Do Your Homework

Things aren’t the way they used to be. Your 12-year-old no longer comes to you first when she feels hurt or disappointed. When your son misses curfew -- again -- the time-out corner that used to work wonders is now simply, lame. As your child grows into adolescence, you need to adapt your tried-and-true parenting skills to a rapidly changing world.
As tempting as it might seem, don’t throw away everything you know about your child -- or yourself as a parent. Your teenager may seem like a stranger in your home, but behind the slammed doors and mood swings, she is still your child. You will face many unknowns in the years ahead. What you can expect is that your limits will be tested and your patience will, at times, wear thin. Here is a suggestions of  mistakes parents make with their teens and tweens, and how to avoid them.

Teen Parenting Mistake # 1: Expect the Worst

Teenagers get a bad rap.. Many parents approach raising teenagers as an ordeal, believing they can only watch helplessly as their lovable children transform into  unpredictable monsters. Expecting the worst sets parents and teens up for several unhappy, unsatisfying years together.
The message we give teenagers is that they’re only ‘good’ if they’re not doing ‘bad’ things, such as doing drugs, hanging around with the wrong crowd, or having sex. Raising teenagers with negative expectations can actually promote the behavior you fear most. According to a recent study conducted at Wake Forest University, teens whose parents expected them to get involved in risky behaviors reported higher levels of these behaviors one year later. Isn't this called self-fulfilling prophecy?
Professionals urge parents to focus on their teenagers’ interests and hobbies, even if you don’t understand them. You could open a new path of communication, reconnect with the child you love, and learn something

Teen Parenting Mistake #2: Sweat the Small Stuff

Maybe you don’t like your daughter’s haircut or choice of clothes. Or perhaps she didn’t get the part in the play you know she deserves. Before you intervene, look at the big picture. If a certain mode of self-expression or set of events does not put your child at risk, give her the leeway to make age-appropriate decisions and live with the results.
A lot of parents don’t want growing up to involve any pain, disappointment, or failure.. But protecting your child from the realities of life robs her of the opportunity to take chances and learn from her mistakes while she’s still under your roof. Step back and let your child know you’re there when she needs you.

Teen Parenting Mistake # 3: Ignore the Big Stuff

If you suspect your child is using alcohol or drugs, do not look the other way. Experts advice that parents should address suspected drug or alcohol use right away, before it escalates into a bigger problem.
The years when kids are between 13 and 18 years old are an essential time for parents to stay involved. Parents might consider teen drinking a rite of passage because they drank when they were that age, but the stakes are higher now.
Web M.D. warns, more drugs are available today, illegal drugs and legal medications. For example, cough remedies with DXM (dextromethorphan) have become a new drug of choice for some teens. DXM is easy to get and teens and parents alike underrate its potential dangers. Studies show that between 7% and 10% of U.S. teens have reported abusing cough medicine to get high. Although safe when used as directed, DXM can cause hallucinations and disassociations similar to PCP or ketamine (Special K) when used in excessive amounts, as well as rapid heartbeat, unconsciousness, stomach pain, and vomiting.
Watch for unexplained changes in your teen’s behavior, appearance, academic performance, and friends. If you find empty cough medicine packaging in your child’s trash or backpack, if bottles of medicine go missing from your cabinet, or if you find unfamiliar pills, pipes, rolling papers, or matches, your child could be abusing drugs. Take these signs seriously and get involved. Safeguard all the medicines you have: Know which products are in your home and how much medication is in each package or bottle.

Mistake #4: Rule With an Iron Fist, or Kid Gloves

Some parents, sensing a loss of control over their teens’ behavior, crack down every time their child steps out of line. Every day brings a new punishment. The home becomes a war zone. By contrast, other parents avoid all conflict for fear their teens will push them away. They put being a cool parent ahead of setting limits and enforcing rules. For these parents, discipline is a dirty word.

The first style of parenting focuses on obedience above all else. Although the house may run like a tight ship, teens raised in rigid environments don’t have the opportunity to develop problem-solving or leadership skills.

Yet too little discipline does a disservice to teens as well. Teenagers need clear structure and rules to live by as they start to explore the world outside. It is up to parents to establish their household’s core values and communicate these to their children through words and consistent actions. Lerner calls this being an authoritative parent, an approach that helps children develop the skills they need to govern themselves in appropriate ways.

