No Hocus Pocus-Just Find a Focus

There is rumor of a secret society that is purported to have all the tools to successful parenting. This mysterious and mystical organization is rooted in the past, works in the present and looks toward the future. Secrets are not found buried in a vault or hidden in cryptic codes, they are passed in an oral tradition, from one member to another. The tricky part is, deciphering what is good and true and pure, and discarding the false and deceptive gobbledygook that is also included in the messages.

A special talisman is necessary to sort and arrange the lessons offered by the society. This talisman is a shining beacon in often murky and unstable territory. The territory of raising a child and doing it well. What, you ask, is this mysterious and mythical charm? What can help each of us navigate in these stormy and uncharted seas? As always with answers, this one is deceptively simple. The use of common sense.

If I want my child to have direction, I must be a compass. If I want to my child to feel safe, I must offer an environment of safety. If I want my child to feel validated, I must give him an opportunity to be confident and successful. If I want my child to feel love, I must show him love in a million different ways. He or she first needs a sense of family. They need expectations and boundaries, tenderness and discipline, service and philanthropy, knowledge and education,and respect and courtesy. Care-givers must offer a house that welcomes friends and is filled with laughter. A gift to our children is a young life of exploration, discovery and wonder. It is just common sense that we model behavior, create a positive environment, and verbally communicate with our children. Growing successful and competent adults takes a plan. If children grow up helter- skelter, their adult lives will be just as fragmented and undirected.

One tool from this secret vault that I believe to be a no brainer is "find a passion." This is best done before the hormones kick in, but it is never too late. Finding a passion simply means, identify and nurture something your child is good at. Whether it is music or a sport or 4H or breaking a car down and putting it together, find something your personal child can focus all those budding hormones and all that angst on.

The restlessness and lack of direction so often seen in middle school and high school is easily deflected with a favorite way to spend time. Showing a horse, dance competitions, motocross racing, soccer tournaments or swimming competitively are all excellent activities within themselves, but even better, the nature of the activity involves a commitment other than the actual event. Say, horses and riding competitively is your child's interest. Livestock must be cared for, clubs and organizations foster friendships with like minded young people and to compete in the ring requires diligence in daily training.

Of course any sport demands practice, competition and the drive to excel. Camps and workshops further promote excellence and focus. Athletic performance demands a healthy life style and experienced team mates are role models to younger team members. We all know that good coaches can effectively influence a young man or woman for the rest of their life.

A passion for the Arts can last a lifetime. Classes, camps and private lessons give a budding musician or artist tools needed to develop in their medium. Exposure to museums, concerts, galleries and choral groups foster a passion to excel. Oklahoma offers a unique opportunity for young artists via the Oklahoma Arts Institute. http://oaiquartz.com/. Muskogee Little Theater will host a summer youth theatre program. http://www.muskogeelittletheatre.com/. Voice lessons are also available at MLT. The Muskogee Art Guild has art classes as do several private artists in this community. Local music businesses have contacts for guitar, drum and other instrument instruction.

I have never seen a more committed group of young men and women than the competitive Drama and Debate kids at my high school. They were truly passionate about their craft. Translate passionate into focus, and drive, and involved, and BUSY! Any type of leaders at a school are in short supply. (Which is in itself an indication of trouble) Foster and encourage leadership. Student Council, clubs and organizations don't merely get your child involved at their own school. Most organizations offer city, state and national opportunities that include travel, training and life skills.

No hocus pocus. No mumbo jumbo. Just common sense. Who better than a parent to identify a child's special gifts? The magic is to nurture and develop them by offering tools and opportunities to excel. Every child should have their chance to sparkle.