A a musical theatre groupie, I can't help but find life lessons in music and lyrics. The philosophy of "What I Did For Love" from A Chorus Line applies not only the love of dance but sacrifices made for any great love. South Pacific's ,"You've Got to Be Taught" not only speaks of prejudice and intolerance but reminds the listener children learn what they hear from those closest to them. "Popular" from Wicked applies to Mel's last blog regarding girls and their image. We may not agree but we know where Galinda is coming from. We were there. We were concerned. We were 14.
I have mentioned this song in an earlier blog. Galinda, (you have to see the show to get her name) is taking Elsiba under her wing. Think Legally Blonde meets young Friday of the
Addams family.
"Today" show contributor, Ruth A Peters, Ph.D. recently discussed teen girls and self-confidence. What leads to self-confidence? Suggesting to a tween or teen that social standing and popularity are unimportant to feel confident will most likely be met with deep sighs and eye-rolling.
Teens have always and will always continue to worry about popularity. It is a normal preoccupation of adolescence. Dr. Peters argues that parents need to be realistic, not rigidly idealistic, in terms of expecting their teen to be able to rise above the power of social pressure. It really hurts to feel invisible at school, believing that if you didn’t show up no one would notice. Or, to sit home with the folks on the weekend, assuming that the other kids are having the time of the lives "out there"
We parents need to realize that often girls need to first fit in on more superficial levels (clothing, hair style, and looking like "twinkies") before they can begin to feel comfortable displaying their individuality. When a teen feels socially secure she is no longer as distracted or as anxious. Chances are that she will then have the confidence and the focus to take a stand on issues such as the environment, politics or promoting animal rights. She'll join clubs, volunteer at the food pantry or befriend kids who may not be as popular.
To best set the stage for your teens journey through adolescence, parents should consider the following: Try to understand how your teen girl feels, perceives and defines her world even if you disagree with her perceptions. Peter's reminds us that understanding does not mean agreeing. Remember how being 14 years old was for you; bad skin, glasses, mean girls, praying for the phone to ring, boys, and all that 14 year old angst.
Tools offered by Dr. Peters.
1. Become informed about modern "girl" culture (what is cool, what is not), issues (boyfriends, sexuality, substance usage) and communication tools (MySpace, instant messaging, cell phones). (Hopefully The Care and Feeding of Teenagers has helped.)
2. Understand the self-absorption. It is not necessarily selfishness; she needs to feel confident before she can begin to put family into proper perspective.
3. Foster her involvement in activities, skill development and interests.
4. Do not diminish her angst....perhaps silly to you, her hurts really do hurt.
5. Learn about lunchroom politics that may be downright cruel and how little control your kid may have within this setting.
6. Understand that thin is in, whether it is healthy or not. Again, understanding does not mean agreeing.
7. Find and retain the guts to parent wisely, even though your teen girl may profess to hate you at the moment.
8. Understand the lure of substance use and find out what you can do to better drug-proof your daughter.
9. Learn to listen effectively even though Precious may be unreasonable, bull-headed, or just downright nasty.
10. Set rules that are fair, clear, and attached to consequences that can be followed consistently.
11. Promote a sense of spirituality of helping others and fostering a belief in giving back.
Finally, identify you Family Code of Values and how you exemplfy and teach these in your home. If you write them down, you'll probably be pleased at the list. My list may be a little different than yours, but hopefully, we are instilling values in our children that will add to their quality of life and to the common good for all of us.
8 comments:
That is a great song from Wicked! Love it!
me too! Have the book out to read again. chrissie
Super idea! Didn't even think about the book!
Wicked by Gregory Maguire
Regan Books
did you know you can go online to
http://www.eodls.lib.ok.us/ and with just a library card locate and reserve any book currently available?
No, but that is useful information. I guess our library cards have a barcode? I've never inspected mine that closely!
yes when it asks, just type in the complete number found at the bottom of your card.
I go on-line to the New York Times Best Seller list and reserve through our eodls everything that looks interesting. It takes a few days or longer but I can only read one at a time. The 20 to 30 dollar price of a new book limits my purchasing so lending is the way to go!
Fantastic idea! Thanks for info. I guess if you like it you buy it later, maybe? Don't you like to own some books?
I don't have room for any more books and I guess I own the ones important to me. I'm afraid there has not been one that I cared so much about owning since Oprah started her depressing books,Book Club. I hate those draggy, dark, despairing ones that are so often what is out there. Some are well written but still so depressing. I had to put down a A Thousand Splendid Suns as once again, halfway through, these poor women had another horrible thing happen to them in their sordid, sad lives. I'll finish it this weekend but only because I can't stand to leave one unfinished.
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