A, B or C?

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I was surfing the Web and found this interesting quiz regarding how well we know our teenager. It is from Charlene Gianetti and Margaret Sagarese, authors of Parenting 911. I took it on-line, trying to answer overall as a former parent of 4 teenagers. The responses are interesting, but also recognizing and personally applying the questions is revealing too.


You catch your teenager in a lie -- it turns out she wasn't where she said she was going. You find your son did something you never thought he'd do. Can any teenager be trusted? Can yours? Take the quiz below to see how well you really know your kids -- their fears, friends and potential foibles.

1.My teenager's most pressing worry is:

A. An upcoming test or getting a date for something or other.

B. His curfew/ He argues it is too early.
C. I'll have to think about that one -- I'm not sure what's on my teen's mind these days.

2. When was the last time your teenager told you a secret about a friend that the friend's parents would find disconcerting?

A. When it comes to my teens friends, mum's the word.
B..Recently, I learned that one of my teen's friends is sexually active.
C.I confess that I haven't spent much time talking with my teenager lately.


3. Can you name your teenager's favorite pop, rap or rock star?
A.I'd like to know the answer to that, but my child always listens to her music with headphones.

B. Yes, I know who my teen idolizes.
C.My parents never listened to my music when I was a teenager and now I know why -- because I can't bear listening to the music my teen prefers either.


4. In your opinion, can any adolescent be trusted?

A. Most of the time, but not always.

B. Absolutely, being trustworthy and making mistakes are two different issues, and teens are capapble of both.
C. No -- their hormones program them to take dangerous risks and have dangerous liaisons.


5. What does your teenager do during study hall?
A. I don't know -- study I guess .
B.Different things -- some studying, some homework, some socializing and some non-school-related reading.

C. Good question. I am afraid to know the answer.


6. Where do you stand on R-rated movies?
A..Are you kidding? Between the trash on TV and the trash in the theaters, it's virtually impossible to shelter my teen from R-rated content.
B. I have allowed my teen to see a few after previewing them and deciding they were okay.
C. I keep an eye out here at home, but I don't know what my teen watches at friends' homes.


7. Some girls have been known to change into sexier clothes and apply makeup the minute they are out of the house. Could this be your daughter?
A. No, I do the laundry and I know her clothes
B.Could be -- we've had fights about skimpy tops, tight pants and overdone makeup in the past.
C. I don't think so, but with sleepovers and all I don't always see what my child looks like.


8. Your son comes home from a party smelling of cigarette smoke. What do you do?
A. Assume nothing because cigarette smoke clings to anyone who walks through it.
B. Make a mental note to ask about the smoking habits of her friends.
C. Know in your gut your child is smoking cigarettes even though you have asked in the past and she denied it.


9. Do you know if your child receives a school detention, a late slip or a notice to retake a test?
A. I think so. Unless he hides the information from me.

B. Yes
C. No.


10. How much experience sexually do you think your teen has had?

A. I have tried to talk to my teen about sex but she runs away with her hands over her ears.

B. I have talked to my teenager about self worth and respecting herself.

C..I can't deal with even thinking about it.

11. Are you familiar with the peer, teacher or adult your child admires most?
A. Now you have really piqued my curiosity -- I'd like to know the answer to that.

B. Yes, my teen has shared his most admired person with me.
C. I am not aware that she admires anyone in particular.

12. How does your adolescent feel when she hears about school shootings?
A. My adolescent doesn't often share her thoughts with me on anything, but I imagine she is nervous .

B. My teen is concerned and often identifies troubled classmates at school.
C. My teen and I have not discussed this.

If you were mostly A

Teenager is like a mystery. The questions tickled your curiosity about your child and raised some interesting issues, but you are too often clueless or uncertain what goes on in the mind of your teen. Chances are that you have tried to get closer or talk to your child, but have been rebuffed. Teens do need a private life and do tend to shut parents out from time to time. And yet you have to find a better strategy for getting inside the head of your own child. Don't give up so easily and don't settle for not knowing the answers to the questions that are on your mind. Why? Because the things you worry about are on your teen's mind too, even if it's hard to trade information. Spend more time with your teen. Tuck her in at night and get a confidential rapport started. No Mysteries in Your House!


If you were mostly B



Give yourself a big pat on the back. Teenagers are not the easiest folks to get close to -- and you have done it. Adolescents tend to keep secrets, and furthermore, many don't open up even when parents try to discuss sensitive issues. You do not worry about your child because you know what is on her mind, what is on her plate from day to day and who is in her thoughts. The more a parent and a teenager can exchange confidences and the small details of everyday life, the closer the bond. This gives parents the opportunity to inject their values and gives the teen the opportunity to learn from their parent.



If you were mostly C

You do not know your teenager very well because your relationship appears to fall short in intimacy. It looks as if you and your teenager are not trading confidential information. Nor are you and your child in sync most of the time about the details and happenings of daily life. In all likelihood, your life is so busy that you have dropped the ball about what's going on with your child. Add to that a teenager's natural reluctance to share secrets (or detention slips) with a parent and what you get is family members leading separate lives. This is not good. You need to have more than suspicions and worry where your teenager is concerned. The best way to get to know a child is to listen to music together, review movies (maybe even an R-rated one) and talk about friends and issues that are on a child's mind. Right now, your teen needs you more than you think she does.

I take any quiz like this with a grain of salt but they are sometimes helpful for another perspective. Have a great week and enjoy the sunshine.