A Strong Defense

In many ways, American teens have never had it tougher. Perhaps a surprising statement, given the United States' obvious affluence compared to the rest of the world. If you're a parent today, you know what I mean. Social pressures are more pervasive and destructive than ever before in American history. Parents often feel helpless to equip their teens with the tools to navigate – and steer clear – of harmful relationships, attitudes and behaviors.
Ideally, the process of equipping our kids to live and thrive in an often hostile world begins as soon as they are born. In fact, parents are the single most important developmental influence in a child's life. But even if time has slipped away, and your teenager seems out of reach, you can begin to lay building blocks to help your teen grow to maturity and make a positive impact on his or her world. Love, commitment, self-discipline, perseverance and a lot of prayer are required, but you can do it.
Assisting your teen in forging a strong, positive identity is one way to help her form convictions based on truth, and then stand firm in them regardless of what everyone else does.
As parents, we can build our teen's identity by using a brick mason's approach. Masonry is an art that requires intense study of the project's design before setting the first brick in place. The job is messy, requires hands-on application and commitment.
Parental brick-layers labor alongside our teens as they experience the joy of discovering their significance in their identity. Teens today are overscheduled and often lack the skills to communicate or set boundaries. They need our help to decide which bricks fit and which ones don't.
The challenge? To encourage them to be who God made them to be, rather than who we want them to be.
Brick-by-brick, we can make a difference for our teens and in their world.

Brick #1: Encourage Self Discovery

Encourage your child to explore who they are and what they want to be. This means exposing them to opportunities, experiences and role models that stimulate and motivate and set up questions and the search for answers.  If a teen's world is no larger than a video game and the local mall, their vision is limited. If their world is a variety of experiences, ideas and genres, they begin to develop and grow.

Brick #2: Acknowledge Natural Abilities

Teens yearn for our support and relationship. It's important to affirm their natural abilities. Be their cheerleader. Attend activities even if they say, "It's no biggie."
Encourage athletes to stay involved in sports throughout high school. Challenge the artsy to try a new instrument, audition for a play, take a watercolor class or voice lessons. If they love to argue, consider the debate team. Talk about career choices that use their talents. For example, math skills are priceless for computer software engineers.  Find your teen's gift and help them to develop it.

Brick #3: Create a Family Motto

.By creating a tagline, our family identity is established. Then when difficulties arise, our motto serves as a stake in the ground declaring who we are as individuals — and as family.  Whether it's, "we aren't quitters", "We don't sweat the small stuff", or "what's really important?". a tag line that draws you together as a family is important.  Knowing who we are as a tribe.

Brick #4: Value Uniqueness

Physically and emotionally, teens' lives constantly change. They can feel overscheduled, unknown, abandoned, or even betrayed. Adolescents still want a unique place in our home. They need to know they belong and that they matter.
Encourage busy teens to enjoy down time, which strengthens their creativity and problem-solving skills. Inform your son his sense of humor is missed when he's gone. Tell your daughter you notice her thankful heart. Everyone needs to be encouraged and recognized.  What better place than at home?
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Construct A Strong Identity Wall

Building our teens' identity is a long process. The Great Wall of China took years of extensive labor before it fended off enemies. Our teens live in a hostile culture too. They need a wall of protection. As parental masons, we can help them grow strong and resilient.  We can help them begin to begin a life long process.  The quest of who they are. chrissie