Your Child Is Your Child, Through Thick and Thin

Raising teenagers isn’t always easy or smooth, especially when testing parents’ authority is part of growing up. Some days, faced with one teenage eye roll too many, you may wonder if it’s even worth trying.
Keep in mind that your influence runs deeper than you think. Most teens say they want to spend more time with their parents. And teens choose friends that have their parents’ core values. Keep making time for your child throughout the tween and teen years. Even when it doesn’t show, you provide the solid ground they know they can always come home to. And in the end, that is the most important thing of all! chrissie

Hard TImes and Life Lessons

“I missed three chapters in math when I was out sick. No way can I catch up!”

“Tom broke up with me. It hurts so much!”

“I didn’t make the school play. Why did I even try out?”

It’s never easy to see your teenager suffer a setback, but hard times come to everyone. Instead of overprotecting your teens or rushing in with ready solutions, it’s better to teach them how to be strong and self reliant so they don’t give up when calamity strikes. How do we build resilience in our children so they can handle disappointments?

Kenneth R. Ginsburg, MD, associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, and author of A Parent’s Guide to Building Resilience in Children and Teens, offers tips for turning whiners into winners.

Solutions

#1. Give your child unconditional love.

If you judge your teen based on his school performance or athletic prowess, you risk raising either a rebel or a perfectionist. Instead, hold high expectations for him to be a good person, and encourage values like integrity, empathy, and perseverance.
Say your son injures his knees in a game and  wasn’t able to finish the basketball season. It's a major disappointment since he was co-captain of his team.   Urge him to attend every practice and cheer at every game. He does so, earning new respect from his teammates.  Teach a life lesson that character and honor will pull him through.

#2  Be a Role Model for Handling Stress

Let your kids see you eating well, getting sufficient sleep, and reacting calmly to things that are out of your control. Talk out loud about what you’re doing to resolve a problem. For instance, you might say: ”I’m going for a run now because it helps me unwind.“ Or, ”I’m calling Aunt Lois because she always listens to my concerns.”   
.Admits when you are having a hard time and assure your child you will feel better later. It’s important for them to know we feel too and  that it’s okay to show  feelings.

#3.    Get teens on the right track.

Every situation that feels completely overwhelming can be broken down into a few steps. To help teens understand this, Dr.Kenneth Ginsburg recommends the Ladder Technique. Have your child draw two ladders, one leading to a negative outcome and one leading to the desired outcome. Ask him to identify what steps he’d have to take to reach the top of each ladder. When he sees that there are small, manageable steps he can take to get where he wants to go, then he has regained control and can start moving in the right direction – one rung at a time. This can encourage them to take positive risks.

#4.    Help teens look outside themselves.

Teens are often portrayed as lazy and self-centered, but imagine if they were surrounded by people thanking them for their help, suggests Dr. Ginsburg. Find ways to let them:

• support a charity,
• lend a hand to a needy neighbor,
• initiate and manage a family project, or
• share their opinions about a global issue.

By contributing to society, kids gain a sense of purpose beyond their own concerns. When they see that it’s okay to reach out to people, they’ll be more likely to seek help when they need it for themselves.
Life is full of bumps and turns, but they always seem to come packaged as a lesson worth learning. If kids are given the chance to take responsibility for their own decisions and actions, they are far less likely to see themselves as passive victims and blame others. They learn that mistakes happen and next time they’ll be better prepared.

This is the core of resilience – when faced with adversity, failure, or stress, kids who have a true center of control will be able to bounce back. And that's a good place to be.  chrissie 

Sing Out Louise!!!!!!!!

  Muskogee Little Theatre is presenting The Sound of Music this spring.  The show is a favorite with young and old and one of Rodger and Hammerstein's most popular shows.  The parts in the play for children are not minor as in say,  South Pacific or Oklahoma!  but are integral to the storyline. The Von Trapp children sing and dance in 13 of 17 scenes.  They have 7 costume changes. They have to be able to act, to sing and to dance-all at the same time.

I am directing this show for MLT.  Auditions are next weekend. All information- http://muskogeelittletheatre.com/

If you have a child interested, below are audition tips from a great website-The site is a great source for all things regarding theatre and children and teens.  http://www.musical-theater-kids.com.  
  
