage in harmful physical behavior. Peer pressure to do the right thing can be a powerful motivating force.
Dr. Dobson sums up Luntz's findings with the following:
"Parents need to think hard about protecting their children from harmful influences after school and at all times. The solution is to be found in building good relationships, in providing close supervision, in keeping your eyes and ears open. in enjoying wholesome recreation with your children, in encouraging team sports, in getting involved in a caring church, enrolling your kids in a good school, carefully monitoring friends and in talking a lot at evening meals."
Take a deep breath and jump in with both feet. It may take some reprogramming but the results are worth the effort. chrissie
Daughter Annie shared my grand children's fall schedule with me. Art class. Gymnastics. Soccer. They are busy but Annie really tries to limit their activities after school. She wants home and down time to be an integral part of their schedule. Date night with their Daddy is also on the calendar. One on One time is a planned activity. It's a fine balance between offering opportunities and nurturing a secure home life.
Annie shared a book by Dr. James Dobson-Bringing Up Girls. He features a finding by Dr. Frank Luntz-six parental behaviors that are most likely to hurt-or destroy our own children.
Healthy Children to Healthy Adults:
The Six Steps Parents Really Need to Know
1. Having Dinner with your children. Nothing says "I truly care about you" more than spending dinnertime with your children at least five nights a week. More that any other day, parents who dine with their children produce healthier adults because it sends the clear signal that their children are a high priority. Parents who miss dinner- no matter what the excuse, are sending the wrong message, one that is unfortunately heard loud and clear by our children.
(Dr. Luntz found that teens who eat dinner at home 3 to 5 times a week have a lower risk of using cigarettes, alcohol and illegal drugs. That, is families who eat dinner together, with thetelevision off and the phones down.)
2. Successful anti-drug and anti-alcohol education includes a spiritual component. If your child is taught at an early age that there is something out there that is bigger and more important that themselves, they are more likely to respect and appreciate the miracle of life and less likely to destroy it with harmful substances.
3. Checking your child's homework nightly. There are two components at work here. Participation daily sends the message that your child matters. It also serves as a warning sign if something is off track. Involvement in intellectual pursuits wards off harmful physical activity.
4. Demanding the truth-and getting it. Parents who insist on knowing exactly where their children are on Friday and Saturday night are sending a clear message that not every place, every friend, or every behavior is acceptable. Children who tell them the truth are acknowledging those boundaries. If they lie about where they are, they will most assuredly lie about what they do. Deceit in the name of "teenagers will be teenagers" should never be tolerated.
5. Taking your children on vacation for at least a week at a time. Long weekends just don't qualify because it isn't long enough to break the daily routine or reconnect relationships. Turn off all portable devices and turn your children back on.
6. Encourage them to participate in a team sport. Sorry, individual sports and other group activities like band and drama don't count. Team members are often even less tolerant of substance abuse than parents-for good reason. When teens depend on each other's physical health and performance, they are less likely to engage in harmful physical behavior. Peer pressure to do the right thing can be a powerful motivating force.
Dr. Dobson sums up Luntz's findings with the following:
"Parents need to think hard about protecting their children from harmful influences after school and at all times. The solution is to be found in building good relationships, in providing close supervision, in keeping your eyes and ears open. in enjoying wholesome recreation with your children, in encouraging team sports, in getting involved in a caring church, enrolling your kids in a good school, carefully monitoring friends and in talking a lot at evening meals."
Take a deep breath and jump in with both feet. It may take some reprogramming but the results are worth the effort. chrissie
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