Mom, What Are You Wearing?!!

Is anyone besides me old enough to remember the Betty Davis movie Mrs. Skiffington? It's about the mother of a teenaged daughter who vies for the attention of her daughter's would-be beaus, failing to realize in her narcissism that she is getting older and it's not about her anymore. What a shock when she finds out she's unwanted and uncool!

That movie was from another era altogether, when most moms wore their stockings turned down around their ankles with sensible walking shoes and a tissue tucked in their belt. Moms have never been renowned for their haute couture. They do wear some pretty peculiar, embarrassing things - a big old t-shirt from 1988, a strange vest from 1993 that keeps reappearing, out-of-date-and-style clothing from their own youth, like that Ozzie concert t-shirt or those Beverly Hills Polo Club sweats.

Dads may just wear anything and everyone still loves them for it - it's expected, in a way. But, mom is different. Often she is pressured to be perfect and derided when she is uncool. Sometimes it doesn't matter how cool mom is in reality, just by virtue of being a teenager's mother she is instantaneously in the dork category.

Whenever students complain about how mom looks, I remind them that their mom is not cool so they can be. I don't think it ever crosses their minds that the new shirt they are wearing comes at an expense, and mom is willing to make that sacrifice on her coolness factor. Mom doesn't get many new clothes because her turn is over for the most part and she is well aware of that; mom's reputation for coolness is not on the line like the teenager's is, so mom naturally takes the hit. Yeah, mom!

Granted, moms these days are prettier and more with-it than ever. But there are some things moms who care about their reputation - or more importantly, their kids' reputations - can do to avoid shaming and humiliating their children in front of their friends. Some may ask, why does mom have to change - it's her life, after all, and she should be able to live it as she pleases. The most obvious answer is simple - because she loves her kids and her family.

1. If you are the mother of a teenager and you are still in your 30's, or even 40's, avoid being Mrs. Skiffington at all costs. Do not flirt with your daughter's boyfriend or your son's college room mate. Be wise enough to know the difference between flirting and being friendly. And, by all means, do not have sex with one of your children's friends! Real life is not a Jerry Springer or Oprah show!! In real life those things cause long term, damaging effects that do not end with the flick of a tv on-off switch.

2. Take pride in your appearance as a person and it will be enough as a mom, too. We don't have to be perfect as moms or as people, but rolling out of the house like we just rolled out of bed is just plain embarrassing for everyone!

3. Most people stick with the hairstyle they had in high school, and trust me, I should know about this one! As ironic as it seems, an updated cut can take years off your age and bring you out of the disco realm and into this millennium. Say goodbye to Farrah Fawcett. Get a good cut and it will last several months before restyling, saving money for princess's new Juicy Couture whatever...

4. Now a list of don'ts:

• Don't wear your clothes too small - that will actually make you look larger than you want to look, because it appears that you don't fit into your clothes.
• Don't try to wear clothes that are too young for you. Obvious reasons, some involving the words "laughing stock." Maybe experiment while on vacation around strangers...
• Don't wear styles you love, but that look horrible on you. The style may be wonderful and you may want it to look fantastic on you, but sometimes things just do not look good on our bodies and should not be attempted.
• Don't buy overly into the fads. You want to get the most longevity out of your clothes, but if you have to buy new ones every year because your old ones look really dated after six months, you are wasting money in the long run. Buy one faddish piece just for style, but find a cheaper knock-off of the expensive one.
• Also, don't buy something just because you're desperate. It rarely ever works out and doesn't advance your cause. Save your money, styles change quickly and something will come along.
• Don't wear a uniform, but do have pieces in basic colors you can mix and match. Black, white and khaki are timeless. Which brings me to jeans...
• Don't wear a bad pair of jeans. Bad is anything that looks like you bought it at the Gap in 1992 when you weighed only 105 lbs. Bad makes your gut and butt look larger than life. A great pair of jeans does not have to cost $150, it just has to fit you.
• And finally, don't show too much cleavage, especially around middle school boys. That goes along with not talking about breast feeding your son in front of his friends. Everyone knows moms have boobs, even attractive ones, but they don't necessarily want to think about it. Unless you're J-Lo, save your cleavage for the Saturday night date with your significant other and spare your kids the anxiety.

Socrates said it best, know thyself. If you know your style and what feels good on you, wear it, because you will feel good and look beautiful. Just keep in mind another ancient adage - the times change and we must change with them. Updating your look just a little shows your family you care what they think of you. Your goal is for your kids to not dread the sight of you walking up in front of their friends. Ultimately, the love and care you put into yourself will be reflected back into your family. You still may be a dork at times, but secretly your kids will understand and appreciate how really, really cool you are, no matter what you're wearing!