Turning a Blind Eye

A comment on Chrissie's previous blog about setting consistency said "...but waffling is what we do best, can't you tell from the kids!"

It reminded me of a quote from A.S. Byatt's new novel, The Children's Book, in which one of the children's friends says, "Grown-ups always think we don't know things they must have known themselves," a friend tells Tom. "They need to remember wrong, I think."

I contemplated that quote for the longest, thinking about all the ways it can be interpreted. It makes parents happy-go-lucky to ignore the fact that our children know as much if not more than we did about sex, drugs, drinking, sneaking out of the house or allowing friends to drive your car. We never think our teenagers would engage in those dangerous activites, nay, they don't even know anything about them, do they? They are sweet innocents.

We need to remember our own teenaged years wrong to help us make it through our children's teen years, otherwise the worry alone would be enough to give us a nervous breakdown! Other more laid back parents might think they survived all those things and so their child can make it, too, regardless of whether they worry or not.

If that weren't enough, one place we often turn a blind eye is school. Do we often remember wrong about school, too? Do we remember quite classrooms and always having our homework done? Or do we remember never doing our homework and acing the test anyway? Maybe we think we made it through all on our own with no help from anyone. And we know little Timmy is upstairs doing his homework, right?

In any case, remembering wrong can have horrible effects when applied to one's children. To turn a blind eye can result in complications we couldn't imagine. A child's failing grade or descent into drug addiction are too high a price to pay to be shaken out of our reverie too late.

Most people turn a blind eye because they don't know what other action to take. They waffle and stuggle with decisions, often trying to take the perfect action. Here is one action to take today - sit down and think about your teen and ask if you are turning a blind eye in any area of his or her development. Are you paying close enough attention? Just think about it - it's the first step to taking action.