Counting to Ten

10 Things You Must Tell Your Teen

Here is some good advice from a WebMD contributor, Camille Peri.  There is nothing simple about raising teens but the following list gets you started if things seem difficult right now.  Stop and think.  There's a good one. Find your Passion is one I have often discussed in this column.  Teenagers need something to be passionate about.  Cars. Art. Gymnastics. Skateboarding. Showing horses. Playing tennis.  Something to put all that energy and angst into.  Which one below is the most important to you?

We want -- and need -- to give our teenager advice. So what exactly do they need to hear from us? Is there a better way than trying to yell advice in their direction as they're getting out of the car?  
Here's what to say and, maybe more important, how to say it to get through to your teen.

1. Stop and think.

Teens are risk-takers, and that's good. They can't grow without trying new things and taking some risks. But they also act on impulse, and the two together can be trouble. Ask your teen to stop and think, says Melisa Holmes, MD, co-founder of Girlology and Guyology, educational programs about adolescent health.
"It takes a conscious effort for teens to learn how to put the brakes on their brain," Holmes says. "The best place to practice is when using social media."
If your teen is thinking about posting a photo or going into an online chat room, urge them to ask themselves: "Why do I want to do this? What risks may be involved? Is it worth it?"
They may not think of using social media as a risky behavior, but like other choices they make, it can have a lasting impact on them. By practicing in one arena, they'll learn to pause to ask the same questions when weighing other choices.

2. Listen to your gut.

Why tell your teen this?Your gut remembers your true self and the guidance of teachers, coaches, parents, or youth leaders. That can help when you’re in a tricky situation or unchartered territory.
Let your teen know you have confidence in them to think for themselves and make solid choices. Tell them that learning to hear their "inner voice" takes practice, but it will guide them well (when you're not there).

3. When you think "everyone is doing it," check the facts.

Your teen may learn that everyone else isn’t doing it -- whether "it" is drinking, having sex, or something else. Finding that out can relieve the peer pressure to do something he or she may not feel ready for.
Take sex as an example. Your teen may think everyone their age is sexually active, but in fact, less than half of U.S. high school students are.
"He may find out that his peers are not really doing it, but they're letting people think they’re doing it while they figure out if it is OK," says Holmes.

4. Decide now when it's OK for you to have sex.

This may sound weird because you probably don’t want to think about your teen having sex, but thinking about it now can make a difference, experts say.
"Teens aren't great at thinking on their feet," Holmes says. When they work out ahead of time how they will turn down drugs, drinking, sex, or other challenges, they are much better at matching their actions with their values.

4. Decide now when it's OK for you to have sex. continued...

"Making a plan ahead of time can delay intercourse up to 18 months," Holmes says.
But talking about it happening doesn’t mean you’re being totally lax or giving your teen a free pass. Be clear about what you expect. For example, you might say, "I want you to delay having sex until it can become part of a meaningful relationship."
Also make sure your teen knows about STDs and how to prevent them, where to get condoms and birth control (including emergency contraception), how to use protection, and how to see a doctor even if he or she doesn't want you to know that they are going, Holmes says.
If that feels as if you're giving a mixed message, she suggests saying, "I want you to have this information because you will most likely need it yourself one day, but you also might use it to help a friend now."

5. Practice how you will say "no."

Even adults have trouble saying "no" sometimes. Rehearsing ahead of time cuts down on the stress of having to say no and thinking of how to do it. Point out that having a plan will give your teen more resolve and power in sticky situations, says Carl Pickhardt, PhD, a psychologist in Austin, Texas, and the author of Surviving Your Child's Adolescence.
Most likely, your teen can come up with their own ways to say "no." But when caught by surprise, Pickhardt says, a good standby is to say, "'Not right now.' In other words, 'I'll do what I like when I want to do it, not when somebody else wants me to.'" This response can also cut down on people asking "Why?"

6. Don't take any drug or medicine casually.

Teens may think it's safer to get high on prescription drugs like Adderall (used to treat ADHD) or nonprescription drugs such as cough medicines because they're legal -- unlike street drugs.
Many teens don't know that you can overdose on nonprescription medications, because you can buy them at a pharmacy or the grocery store without a prescription. But they can be just as dangerous as street drugs when they are abused. Also, because medicines can be easy to get from home medicine cabinets, some kids share medicines with friends or sell them.
"Tell your teen that even prescription and over-the-counter drugs carry risks and side effects, and she doesn't know what the side effects will be for her because they're different for everyone," Pickhardt says.
Abusing stimulants like some ADHD drugs can cause seizures or heart failure. Let your teen know that their body and brain are too precious to take the risk.

7. Drinking can warp your brain.

Explain that 21 isn't just a random number. The reason the legal drinking age is 21 is because alcohol can cause long-term changes in your teen’s brain while it's still developing.
Teens who drink are also more likely to have unprotected sex and be assaulted or assault others sexually, get in car accidents and fights, and take dangerous dares.

