Good Morning Sunshine

How you handle your family's morning routine can make or break their day. Getting tweens and teens to school on time, fed and ready while you need to get ready for your day is a monumental task. Completing it and staying calm can seem impossible. Are manic mornings your norm? Everyone going in separate directions, things forgotten and no one with a smile on their face, running madly out the door toward the day ahead.
Here a re a few ideas that might make the morning routine easier, less stressful and much more pleasant.
 
Anything that can be prepared the night before, should be. If you’re offering cereal for breakfast, get the cereal, bowls and spoons out and on the counter. Check the weather, let everyone know what it will be and choose an appropriate outfit.Planning wardrobe the night before can save last minute panic in the morning.  Kids should have their backpacks packed and ready to go. Lunch money, homework,  pencils, etc. should all be ready the night before. Depending on your teen’s maturity level, check or have him/her check their weekly schedule. Does he/she have practice or band the next day? Get this stuff ready too. Being ready the night before will save the last minute scramble time that will frustrate your teen, possibly make him/her late and not set a good tone to start the new day.
While it may be harder for teens to go to bed at an early hour, you should strive to get them to sleep at least 8 hours nightly.  Everyone's day will be better if they got enough rest the night before.
Make time for breakfast.  It serves as a healthy way to start the day both physically and emotionally for the whole family. Talk to your family about what they would like to have for breakfast. Make this time quality family time. Mix the pancake batter the night before.  Precook bacon and recrisp in the microwave.  Peel and slice cantalope, freeze a batch of  blueberry muffins and take out what you need.  I have even poached eggs ahead of time and rewarmed the next morning.
Model a positive attitude about the upcoming day. The more you moan and groan about your boss and co-workers or the project your working on the more your children will learn to moan and groan about their teachers and their next math test. Life isn’t always peachy - that’s a fact - but having a positive attitude about doing things that aren’t easy is half the struggle. You can give your teen this lesson daily every morning, without the lecture, just by doing it.
Say things like, "I'm looking forward to finishing ____ today." Then ask your teen if there is anything he/she is looking forward to in the day ahead. Everyday conversations with your teen count toward keeping the lines of communication open.
here's a good one.  Get out of bed 15 minutes before the kids do. Start your morning routine or have a cup of coffee. Give yourself some quiet time before the rush of everyone else getting ready and needing your attention. This ‘me time’ does wonders for getting everyone in the family's day off to a good start.


Finally, finish your morning routine with a loving goodbye, complete with hug if your teen will let you. Here is a perfect time to strengthen your loving foundation and family bonds. Then, take a deep breath as you close the door.  Chrissie

Accountability???

Do you sometimes feel your teen shows you a lack of respect? Do your expectations not result in desired results? Does it it feel like you have lost control over your child and your home? Are your threats and cajoling falling on deaf ears? I promise, you are not alone. It is normal for tweens and teens to test their boundaries and question your authority. Normal, yes. Acceptable. No.

OK. Problem addressed. Now, how about a solution for getting your parent role back? Dr. Kevin Leman, contributor to Dr. James Dobson's magazine, Focus on the Family, offers the following insight.

It all comes down to who is really in charge in your family. Today's parents don't often act like parents. They are so concerned about being their child's friend, making sure their child is happy and successful, they fail in their most important role- to parent. They snowplow their child's road in life, clearing the path so the child never has to be uncomfortable or go out of her way. Mom and Dad become servants rather that parents who are preparing their children to be responsible and contributing citizens.

As a result, today's kids are becoming more powerful. They're all about me, me, me and gimmee. They are held less accountable for their actions and have less responsibilities in the family. Family becomes not what you give, but what you get. They rarely consider others besides themselves because they have never been taught to think that way.

Every child has a predictable strategy. He plays a trial and error game that is designed to get the best of you. He wins when he gets what he wants. If slamming the door has you trotting after your daughter with the car keys, she'll be more dramatic the next time. Children are masters at manipulation.
Leman offers the following strategy to regain your authority and insure your child is respectful and obedient.
Let Reality be the Teacher
Let nature take it's course. Don't rescue your kids from the consequences of failed responsibility.
Learn to Respond Rather than React
Often, parents react rather than respond. Our emotions get the better of us and we speak without thinking first. If the doctor says, " You responded to your medication," that's a good thing. If the doctor says, "you reacted to your medication," that's bad. Think about the difference when sweet thing asks (Insert anything here)....#1-I'm thinking of getting a tattoo...#2-There is a co-ed slumber party this weekend after the game...#3. I just don't think college is for me...

B Doesn't Happen Until A is CompletedYou never have to change this strategy. It works every time with every age. If you've asked your child to do something, and it's not done, you don't go on until the next event-no matter what the event is. The secret here is consistency. Attitudes and behaviors may get worse for a time. Don't panic, it means you're on the right track. There is no threatening, no harassing, no warning. There are no put-downs. What is, is.

As you work together on attitude, behavior and character, you'll be building a relationship that is mutually satisfying. It's worth the effort. chrissie

Six Easy Steps

It's almost that time.  School supplies. New Clothes. Lunches packed. Homework. A return to regular bedtimes and after-school activities.  Summer is rapidly coming to a close.

