Gratitude

 

 Another Thanksgiving come and gone.  Ours was lovely day with my brothers, cousins and our families.  As our grandparents and parents have passed away, we have all made a concerted effort to remain close and involved in each others lives. It's important for us-no one else loves us and knows our history like family.  It is also important for our children and grandchildren.  They need to hear the stories, look at the pictures and share the traditions that make us, us. This generation needs to know where they come from. They need to have an extended family who will dance at their wedding, ooh and ahh over newest additions and cry with each other when it's time to say goodbye.

 This Thanksgiving, between the food and the football, many of us contemplated the things in our lives which we were grateful for, and likely encouraged our children to do the same. Some experts say that by encouraging our children to appreciate what they have, we are also giving them their best shot at happiness. They say that  gratitude, combined with the sense of satisfaction in having earned what is ours, is a primary source of happiness. 

 For most of us, raising "happy" children is one of our primary goals as parents. But, these experts say that our attempts to make our children happy, may be backfiring. Many of us work too hard to smooth the way for our kids and satisfy their every want, thus inadvertently denying them the very happiness we seek to give. On the plus side, these experts also say that this troubled economy is actually making us more grateful for what we have (even though we might have less than we used to) and is causing many to question the materialistic ideals of the boom years. By modeling our gratitude for our kids, we are teaching them a valuable lesson that will stand them in good stead over time.

Almost December.  Take a deep breath- and here we go.  chrissie

Are They Here Yet?

 Game Day 2009 -All In One Place

There is a phenomenon experienced by many pregnant women called nesting. When a mother-to-be gets close to her delivery date, she begins a frantic push to prepare for the arrival of her baby.  It seems only natural that there is a primal urge to prepare a safe and welcoming place for a child.  I am asserting that no matter what the age of said son or daughter, Mothers still work themselves into a frenzy before their children come home.

I have not been out of my pajamas for three days. I've been cooking all the favorite things that my children expect and appreciate when they come home.  More than just happy, I feel contented and peaceful.  Before the cooking, I was organizing and redoing rooms upstairs.  New bedding, washing windows, cleaning out closets. Finally parted with most of their remnants of high school-hung on to a tennis jacket here, a cheerleader uniform there. I planted pansies, raked leaves, laid fires-I just got ready, for my children to come home. Here. Home.

Babysat my grand babies last night.  They made the TV choices and we sat down to Toy Story III.  If you don't know the story, Woody and Company are losing their boy, Andy, who if off to college. I won't spoil the ending but anyone who has walked into an empty bedroom after a child first leaves for school will be crying with the toys.  I looked over at my husband and he was even misty.  The lesson in the end of the movie is that life is a cycle and it's best we accept the changes.   My addition to that is, why not celebrate the journey?
 

Mine don't live here all the time (I refuse to say "anymore")  but when they do come home, it will always be a place they feel safe, they feel happy, they feel peaceful and they know they are loved. Home.

Made in America

It's that time of the year again. We are all starting to think about shopping for Christmas. Making lists. Checking it twice. Those of you who are already finished are just show offs!

There is a new ad campaign that caught my attention. Small Saturday. The idea is to buy something locally this Saturday. Not just a necessity but make a point to support a retailer in our own hometown. It's a great idea. and easy. Anything I buy Saturday also shortens my Christmas list.

Buying American takes the idea to the next level. There's been a lot said about how much of what we buy is made overseas. Even the Smithsonian gift shop in Washington was guilty. The Washington Monument souvenir-made in China. Over 70% of the merchandise in the museum was imported from somewhere else.

Yes, we may have to pay a little more if we buy American. Competition is important but putting a free market system against a communist labor force is just not playing fair. We have sold out to countries where human rights are not in the equation and sacrificed our own way of life to do so. More important, our children's way of life.

Below are some Christmas shopping ideas to start changing how we spend our money- It came from a friend who has the right idea. Thanks Marion.

It's time to think outside the box, people. Who says a gift needs to fit in a shirt box, wrapped in Chinese produced wrapping paper?