8. Find your passion.

Urge your teen to become an expert in something they love. This will help satisfy their longing for excitement.
"He'll learn that he can get thrills from things like performing, being recognized, pushing the boundaries, and being creative -- not just from sex, drugs, or other risky behavior," Holmes says. Follow this up by making opportunities for him to try new things, Pickhardt says.

9. People mess up. Learn from your mistakes.

It may seem obvious, but teens need to be reassured that everyone makes mistakes and that they can use theirs as learning opportunities.
For example, Holmes says, a girl who regrets having had sex may think that since she has done it once, "What does it matter anymore? It's too late to change."
But she can set new limits to avoid making whatever she feels is a mistake twice. Tell your teen that learning from their mistakes will make them wiser.

10. I love you.

It's not really a piece of advice, but it is one of the most important things you can tell your teen. Remind them often that you respect them, want to help them succeed, and are here for them no matter what.
If you do, they're more likely to listen when you give advice.

Time in a Bottle

It is amazing what people find on the Internet.  You can google anything!  My daughter sent me a link to an eBay item.  "Is this your grandfather's drug store?"  It was a pillbox from my Papa's pharmacy, which he closed in the early 50's.  "How in the world did you find this?" I asked. Catherine shared she often checks for Clark related memorabilia on auction sites. The seller was out of Tennessee.  Catherine has a vested interest in Clark related items. I won the auction and plan to frame the box with a picture of my Catherine Clark Wagner's great grandfather- Edward Porter Clark, standing behind the counter of his drugstore- 65 years ago.

Facebook has enabled people to share their memories.  To share their history.  On a Muskogee High School Page entitled, "What Ever Happened to..." past and present Muskogeeites throw out little vignettes of times gone by.  Included in the observations are clippings, menus, photographs, souvenirs- and comments, lots of comments. Golden Goose.  The Carnation.  The Monkey House.  Were we ever so young?  Were we ever so innocent? 

If you grew up in Muskogee during the early sixties, you will remember the link below.  Muskogee was chosen to be a pilot city for John F. Kennedy's health and fitness initiative.  It was a big deal to Muskogee schools and all PE classes participated in the program.   We hosted a district wide exhibition at Indian Bowl.
Actor Robert Preston, singing the catchy song- Go You Chicken Fat Go blared over the loud speakers. Rumors were, JFK himself would make an appearance. (He didn't)   Tulsa newscaster were sticking microphones in every one's face. We had specific costuming requirements. We marched in. I was in the fourth grade, the youngest to participate. The High School kids were front and center, particularly the pretty girls.  We took our places.  Jumping Jacks, ready!

Thanks to New Orlean's Jeff Collins for finding this gem. You can take the boy out of Muskogee, but never Muskogee out of the boy.  Brings back lots of memories.  Chrissie

http://www.y/outube.com/watch?v=qy5Xhz-5hSE&feature=youtube.com

Thank A Teacher Today

It's here.  School.  And with it-  Schedules. Regular meals. Carpools. Bedtimes. Meetings.  Homework.  Sigh.  It has been a great summer but it is time to start the routine again. I happened on a great blog site.  her name is Jennie Scott and she is a teacher.  What follows is her commentary on starting a new school year. It brings back lots of starting school memories when I was teaching and also has some good advice for parents.  

Take a deep breath.  Here we go!  chrissie

It’s almost here, fellow teachers. 

Like it or not, we will wake up Monday morning much earlier than our summer sleep schedules are accustomed to, and we will walk back into the buildings we simultaneously love and fear. The newly waxed floors will look foreign without any tossed away papers and all used-up pencils, and the bare bulletin boards will mock us as we remember the cute ideas we saw on Pinterest.

We will make multiple trips from the car to our rooms, carrying bags filled with the magic we are convinced will make this year the best. We will stand surveying our rooms, hands on hips, as we envision a space that inspires and welcomes.

The plans will have to wait, though, as we sit through multiple meetings where we team-build and common-core learn and technology policy question… And don’t forget lunch-plans make, as this is the week – the only week – where we are allowed to leave for the sacred lunch.

Our non-teacher friends will roll eyes as we mention ‘heading back to work,’ and they will make snide comments about us having the whole summer off. We will roll eyes back as we mutter, “You just don’t get it.” And, bless their hearts, they don’t.

They don’t get that being a teacher – a good teacher – is like being a performer onstage for eight hours a day, five days a week who has also had to write the script, create the scenery, memorize each role, and research the backstory. 

It means dealing with hecklers in the crowd whom security cannot remove and then being responsible for said hecklers mastering the nuances of the play she is performing. It means changing the script in the middle of the performance because audience members are nodding off, and doing so with zero funds because she spent her allocation stocking up on Kleenex and hand sanitizer.

It means not being able to go to the bathroom when she needs to, but racing to beat the other teachers before the tardy bell rings. 

It means having her performance observed and critiqued by those who only see just a part, and receiving blame if the audience doesn’t rush to join her onstage.

It means so much more than any non-teacher can understand.

