I do know in the new year we are looking forward to hearing from you. We definitely don't have all the answers but sometimes even knowing the question helps. Often it's just beneficial having a sounding board to bounce ideas, concerns and problems off of. We have lots of topics for upcoming columns and if there is something you would like us to look into, just let us know.
One thing people keep asking is how to find the blog and how to respond. Just type in:
Go to the bottom of the page and click on us. The Care and Feeding of Teenagers "blog" will come up. You can respond by going to the bottom of any entry and clicking on comments. Type in your comments and either use your name, the anonymous, or any pseudonym. (ex: Sleepless in Seattle). Feel free to forward the sight to interested friends and family in your address book. Comments and insight from other parents and teens is what the purpose of this blog is. We want to hear from you.
Need Luck in the New Year?
Black-Eyed Peas are a must- have on the 1st day of January.
There are fresh black-eyed peas, canned ones and dried ones. I like to cook the fresh ones with some leftover ham and salt and pepper. A chopped yellow onion is good for the broth. I have to admit I usually add a large pat of butter to the pot. Serve hot with the following:
What makes these so good is a dear friend's fresh relish.
Chop very fine
Chop very fine
1 green pepper
1 purple onion
1 or 2 tomatoes
a jalapeno if you like
Toss with a good vinegar
(red wine or balsamic)
salt and pepper
a pinch of sugar
Chill
Serve the cold relish over a steaming bowl of black- eyed peas.
Just add a buttery slice of thin and crispy cornbread. There is
not a more delicious way to kick off 2007.
Eat Up!!! Anyone with a teen in the house
needs all the luck they can beg, borrow or steal.
Have a Happy New Year
From Melony and Chrissie
Your blogger thing is slow today. I have been trying forever to make this comment - sorry, I momentarily have Internet aggression. I wanted to say I hate black eyed peas, but your recipe sounds like I might actually begin to like them, if I try it that way. I am anxious to try it tonite. Thanks for posting it. Happy New Year to you both.
ReplyDeleteOh, that reminds me, what do you think about letting kids drink at home? Or drink at all? Could you have a forum about that? I noticed neither of you addressed that problem for New Years. It is New Year's Eve and that is a dangerous night for young, inexperienced, amateur types. It seems to me like there might be some wisdom in letting them party at home, but I have mixed feelings about it. I don't want to ignore it, but wondered how other people felt. Thanx-
Former Young Person Turned Parent
You have hit a nerve with me. Our home was never the "fun" one and we were never comfortable with letting underage kids drink at our house. That did not mean my kids were not at someone else's house. Underage Drinking is absolutely an epidemic and the consequences can be devastating. Getting "smashed" is an accepted and expected weekend activity with many of our young teens and continues even stronger into college.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had good advice but honestly, our family has wrestled with the issue too. I know some parents feel they are going to drink anyway and will be safer and more controlled at home but as parents, my husband and I could not condone this.
My two college age kids do say that the students who were strictly and artbitrarily controlled in high school are the ones who go the craziest in college.
I guess that we try to give our children foundation and tools as they grow and mature - then cross our fingers and pray that they make the right choices. Unless your teen is locked in a padded room, they will have to make some decisions on their own.
There may be some bumps and miscues along the way but ultimately, children raised with unconditional love, good role models and strong boundaries will have a better chance of navigating through this difficult and contradictory time.
One thing I would say, always let your children know that if they do make a stupid decision such as drinking too much or going somewhere where they are uncomfortable to NEVER be afraid of calling home for a ride or help. EVER!! Start this early before it even has a chance of coming up. You don't want them more afraid of you than the situation.
How has someone else handled this?? This is such an important topic. Thank you Young Person Turned Parent !!!! Hope you enjoy the peas.
Chrissieeeee!! Glad you are back from Florida! Hope you all had fun at the wedding.
ReplyDeleteHow did we miss this one? This is the perfect topic, not just for New Year's Eve, but for every weekend of the whole year. Thank you Young Person Turned Parent for asking!
Chrissie, your advice is perfect and eloquent. I don't think a parent can allow underaged kids to drink at their home, however, that is the American view and we are considered rather provincial by the European community. It would be interesting to know some statistics on how many American kids binge drink compared to how many European kids, or how many Europeans with drinking problems there are compared to Americans. I do know Russia has a very bad underage and legal aged drinking problem and drug problem. I have a feeling the statistics for the rest of Europe may have changed now, too, but I think it would still be more Americans because of our puritanical attitude toward drinking in general. And, does that include people who allow their whole table at Thanksgiving dinner to have a glass of wine? Kids included?
Still, it cannot be allowed or advocated at home in general because underage drinking is illegal and you would be passively condoning an illegal activity in your home - not just at your house, but in your home. AND, if other people's kids are there, you are taking on a HUGE liability.
Your answer was extremely insightful. You said something that gives me some ideas for SADD meetings at MHS. We are also going to partner with Project 21, which Jackie Luckey is running at Green Country. Kids really have been so much better educated about having a designated driver. There are fewer alcohol related accidents now than when I first started teaching in the '70's - it was scary back then. But, we can't act like they are perfect little angels and drugs/alcohol no longer exist.
I am wondering about a forum, like the parent suggests? How could we publicize that with the blog so people would be able to participate? I have an idea - your response to the parent is so eloquent. Let's post it as the next blog and ask for a forum on the comment page. I wonder if that would work?
Happy New Year's Day!! Hope everyone has a prosperous and healthy 2007! And, thank you Young Person for opening up a very pertinent and perplexing problem for many parents.
WOW!
ReplyDeleteI didn't see this post until after New Years Eve. So I apologize for my late posting. Here goes:
What ages are we mainly talking about? I can tell you from experience, it isn't just the High School crowd that takes part in weekend binge drinking. Many of the Jr. High crowd also do this.( Maybe even your child)
The best thing a parent can do is KNOW THE HOUSEHOLD your child visits! KNOW the rules and expectations of the parents of that household. Then you make a decision wheather you want your child to be at that household. I do have a question though... Why do we throw our gut instinct judgements out the window just to fit in with what our kids and the movies "tell" us "everybody" else is doing??
I think many of us just assume the parents of our childs friends are attentive and responsible.(Or perhaps we WANT to assume, because it is soooo much easier to let someone else be the responsible one!) Too many of us look the other way when we see a child doing something they should not be doing.I know how difficult it is to approach a parent and tell them you have seen their child doing a wrong. I am as guilty as anyone of looking the other way. Even our schools today look the other way becaue they do not want law suits.( How closely do they enforce the rules?) I can't believe we are even discussing the possibility of allowing our kids to drink at all! They are children! They are not of age and the last time I looked, it is against the law! I would never put myself in the position of having to answer to another parent for even ONE of the MANY consequences that can happen to their child who had been drinking while in my supervision! And I certainly would not want to answer to my Maker for it! It seems we adults are more vulnarable to the hype of the movies than our kids are!In the real world, WE (you and I are responsible for our kids. Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and we need to stop blurring the lines because we want to be "Popular Parents"!
CaveDwellers
I don't know how old the parent-who-was-asking-the- question's kids are, but I was just assuming high school. I'm sure middle school aged kids do more than drink, but I hate to think about it. They also smoke pot and try other drugs in middle school, not just alcohol.
ReplyDeleteHow right you are!! I am in awe of all Middle School Teachers! I don't know how they keep their sanity! This age groups only concern is that they "fit in". They will do anything ( I mean ANYTHING ) to insure they are accepted by one group or another. God help the Teen and the Care Givers of any Teen who is shunned by his or her peers. Life can become very stressful in the home of a Teen who is tring to fit into the wrong crowd because the so called "good crowd" will not accept the Teen because of the color of his skin, his size, his clothes, etc. As adults we hopefully have come to understand that none of these things matter. Character is the most important thing. But for Middle school,,it's all about what you have and how much your Parents make a year. This sort of thing was looked down on by the faculty and students not so long ago. But today, the monster is alive and well in every school here!
ReplyDeleteAlso, the rules of the student handbooks need to be strictly enforced!Almost every kid at school has a cell phone, and various tech. toys. Many of them are wearing holes so large in thir jeans it leaves nothing to the imagination!I thought they were not allowed to wear clothing with holes in them? For this reason alone I would vote for a very strict uniform code!( I used to be against the idea of uniforms.) For the Parents who are trying their best to teach their kids the importance of neatness in appearance, obeying rules, it makes it very difficult when the schools are lax in enforcing their own rules!
Middle school kids NEED guidance! They are not ready to take charge of their lives by any stretch of the imagination!
Yes, you are so right - middle school teachers are gems, even up to those who teach ninth graders! They must have patience beyond that of the ordinary person. Moreover, they can see a diamond in the rough with those middle schoolers, and keep working through hormones and swollen brains and uncoordinated arms and legs to provide enriching activities for young people who wake up in a new world everyday!
ReplyDeleteNew Admirer of Middle School Teachers