"And They Call It Puppy Love"

Ah Dating. Granted, it is different now but teens definitely "go out" and hormones are still raging. Friends with high school children were discussing the girls who have gone boy-crazy and boys who have forsaken friends for time with their significant other. It is one of those "gonna happen" transitions. Parents just cross their fingers and pray their personal Romeo or Juliet will emerge unscathed and virtue intact.

Here are some relationship tips for teens found on http://www.stayteen.org/ . The idea is that an individual needs to be in a "good place" personally before entering into a romantic relationship with another person. If you are the age this is relevant, have a look at what follows. If you are a parent, share the good stuff at dinner with your child. It could open up dialogue and at least offer a structured look at this new territory called dating.

1. Having self confidence is the first step in helping to make future relationships healthy and long-lasting. Associate with positive, supportive people. If your friends are constantly down on themselves (or you), how can you keep a good attitude?
2. Stop comparing yourself to others.
3. Stop putting yourself down. Most people say things to themselves that they would NEVER let a stranger (or even a close friend) say to them. You should be your biggest advocate, not your biggest critic.
THE BOTTOM LINE: Do you have a clear idea of your personality? Of your goals, likes, dislikes, interests, values, wants, and needs? If you haven't considered these things, perhaps you are not ready for a "couple" relationship.

"Oh my gosh. Dreamy called. We're meeting at the party. He's so hot!!" So, you're thinking about a relationship. This is THE one. Are you ready for this new adventure? Start by asking yourself some simple questions (but be honest with how you answer)

Do I know who I am and what I want in a relationship?
Do I have the time and energy to give to another person?
Am I willing to listen when my partner wants to discuss something - even if it means not watching my favorite show or missing a chance to hang out with friends?
Do I want my partner to spend every free second with me?
Can I handle problems and make safe, responsible decisions?
Can I stand up for my values and beliefs, even if my partner disagrees?
Am I able to keep promises and things told to me in confidence?
Does the idea of my partner having friends of the opposite sex make me nervous?
Can I /do I want to prioritize someone else's needs above my own?
Am I feeling pressured to be in a relationship just because everyone else is in one?
Am I ready to share my thoughts, feelings, and emotions with another person?

Now, if you are in a relationship and it's not all you thought it would be, perhaps the next section will help evaluate where you are and where you want to be.
EXPECTATIONS
Even though you might not realize it, you expect certain things from your significant other -whether they should call you every day or only on weekends, whether you'll automatically sit together at lunch or hang out on Friday nights. Research has found that most people are completely unaware of many of these crucial expectations because they're so subtle and automatic...and that can lead to big problems.

Assumptions (and the disagreements that can follow) can happen when couples aren't sharing their expectations with each other. You have to remember that your partner isn't a mind reader and, if you want them to know what you're thinking or expecting of them, you have to communicate. Be clear and reasonable about what you expect in a partner and know that, if that person doesn't want to or can't live up to your expectations, or if you two can't reach a compromise, then it's possibly time to move on. Prince Charming and Sleeping Beauty exist only in fairy tales, so don't put the fictional characteristics of the perfect mate onto your very real -and very wonderfully imperfect mate.

DATING MYTHS and DATING REALITIES
False: People just Fall in Love.
True: Love - and falling in love - doesn't just happen. All kinds of factors are at work including (and some might say especially) how ready you are mentally for love to happen.

False: Relationships are easy.
True: Not much in life is harder than maintaining a relationship; it takes communication, sacrifice, and a lot of patience to keep a relationship healthy.

False: He/She may not be perfect but you can change him/ her with a little work .
True: Real love means accepting your partner with all their perfections and with all their flaws. If you find yourself constantly wishing he were taller or she was more popular, maybe you're with your partner for the wrong reasons.

False: I can show my partner how I really feel by having sex...even though I don't want to. It will prove how much I love my him/her.
True: Sex is not a bargaining chip or a way to prove your love. And someone who would pressure you in any way is certainly not someone who loves you.

False: If you break up, you'll never find someone else.
True: Life is long and, right now - in high school - your world is fairly small. The number of people you will meet and experiences you'll have are limitless, so don't assume this one person is the only one for you.

False: You're automatically cooler if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
True: If you pin your popularity hopes on being coupled up, you're not being fair to yourself or your partner. Relationships aren't a means to an ends - like social climbing - but should be meaningful.

THE BOTTOM LINE:
Dating is no easy task...it can be lots of fun but it's also lots of work. People who think love is easy or that they can change their partner into the "perfect guy/girl" are fooling themselves and setting themselves up for a lot of heartbreak. Before you can be the best partner possible, you have to be comfortable and confident in yourself...and that means - among other things - not worrying about doing things for someone else's approval.

Do you really know your partner? Knowledge includes knowing about your partner's family background, conscience, morals, values, relationship skills, and past relationship patterns.
Trust involves forgetting the idea that every guy you meet should be Prince Charming or that every girl is Ms. Right. No person is perfect and it's unfair to expect your partner to be that way; trusting means accepting them for their faults and their good qualities and knowing that they do the same for you.
Reliance entails understanding the other person's coping skills, work ethic, confidence level, and emotional stability. In other words, as knowledge and trust go up, one tends to rely more on the other person.
Commitment in a relationship produces a willingness to make changes or sacrifice to meet each other’s needs and often follows when trust, knowledge, and reliance levels are high.
Pre-maritial sex doesn't have to be part of your relationship. While sexual feelings and behaviors are a realistic component of interpersonal relationships, how those feelings are managed makes a difference. Your partner should understand your feelings and honor your choices.

WHEN DO YOU BREAK UP?
Changes in communication, lots of conflict, a decrease in the amount of time you spend together, and, of course, recognizing that your feelings have changed are all reasons that can end a relationship. But when is the right time to break up? That's a pretty tough question and, unfortunately, there's no obvious answer. Instead, breaking up is a feeling you have -an intuition that things aren't right and, despite trying to talk or work the issues out, you and your partner are no longer compatible. Keep in mind: breaking up is not unusual.
More serious reasons to end a relationship include physical or emotional abuse. It is important to remember that you cannot change your partner and, no matter what you do, their behavior is their responsibility. Yours is to protect yourself.

Follow your instincts. If you no longer look forward to time with your partner; if there is more bad than good; if fights and pouts and threats are the norm; if your self esteem seems to be suffering; if you just don't hear those bells ringing when you look in his/her eyes anymore...it is probably time to part company and remain friends. It's normal and it will happen a few more times in your life. That is what helps you grow and mature into the adult relationship you will someday have. Enjoy these teen years. Don't waste them and do take advantage of all life has to offer. Friends, school, activities, church, job, hobbies, sports. ......If there is a boyfriend or a girlfriend thrown in, they should be a nice bonus, not the whole high school package.