Traditions - or - What's Open at 11:00 P.M.?

Another holiday-come and gone. All that anticipating, planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning and obsessing about everything being perfect- then poof, family's gone and the weekend is over. The house is too quiet, the phone isn't ringing and the routine of living day to day returns. It's good to remember, the let down afterwards just proves a wonderful time. If you're not kind of sad it's over, the celebration or holiday may not have been so great in the first place.

We spent the weekend at our cabin, so everyone stayed in one place. It was nice. The weather was delightful so the grandbabies played outside all day with friends they have not seen since last fall. All the young Mom's caught up with one another, new babies were introduced and the older children got sand in their hair and mud between their toes. My Annebelle and twins Lexie and Sophie proudly presented armfuls of Jonquils, carefully plucked from neighboring cottages. Though contraband, the ill gotten gains were proudly displayed by both Grandmothers.

The men of the family went to Tahlequah for Diet Cokes and fishing lures. They returned with a flat screen TV. Looking over their shoulder and with light tread, the culprits tried to sneak it in through another door, but my Mom and Wife radar was on. I caught them as they tiptoed onto the deck with the 4 foot box between them.

Installation began. There was much hammering and wiring. How many Wagner's does it take to hang a television? The answer is one husband, two sons and one son-in-law. Even my one-year-old grandson was right in the middle of the action. Sigh. What is it about men and BIG TVs?

We have talked a lot about family traditions in this blog. Let me share what happened this weekend. It merely reinforces to me how important traditions are, and what they mean to our children.

The Easter Bunny still comes to our house. Yes, my grown children eagerly anticipate Peter Rabbit's annual visit. Festivities have been modified through the years. The frenzied egg hunt has been tabled since knocking their niece and nephew out of the way for a possible golden egg might be considered bad form. The live chicks and ducks era is thankfully in the past. The dyed eggs stopped when the hunters would not even bend down to pick up one. (ever found one of those stink-bombs a week or so later under the couch?)

This year I did a little spring shopping for my children. A pastel polo shirt, a spring sweater, usual fare for this time of year. I carefully included each item in a basket from the dollar store with Easter grass and an assortment of candy. Reese's Eggs, Rain-Blo Bubble gum, Sour Brite Worms.....all family favorites. A squawking rubber chicken, an oinking pig key chain, a laser finger ring ....also included in the baskets. Perfect.

That night at dinner, the kids all started talking about Easters Past. The handcapped chicken with only one leg, the legendary cash egg hunts at a dear friend's house, being late to church every Easter Sunday, and then, "always getting those big chocolate bunnies in our baskets....and anxious for tomorrow so they would get those "big chocolate bunnies in their Easter baskets." Whoops.

I had no chocolate bunnies for the baskets. "You all never eat those bunnies. I find them in your room weeks later and just throw them away. "

Incredulous looks. Horrified expressions. "No chocolate bunnies? Mom, we always get chocolate bunnies in our Easter baskets. It's a tradition. It won't be Easter without biting their little heads off. You're kidding aren't you?"

Needless to say, the next morning, nestled among the jelly beans was a Mr Peter Cottontail-solid milk chocolate- Easter Bunny. The world will now continue to rotate on its axis. The sun will rise in the East and set in the West. Spring will indeed come again. And our family tradition alas, continues.

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We Gather Together

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Do you have a funny Thanksgiving story? One that just has to be retold every year? The year the dog got the turkey or all the Great Aunts got tipsy while making the gravy? What about a special tradition in your family? Be it silly or somber, is it what signifies the holiday to you and yours? Say, a maiden aunt's crookneck squash turkeys made with colored toothpicks and construction paper. They sat precariously on their little toothpick legs, among the floral centerpiece and old wedding silver. And of course, those certain foods and recipes that your group's Thanksgiving table will never be without. Aunt Sue's Broccoli Salad or long gone Visie's yeast rolls. One taste, and she's back in the kitchen with you, smiling and holding court.

Hands down, Thanksgiving is the best holiday of all. Understand, I love Christmas as much as the next person, but the shopping and decorating and weeks of leading up to, and days of taking down, are not exactly relaxing. It's the holiday that goes on forever. And all those expectations that have to be met. It's nerve-wracking. It's expensive. It's exhausting.

Thanksgiving. Now there's a holiday. You still get the family without the fuss. It's fallish. It's festive. It's fun. Everyone in one place without a game plan. There's time to catch up. Time to reconnect. And best of all, time to remember.

As the preceding generation leaves us, it becomes harder to stay connected. When my Mother and her sister were gone, the cousins all kind of floated, loosey goosey. First our Grandparents, and then our Mothers were no longer in charge. We realized very quickly how much we needed each other. We realized we wanted our children to have what we had been so blessed with. We grew up together with a strong sense of self. We had a knowledge of where we came from and who we were. The greatest gift we could give to our loved ones memory (and the greatest gift to ourselves) was to continue instilling a strong sense of family. Additionally, when we are gone, the younger generation will have each other to support and love them like only family can. They share a history because they have shared their lives.