It means feeling like you have more children than you actually delivered, crying at their troubles and celebrating their victories. It means noticing the child who has no brand new supplies and no way of getting what the list requires. 

It means sinking into your chair as the final bell rings, asking yourself if you can make it another day. It means arriving earlier the next morning to ensure that you can.

Being a teacher is hard. But it’s good.

Do me a favor, ok? If you’re not a teacher and you see one in the next few days wearing a look of panic – tell her thank you. Tell her thanks for cramming 365 days worth of knowledge into 180 (fewer if you count the interruptions and standardized tests). Say thank you for her being “on” every day when she steps in front of your child, leaving her own exhaustion, troubles, and worries at home. Let her know you appreciate the fact that she cannot just leave her work at work, but brings it (and thoughts of your child) home with her.

I guarantee she doesn’t hear ‘thanks’ nearly enough. You might even make her cry. 

Posted by Jennie Scott at 11:25 AM

On Vacation

One of the Wagner family's favorite flicks (whew) is tasteless, corny and absolutely hysterical- The 80's film-National Lampoon's- Vacation. Clark Griswald and family set off on a cross-country expedition to a Los Angeles theme park. Simple enough. Not. On their way to Wally World, the Griswald family experiences every cliche of a "family vacation" Combine the National Lampoon brand of humor (Think John Belushi and Animal House) and you get a cult comedy classic.

My family just took a cross country trip of its own. Luckily, Florida wasn't closed and the beaches were up and running. I don't know why a road trip to the Gulf seemed in order but off we went, caravan style, three generations off to make memories.

The world has changed since the car trips of my childhood. DVD's. Video games. Communicating from car to car. Email and Facebook. Ipods. Ipads. Navigation Systems.

I remember one return from Pensacola. I was in the car driven by my Grandmother and guess who was supposed to be reading the map. This is not a skill I had as a nine year old. We had to double back over a good hour and a half, as a side trip to North Carolina was not on our itinerary. My parents and a brother or two were calmly eating nut rolls and perusing the souvenirs at Stuckeys in Jackson when we finally caught up.

Our trek last week followed the usual norms. Bright eyed and bushy-tailed early morning departure. A stop at the Arkansas visitor center for maps and bathroom breaks. All is good so far. Lunch at a Mexican restaurant is Dumas, Arkansas. Perhaps not the best choice for a long car ride. A stop in Vicksburg to see the civil war memorial. Note: do not walk into a museum gift shop with small children unless you intend to buy something. Resume caravan with miniature cannon and a 1860 era bonnet. Traffic bumper to bumper. Husband and son-in-law muttering and mouthing to each other from car to car. Continued promise of refreshing swim to antsy children. Make it to Mobile and check into hotel. Pool is green and cloudy. Ecoli swamp. Make it to rooms. Hot baths. Grandchild pulls duvet back to get into bed. Screams. Grandmother screams. Mother screams. Sheets. Not good. Let's just leave it that perhaps the room had been previously used prior to our arrival.

It is uphill from here. Our week at the beach was just what you want it to be. Wonderful. Our family had an absolutely lovely time. We ate too much, slept too little, swam with wild dolphins and collected buckets of hermit crabs. We zip-lined, art galleried, biked and snorkeled. We walked on the beach at sunrise and again at sunset. Some of us learned to swim and left floaties behind for babies. We cooked mountains of seafood with dear friends. We toasted this time in our lives and once again, remembered our blessings. We may be Wagner World but its who we are. We take that with us wherever we go. Even on vacation.

Couldn't help but include some lines from Clark Griswald and his family. Enjoy. chrissie

Ellen Griswold: [leaving the house] I turned off the water, the stove, the heat and the air, locked the door, notified the police, stopped the papers. I called to get the grass cut. Did I put the timers on the living-room lights?
.Clark: Why aren't we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. You know that.
Clark: Hey, hey, easy kids. Everybody in the car. Boat leaves in two minutes... or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away

Clark: Russ, it's really great that I can spend time with you and... uh... uh... uh...
Rusty: Audrey, Dad.

Clark: Despite all the little problems it's fun isn't it?
Ellen Griswold: No. But with every new day there's fresh hope

Clark Griswald: When I was a boy, just about every summer we'd take a vacation. And you know, in 18 years, we never had fun.
. Clark: Oh, you can't think I'd do this on purpose? Look... I tied him to the rear bumper while I was packing the car. It was very confusing. I must have forgot. I'm very sorry, I feel terrible.
Motorcycle Cop: How do you think that little dog feels?
Clark: Look, I told you I was sorry. It really was an accident.
Motorcycle Cop: Well, I guess I can buy that, sir. But it is a shame. I had a pooch like this when I was a kid.
[both Clark and the motorcycle cop sorrowfully look at the empty road behind them]
Motorcycle Cop: Poor little guy. Probably kept up with you for a mile or so.
[tearing up]
Motorcycle Cop: Tough little mutt

Marty Moose: Sorry, folks! We're closed for two weeks to clean and repair America's favorite family fun park. Sorry, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!


Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: Sorry folks, park's closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya.