Hard Work and Determination

I am not much of a baseball fan but one player stands out, even to me. The Baltimore Orioles - Cal Ripken. Should you be one of the statistically uneducated ( as I am) - here are the stats. Ripken earned the nickname "Iron Man", doggedly remaining in the lineup, despite numerous minor injuries. He played in a record 2,632 straight games spanning sixteen seasons, from May 30, 1982 to September 20, 1998. He played his 2131st consecutive game on September 6, 1995, against the California Angels, breaking the 56-year-old record set by the "Iron Horse" Lou Gehrig, the legendary New York Yankees first baseman. Ripken hit a home run in game 2130 and game 2131, his 2131st consecutive game was named Major League Baseball's "Most Memorable Moment" in MLB history. Ripken was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame in his first year of eligibility on January 9, 2007.

Ripken channeled his passion and love of the game into a legend. (sans PR People and sans entourage) . He didn't grandstand and he didn't cheat to be stronger. He did his job day after day and performed with pride and honor. Ripken gracefully retired when it was time and has gone on to inspire another generation of athletes through his athletic camps and through the foundation named in honor of his Father, Cal Ripken Sr. Ripken generously supports Lou Gehrig Disease Research, in honor of the player whose record he broke.

Ripken's name has become synonymous with strength, character, endurance and integrity. His philosophy of working hard, playing with passion and enjoying the game has made a tremendous impact on the sport and on fans everywhere. Ripken said , "As long as I can compete, I won't quit. Reaching three-thousand is not the finish line as long as I can contribute. I haven't given it (achieving 3,000 hits) much thought. I was taught a certain approach, how to come to the ballpark. I try not to do too much thinking about things like that. I just come out every day and do my job"

Players and others on Cal Ripken Jr.

"Cal is a bridge, maybe the last bridge, back to the way the game was played. Hitting home runs and all that other good stuff is not enough. It's how you handle yourself in all the good times and bad times that matters. That's what Cal showed us. Being a star is not enough. He showed us how to be more." - Joe Torre

It's one of the great achievements in the history of sports. Cal Ripken embodies all that the Orioles stand for, all that Baltimore stands for and, really, all that this country stands for in terms of his dedication and work ethic." - Baltimore Orioles owner Peter Angelos

"He is the man. He is the man." -Sammy Sosa

"I'm honored to be on the same fields as him."- Alex Rodriguez

This next generation must know that there are no magic pills. There are no short cuts. Free Agents are not going to drop from the sky to offer Gazillion Dollar sports contracts. Odds are that American Idol will not make a Carrie Underwood out of every young aspiring singer. No matter what is advertised, millionaires are not eagerly waiting to meet and marry blushing brides and spirit them away to a life of ease and luxury.

Recruiters with large signing bonuses will not be waiting in line to hire most of this year's college graduates. Those "academically exhausted" who just want to get out of high school and get a job will be sorely disappointed at the opportunities offered without a college degree. And pity the misdirected eager beavers who abandon even a high school education. Prospects are less than promising for high school dropouts. Can you say, "Would you like fries with that?" Only men and women with drive and ambition will find success, no matter where they start.

In our eagerness to "make all kids feel good", we are shortchanging these young adults. Giving kids shortcuts and mulligans doesn't do them a favor. Accountability and expectations are a better model. With these expectations, allowing children to fail should also be in the loop. If handled right, failure and disappointment should lay the foundation for tenacity and drive. If we raise a generation that is always allowed to succeed; a generation that is not allowed competition; a generation that is not graded on their endeavors; what kind of adults will they be? I see a population of men and women scratching their heads and shaking their fists at the sky. They are puzzled. Confused. Inept. Frustrated. Incapable of earning a living or making a life.

Thanks Cal. You've got to get the ball thrown at you a few times to make a home run. The lucky ones know when to run and how to duck.

Join the Food Revolution

I know from Facebook that many people are following Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution on ABC. I wonder why it took an Englishman to make us face up to childhood obesity and the unhealthy American fast food diet?

