I had a conversation with Mike Linderman, the Montana based counselor/calf roping author of The Teen Whisperer: How to Break Through the Silence and Secrecy of Teenage Life, a brand of therapy aimed at helping hard-to-reach teens based on developing a trusting relationship first. While he is the model of his method - and he is an excellent role model - I wanted to know if he felt that his technique could truly be replicated by parents, teachers, counselors, or anyone who wants to help a struggling teen.
He gave me an unequivocal "yes." To sum up the publisher's review on Amazon, the book's basic premise is this:
The Five Primary Needs of Teens (Survival, Fun, Freedom, Power, and Belonging) are essential throughout a child's life, up through (and I would add beyond) the teen years. These develop a healthy family dynamic, but when a family is incapable of fulfilling these needs, dysfunction sets in in the form of various detrimental teen behaviors ranging from a noticeable silence or depression to severe rebelliousness. Mike provides concrete steps that parents can take to reconnect with their teens as they work together to create a stronger relationship and kids learn to:Trust themselves and others
Process emotion and pain in healthy ways
Understand and appreciate boundaries
Gain joy and pride in real work
Live a life of love, respect and gratitude
In speaking with Mike on the phone today, I asked him what the essential qualities necessary for replicating his successes with teens are, since often a new therapy or self-help cure is contingent upon the person who originates the idea, but becomes weakened when passed on to others (think Covey's 7 Habits or Marva Collins/Great Expectations - great programs requiring great facilitators to keep up the enthusiasm).
Mike narrowed his response down to two basic ideas (I am paraphrasing Mike here) :
Pure intentions - parents/others must develop a relationship with the teen in which he/she feels that the intentions to reform his behavior are pure. Parents cannot be acting from a selfish viewpoint (such as "You're making our family look bad..."). Children are not property and cannot be treated as such. Once parents get their motivation clear in their minds, they can approach the teen in a rational manner, showing that the teen's success is the real issue.
2.) Mike uses Motivational Interviewing as his guideline for getting to the bottom of whatever issue the teen is facing. Mike says that what he tries to do is "come alongside teens and help them figure out their own answers." Again, children are not property; they cannot fulfill the dreams and wishes of their parents like little puppets. Parents must allow the child to reason out his own life and answers to his behavioral conflicts rationally.
If parents are going to use this book to help an ailing teen, then a synthesis of Mike's work for me speaks clearly to the parents as the models for rational behavior, developing especially the five primary teen needs. Ideally, we want to try our best to shape a happy, healthy family. I would advise parents read Mike's book even if they have a perfect child, paying special attention to the five primary teen needs.
So, I woud like to address a third thing that has made Mike's therapy successful and use it as a guide for others to follow, and that is Mike himself. His voice in The Teen Whisperer is clear, and parents should use all the techniques listed to help struggling teens.
But, as I have said before, parents can help their children by being the model of what they are trying to instill. Parents don't have to be infallible, but they do have to realize that they are being watched. If you are going to try to reform your offspring's behavior, you as the parent might also need a little tweak before you start.
Mike claims to not have a long list of PhD's following his name, which may be true. What he is, however, is a model of what he is trying to instill in others. He played football in Montana, was in National Honor Society, attended the University of Montana and intended to major in veterinary medicine. Taking his first psychology course changed his focus. He served in the Armed Forces for six years, served in Desert Storm in Iraq, earning his degree in counseling and finally returning to Montana where he now practices.
I asked Mike what part courage plays in shaping a family and reforming dangerous teen behavior. You see, Mike was not only in Desert Storm, but was also a firefighter and first responder. He said that by all means it takes courage. Parents have to have the courage to be there for their children. Mike wouldn't brag about it, but part of his success is the courage to respond to people authentically with pure intentions and a listening ear, a trait often derided in our "me, me, me" world. That is one of the most important lessons Mike Linderman can teach us all. We don't have to be perfect and we can't be there all the time, but we can try.
And, speaking of courage, Mike and his wife plan on opening their home to four troubled teens at a time to bring authentic love and trust into these young people's lives with the hope of reforming destructive behavior and saving their lives. If that isn't courageous, I don't know what is.
The Teen Whisperer is available at Amazon.com or at WaldenBooks. Visit Mike's website at http://www.mikelinderman.com/ or email him at TeenWhisperer@gmail.com.
by: Maia Szalavitz
ReplyDelete“Teen Whisperer or Teen Tormentor: As Congress Takes On Troubled Teen Programs, Times Inadvertently Plugs One
Posted October 23, 2007 | 03:35 PM (EST)
While I’ve gotta give The New York Times kudos for its strong editorial “When Tough Love is Too Tough,” calling for greater oversight of the “troubled teen” residential industry, I must simultaneously take them to task for running a glowing review of a book by a counselor who worked for 10 years for one of the most notorious organizations in that business.
