Raising Pre-Teens. It is Cool to be Uncool.

This is a great site with lots of good information.  What follow is some excellent advice about parenting your emerging Pre-teen.  It is a delicate time and requires patience and perseverance.  It is like watching a caterpillar change into a butterfly, ugly and awkward at first, but the final beautiful product is worth the wait. Toddlers and grade-schoolers? Piece of cake compared to 10-12 year olds.  We need all the help we can get! chrissie

Mothering a preteen
Being the mother of a preteen is not the most ego-gratifying period of a woman's life. If you thought you were clueless about what to do when the baby was brand new, think again—this is the time when you really begin to doubt that you know what you're doing. You have far less control over your preteen children than you've ever had, because the second they leave your house they are making all kinds of decisions you may never know about.

Betwixt and Between

Expect to worry. A preteen child combines the toughest parts of teenage-dom and childhood: He's old enough to think he can make his own decisions, but he's still too young to recognize his limitations. And, to make matters worse, preteens seem genetically hardwired to believe that all parents (and especially moms) are stupid and ignorant and that somehow they have been dropped into your family by mistake.
Teenagers, you hope, have already begun the maturation process that may ultimately lead to responsibility. Preteens, however, are still too close to being children to be able to objectively see how they are presenting themselves to the outside world. And while they may want you to see them as cool and up to the minute, inside they may still be clinging to their teddy bears or worrying about the monsters in their closets at night.

The Mom's Side of Preteen-dom

The preteen years feel like a time of loss to many mothers. If you have defined yourself in any way by your relationship with your child (and who doesn't, at least a little bit?) you're sometimes going to perceive your child's behavior as pushing you away. You'll be strongly tempted to cling and try to retain some control over your child, but that's only guaranteed to make your child need to push away even harder.

Mom Alert!

The preteen's demand for independence is at least 50 percent bluff. Don't react by giving your child more freedom than she is ready for. No matter how much she seems to be rebelling against you, she's really counting on you to hang in there for her.

Oh My Gosh! I'm Turning into My Mother!

One day you are going to find yourself haranguing your preteen, trying to maintain some control, and you'll suddenly realize that you sound just like your parents did when you were that age. At first you'll probably cringe at the recollection of how uncool you used to think your own mom was—and the realization that you have now become just as uncool to your kid.
If you're wise, you'll remember what you were like when you were trying to break away and become your own person—and you'll remember that you weren't doing it just to be mean to your folks.
Your preteen is not really rejecting you. She is just trying to find an identity separate from you at a time when she is terrified to let you go. The insults and cracks are your preteen's way of making it easier to let go of your constant protection.

Understanding—and Surviving—Preteen Angst

Preteens try to act cool, but in reality they are scared of everything. They know that they do not fit into the adult world and that they are not yet self-assured enough to fit in with the teenagers. But they also know they are no longer babies and that they can't hold on forever to the things of childhood. Nature is telling them to move on and they do not know how—except by making your life miserable.

Mom-isms

The symptoms of preteen angst are moodiness and downright contrariness, but deep inside it's really about insecurity. It's caused by the fact that preteens face so many conflicting desires: To grow up but still be a baby, and to make their own decisions but still be able to turn to Mom when the going gets tough.

Mom Alert!

If your child is so out of sync with his peers as to cause problems in school or at play, by all means seek a professional consultation. Just don't create problems where none exist. Consider yourself lucky if your child wants to savor childhood. She will be ready to move on when the time comes.

When It's “Anchors Away, and Full Steam Ahead…”

Aren't mothers lucky? We want to be the anchor, while our child's motorboat tries to speed away. Preteens don't really want to be out of control, but they don't want to stand still for any length of time, either. Whether or not they admit it, they need us to be there for them. When they're all dressed up in the latest fashions and trying to imitate the people they admire, they may look older than their years. But if you really stop to listen to them they are still ordinary children.

And When the Old Toy Box Still Looks Pretty Good

If you're fortunate, your preteen might stay on the younger side of the teens, behaviorally speaking. If your child is still playing with toys or behaving in silly, childlike ways, count your blessings. These transitional years are the time when children can test their limits without having to go too far into any dangerous territory. This is a time of information-gathering and self-discovery. So don't worry about encouraging any behavior that you feel is more age-appropriate, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. Each child has a kind of internal clock that, when left to its own devices, will make everything that is supposed to happen, happen in its own time.

To Everything, There Is a Season

If your daughter still likes to play with her dolls in the preteen years, don't worry. Unless your child is expressing behaviors that clearly indicate she's having problems, be content to guide her gently, while letting her grow up at her own pace. Whatever you do, try to resist the temptation to compare your child to everyone else's kids.

Read more on FamilyEducation: http://life.familyeducation.com/tween/teen/51063.html#ixzz2gQvgG0Z6