Have Yourself a Merry.......

Deep Breath. Put the "To Do" List down. Relax. Remember Moms- it's our holiday too.

I let myself get into a twit over Thanksgiving this year. All the family had a wonderful time, which was the point, but I hardly remember the day. I called my daughter the a few days later and asked her, "Did I have gravy?" Well, I did but I have absolutely no recollection of making the roux, adding the stock or seasoning the gravy. Now, gravy is something that takes a little planning. Is it thickening? Is it lumpy? Does it need a little salt? Gravy was on the table, I just don't remember how. That is preoccupied with a capital P.

So, Christmas. Shopping. Baking. Decorating. Wrapping. Polishing. Cleaning. Traveling. If your house is where everyone comes, it is daunting. I have heard people say they aren't putting up a tree this year. Others who bring Christmas dinner home- baked, roasted and ready to put on the table. I say, it you can get away with it, more power to you! I guess, though it is more work, the traditions and the work that goes along with it is what means Christmas for many of us. Dragging out the scraggly Santa that Aunt Mary made, polishing the silver bells to hang on the wreath at the front door, cutting out endless cookies and children, now grandchildren,getting sprinkles everywhere-somehow that is Christmas for me.

I promised myself after Thanksgiving that I would approach Christmas with a clear head and common sense this year. Two good examples that support my objective. # 1 I put three boxes of Christmas decorations back on the shelf today.  More is not always better.  Careful editing helps keep it doable.  #2. I drove around the parking lot at Woodland Hills Mall yesterday and drove right back out again. There is nothing there that warrants the traffic and the crowds.,

Christmas is over is month away.  Prioritize and then,  prune what is not something wonderful or memorable. If a day of decorating Christmas cookies is what makes you happy, ice and sprinkle away.  If perfectly wrapped and ribboned gifrs is not something you enjoy, sack and bag.  Just remember, this is supposed to be fun!  chrissie 

Home Sweet Home

There is a phenomenon experienced by many pregnant women called nesting. When a mother-to-be gets close to her delivery date, she begins a frantic push to prepare for the arrival of her baby.  It seems only natural that there is a primal urge to prepare a safe and welcoming place for a child.  I am asserting that no matter what the age of said son or daughter, Mothers still work themselves into a frenzy before their children come home.

I have not been out of my pajamas for three days. I've been cooking all the favorite things that my children expect and appreciate when they come home.  More than just happy, I feel contented and peaceful.  Before the cooking, I was organizing and redoing rooms upstairs.  New bedding, washing windows, cleaning out closets. Finally parted with most of their remnants of high school-hung on to a tennis jacket here, a cheerleader uniform there. I planted pansies, raked leaves, laid fires-I just got ready, for my children to come home. Here. Home.

Babysat my grand babies last night.  They made the TV choices and we sat down to Toy Story III.  If you don't know the story, Woody and Company are losing their boy, Andy, who if off to college. I won't spoil the ending but anyone who has walked into an empty bedroom after a child first leaves for school will be crying with the toys.  I looked over at my husband and he was even misty.  The lesson in the end of the movie is that life is a cycle and it's best we accept the changes.   My addition to that is, why not celebrate the journey?

 

Mine don't live here all the time (I refuse to say "anymore")  but when they do come home, it will always  be the place they feel safe, they feel happy, they feel peaceful and they know they are loved. Home. 

 

Enjoy Thanksgiving everyone.  Christmas is soon enough.  Chrissie

As Easy as Pie

Last week we looked at some suggestions from the experts at the Mayo Clinic regarding raising our teens.  What follows is the second part of the discussion.  I think it is realistic and easy to follow.  Well, as easy as it gets raising a teenager! chrissie

Set limits

To encourage your teen to behave well, identify what constitutes acceptable and unacceptable behavior at home, at school and elsewhere. As you establish appropriate rules, explain to your teen the behavior you expect as well as the consequences for complying and disobeying. When setting limits:

• Avoid ultimatums. Your teen may view an ultimatum as condescending and interpret it as a challenge.
• Be specific. Rather than telling your teen not to stay out late, set a specific curfew.
• Be concise. Keep your rules short and to the point.
• Put rules in writing. Use this technique to counter a selective memory.
• Be flexible. As your teen demonstrates more responsibility, grant him or her more freedom. If your teen shows poor judgment, impose more restrictions.
• Be prepared to explain your decisions. Your teen may be more likely to comply with a rule when he or she understands its purpose.
• Be reasonable. Avoid setting rules your teen can't possibly follow. A chronically messy teen may not be able to maintain a spotless bedroom overnight.

Not sure if you're setting reasonable limits? Talk to your teen, other parents and your teen's doctor. Whenever possible, give your teen a say in establishing the rules he or she is expected to follow.

Prioritize rules

While it's important to consistently enforce your rules, you can occasionally make exceptions when it comes to matters such as homework habits, TV watching and bedtime. Prioritizing rules will give you and your teen a chance to practice negotiating and compromising. Before negotiating with your teen, however, consider how far you're willing to bend. Don't negotiate when it comes to restrictions imposed for your teen's safety, such as substance abuse, sexual activity and reckless driving. Make sure your teen knows early on that you won't tolerate tobacco, alcohol or other drug use.