Mike Linderman, author of The Teen Whisperer served as “clinical director” of Spring Creek Lodge, a Montana program linked with the infamous World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASP, also called WWASPS).
Calling Linderman “brusquely compassionate,” the Times Styles section approvingly cited him for that work. But it failed to even mention the history of serious abuse allegations and lawsuits involving Spring Creek Lodge — many of which include the decade in which Linderman worked there.
Take this 2003 Times story, headlined “Program to Help Troubled Youths Has Troubles of Its Own.” In it, investigative reporter Tim Weiner notes that “some children and parents call [Spring Creek Lodge] physically and psychologically brutal.” He goes on to detail stories of teens locked in solitary confinement for months [photo of the claustrophic isolation room known as “the Hobbit” at Spring Creek is here], fed only beans and bananas. Linderman worked at Spring Creek at the time and apparently was employed by the program until some time in 2006.
Weiner quotes the mother of one teen, Michele Ziperovich, saying “He came out 35 pounds lighter, acting like a zombie. When he came back, he was worse, far worse.” Weiner also reports that former employees have corroborated the teens’ stories and that one was arrested for sexually assaulting teens in the isolation room.
In 2005, a Spring Creek staffer shot a man seven times and then killed himself. And in 2006, Spring Creek was sued after a teenage girl committed suicide there– the suit says that the facility “was not designed or operated to provide quality or even adequate care” and that its employees “planned and operated Spring Creek Lodge Academy in such a manner that physical, educational, mental or emotional harm was consistently and foreseeably caused to the children at Spring Creek.”
The Times mentions nothing of this controversy — essentially allowing the author to claim that The New York Times endorses his book and by association, Spring Creek Lodge.
Nor does the review inform readers that when Linderman worked at Spring Creek, it was affiliated with WWASP, which has had no fewer than eight programs shuttered following abuse allegations. In Mexico, police filmed kids chained in outdoor dog cages at one program — a program to which kids at Spring Creek were often sent if they didn’t behave.
Spring Creek Lodge is currently the subject of a large class action suit — with over 100 plaintiffs claiming serious human rights violations occurred there and at other WWASP programs.
I think parents considering taking advice from the “Teen Whisperer” might want to know that he has been accused as well of being a “Teen Tormentor” and party to institutionalized child abuse.
And we wonder why people distrust the media…
Troubled youth residential schools are well known schools. These schools offer residential type of treatment as well as education. School provides residential like caring and fostering environment that nurtures mind, conduct and character of troubled adolescents. Schools are committed to develop qualities in youths.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.teenageproblems.net/
Today’s teens are facing so many behavioral problems like learning disabilities, anger, depression, substance abuses and many others. Different types of treatment programs for teens are offered by centers to withdraw their all problems.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.restoreteens.com/
So many places for troubled youths are available in the country to help them in achieving their goals. Troubled parents can take all relevant information about these resources from some of the websites and counselors working in the country.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.troubledteensguide.com/for-new-programs.php
The above mentioned information is informative and helpful to find out more information about troubled teens and their problems. The suggested methods are helpful to gain more knowledge. These tips are helpful for troubled parents.
ReplyDeleteTroubled teens programs are one of the best options for troubled youth.
Interesting article. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteTeens are now facing a lot of problem while making their decision. They use to spend more time with their peer group. So if they choose good friends then the future will be bright but in case of troubled teens there are Boys Military Schools, where they provide proper attention towards the teens to help them get back in life.
ReplyDeleteExcellent line, parents should be the person they want their kid to be! Lead by example!
ReplyDeleteWhen I went to Spring Creek, I remember taking Anger Management classes from that man. The classes neither helped me nor did they teach me anything. I graduated high school 3 months after I got to Spring Creek, and I "graduated the program" very quickly, within a year of being there. During my first year of college I entered the Turley law firm's class action lawsuit against them. Everyday when I would walk to class I was scared that I was being watched or followed. The fact that our government never stopped what was happening to us while we were there, and that this man is still any sort of licensed professional disgusts me.
ReplyDeleteCheck out this guy's past employment at Spring Creek Lodge. and what kind of place it was before it closed.
ReplyDeleteCheck out the lack of evidence- based treatment cited in his book. You'll find none.
Check out professional licenses.
Check out studies cited.
You'll find none.
Check out recommendations for this book by professionals.
Check check check.