Everyone -- yes EVERYONE gets their hair cut. How about gift certificates from your local American hair salon or barber?

Gym membership? It's appropriate for all ages who are thinking about some health improvement.

Who wouldn't appreciate getting their car detailed? Small, American owned detail shops and car washes would love to sell you a gift certificate or a book of gift certificates.

Are you one of those extravagant givers who think nothing of plonking down the Benjamins on a Chinese made flat-screen? Perhaps that grateful gift receiver would like his driveway sealed, or lawn mowed for the summer, or driveway plowed all winter, or games at the local golf course.

There are a bazillion owner-run restaurants -- all offering gift certificates. And, if your intended isn't the fancy eatery sort, what about a half dozen breakfasts at the local breakfast joint. Remember, folks this isn't about big National chains -- this is about supporting your home town Americans with their financial lives on the line to keep their doors open.

How many people couldn't use an oil change for their car, truck or motorcycle, done at a shop run by the American working guy?

Thinking about a heartfelt gift for mom? Mom would LOVE the services of a local cleaning lady for a day.

My computer could use a tune-up, and I KNOW I can find some young guy who is struggling to get his repair business up and running.

OK, you were looking for something more personal. Local crafts people spin their own wool and knit them into scarves. They make jewelry, and pottery and beautiful wooden boxes.

Plan your holiday outings at local, owner operated restaurants and leave your server a nice tip. And, how about going out to see a play or ballet at your hometown theatre.

Musicians need love too, so find a venue showcasing local bands.

Honestly, people, do you REALLY need to buy another ten thousand Chinese lights for the house? When you buy a five dollar string of light, about fifty cents stays in the community. If you have those kinds of bucks to burn, leave the mailman, trash guy or babysitter a nice BIG tip.

You see, Christmas is no longer about draining American pockets so that China can build another glittering city. Christmas is now about caring about US, encouraging American small businesses to keep plugging away to follow their dreams. And, when we care about other Americans, we care about our communities, and the benefits come back to us in ways we couldn't imagine.

THIS is the new American Christmas tradition.

Forward this to everyone on your mailing list -- post it to discussion groups

-- throw up a post on Craigslist in the Rants and Raves section in your city

-- send it to the editor of your local paper and radio stations, and TV news departments. This is a revolution of caring about each other, and isn't that what Christmas is about?

It's me again. Muskogee Tourism is conducting a survey, looking at branding options for our community. It only takes a few minutes and adds your voice to the direction our hometown is heading. Go to www.muskogeechamber.org and add your two cents to the survey. Its a chance to be heard and even better, to be part of the plan!! chrissie

Well Done

We talk a lot on this site about raising our children right. How to give our sons and daughters the tools to live successfully and to live honorably. As a parent, we cannot guarantee the circumstances they will find themselves in as adults, but we cross our fingers, hoping we have prepared them well, no matter what life has to offer.

A childhood friend of my daughter's has had those unusual circumstances. She grew up in Muskogee, went to OU and then on to her career. She met a young man from California, they fell in love and they were married. She began to work in the family business. They had a beautiful baby.

You ask, "What is unusual about that?" What is unusual is this young woman is married to a 5 time Nascar Sprint Cup Champion. The life she is living could have changed who she was and where she came from. Instead, Chandra Johnson has chosen to focus on the values she learned at home. Family. Friends.

Living a public life, she is intensely protective of her private one. Except in one aspect. Chandra is willing to step into the spotlight if it can make a difference. Habitat for Humanity, Make a Wish , Victory Junction, The Jimmie Johnson Champions Grant Program. Mr. and Mrs. Johnson have truly taken the blessings and opportunities offered them and shared their good fortune.

I am proud of Chani. She has grown up to be a fine and exceptional young woman. She is handling this life she is living with dignity and honor. I know her Mother and Father are exceptionally proud of her. They should be. She learned it all from them.

