Be There

An article in the Tulsa World featured Union Public Schools' implementation of a new nation-wide plan called Be There. Be There's goal is to reconnect families by offering suggestions for maximizing time with one's children.

For people with teenagers, this is often a challenge. As Chrissie and I have suggested before, establishing a family dinner time is the most effective way to be there for the kids. Research indicates that a common factor among successful high school students, such as National Merit Finalists, is to eat dinner together every night right from the start and maintaining that time through high school. But trying to meet for dinner is difficult once your child begins having athletic practices and/or a job.

According to the Be There Web site, when there are family dinner opportunities, parents should ask teens questions to stretch the imagination, such as "if you you were the most intelligent person on earth, what would you do with your intelligence?" Asking these kinds of questions makes your child go beyond mere yes/no, one-syllable answers and creates a dialogue between parent and teen.

Still, all-in-all there are not many suggestions for connecting with older children. As pointed out before, early connection is the best way to make it through the teen years. Simple things like hugs, making eye contact with one's child, and making even chores a shared project can forge those connections.

A common chorus from teenagers and older children is "you don't really know me." As shocking as that sounds, they could be right. As our children mature to adulthood, they become their own person and without communication, it is entirely possible that they are completely different as adults. Being there for them every step of the way helps keep in touch with what kind of people they are becoming, so that fewer missteps can occur on their way to living a happy, successful adult life.

For more information go to the national campaign, bethere.org. Way to be there, parents!