Notice, No Failure

Here is the third and final part of CaveDweller's story. We hope that her story and success have given courage to people facing a similar situation.

If you want to post a comment for her or have a general question about achieving the kind of success she has had, just hit the comment button at the bottom of the message. We will make her aware of your question and she will respond to you shortly.

Part III - Notice, No Failure

And thankfully, the court system had ordered counseling for Danny and for us as a family. Without that, I don't think we would have survived. We were taught that Danny had to learn to live by our rules. Not the other way around. Of course, we had to change some of our rules to fit his needs, too.

Through the counseling, and getting him into church, and learning to set realistic goals for him and us, following through with consequences, and learning to praise him often for even the smallest "good" things, and many, many, many hugs, he is emerging from his wounded, therefore obstinate, argumentative and restless self, into a kid whocares about his future, and who seems to love us once again.

If I could only give one word of advice, it would be to stay consistent!! Put your house rules and the consequences for breaking those rules in writing. Tape them to back of your child's bedroom door. Have them read them, and sign them! And do not soften the consequences when a rule is broken. Follow through!!

Try to remain calm and keep your tone of voice low when you must enforce a consequence. DO NOT ARGUE! One of the first house rules should be that if you walk away, your teen is NOT to follow you. If they do, they will immediately lose a valued privilege such as cell phone, Xbox, car, TV, etc.

If you do not take away privileges as consequences, you may as well just give up. You can't reach kids through reason, nor can you reach them by playing a "sympathy" card.Most teens have no sympathy for adults. They do not gain a sense of empathy until much later.

One last thing...NEVER make your child do something that you, yourself will not do. And set an example for what you want your kid to be. If you don't want him to smoke or drink, then don't do it yourself! If you don't want him to use bad language, thenwatch your own mouth!

Just know that this kid really does need to know he or she is loved. No matter how belligerent, hateful, or obnoxious they seem, they just want to know they are loved.

Oh...and if the clothing your child wants to wear is REALLY detrimental to your health...lol...then by all means stop buying them those clothes! It's that simple! lol. Set boundaries, and understand that as your child matures, you must re-examine those boundaries and adjust them.

Danny has finally settled in and down. He was getting D's in school and brought those grades up to A's, B's and C's. He has found fulfillment in a variety of activities. He is on his way to having a good life! And watching him grow, and mature, and become the good man I know he is going to be, has given ME a second chance at being a Mom!

CaveDweller