A Learned Behavior

If your parenting goes as normally planned, your teen or young adult will at some point leave home and live independently. I know.  Mine just left yesterday to go back to their grown up lives.

Life Skills will help your teen be independent and able to live on their own, which is the goal of a successful young adult and their parents. But it isn't easy. Older teens often feel they can take the big step towards independent living without possessing all of the life skills they will need to succeed in the world at large. Therefore, they start out at an disadvantage by not getting the confidence a person gains by learning an independent living skill and not having the ability to do the life skill. This makes the transition from a teen at home to their life as a young adult harder. .
You can help your teen be independent by encouraging good habits and helping them learn the life skills it takes to be independent. Here's a few from the experts.: Click on any of the links for more good advice.

1. The Ability to Cope with Loneliness
   Coping with loneliness is a very important skill on my list of needed independent living skills for teens because every teen I've ever known has needed it. Teens who know how to recognize loneliness as the temporary feeling it is, use their support system and work through their loneliness do just fine.
2. Finding and Keeping a Job
   In order to live independently, your teen will need to have a job. The job will need to make enough money to cover their living expenses, at minimum. Today's happy young adult has a job that contributes to a high quality of life and not just monetarily. 
3. The Ability to Procure and Cook Food
4. Health and Hygiene Skills
   In order for your teen to be happy while they live independently, they will need to be successful at keeping their bodies healthy and clean. These life skills are taught throughout your teen's childhood and adolescence by encouraging good hygiene routines and healthy habits.
5. Transportation Skills Or The Ability to Get from One Place to Another
   One life skill that teens need to learn to become independent but generally leave to their parents or caregivers, is transportation or getting from Point A to Point B.
6. General Housekeeping Skills
7. Money Skills
8. Interpersonal Skills
9. Goal Setting and Obtaining Skills
   Defining what it is you want is called setting a goal. Figuring out and taking the actions you need to get your goal is how you obtain that goal. Both of these are important life skills. Learning how to set and obtain a goal are necessary life skills your teen will need to be a happy and successful adult.
10. Ability to Find Housing
11. Time Management Skills
12. The Ability to Find What You Need in Your Community
13. The Ability to Deal with Emergencies
14. Stress Management Skills
15. Personal Safety Skills

Does your teen need to know all of ins and outs of each skill well? No. Your teen may even get by not having to know one particular skill at all. For instance, a young man who has no idea how to do laundry may have a girlfriend who does. This young man may be able to get his interpersonal skills to help with his household skills by convincing his girlfriend to help with his laundry. But, do your best at teaching your teen each skill as if they will need it. This will give them the greatest chance of being successful at living independently the first time they live on their own. Happy 2012!!  chrissie

Giving Back

As parents, we try to make Christmas about family, friends, love, beliefs and traditions. As a family, we hope to instill in our children that the holiday is not about what we get, it is about being together and counting our blessings. It is difficult if not impossible to keep the abstract ideal of Christmas over the concrete reality of the holiday in America today. First and foremost December 25th seems more like we are celebrating commercialism, consumerism and all too often, over indulging our kids in the process.


Fortunately, The Committee to Encourage Corporate Philanthropy reports that there is a growing trend of people giving to charities at the holidays - either by making donations in someone's name or by stocking up on gifts from places who donate their proceeds.

In fact, hundreds of thousands of dollars can be collected even when individuals spend just a small amount on an individual gift. So maybe it's time to drag our kids away from their video games, mp3 players, and other expensive toys and teach them a life lesson about helping those less fortunate than they are.

Some great places to look:
http://www.heifer.org - Help families across the globe by sending not just heifers, but milk, honeybees, or wool.
http://www.supportunicef.org/ - Unicef accepts donations and also sells holiday cards and gifts to help children in need
httpdr;//awbridges-tore.stores.yahoo.net/cards.html -awbridge sells all-occasion cards made by children without homes
http://www.ebaygivingworks.com/ - Ebay Giving Works allows you to support nonprofit organizations by purchasing a wide variety of items through Ebay auctions
http://shop.stjude.org/ - Buy gifts online and support St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital
http://www.charitymall.com/ - Buy the items you normally buy through your favorite stores online and a portion of the proceeds goes to fund cancer research
http://www.charitygiftcertificates.org/ - CharityChoice gift cards allow the recipient to donate to up to 3 charities of their choice.