One startling realization in last night's episode was the lack of instruction in table manners American students receive. If schools are the great equalizer in our society, then everyone should learn proper use of fork, knife, and spoon. Not everyone is going to finishing school or taking ballroom dance lessons these days, giving rise to a growing movement for offering these social graces at school, especially in after school programs. It's very difficult to learn these manners, however, when students are reduced to using a spork as their only eating utensile. This signals a remarkable change in school cafeteria eating styles over the last forty years.

How can we join the food revolution? Having family meals together every night has been proven to increase student achievement in school. It also has other benefits, such as knowing what is going on with the children by conversing nightly. Not only can children learn how to properly use the fork, spoon and knife, they can also learn how to converse properly with others, not text during meals, and other social graces that can come in handy when applying for a job or interacting socially with future employers or in-laws. It's a life skill.

Another thing we can do is teach our children to cook. Kids love to cook, but grabbing a meal out with friends is so much easier. Face it, cooking is laborious and there is clean up afterwards. As in all endeavors, though, proper teaching simplifies things and brings more joy in improved skill. It's another life skill kids should learn.

To learn more, check out these websites. Jamie Oliver has lots of good ideas for recipes and "recipease", plus you can sign the food petition. I was kind of upset when the roller passes by Oklahoma...don't know if we don't have enough signed up to count yet or not. Sage Culinary Studio in Tulsa offers cookig lessons for children and teens.

http://www.jamieoliver.com/campaigns/jamies-food-revolution

http://www.sageculinarystudio.com/

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Violence-The New Arbitration

It's horrifying to watch. It's hard to miss. Turn on any news show and the video is endlessly played and discussed. Six girls lure a 16-year-old " friend" to a home with a phone call. She is met at the door by one girl while five others hide. As she walks into the trap two teens begin attacking her, slamming her head against the wall. When the ambushed girl regains consciousness, the girls take turns hitting her, all the while cheering one another on and videoing the thirty-minute attack. One voice is heard yelling: "There is only 17 seconds left, make it good." Two boys wait outside as lookouts.

All eight teens have been arrested for assault The victim apparently posted something against one of the girls on My Space. According to her attackers the girl deserved the treatment. Not one of the young women has showed any remorse for their deeds.

It's time for a reality check. This incident is not an isolated affair. Physical aggression among girls is a quickly growing trend. Statistics reveal that American girls are becoming as prone to violent behavior as boys. Dr Ruth Peters, a Today show contributor, sites the following:

· 20 years ago roughly ten boys were arrested for assault every one girl. That ratio is now four to one.
· Girls in gangs are just as likely to participate in beatings as boys.
· U.S. Department of Justice shows that in 1990 one in 50 juvenile arrests for all crimes is a girl. In 2003 one in three juvenile arrests for violent crimes is a girl.
· More than one in every four teens aged 13 to 15 who are arrested for aggravated assault is a girl.

The question is, why now? What has changed in our culture that triggers young women (and young men) to physically attack each other, seemingly without regret or remorse? Experts argue that video games, TV and movies, mass media, popular music and the Internet all glorify violence. There is a site to post fights on My Space called "Put Em On." That promised 15 minutes of fame further encourages the actions. It also validates and legitimizes the violence. Certainly, these examples are symptoms of a culture gone haywire, but these influences are unfortunately modeled by adult behaviors the kids come in contact with every day. Their actions are reflecting adult culture.

Sit a couple of times at a Little League game and watch a parent "lose it" over a call. Shows like Jerry Springer made cat fighting a form of entertainment. A distraught Father murders his own children, just to get back at his wife. A college student dresses in black and methodically shoots anything moving, because of his own personal failures. Individuals drive by houses and fire guns out of the window, all in the name of "saving face." An inconvenient pregnancy is no big deal, thanks to Roe V/S Wade. Road Rage is how some deal with the frustration of merely driving a car. Could it be true? Is a society of screaming, vitriolic, short tempered and self- centered grown-ups raising America's children?

Remember Steve Martin's comment from the movie Parenthood ? "You have to have a license to go fishing but they put a live baby in your arms and let you walk straight out of the hospital." It's true. This infant is placed in our care, unfortunately, without any operating instructions. Mothers and Fathers have to go on instinct and what they themselves learned at their own parents knee. If the experience wasn't so great, statistics show the next generation won't be so great at parenting either.

