Head's Up

When our children were small, being a good parent was easier. It is pretty obvious when a diaper needs to be changed, a meal needs to be prepared, another Raffi song sung. Social instruction? "Don't hit your sister". "Don't pull the head off your teddy bear." "Don't pick your nose." Safety issues are cut and dried. "Hold my hand when we cross the street." "Stranger Danger." "Keep your finger out of the light socket." Best of all, your child loved you most in all the world. Sigh. Those were the days.

Now, your precious, innocent, trusting child has morphed into a moody, pubescent, hormone raging adolescent. That bright smile and that eager to please son or daughter has disappeared, replaced by a stranger that seems to want no part of you or the workings of your home and family. As a parent, this new attitude seems daunting and almost impenetrable. The bedroom door to your teen's bedroom is not the only thing that seems closed all the time. The parent/child relationship and interaction that was once so open and comfortable is now difficult and awkward.

As Mel pointed out, this is just the time we need to be paying the most attention. Don't give up. Now, more than ever, you must keep lines of communication open. Don't let your child's attitude and angst intimidate you into a passive parent. Continue to ask questions. Continue to expect answers. Set rules. Follow through. Make family time. Nurture and love unconditionally but set conditions on things like curfews, grades and behavior. After making the rules clear (as we have discussed before), stay consistent.

The world as your adolescent knows it is precarious and ever-changing. The best gift you can give as a parent is to be the one constant in their life. Make home a safe place. Make it a welcoming one. Make it a moral one. Every time your child walks in the door, he should feel a calm and steady atmosphere. At home, the rules don't change. Home should be the one constant in an ever-changing world.

It is said that home is where our stories should begin. If your child's story is not centered on family and home life, refocus and recenter your family and your relationships. Don't back down. Much as your teen resists, he still needs to have your influence. Though they will try, do not be dismissed. Stay engaged with your son and daughter. Still bake the cookies, know the teachers, ask the questions and get the answers. That's just what your teen needs, whether he/she thinks they want it or not! chrissie