Did the Phone RIng?

This school year is coming to a close.  You may have a child leaving the security of elementary school this spring.  Off they go in August to a larger and more complicated environment. Middle School.

The middle school years are important.  The transition from dependent child to an independent teen begins here. Hormones kick in.  Peer groups broaden.  Focus changes.  Helping your tween feel confident and able to manage the new territory is important.  Look and Listen.  Be observant and sympathetic.  Keep expectations high but be flexible when necessary.  Patience and empathy is the key here.  Remember your own pre-teen experience.  As we say often in this forum, don't sweat the small stuff.

One important aspect of middle school is friends.  Your child's peer group will probably broaden in middle school. As a parent, you want the relationships to be good ones.  How can you help your tween to meet and keep friends that are positive and nurturing?  Everyone needs positive peer interaction. It helps maintain self-esteem, builds confidence and broadens one's perspective. Not to mention that it is enjoyable to have good friends. Get pro-active in getting your tween involved in activities that offer opportunities to meet friends. Don't wait for school to start next fall.  Much easier to walk into that big, unfamiliar building with a familiar face or two.

Get your tween involved with youth groups and activities in the community and at school. Be strong with the rule that your tween must be involved in something, but allow your tweenager to choose what groups, sports or activities to join.  After raising four children, I feel this is very important.  Much better to be driving across town for tennis lessons or writing checks for Drama Camp than walking by a closed door with an isolated teen behind it.

Talk to your tween about the group or activities. Did he/she meet someone new? Get a feel for the group and the other teens in the group that your teen is talking to. Give this step some time. It may take a month or more to really get to know these new friends. Just continue to enjoy listening to your teenager about their activity.


Make sure your home is welcoming and available. This includes food in the fridge but also the warmth of your welcome and then your willingness to excuse yourself when the time comes.  Your tween needs a place to go where they feel independent and  "unobserved."  A place where important conversations and bonding can happen between friends.  At home is a place you want this to happen. Trust me.


Now that your tween has found some new friends, you can encourage positive interaction by inviting friends to activities and being available to take and/or pick up when your tween wants to go place with his/her friends.  Offer opportunities like theatre, festivals, days at the lake and interesting workshops and classes.  Broaden your child's world and include friends in the process.  Make noodles one day.  Dad can take the boys hunting or fishing.  Bring a friend along on a family vacation.


This growing up thing is not easy.  Insuring your child has friends to navigate the process with is important.  Just like adults, friendship is a mutual responsibility.  What our Mom said was right.  "It takes being a friend to have one."  Teach and model behaviors.  Loyalty.  Mutual respect.  Not judging.  Lack of drama.  A united front. Kindness and consideration.  Thoughtful.  Sympathetic ear.  Empathy.  All tools that serve your child now and will in the years to come.  chrissie