Daughter Annie shared my grand children's fall schedule with me.  Art class. Gymnastics.  Soccer.  They are busy but Annie really tries to limit their activities after school.  She wants home and down time to be an integral part of their schedule. Date night with their Daddy is also on the calendar.  One on One time is a planned activity. It's a fine balance between offering opportunities and nurturing a secure home life.

Annie shared a book by Dr. James Dobson-Bringing Up Girls.   He features a finding by Dr. Frank Luntz-six parental behaviors that are most likely to hurt-or destroy our own children.

Healthy Children to Healthy Adults:

The Six Steps Parents Really Need to Know

1.  Having Dinner with your children.  Nothing says "I truly care about you" more than spending dinnertime with your children at least five nights a week.  More that any other day, parents who dine with their children produce healthier adults because it sends the clear signal that their children are a high priority.  Parents who miss dinner- no matter what the excuse, are sending the wrong message, one that is unfortunately heard loud and clear by our children.

(Dr. Luntz found that teens who eat dinner at home 3 to 5 times a week have a lower risk of using cigarettes, alcohol and illegal drugs.  That, is families who eat dinner together, with the
 television off and the phones down.)

2.  Successful anti-drug and anti-alcohol education includes a spiritual component.  If your child is taught at an early age that there is something out there that is bigger and more important that themselves, they are more likely to respect and appreciate the miracle of life and less likely to destroy it with harmful substances.

3.  Checking your child's homework nightly.  There are two components at work here. Participation daily sends the message that your child matters.  It also serves as a warning sign if something is off track.  Involvement in intellectual pursuits wards off harmful physical activity.
 
4.  Demanding the truth-and getting it.  Parents who insist on knowing exactly where their children are on Friday and Saturday night are sending a clear message that not every place, every friend, or every behavior is acceptable. Children who tell them the truth are acknowledging those boundaries.  If they lie about where they are, they will most assuredly lie about what they do.  Deceit in the name of "teenagers will be teenagers" should never be tolerated.

5.  Taking your children on vacation for at least a week at a time.  Long weekends just don't qualify because it isn't long enough to break the daily routine or reconnect relationships.  Turn off all portable devices and turn your children back on.

6.  Encourage them to participate in a team sport.  Sorry, individual sports and other group activities like band and drama don't count.  Team members are often even less tolerant of substance abuse than parents-for good reason.  When teens depend on each other's physical health and performance, they are less likely to engage in harmful physical behavior. Peer pressure to do the right thing can be a powerful motivating force.

Dr. Dobson sums up Luntz's findings with the following:

"Parents need to think hard about protecting their children from harmful influences after school and at all times.  The solution is to be found in building good relationships, in providing close supervision, in keeping your eyes and ears open. in enjoying wholesome recreation with your children, in encouraging team sports, in getting involved in a caring church, enrolling your kids in a good school, carefully monitoring friends and in talking a lot at evening meals."

Take a deep breath and jump in with both feet.  It may take some reprogramming but the results are worth the effort. chrissie

One Last Hurrah

August is here and that means for anyone with children, an impending return to schedules, school, activities and a routine. You and yours are gearing up and getting ready.  I remember studying the Seventeen- Back to School issue from front to back and the excitement of shopping for school clothes.  Then arriving in wool skirt and long sleeved blouse and sweater, so spiffy but soooo hot.  Most of the junior high was not air-conditioned and fall weather was at least a month away. 

Many families have a last hurrah before school starts. My group is no exception.  We drive, we fly, we migrate to Florida and the beach.  Lots of bedrooms so all can come.  And they do. Being physically away from jobs and chores and responsibilities is possible and important.  Even for a little while. 

We had a grand time.  We always do.  Lots of beach time. After all- that's why we came!  Where we rent, the beach is beautiful but shells are not abundant.  That was remedied with store bought shells and a little slight of hand.  "Oh look, there's one."  Toss.  "There's another one"  Drop.  Night time crabbing and sunset walks along the water.  Sand-castle contests and lunch on the beach.

We cooked in.  Friend Kelly's crab cakes were the best I have ever eaten and son-in-law Greg's Garlic Shrimp were right up there.  We ate out.  George's at Alys Beach if you are in the 30- A area is a must.  We rode bikes.  We rented pontoons.  We did a little shopping. Saw the Blue Angels. We watched a lot of Olympics.  We sat around the pool and watched the children swim. Even saw an alligator at the hotel on the way down.

It was an easy week.  Decided to come home though Memphis so the grandchildren could see the ducks at the Peabody.  My daughter Annie kept calling the hotel  "old school".  Stacks of white fluffy towels.  Beds turned down at night.  Real people who brought desserts at night and coffee in the morning. (Annebelle loves room service).  We went to see the duck parade, but the real bonus was that our grand kids were exposed to a gentler time and genteel way of life.

My husband and I try to offer opportunities for all of us to be together.  Here.  There.  Wherever.  Any place that makes memories. New ideas.  New experiences.  New ways of looking at things.  That's the ticket.  And ultimately, to just be together.  chrissie