Cousins move out of their house so you can stay there while your daughter is having heart surgery. Sister-in law's have Valentine parties for your grandchildren and shop better for your family than you do. Brothers sit with your husband while he smokes 25 Thanksgiving turkeys or dog sit their niece's Jack Russell, a dog only family could love. Brothers know why you are who you are, because they were there too. They know all the inside jokes. One key word and you look at each other and burst out laughing. Floyd! HA HA HA. Cousins bring baby presents and cry with you at funerals and have Easter get-togethers because Thanksgiving only comes once a year. Nieces and Nephews grow up with each other and then, these cousins start the marriage and new baby cycle all over again. That's the way it's supposed to work isn't it?

How about it? Put those Christmas lights down! Leave Santa in the attic a day or two more. Let the pumpkins and the mums stay for the weekend. Don't miss this holiday getting ready for the next one. May your Thanksgiving be memorable. May your Thanksgiving be happy. May your Thanksgiving be delicious. And most importantly, may your Thanksgiving be blessed with the gift of family.

Aunt Sue's Broccoli Salad
2 bunches Broccoli heads-blanched and chopped
5 hard boiled eggs-chopped
1/2 cup green olives-chopped
1 can real Bacon Bits or 10 slices bacon, fried and chopped
6 green onions, chopped
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese
Toss Broccoli with 1 cup Wish Bone Italian Dressing
and 1/2 cup Hellman's Mayonnaise
Add rest of ingredients and chill

Aunt Mamie's Toothpick Turkey's
Choose yellow squash with a nice long neck on them
Fan a tail out of colored toothpicks along the "rear" of the turkey
Make eyes with Magic Marker and give the bird two toothpick legs to stand on.
Display proudly!

Aunt Mary Shirley was principal at Sequoyah Elementary School in the late 40's, the 50's and early 60's. She was the first female principal in Muskogee. The MLT building is what's left of the original school. Mamie never married but helped raise not only her nieces and nephews but scores of her students. She was very crafty and loved creating things with Styrofoam, glitter and crepe paper. Martha Stewart, eat your heart out!!!

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We Are FAM-I-LY

Last weekend was Dad's Day at O.U. The 2007, University of Oklahoma, politically correct term is "Family Day" and as always President David and crew are right on top of culturally sensitive issues like, what to put on the souvenir T-Shirt.

Understand, my husband and I have, as of Saturday, attended 12 of these weekends. Add the Mom's Day (forgive me,, Parent Day) festivities in the spring and we're already up to 24. Oh, and factor in the last two years that our youngest still has ahead of him and we're closing in at 28 oh say, Legal Guardian weekends.

These weekends usually consist of some sort of pre-game buffet at the fraternity or sorority house with the Parent's Meeting directly after lunch. There you pay Parent Club dues, contribute to the "house" project of the semester and get lots of information on one endowment fund or another. At the sorority house, local retailers set up co-ed focused merchandise all over the downstairs, so you don't even have to get in the car to go shopping. So convenient! We pose for yet another Party Pic. And sure as shooting, one of our group always has eyes shut tight and another has mouth wide-open. And there's the group photo on the lawn, Dad (sorry O.U. family member #1) and one child or another is precariously balanced on bleachers 10 feet high, as the famous Norman wind rattles the scaffolding.

Since we have two in school, my husband was expected at two different places. His youthful spirit was willing but his aging knees were not quite up to sprinting between houses. The problem was solved as he jumped behind Tom and whooshed off on Tom's zippy blue scooter. There were several startled expressions from more reserved parents as Father and son roared up to the Chi-Omega House but after 12 solid years of Wagner's in Norman, our family mantra is, Whatever Works!

I usually schlep over with goodies from home. "Mom, would you bring a pound cake?" "Hey Mama, all the guys are whining for cheese dip and Brownie Sheet Cake." "Could you bring some My Place chopped beef....oh and some Butterscotch Haystack thingys." "Dad, would you drive through the Charlie's in Shawnee and pick up a gazillion piece Nugget box?"

It's the same on campuses all over the United States. Parents in full school color regalia, grinning from ear to ear, wallets wide open and hearts bursting with pride. This year was particularly special for us. Catherine is a senior, so this was her last Dad's Day. Secondly, it was truly a Family Weekend as all our group was together. Warren and I traveled over with our married daughter's family in their new van. My wisecracking son-in-law did not fail to observe that "Grandma" was way back in the third seat, watching Barney on DVD and sharing Goldfish with three year old Annebelle. Hey, at least I'm not knitting and slobbering on myself.

Ward, (our second born, out of OU, gainfully employed son) came from OKC with his ever patient girlfriend. She is a trooper. Ally comes from a small family. Thrown in with our crew, the first hour or so she usually has a rather startled expression. The first six months or so you might have likened it to sheer terror. Note: large and loud families take some getting used to.