American families must break this cycle. Kids cannot be cast adrift to raise themselves. Parents, get to your kids before the culture does. Then, when our children are faced with decisions, they will have the tools and the inner voices to make the right choices. Dr. Michael Bradley observes that parenting is a contact sport. Be connected with your children. Only through this connection will they learn what is right, what is good and what is true. chrissie

Close the Door, Change the Record, Clean the House

Ok, so a friend told me about Paul Coelho's Facebook page. I interact with a lot of writers, but I never thought about their having a Facebook, but why not - everyone else does! And, hey, they're writers, right? It's what they do, so of course most of them are connected these days, having cast off the manuscript writing for the much easier to read and edit computer. And while sitting at the computer waiting for inspiration, why not just take a break and jot on Facebook for awhile?

So, it was Paul Coelho and his 757,000 fans that led me to his message from March 11:
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. Close the door, change the record, clean the house. Stop being who you were, become who you are now.

Well, maybe it is a little cryptic and New Age-ish, but it did kind of jump out at me. Lately everywhere I look, the present and the past are all around me. It's hard to change the record when PBS is playing old Beatles, Stones, and Beach Boys and Jimi Hendrix can still make it to number one on the charts. It's hard to clean the house when it is still the repository of all the children's things. Although I did just get a new refrigerator and was forced to remove all the magnets and pictures of Madison and John at ages 2, 7, 10, 14 and 18. Not having to look at them has somehow freed me just a little from wondering where all the time went so quickly.

As for that closing door - there are lots of rooms in my house. It will take awhile to close them all.

Yakkety Yak- Don't Talk Back

Do you feel like you and your teen are not speaking the same language? Does it seem like anything you say bounces off a blank wall? Has the child who hung on your every word now been replaced with a adolescent who listens to nothing you say? If you are wanting to see some changes in your relationship with your teen, communication may be the single most important place to focus, for communication is the key to your success. For every conversation, we have a choice in the language we use and in our approach. What, oh what, are our choices??

Sue Blaney, http://www.pleasestoptherollercoaster.com, offers 5 tactics that she guarantees will help us see some changes for the better:

Be brief. This tip is simple, straightforward and effective. Less is more when it comes to getting your point across with your teenager. When you hear yourself winding up and carrying on, tell yourself to stop. Make the point and end the conversation.

No lectures. Discussions are good; lectures turn your kids off. Effective communication includes give and take. Your most effective approach with a teenager will get him thinking, talking, and contributing. While there are times what you say goes. (see tip above), avoid getting on your soapbox and lecturing. (I personally love my soapbox and I am so good at posturing! -C)

Use silence. Pause after you ask a question, then wait for the answer. This tactic, while appearing simple and obvious is one that many parents neglect to use. It is a common mistake to jump in, solve problems for your child and direct too much; parental actions which actually work against you and your teen. Better to exhibit patience and see what she has to say for herself. (the trick here is a positive silence, not a sullen one!-c)

Use specific action words rather than abstract terms. Teens, just like when they were little, are pretty concrete in their thinking. It helps to use concrete and clear language. Whether you are providing guidance, discussing rules or expectations, or helping your teen sort through an issue with a teacher or friends, in most discussions try to use language that is specific and tangible. ("If you break curfew, you will be grounded," not, "if you break curfew, there will consequences too horrible to fathom."-c)

Tune into the feelings even more than the words. As you are interacting with your teenager, consciously try to identify the emotion he is feeling as that may be far more important to respond to than the words. Recognize his underlying emotion and respond to that appropriately. This tactic alone can shift your communication into a realm that is far more satisfying and real for your teen, helping him feel that you are seeing and understanding him at a new, more meaningful level. (tune in to what you already know, but perhaps have forgotten to utilize- that parent radar. -c)

These aren't the only strategies and tactics that can help you improve communication with your teenager... but if you concentrate on these five you can build some new habits that will yield helpful results.

Sue Blaney has some practical and easy to implement suggestions for opening up those lines of communication between parents and teens. I don't know.....it may be difficult to give up a parent's favorite argument, "Because I said so!!!" Enjoy the sunshine-chrissie