Tiger Moms

Have you heard about Amy Chua’s book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother? It short, it attempts to explain why Asian children seem to succeed academically. Maybe all the methods are not something to be emulated. Chua defines “Chinese mother” as: driven, snobbish and hellbent on raising certifiably Grade A children. Ms. Chua contrasts these attitudes with “Western” ones that can be found in Disney movies, where a mere romp in the ocean can be construed as a happy ending.

"That’s just Disney’s way of appealing to all the people who never win any prizes," she says.

Ms. Chua was not about to raise prizeless slackers. She wanted prodigies, even if it meant nonstop, punishing labor. So "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" chronicles its author's constant demanding, wheedling, scolding and screaming. It describes seemingly endless piano and violin sessions that Ms. Chua supervised. (Her own schedule of teaching at Yale, traveling, writing and dealing with her students goes mostly unmentioned -and would require her to put in a 50-hour workday.) And it enforces a single guiding principle that is more reasonable than all the yelling suggests: “What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you’re good at it.”

I can't agree completely with her parenting style- but she does make some good points. As test scores continue to to plummet, American students are falling far behind other countries and our drop-out rate is rising every year, she may make a point or two.

Consider these valid and reasonable guidelines from her:

• Parents can never take the easy way out. Raising competent and successful children requires unselfish time, effort and energy from parents.
• Have confidence in your beliefs and values, and be intentional in how you apply them in your parenting.
• Hold your kids accountable.
• Believe they can achieve excellence; by maintaining high expectations you help your child learn to do his best.
• Achieving mastery over any skill requires practice. Parents should expect kids to practice their developing skills regularly, and require that they do so.

The attention this book has received has been very interesting to watch, and it seems to have struck a nerve in America. Her list of “not-allowed” activities include such American staples as sleep overs, play dates, and being in a school play, and many Americans find it a bit extreme that she expected her kids to always win the tournament and never get a grade less than an A. My feeling is whether you agree with her approach or not, it benefits us all to talk about parenting styles, and it makes us examine our own with fresh eyes. It is helpful to hear from people who think differently than we do. In fact, we can learn the most from the people who are least like us. They may shake us up a bit, and in doing so we may learn something new we can try. At a minimum, this lively national discussion asks you to consider your parenting style and challenge your beliefs a bit, which is a healthy thing to do from time to time.

Grab the book and see what you think. It is something to do while the snow melts!! chrissie