Who is this stranger that is inhabiting your middle-schooler's body? Living with this child is like a 24 hour carnival. Roller coaster emotions that go up, up, up then downnnn. All sugar and sweet cotton candy then bam, gut wrenching nachos, loaded with angry jalapenos. The childlike notes of a Merry Go Round, drowned out by a brightly dressed carny, offering illicit and illegal thrills and chills. Smiles and cheers when the big teddy bear is won, or battered and bruised on the bumper car ride. This is a middle-schooler.
Put yourself in their place. You have been promoted. Moved up the ladder. You're delighted. More freedom. Whoops. It doesn't take long to see your work load has doubled. You have to spend more time at home on projects you regard as busy work. It seems like your boss does not trust you. He's always questioning, going through your papers, even reprimanding you about your untidy desk.
You don't know if your co-workers like you. They dress better, act more comfortable, all know each other. The other day, one of them criticizes you in front of everyone. It is so humiliating. Additionally, you feel lousy. You are so tired. It's hard to even get out of bed. And just look at yourself in the mirror. You feel too fat. You feel too thin. You are too round. You are flat as a pancake. You are too short. You are too tall. You look in glass and truly don't know who you are anymore.
Doesn't sound too fun does it? Welcome to your tween's world. It's easy to forget these kids are living in a pressure cooker. The world is changing quicker than they can adjust and compensate for. Charlene Giannetti, in her book, The Roller Coaster Years offers a short list of frustrations 10-15 year olds are dealing with.
They yearn for independence when they are still being told what to do by parents, teachers and older siblings.
They are the target of many advertising campaigns, yet have limited disposable income of their own.
They are obsessed with how they look just as nature is wreaking havoc on their bodies.
They yearn for peer acceptance while some of their peers make life miserable for them.
They worry about doing well in school, just as workload and responsibilities increase.
They are on the brink of adulthood, yet have trouble controlling childish impulses.
They are eager to voice their opinions, but they still have difficulty formulating coherent arguments.
They maintain a hectic schedule -at a time when their physical development demands they sleep more.
Parents of these tween-agers need to take a deep breath and then get ready. Gird your loins as the saying goes. Patience and consistency help keep your child centered and secure on the home front when the rest of their world seems topsy- turvy. Don't sweat the small stuff and stick to your guns on the important issues. Be specific on rules and expectations. Be flexible when it's possible. Insist on family time and family events. Build up, encourage, emphasize and listen. Then stand back in amazement as your child begins to begin their growing up life.
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3 comments:
Oh boy, roller-coaster years only begins to describe this age! It doesn't last long, but sometimes it can seem like an eternity!
The teen years are hard but the tween years get you ready.........that child you knew just kind of disappears into attitude and angst,,,,but stay calm, they do return about 6 years from start to finish!
6 years? This first year is brutal! Where did my little girl go? SHe's been replaced by an alien life form that looks like her, well sort of like her....in a gawky, gangly way.
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