Just Need A New Title

Summer is over at the Wagner's. After a rather uneventful three months, (insert an audible sigh of relief here), Last Born journeyed once again up I-40 to continue his education. He and middle sister are now hopefully attending classes, continuing with part time jobs and in general enjoying the best four years of their lives. I'm delighted they have the opportunities offered them. I also miss them. I really, really miss them.

As discussed previously, this empty nest thing doesn't get easier. It just gets more familiar. My husband and I will now settle back into a calm house. The washer doesn't go every hour, leftovers last for days and days and our plans don't revolve around anyone elses. It is incredibly quiet here.

I quit teaching two years ago, eager to get back to my "old" life. I sort of forgot that when I started my teaching career , there were four Wagner children at home. As anyone reading this knows, an active family, friends, church, community, maintaining a home... do not stop because of a job. There are still Science Fairs and Stuco trips and cheerleader practices and altar guild and Church Bazaars and weddings and birthday parties and funerals. There is still laundry to do and car repairs and dental appointments and yards to mow. You don't stop going to the theatre or attending tennis tournaments or walking your block for a needy cause. Life is full when everyone is home. Life is busy and vibrant and ever-changing. It's just that you are so preoccupied with living it, you don't notice it passing by.

I am noticing it now. Who are we when our titles change? What do I write in that little space marked "occupation"? Stay at a Home Mom? No. Current career? Not at this time. Future plans? Not quite sure about them. How to still feel viable and necessary? How to still feel contributing? I don't want to watch that parade go by, I want to be somewhere marching in it.

I really thought I was ready to "be home". Now, I sort of don't think I am. This middle of your life deal is just that. The middle. Not the end. There has just got to be more waiting to happen. Can't there be new beginnings? New adventures? New things to learn. New people to meet?

I interviewed for a college recruiter job last week. I was terrified. I knew they were probably looking for someone younger and almost turned my car back around. I didn't. It was good for me. Five strangers on the interview panel. Thinking on my feet. Answering to the best of my ability. It was good for me. I thought the interview went well. My prior job experience and own personality seemed a perfect fit. It was a challenging and interesting work environment. As I left the building, I wondered which window would be my office.

The window turned out to not be a problem. I didn't get the job. But, I keep telling myself, it was good for me.

Stepping out of your comfort zone is not easy. Bridge with friends, playing with my grand babies, a quiet dinner with my husband or planning a family holiday, these are all life's pleasures. OU football games this fall, directing The Hobbit (coming in November) for Muskogee's younger actors, playing Bells at my church, also activities that I enjoy. But I already know how to do these things. It's the challenges that keep us young. It's new things. It's new ideas. It's that feeling of accomplishment that new experiences offer.

Ok Life. Seriously. Bring em' on. I'm ready.