DO:

• Find out as much as possible about the audition requirements before the audition.
• Greet the panel warmly when you enter the audition room.
• If you see that the panel is busy, go to the accompanist right away.
• Smile, be yourself, relax and have a good time.
• Give the accompanist your neatly organized and properly marked music.
• When instructing the accompanist about your music selections, sing a few bars softly so they can get the tempo.
• Introduce yourself and the songs you will be singing in a clear, confident, voice and look directly at the auditors when doing this.
• Know the name of the composer who wrote your selection and what show the piece is from.
• Quickly skim your reading and listen as director instructs you in the scene.
• Be mindful of the time and keep the auditioning moving along.
• Dress appropriately in something of your own..
• Thank the auditors at the end of the audition and wait to see if they have any more instructions for you before leaving the room.

---

Don'ts for Kids Acting Auditions

Don't -

• Snap your fingers, bang or clap your hands at the accompanist to give them the tempo. Sing softly, a few bars, and they will pick up the tempo.
• Arrive without music and have to sing a capella.
• Choose a song that is not similar in style to the songs of a show for which you are auditioning.
• Look at the auditors to tell you when to begin. After your introduction, just compose yourself and start.
• Ask to start over if you make a mistake or apologize. Just try to pick up right away and continue as if it didn't happen.
• Rush your song . You want every lyric and word to be understood.
• Dress in a costume for the audition unless specifically asked to do so.
• Speak in a very soft voice that is difficult to hear. You want to be heard.
• Choose songs that are common and have been used over and over again. You don't want to bore the auditors.
• Leave the audition with a bad feeling about yourself. Always learn something from each audition experience.

Final Words

• You need to prepare before auditioning for musical theater...
  This especially holds true if you are going to a community theater or professional audition. In other words, if time allows, practice, practice, practice...until your material becomes second nature.
• If you do make a mistake...please, do not and I repeat, do not get upset or mad at yourself. We are all human and it is OK to make a mistake.
• Simply get yourself together, and start from where you left off. Most of the time the people for whom you are auditioning will be more than understanding. If they are not, you as a kid should not be upset about not working with unkind people.
• Please, keep in mind that this article is a very brief overview of the audition process, and it components. For more detailed information on the above topics, please see their specific sections on this website.
• Last but not least, remember, smile, be confident, and be yourself. A kid learns something from every audition they attend and the more they audition, the better they will become at auditioning. So please relax...and have fun!   ( always my own goal at a casting- have fun and learn something!) chrissie

11 Rules for Raising Teens

Ran across this list in Reader's Digest.  It is compiled by Ellen Pober Pippberg, an attorney who represented teens in court for 13 years.   She has a new book called 35 Things Your Teen Won't Tell You, so I  Will. I have ordered it from Amazon and will give a full report in a later blog.  The list below will have you laughing, crying and shaking your head.  Her observations are all too familiar.  Enjoy.

Your teens don’t want you to be their friends. What they need is for you to be a reliable responsible role model worthy of their respect, and not some overgrown finger-snapping hipster who wears too tight jeans or T-shirts with slogans advocating the virtues of 100 proof liquor.

2. Don’t debate the teen ever. If she wants to debate, suggest she sign up for the Debate Club, thank you very much.  If you buy into their teen logic (which is basically illogic, the product of an immature brain and every extreme of emotion known to mankind) your mouth will go dry and your ears and nerves will surely fray. Teens need to know that no means no. Remember when your teen was two years old and he said “no” a lot? Well now it’s your turn, particularly when your teen want to engage in behaviors that are dangerous, or which might negatively affect their future academic, social or job prospects.

3. Don’t buy your teen a car. If you do, he will total it or wreck it in record time. Guaranteed. The teen should earn the car, or at least a portion of it (and by that I don’t mean one of the tires). You know how you take much better care of an item of clothing you spent a mint on compared to one you bought in a bargain basement? It’s the same thing, only a car can do serious damage.

4. Encourage sports participation even if your teen has two left feet. In some sports, two left feet won’t knock him out of the box, so to speak. Sports participation develops perserverence and cheerfully functioning as a team member. You also will know where your child is every day after school (on the field, that is, or at a rival school). Just make sure you root for the right team, okay? Been there, done that.

