Paging Sigmund

I happened across a silly little book called How to Traumatize Your Children. The tongue and cheek premise is, since" all" parents will traumatize their children, we can learn how to do it better and more effectively. It actually is a Parent How To-in reverse. What follows is a simple to do list that guarantees years of therapy for your child.

#1. Unreliability: The Enemy of Security and Trust
Parental unreliability is at the root of the majority of childhood trauma. Not being someone your children can count on erodes all kinds of trust-trust that others will care, trust that others will tell the truth, trust that others will be there no matter what. Indeed, most children who grow up with unreliable parents have difficulty trusting as adults, so your unreliability will set your kids up for a lifetime of dysfunctional and failed relationships. So, never follow through on your promises and don't honor any commitments. Works every time.

#2. Your Child's Cues and Needs: Ignore Them
Your parenting approach should have nothing whatsoever to do with your child's wants or needs. Your needs come first. By not listening to your children, they will develop insecurities about about their own worthiness and whether or not they not their own minds.They will second guess their instincts and behave as doormats in relationships. Sooner or later, they will stop expressing themselves entirely.

#3. Warring Parent Styles
An effective path to trauma lies in each parent having a different approach to child rearing. Dueling parenting styles increases inconsistency, one of the most important trauma principals. Parents "not on the same page" results in fighting and hostility-ratcheting the trauma quotient a few notches higher. Remember-no united fronts. Make sure either parent's efforts neither support or reflect one another.

#4. Consistent Inconsistency
Nothing keeps a child on his or her toes like inconsistency. In a child's earliest years, this can manifest itself in a lack of routine. Forget regular mealtimes and bedtimes. When it comes to discipline and expectations for your child's behavior, you'll want to practice setting rules only to break them. No stimulus may ever garner the same response so your child will learn that nothing is to be trusted. Way to undermine your child's faith in the constancy of the world!!

As Michele Pfeiffer so "wisely" stated, "Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breaths, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy." Thanks Michele. That is definitely a parenting style to model ourselves after.