Great job Jack and Lynn!! chrissie

Below is a link Jimmie shared.

http://www.twitvid.com/FEV6L

Use Your Noggin

Do you ever wonder how your teenager makes decisions? Sometimes a teen’s baffling behavior is a result of a decision making process that makes perfect sense to him…but leaves parents wondering. Actually, good decision-making is a learned skill, and it’s one that parents can play a key role in teaching. One of my favorite experts, Sue Blaney has some great tips on helping your teen think before he/she acts and learn to make the right decisions.

Why do teens sometimes make poor decisions.? Experts say that there are several reasons, some of which are developmental.

• Brain development: The part of the teen brain that is not yet fully developed is responsible for long-range thinking, seeing consequences for actions and the big picture. If your teen doesn’t seem to grasp the long view or see consequences for the choices she makes, she’s not lost forever, she’s just in that stage, developmentally, where these capacities are not yet reliable.
• Social pressure: Teens value friends above all else. A parent should know this.They care deeply about how their actions and are judged and evaluated by their peers. It isn’t as simple as what we think of as typical “peer pressure,” the influence of a teen’s social world on his/her decision making can be much more subtle and more pervasive.
• Lack of experience: Adults’ decisions are based upon many things, not the least of which is experience. This point is simple: teens lack the experience that will help inform good decisions. And they don’t know what they don’t know. This is really good one to remember in one of those "what were they thinking" moments.
  
• Emotions: Teenagers feel their emotions at twice the intensity of adults. This emotional landscape can impact the level headedness required for good decisions. If you have ever heard the door slam or seen the waterworks start, you know this is a valid point.
  

How can a parent coach your teen to make good decisions? Think about how you make the important decisions in your life. You probably use a process*, whether you are conscious of it or not. This process, and the process that can help your teen probably includes some or all of the steps below:

• Recognize that a decision needs to be made.
• Understand the ideal goal of the decision.
• Develop a list of options.
• Identify the positive and negative consequences of the choices.
• Examine the desirability of each option
• Evaluate the probability for each option.

Teach your teenager to examine, consider and evaluate these steps when making important decisions. Show him how you have used this process in a big decision, so it becomes a concrete process, not just a theoretical one. By teaching them to apply a process to their decision-making they will be more equipped to mitigate the influences that can throw them off base from the start.

Be specific, then let him take charge. One of the challenges parents face with teens is, while they can be flakey, they need to have the opportunity to make decisions. Sometimes they will do a great job, and sometimes they will create problems with their poor decisions. They need the opportunity to learn from each. One mom asked about the challenge she faces with her son as he organizes his social life. You know the scene here… your young teenager coordinates with friends – and we know how often those plans change! – and then simply expects his mom to be available to take him where he needs to go. While she tries to help out, there are times his last minute scheduling creates real challenges for her. She questions how she can teach him good decision making skills that also take her needs and schedule into account. Great question. There are several things parents can keep in mind here: guidelines, consequences for actions, and speaking about your needs when everyone is in the right mood.

She has a conversation with her son when the time felt right – not when he is in the midst of making plans with his friends – and explain that she has her own schedule and needs and won’t always be available to accommodate him. Presented in the right way he’ll get this. Then, they can jointly create some guidelines that might include a few key questions that he needs to cover every time he is making plans with his friends. These questions might include: “How am I going to get where I want to go?” ”Have I asked permission?” ”Have I given my parents plenty of advance notice?” ”Do I have a ride both ways?” etc. After discussing these questions with her son, she leaves them on the family bulletin board. This way it becomes his responsibility to answer them and have his ducks in a row well before the event. He’ll learn about planning ahead, he’ll have a framework for expectations, and some guidelines on what he needs to do. The consequences may come into play when last minute plans cannot be accommodated by mom.

It’s a process teaching kids to make good decisions, and a parent’s approach is most effective when it empowers their child and allows them to practice and learn. Hmm....so decisions are not just intuitive. We can help our children think things through by a process. Just like potting training and multiplication tables, they need us. They really need us. chrissie