5. Let the school know you in a good way so that school personnel do not dive under the desk when you approach. If you are asked to speak at the school, your teen will feel mighty proud. If you make something for the bake sale, try to make it taste edible and if you can’t see it through, do yourself and your child a favor and buy something at the local bakery or supermarket.

6. Your teen needs some house rules, else he becomes a sloth and his room begins to seriously resemble a gerbil cage. Some good house rules: no eating outside the kitchen. No visitors to the house unless an adult is present. No name calling or suggesting the parent needs to spend time in a soft padded room.

7. Your teen needs to work unless her school and academic demands take up all available time. Why? As stated above, if allowed to vegetate, teens can and will become human sloths. Besides, these are hard times, and looking good and dressing good costs money. Anything that encourages a work ethic and sense of family duty is a good thing.

8. To know your teens’ friends is to know your  teens. Teens have a secret life, and a parent’s goal is to penetrate the veil of secrecy that is sometimes thicker than the CIA and the KGB combined. If you really want to know what your kid is up to, get to know their friends. How? By being warm and kind, and by asking questions that don’t sound like an interrogation, but which serve that purpose without their knowing it.

9. Look at your teen daily and it’s okay to stare. Notice any changes in appearance, hygiene, mood, etc. Interact meaningfully with your teen daily, and by that I don’t mean asking, “Did you take out the garbage?”

10. Know that if your teen gets into hot water, he may be too embarrassed or afraid of your wrath and disappointment to tell you, even if you have a great relationship with your teen or–think you do.

11. Just when you think your teen has learned from his mistake, he will make another doozy of a mistake. Be prepared for this. Remember: the human brain is not fully formed untill age 25. Yikes!

How Parents Became Cool

There was a great article in The Wall Street Journal recently.  It seems the entertainment industry has determined teens and parents are getting along better. Read reporter Amy Chozick's findings below and see what you think. 

After she is caught stealing designer sunglasses, Hanna, a popular blond teen on the new TV series "Pretty Little Liars," shares a heartfelt moment with her understanding and fashionable single mother. The two agree to put the shoplifting incident behind them.

In forming the scene is an example that is reshaping the way Hollywood portrays the modern family: Teens like their parents.

For decades, TV has depicted teens as angst-ridden and rebellious, and parents as out-of-touch and unhip. Then network executives realized that popular shows that tapped into the defiant-youth subculture were losing viewers. Now, teen shows tend to be more like ABC Family's "Pretty Little Liars," an emotional drama premiering in June about teens caught up in the disappearance of a popular classmate.

This less-defiant generation is influencing plots, changing what types of shows get made and prompting networks like MTV that have long specialized in youthful rebellion to rethink their approach. The new, more-sanguine shows still broach racy topics like sex, drug use and teen pregnancy, but they appease parents by always presenting consequences. Parents typically have prominent roles and just as many tawdry story lines as the teens—and look almost like older siblings

Market research documenting the shift has influenced new programming at the ABC Family network, owned by Walt Disney Co. In a study of more than 2,000 children conducted by Experian Simmons, a unit of Experian PLC, 75% of 12- to 17-year-olds said they get along with their parents, and 72% said they like spending time with their families. In a June 2007 study, 93% of teens said they had a good relationship with their mothers—an estimated 15 to 20 percentage points higher than two decades ago, according to Frank N. Magid Associates.

These days, parents and teens are also watching the same shows, and in many cases they are watching together. "American Idol" is the most popular show on broadcast TV among viewers 12 to 17 years old, attracting about 1.4 million per episode. Fox's musical comedy "Glee," about outcast kids in a high-school glee club, mixes music by Rihanna with Neil Diamond, AC/DC and the Rolling Stones to bring in both children and their parents.

With a cadre of original series developed for teens and their parents, once-flailing ABC Family has become one of the 10 most-watched cable channels, ahead of MTV, with an average of 1.5 million total prime-time viewers, according to Nielsen Co. In addition to teens, the channel attracts an average of 407,000 18- to 49-year-old women during prime time—a sign mothers and daughters are watching together, Disney says.

