Yakkety Yak- Don't Talk Back

Do you feel like you and your teen are not speaking the same language? Does it seem like anything you say bounces off a blank wall? Has the child who hung on your every word now been replaced with a adolescent who listens to nothing you say? If you are wanting to see some changes in your relationship with your teen, communication may be the single most important place to focus, for communication is the key to your success. For every conversation, we have a choice in the language we use and in our approach. What, oh what, are our choices??

Sue Blaney, http://www.pleasestoptherollercoaster.com, offers 5 tactics that she guarantees will help us see some changes for the better:

Be brief. This tip is simple, straightforward and effective. Less is more when it comes to getting your point across with your teenager. When you hear yourself winding up and carrying on, tell yourself to stop. Make the point and end the conversation.

No lectures. Discussions are good; lectures turn your kids off. Effective communication includes give and take. Your most effective approach with a teenager will get him thinking, talking, and contributing. While there are times what you say goes. (see tip above), avoid getting on your soapbox and lecturing. (I personally love my soapbox and I am so good at posturing! -C)

Use silence. Pause after you ask a question, then wait for the answer. This tactic, while appearing simple and obvious is one that many parents neglect to use. It is a common mistake to jump in, solve problems for your child and direct too much; parental actions which actually work against you and your teen. Better to exhibit patience and see what she has to say for herself. (the trick here is a positive silence, not a sullen one!-c)

Use specific action words rather than abstract terms. Teens, just like when they were little, are pretty concrete in their thinking. It helps to use concrete and clear language. Whether you are providing guidance, discussing rules or expectations, or helping your teen sort through an issue with a teacher or friends, in most discussions try to use language that is specific and tangible. ("If you break curfew, you will be grounded," not, "if you break curfew, there will consequences too horrible to fathom."-c)

Tune into the feelings even more than the words. As you are interacting with your teenager, consciously try to identify the emotion he is feeling as that may be far more important to respond to than the words. Recognize his underlying emotion and respond to that appropriately. This tactic alone can shift your communication into a realm that is far more satisfying and real for your teen, helping him feel that you are seeing and understanding him at a new, more meaningful level. (tune in to what you already know, but perhaps have forgotten to utilize- that parent radar. -c)

These aren't the only strategies and tactics that can help you improve communication with your teenager... but if you concentrate on these five you can build some new habits that will yield helpful results.

Sue Blaney has some practical and easy to implement suggestions for opening up those lines of communication between parents and teens. I don't know.....it may be difficult to give up a parent's favorite argument, "Because I said so!!!" Enjoy the sunshine-chrissie