It's So Easy (Not)

It's almost spring. We have all been cooped in, wrapped up and stir crazy. Our kids are ready to be out and about. Trips to the lake. Concerts. Road trips. This time of year also means proms, graduations and the parties that go with them. Though they can be innocent and fun, these activities can force a teen to make decisions they are not ready for. Decisions that could effect their important choices in the future. How can parents help kids not make a mistake that could effect the rest of their life?

Parents have an incredible influence on their teens. Our attitudes and expectations directly impact our children. First, as Fathers and Mothers, we establish boundaries. We need to define these boundaries and be consistent with them. Rules should be explained to our teen and consequences should follow when rules are broken. Keeping credibility is an important tool in parenting. Keeping our word is one of the cornerstones of raising our children.


Don't worry too much about being the "cool" parent. If rules, curfews and limits means your house is not the rocking one, so be it. Looking the other way sends the wrong message to your child . Of course, your house can be fun. That is not what I am saying. A stocked fridge, a positive and affirming atmosphere, vidoe games, slumber parties, a warm welcome then enough space so the kids feel some privacy-all these go a long way to make your house a place kids want to be, without being a place to break rules and break the law.


Here's a simple though important tip. Help your teen create an escape plan. You and your teen should come up with a code word that can let you know they should be picked up immediately. You help he/she save face and they will rely on you to help avoid risky behavior. Brainstorm how to say no and how get themselves out of risky situations. Assure them you will pick them up at any time under any circumstances. I always told my children to make me the bad guy. Blame any sudden departures or turning down of activites on that mean old parent. I can take the heat.

Stay in touch with other parents. Networking keeps everyone in the loop and informed. Communicate what is going on and share knowledge with other adults."Everybody is doing it" won't be an arugment anymore. (Just be careful sharing information does not become gossip and judgement- stay neutral).


Do set a good example. If any gathering at your home involves drinking, maybe re-evalate how you entertain. Social drinking is a powerful messge to our kids. Let them see alternative choices don't mean you can't be with friends and have fun.


Lastly, work on mutual respect. Teens who have a positive relationship with their parents don't want to disappoint them. Spend time together and work on the relationship continually. Won't it be grand to be someone your teen wants to be around. chrissie