Accentuate the Positive

Being a parent to teens could be compared to a seven year journey. (though just the turning of 20 does not guarantee a parent's trip is over!) Like any road trip, there are twists and turns and unexpected detours. Some detours result in a beautiful scene, memorable experience or exciting adventure- others are the flat tire or over-heated engine that can't be avoided and must be dealt with. We "grown-ups" can make the ride more productive and more positive by concentrating on a three-pronged approach to managing the journey.

First, a positive relationship with our child is essential to success. We just must be. Negativity will short-circuit any attempted connection. Parent-child interactions should be characterized by warmth, kindness, consistency, respect, and love. It's the old. "Is that the choice you think is best for you?" versus, "No way Jose.". The result is a relationship that will flourish. Also gained are self-esteem, mental health, confidence, and the all important social skills.

Second, being genuinely interested in our kids activities allows us to monitor behavior, which is crucial in keeping teens out of trouble. Plus, inter-active teen years are much more fun! Passive involvement and decision making is a guaranteed deal breaker. Get involved and get your teens involved with you. When misbehavior does occur, parents who have involved their children in setting family rules and consequences can expect less flack from their children as they calmly enforce the rules. Parents who, together with their children, set firm boundaries and high expectations may find that their children's abilities to live up to those expectations grow.

Third, parents who encourage independent thought and expression in their children may find that they are raising children who have a healthy sense of self and an enhanced ability to resist peer pressure.

Trusting our child and entrusting our child gives them a step up as they navigate the decisions and choices they will ultimately be faced with. Giving them enough rope definitely does not always mean they will hang themselves!

Parents who give their teenagers their love, time, boundaries, and encouragement to think for themselves may find that they actually enjoy their teen's adventure through adolescence. It is an amazing time, this watching our child go from a dependent youngster to an independent young adult. Don't miss it because communication has broken down.

As we watch our sons and daughters grow in independence, make decisions, and develop into young "grownups", we may find that the child we have reared is, like the first time we held them, even better than we could have imagined. chrissie