Two local non-profits that help Muskogee's children are Kid Space and CASA. Children in protective custody or in the court system have a safe place and an advocate. Monarch Inc. has mothers trying to get their lives straightened out and children who through no fault of their own are involved in the process. These kids are waiting for Santa Claus too. The Salvation Army still needs help with their Angel Tree children. Any church can take donations for the Community Food Pantry. Habitat For Humanity always can use a helping hand. The Red Cross serves needs locally and beyond. The "Give Back" list just goes on and on. There are lots of places to give. Make your choice a family decision. Choose the one that speaks to you and your family.
Merriest of Christmases * Health, Prosperity and Blessings in 2012  chrissie

Pass the Popcorn

School will be out soon.  Here are a list of the most popular "teen" movies of the last two generations.  There are no Edward type vampires or Harry Potter type sorcerers, but they offer different viewpoints of the same subject- being a teen. So take a day off with Ferris or dance at the talent show with Napoleon Dynamite- settle in with your "teen somethings" and enjoy the movie.  Don't forget the popcorn!  Chrissie

1. The Breakfast Club (1985)

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Director John Hughes is the king of teen angst movies, and The Breakfast club is arguably his best work. This flick depicts five high school stereotypes ("the nerd" and "the jock" among them) and shows what happens when they're forced to hang out one Saturday.

2. Clueless (1995)

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This classic 90's high school movie is based on Jane Austen's Emma and follows the transformation of a popular valley girl (perfectly played by Alicia Silverstone) from a self-centered airhead into a do-gooder. A young Paul Rudd stars as the love interest.

3. Mean Girls (2004)

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Starring a pre-gossip rag Lindsay Lohan as a former "Mathlete" who tries to fit into the popular clique, this high school dramedy sets the perfect tone between satirical and sentimental, thanks to a great script by Tina Fey.

4. Better Off Dead (1985)

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Super-irreverent and dark, this teen cult comedy stars John Cusack as a depressed high schooler who wants to end his life but keeps getting interrupted.

5. Grease (1978)

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The original high school musical, Grease stars John Travolta as a 50's greaser and Olivia Newton-John as a sweet, naïve exchange student. The classic soundtrack (including hits like "Summer Nights" and "Greased Lightning") makes this a can't-miss.

6. She's All That (1998)

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The "makeover" is a classic teenage movie sub-genre, and this one, based on George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion, stars Rachel Leigh Cook as the nerdy, artsy girl who's transformed into the prom queen.

7. Never Been Kissed (1999)

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Depicting the fantasy of every adult who was less-than-cool in high school, Drew Barrymore stars as an undercover reporter who gets a second chance at being a teen.

8. Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)

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This totally classic movie is the godfather of the sexy high school comedy. It's most famous for starring a young Sean Penn as Jeff Spicoli, a burnt-out surfer dude with a sharp tongue.

9. Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

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Another John Hughes classic, Ferris Bueller is a teen fantasy about the ultimate day of playing hooky. Despite its silly tone, it's got deep messages about teen-parent relationships and the identity crisis teens face after high school.

10. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

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This cult hipster comedy is a look at life from the perspective of a goofy, unpopular teen in Idaho. The deadpan one-liners, killer soundtrack and hilarious dance scene make this movie a classic.

From Holly Ashworth, former About.com Guide

To Soothe The Savage Beast

Have you sat during the previews in a movie theater recently?  We can choose the movie to see, but we can’t choose the trailers.  Often the previews are so violent and over-the-top in sensory stimulation you literally have to cover your eyes at times.  Its so loud you have to cover your ears.  That can be pretty difficult when you are frantically trying to distract the kids you brought along.  Few parents with young teens could find much of value in anything on that screen. If this is the best our movie industry can do…. it is a sad example of our contemporary culture.

Here is something that is a good one for parents of teenagers to consider:  what does your teenager’s cultural diet consist of? Does it overload him with stimulation, ultimately desensitizing him to his feelings and internal self? Or is there a healthy balance?

Say your daughter was not a vegetable eater growing up. A pediatrician counsels to view her diet on a weekly basis, rather than a daily one. This even-keeled approach helps avoid fights that would lead to self-defeating results.  How about taking a similar attitude in regards to many issues in raising kids?   Rather than imposing a complete ban on all cultural influences that could be unhealthy for them, more often go with the flow and make choices and decisions as it seems appropriate.  And without really thinking about it, say, the experience of over-stimulation from a heavy-duty scary movie was more often than not balanced by quiet time.  Over the course of a week, balance was usually achieved because of  kids’ natural interests.

Think about it: what are the activities and experiences that provide a healthy counter-balance to the more worrisome cultural inputs your teen ingests? What might some of those soothing activities be?  Quiet time. Time outside in nature. Spiritual resources and connections are an important part of their diet. Creative activities such as music, painting, writing or reading help quiet the mind and feed the soul.

You probably don’t need to shove this down their throats, but rather acting as “facilitator” you can make sure that they get that float down the river, the hike in the mountains, and the lazy day off.  Leave the i-pod in the car and just take a walk.  Soothe the soul spiritually.

Time outside in nature serves as a major spiritual connection for many of us.  It soothes our psyche and our soul. The miracles that abound there give us peace, perspective and a sense of eternity that reaches us on many levels. Even if your teens are spending time ingesting media you don’t like or understand, you can help them find balance by looking at their spectrum of activities over the course of a week.  Do all that you can to make sure they get a varied diet:  some down time, some time in nature, some creative time, some time to reflect and develop their inner and spiritual world. chrissie