So we were all there. It was a grand time. After the official visits, we migrated to friend Bess's house for more good food and fellowship. Nothing better than sitting at Flood and Lindsey, watching Sooner fans arrive all afternoon. Cath and I jumped on the scooter to buzz the campus. She indicated that per my directions, she had never broken more rules as we zipped across the South Oval and met tailgating friends. Even got to watch the Baylor buses come in. Catherine and I gave a friendly wave as the team passed. We were a bit aghast when one less sportsmanlike Sooner Fan did not use their whole hand to salute the opposition.

The afternoon progressed and it was time to head for the stadium. Some did. Some didn't. It was just too nice being together. It was Baylor for heaven's sake. We did not make eye contact with the family diehards as they headed for the game and the traitors headed for Catherine's house and the fire-pit. The game was on the TV and from her cinder block patio, we could hear the announcer and see the fireworks. It's not that we weren't Sooner fans. It's just that there was lots of catching up to do.

It was a grand weekend. There is nothing more lovely than fall in a college town. The leaves were absolutely glorious. The autumn light made them glow in the sun. There were pumpkins and mums on every porch. It smelled like fall. Sort of that crispy clean, orangey-red, mind cleansing smell. It sounded like fall. The crunch of leaves and acorns as we walked and car horns blaring Boomer Sooner as they passed us. It tasted like fall. Bar B Que and Pumpkin Bars and spicy Virgin Mary's with Lawry's around the rim.

Combine picture perfect surroundings with the excitement and high spirits of a Game Day. Add in great food and old friends. Insert one goofy but lovely family. Mix it all up. What do you get? A slam dunk, making memories, all around marvelous Saturday - in Norman, Oklahoma U.S.A.

Time Management

With four children, we had to be really organized. Clothes for school were always laid out the night before. Lunches were packed and lined up in the fridge according to sandwich preferences. Homework, notes and other school paraphernalia was loaded in backpacks and placed by the door. I could not go to bed at night if I did not have breakfast figured out. With so many, it was hectic enough in the morning. Being relatively prepared for the day helped create a more positive send off and less angst as everyone left for school. My children may not have appreciated the calm, but I did.

This was not a Von Trapp Family household. The Wagner Darlings did not stand at attention, waiting for inspection. I usually had to bring school clothes downstairs for the younger two so they could watch cartoons while they dressed. Breakfast was often eaten in the car by big sister because her hair was "wacko" and time management had gone out the window. A current event required the newspaper and scissors. (As an aside, where DO scissors go?) One child or another's soccer shorts were still in the dirty clothes hamper. You know. You've been there. The phone was ringing. The dog wanted out. The cat wanted in.

All I am saying is that it is hectic enough in a family to not at least try for some simple organization. As a Sunday School teacher I remember one 12 year old who came to class every week with swollen eyes and rather unkempt hair. There were four girls in her family and it seemed they slept too late and then went into crisis mode to get ready for church. There was lots of drama as four beautiful young girls competed for showers, mirrors and Mom. One time, Okay. Then, fix the situation. This child was miserable by the time she got to my class. Her head was not into whatever lesson was the order of the day. She would have even been better served with a leisurely Sunday morning at home than just "getting there" with tears and resentments.

Need to turn over a new leaf? First organize yourself. Clean corners, closets and cabinets. Be on time. Plan a normal day so there is time to get everything accomplished. Neat and Tidy may seem like a cliche but it surely feels more positive than musty and messy. Let your kids see that there is pleasure in order. If you thrive on the stress and the drama, perhaps re access why. If mayhem and bedlam is your family creed, think about changing it.

Say your car is a pit with squashed french fries, unsorted mail and that glue gun you have never taken out of the back seat. (This is what is in mine as we speak). Make a habit of not eating in the car (oh all right, cleaning up what spilled when you get out), carrying packages and mail in and taking trash straight to the garbage can. Keep a package of dollar store wet wipes in the glove compartment and give a swipe to the dash and console at a red light. Isn't that satisfying to get into a clean car? Now, every time someone else rides with you, their abandoned Doritos sack will be obvious and obtrusive. The vehicle is nicer to ride in and by your example, your kids and your carpool learn respect and responsibility.

Some Gentle Suggestions For A Family

1. Empty? Throw it away.

2. Open it? Close it.

3. Out of place? Put it back.

4. Spill it, drop it, track it? Clean it up.

5. Dirty? Start the cleaning process.

6. Unmade? Make it.

7. If it's full, bag it, dispose of it and start another.

8. Figure what is treasure and what is trash.

9. Plan Ahead.

10. Follow Through.

So, the adults first get organized, then model for the kids. It's easier to preach clothes off the floor, laundry put away, homework completed, dishes loaded and not left in the sink....(whatever is the bailiwick at your house) , if you are leading by example. No more excuses. Get organized! Now excuse me. I have got to go dig stale french fries and 1 tube of melted Estee Lauder Passion Fruit out of my back seat.