Enforce consequences

Enforcing consequences can be tough — but your teen needs you to be his or her parent, not a pal. Being too lenient may send the message that you don't take your teen's behavior seriously, while being too harsh can cause resentment. Consider these methods:

• Active ignoring. Tell your teen that you'll talk to him or her when the whining, sulking or yelling stops. Ignore your teen in the meantime.
• Scolding and disapproval. Make sure you reprimand your teen's behavior, not your teen. Avoid using a sarcastic, demeaning or disrespectful tone. Also, avoid reprimanding your teen in front of his or her friends.
• Imposing additional responsibilities. Assign your teen additional household tasks.
• Imposing additional restrictions. Take away a privilege or possession that's meaningful to your teen, such as computer time or a cell phone.
• Asking your teen to suggest a consequence. Your teen may have an easier time accepting a consequence if he or she played a role in deciding it.

Be consistent when you enforce limits. Whatever disciplinary tactic you choose, relate the consequences to the broken rule and deliver them immediately. Limit punishments to a few hours or days to make them most effective. Also, avoid punishing your teen when you're angry. Likewise, don't impose penalties you're not prepared to carry out — and punish only the guilty party, not other family members. Never use physical harm to discipline your teen.

Set a positive example

Remember, teens learn how to behave by watching their parents. Your actions generally speak louder than your words. Set a positive example and your teen will likely follow your lead.

It's Easy as 1,2,3

Good input is everywhere for raising our teens.  Below is help from the Mayo Clinic staff.  Adolescence can be a confusing time of change for teens and parents alike. But while these years can be difficult, there's plenty you can do to nurture your teen and encourage responsible behavior. Use these parenting skills to deal with the challenges of raising a teen.

Show your love

One of the most important parenting skills needed for raising healthy teens involves positive attention. Spend time with your teen to remind him or her that you care. Listen to your teen when he or she talks, and respect your teen's feelings. Also, keep in mind that only reprimanding your teen and never giving him or her any justified praise can prove demoralizing. For every time you discipline or correct your teen, try to compliment him or her twice.
If your teen doesn't seem interested in bonding, keep trying. Regularly eating meals together may be a good way to stay connected to your teen. Better yet, invite your teen to prepare the meal with you. On days when you're having trouble connecting with your teen, consider each doing your own thing in the same space. Being near each other could lead to the start of a conversation. You might also encourage your teen to talk to other supportive adults, such as an uncle or older cousin, for guidance.

Minimize pressure

Don't pressure your teen to be like you were or wish you had been at his or her age. Give your teen some leeway when it comes to clothing and hairstyles. It's natural for teens to rebel and express themselves in ways that differ from their parents.
If your teen shows an interest in body art — such as tattoos and piercings — make sure he or she understands the health risks, such as skin infections, allergic reactions, and hepatitis B and C. Also talk about potential permanence or scarring.
As you allow your teen some degree of self-expression, remember that you can still maintain high expectations for your teen and the kind of person he or she will become.

Encourage cybersafety

Get to know the technology your teen is using and the websites he or she visits. If possible, keep the computer in a common area in your home. Remind your teen to practice these basic safety rules:

• Don't share personal information online.
• Don't share passwords.
• Don't get together with someone you meet online.
• Don't send anything in a message you wouldn't say face to face.
• Don't text or chat on the phone while driving.
• Don't plagiarize.
• Talk to a parent or trusted adult if an interaction or message makes you uncomfortable.

Adolescence can be a confusing time of change for teens and parents alike. But while these years can be difficult, there's plenty you can do to nurture your teen and encourage responsible behavior. Use these parenting skills to deal with the challenges of raising a teen.

Show your love

One of the most important parenting skills needed for raising healthy teens involves positive attention. Spend time with your teen to remind him or her that you care. Listen to your teen when he or she talks, and respect your teen's feelings. Also, keep in mind that only reprimanding your teen and never giving him or her any justified praise can prove demoralizing. For every time you discipline or correct your teen, try to compliment him or her twice.
If your teen doesn't seem interested in bonding, keep trying. Regularly eating meals together may be a good way to stay connected to your teen. Better yet, invite your teen to prepare the meal with you. On days when you're having trouble connecting with your teen, consider each doing your own thing in the same space. Being near each other could lead to the start of a conversation. You might also encourage your teen to talk to other supportive adults, such as an uncle or older cousin, for guidance.

Minimize pressure

Don't pressure your teen to be like you were or wish you had been at his or her age. Give your teen some leeway when it comes to clothing and hairstyles. It's natural for teens to rebel and express themselves in ways that differ from their parents.
If your teen shows an interest in body art — such as tattoos and piercings — make sure he or she understands the health risks, such as skin infections, allergic reactions, and hepatitis B and C. Also talk about potential permanence or scarring.
As you allow your teen some degree of self-expression, remember that you can still maintain high expectations for your teen and the kind of person he or she will become.

Encourage cybersafety

Get to know the technology your teen is using and the websites he or she visits. If possible, keep the computer in a common area in your home. Remind your teen to practice these basic safety rules:

• Don't share personal information online.
• Don't share passwords.
• Don't get together with someone you meet online.
• Don't send anything in a message you wouldn't say face to face.
• Don't text or chat on the phone while driving.
• Don't plagiarize.
• Talk to a parent or trusted adult if an interaction or message makes you uncomfortable.

Good tips.  More from the folks at Mayo Clinic next week.  Be sure and vote tomorrow.  It's important for our country and for your children to see you exercising your rights as an American.  chrissie