ABC Family's top-rated series, "The Secret Life of the American Teenager," about a girl who gets pregnant the first time she has sex and must raise a child, attracts about 3 million viewers per episode. That compares with 1.3 million for MTV's highest-rated series "The Hills," which follows a glamorous group as they gallivant around Los Angeles, and 2.2 million for the CW network's "Gossip Girl," about privileged young Manhattanites, according to Nielsen.

Born in the 1990s, teens today are part of the generation marketers call "millennials," raised with the modern parenting style that emphasizes coddling over curfews, says Susan Newman, a social psychologist and author. "We're a culture of 'yes' parents, and we've done a lot of hovering and smothering that's brought us closer to our children."

These are the original "helicopter parents," adults in their 30s and 40s who are excessively involved in their children's lives. These parents tend to avoid exerting parental control, try to stay connected through technology, and share interests like fashion, music and television with their kids, researchers say. They may wear the same J. Crew styles as their teens, buy the same drinks at Starbucks, and go to yoga or a sushi bar together. They are tolerant of racy content on TV, preferring to watch it with their teens and discuss it later, rather than let the kids find it on their own.

Whether not spanking kids or rewarding them when they lose a soccer game, "society has essentially realigned itself to cherish the child," says Jack MacKenzie, president of the Millennial Strategy Program at Frank N. Magid Associates. "Is it any wonder kids love parents who treat them that way?"

Kelly Peña, senior vice president of research at Disney Channels Worldwide, travels the country observing how families watch TV. She says she sees more families enjoying the same shows—even if the kids are watching online and the parents are watching a TV set.

Based on this information, the Disney Channel crafted a family sitcom targeted at young teens and parents, "Good Luck Charlie." The April 4 premiere was watched by nearly 5.7 million viewers, including 1.4 million adults—more than double the cable network's traditional prime-time lineup.

TV has long been an outlet for rebellious youth, starting with Elvis Presley's and the Beatles' performances on "The Ed Sullivan Show," to MTV and the moneyed, over-developed high-schoolers of "Beverly Hills, 90210." Through most of those years, parents have been clueless, uncool and usually on the sidelines. In the 1990s, Fox's "Party of Five," about a group of orphans living in San Francisco, dispensed with the parents altogether.

But over the past couple of years, executives at ABC Family say they have noticed a change. Fewer teens were watching glitzy, aspirational series like "The Hills" on MTV and "Gossip Girl" on the CW and audiences for the network's quieter shows have grown. The network now has almost 100 million subscribers, up from 81 million in 2001.

MTV noticed something was off when "The Hills" started attracting fewer teen viewers and more 18- to 24-year-olds in recent years. At the same time, a bloc of more-family-friendly afternoon programming dubbed "PAW" (for "Parents Are Watching") brought in solid ratings. "It was a wake-up call," Mr. Friedman says. "Five or 10 years ago, MTV would never have done shows like that."

MTV recently reworked "Parental Control," a reality dating show in which parents set their teenagers up on blind dates, to show more amicable relations between the generations. Parents are less confrontational now, and more scenes take place in family dens rather than in studios. The network currently is conducting a study that asks teens for their views on "rebellion." The findings will influence programming decisions.

In 2001 Disney paid $5.2 billion to purchase ABC Family and other assets from Saban Entertainment Inc. and News Corp. (which also owns Fox and Dow Jones, publisher of The Wall Street Journal). Once known as the Family Channel, part of TV evangelist Pat Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network, the channel came with a stodgy, conservative image. Disney bought it to reach "the young adult viewers between the Disney Channel audience of kids and families, and the broader adult audience served by ABC," says Anne Sweeney, president of Disney-ABC Television Group.

The network began airing reruns of the popular WB network series "Gilmore Girls," about a single mom and her teenage daughter, and "Smallville," which follows the adventures of Clark Kent before he became Superman. It adopted the tagline "A New Kind of Family" and began to develop original, scripted series aimed at teens and mothers.

Recently, ABC Family recruited Winnie Holzman, creator of the ABC network's 1990s teen favorite "My So-Called Life," to return and co-write the upcoming series "Huge" with her 24-year-old daughter, Savannah Dooley. "I've had a couple other writing partners, but writing with my mom is the best experience. We draw on the same stories, like the same things and are just so much alike," Ms. Dooley says.

"Optimistic and bright works for us," Mr. Lee says, of the types of shows the ABC Family network is developing.

 Oprimistic and Bright.  I like that.  chrissie