Make It Count

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Can you believe it? Summer's halfway over. The kids have been home for 6 weeks. Though the time off is grand, certain things may be getting on your nerves. Dirty dishes in the sink, milk left on the counter, arguments about activities and curfews, chores left undone, any of this sound familiar? Do you feel like your teens are not listening, much less cooperating? Close your eyes. Stand back a minute. Think about why you are frustrated and impatient. Then think about how to switch gears and redirect the energy in your home.

Don't major in the minors
Five small words that speak volumes: Don't sweat the small stuff! If you look back over the summer you will remember lots of arguments and tiffs that really amounted to very little. A rule of thumb? "If it won't have a lasting effect beyond a few days, let it go." Sound too simplistic? Perhaps in some cases, but most of the time it's a sanity saver. A kid has not been permanently damaged by not brushing their teeth for a few nights, or by playing music too loud, or by the bed actually being made only on sheet-changing days. Or, if your son is too tired to complete the lawn mowing once in a while, you may let him get up early the next morning and finish the job.

What is important, though, is that the focus is upon the important things. Your "important" may be different from your neighbor's list of priorities. In your house having dinner together may be important as it helps keep communication open and children eating something nutritious. Dr. Oz calls American kids "white kids". Nothing to do with race, merely the color of the foods that make up the bulk of our children's diets. Focus on green and orange and red and yellow for a while. Changing your family's eating habits could be considered "the big stuff."

Your family code of values (what's major, not minor) may involve promises made, being where you say you will be, curfews, driving, abstinence from substance use, etc. It is different for everyone, but try to focus upon issues that involve education, safety, avoidance of illegal activities and positive peer and role models for your kids. If your daughter wants to try purple streaks in her hair, perhaps that's a possibility this summer when it won't be so embarrassing. Simply put, go along with some of the requests, compromise when possible and stick to your guns on the big stuff. As a student of mine once aptly explained, " I just tune out my Mom because it's always blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, my Dad is usually quiet so when he says something, I know it's important and I had better listen."

Make your words count when it comes to instruction and discipline. Fill in the open spaces with words of praise, love and encouragement. As my Yoga teacher explained, "fill the air with positive energy." Take a deep breath. Ummmmm.




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