No Wafflling Allowed

If only being a parent was like following a recipe. Add a cup of this and a tablespoon of that and voila- a happy and well-adjusted teenager. Unfortunately, we often face decisions and choices for which there is no pat formula. There is no easy answer.

Imagine your son has committed to participate in a time-consuming volunteer program early in the school year. At the beginning, he is gung-ho and enthusiastic. Now, it's the middle of the year and everything about that commitment looks different. The project is not well organized. the mission is not clear, the desired results are not forthcoming. For some very good reasons, your son wants to quit the project. Reevaluating the situation, we wonder "when is it okay to allow a kid to renege on a commitment? When can a parent be flexible on such a thing, and when does one stay firm?"

This choice between being firm and being flexible is one that parents come across frequently. And it's rarely clear what the best choice is. Too often, right and wrong is not clear, and despite our best intentions to always make the right decisions, we are sometimes guessing our way through the situation.

Sue Blaney from http://www.parentingteensinfo.com/blog offers 8 steps that may help you if you are struggling with a tough decision regarding your teen:

1. Clearly define the real issue at hand ( this is the hard part).

2. Explore, consider and discuss all options and alternatives.

3. Make a list of pros and cons-including your teenager.

5. Get in touch with the emotions you are feeling; give yourself time to allow them to inform you. If necessary, look again at steps 1 -4

6. Tap into your courage. This will be required, whether you decide this is a time to stand firm, or to be flexible and take a new approach. Raising teens and having courage to do it? Absolutely.

7. Make your decision.

8. Move on.

Once the decision is made, cut yourself some slack. Agonizing over anything after the fact is counter-productive. Don't second-guess yourself. Don't lose anymore sleep over this. Don't look for outside validation for your choice. Don't allow it to eat away at you. You've made your best choice with the information you had. The next step is to just move on! chrissie