If We Could Just Read Their Minds!

Do you have that scratchy feeling that your teenage son or daughter is bothered by something? Are you wondering why he or she spends so much time alone? Is your teen avoiding family functions and generally acting withdrawn and disinterested in things that once were a source of pride and joy? Your teen may at risk, and it is important to get to the bottom of it.

Glenda Hatchett knows all about troubled teens. On her nationally syndicated show, "Judge Hatchett," she's often instituting her trademark "intervention" sentences to the at-risk youth who end up in her court. These sentences are to help the youth in her court understand the implications of their actions and learn how to better handle problems or situations.
Hatchett says that there are warning signs that a parent can look out for to tell whether or not their teen is heading in the wrong direction, with the end result being juvenile court or a worse situation later in life.

One of the most perplexing issues a parent faces is how to determine if their child is at risk for such behaviors as drug/alcohol abuse, school failure, violence, depression, self-destructive behavior or suicide. What follows are warning signs Hatchett has recognized as a judge.

Q. What defines a troubled teen and when does a parent need to step in to help or seep professional intervention?
Parents should not compare your child's behavior to anyone else's, not even another one of your children's. Each child is unique and the signs may be very subtle and inconsistent. If you believe your child is at risk, then respond. Don’t wish you had done something sooner - believing it was simply a phase and that they would outgrow the problem.

Q. How do you know the difference between a troubled teen and a teen who's just going through adolescence?
A. You have to look at all of the pieces, not just one in isolation. For example, a child who's sleeping a lot may need more rest and also may be an adolescent. But if they are sleeping, have depression, and are disrespectful or lie, then it may be something more. Moodiness by itself may not be a red flag, but severe mood swings may be something you have to pay attention to.

Q. At what age would you expect to see a behavioral change in your teen?
A. It's a given that we'll see change during adolescence. It's a difficult passage, moving from being a child to becoming a young adult. It's a period of time that requires a great deal of patience and attention. There is not a magic age.. It seems like 6th, 7th and 8th grade is where a kid's behavior is changing. Each child is different and unique.

Q. When should you seek professional help?
A. If your child is not responding to whatever methods you're using to intervene, you should seek professional help. Instantly you should seek help if the child is saying suicide. Seek outside help if the child is not responding to you or family members who are trying to reach out to help them. If things are not getting better, the worst thing you could do is postpone it. You have to follow your gut and not abandon the issue.

Signs Your Teen May Be in Trouble
1. Abandoning friends for new, questionable peers. You child has had the same set of friends since 3rd grade. They played soccer, swam together and danced together. Suddenly she dumps them and starts going out with friends that you know nothing about. As a parent you have got to know who your kids are with. You have to know who her friends are and what their influences are in her life.

2. Sudden drop in school performance. That's a huge SOS. We're not talking about a case of a math whiz struggling with English. Be concerned with a child who has been consistent and now grades have dropped. It's time to figure out why this is happening. Is it depression? Could it be drug abuse? Could it be that they're being bullied? When a great kid becomes detached, it raises a red flag. If the child becomes truant (truancy is the No. 1 predictor that a boy will have a criminal record and the No. 2 predictor for girls, according to the U.S. Department of Justice); has lost interest in his or her positive activities; has abandoned goals; lacks motivation; is very apathetic -these are all red flags.

3. Extreme mood swings. That's where it gets complicated ... but it's also another huge red flag. With hormonal changes and body chemistry, kids are going through a lot. You can expect mood swings... but if your kid is going from being deeply depressed to extremely happy, and back again; you need to figure out what is going on. Sleeping patterns are very important, too. If they're not sleeping or they're sleeping all the time - from one extreme to another, you may have a problem.
Extreme moodiness. Aren't they all moody? Yes, but this teen has unreasonable fits of anger; is very disrespectful; exhibits hostility toward family members; is very withdrawn and barely communicative, and wants to be left all alone most of the time.

4. Lies about whereabouts. Another big one: You think he's at soccer practice, but he's over at someone's house without supervision. You think she's spending the night with a person she knows well, and instead she's at an acquaintance's house. You have to find out why they are lying. Other signs are that they frequently miss curfew; or disappear without explanation.

5. Mysterious financial changes. The child either has lots of unexplained money at one time and doesn't at other times. Perhaps there are problems like stealing from family or you can't account for the stuff they are buying. Unexplained valuables, jewelry or other things appear. She got an MP3 player for her birthday and now doesn't have it anymore, if it's lost, that's one thing. If you continually see things missing and there's no reasonable explanation, plus they're withdrawn, there may be a problem.

One of the most perplexing issues a parent faces is how to determine if their child is at risk. What is normal and what is not? As a parent, if that radar is going off, listen to the warning. Follow close, be the boss and let your child know you're there. It is an important way to let your teen know you love them.