Quick Fixes

Why are we always surprised when it gets so hot in Oklahoma? We greet someone, it's so hot! We express surprise at the temperature as it flashes on the bank sign. Triple digits today! Or we observe, the lake has turned over. Doesn't it do that every year in the summer?

Its almost the Fourth of July.  There will be lots of people to feed.  One thing for sure. It is too hot to turn the oven on. No matter the temperature, there is still a hungry family around the picnic table or on the boat. For some strange reason, they still want to be fed. Here are a few easy to prepare dishes that don't require pre-heating anything.

Southern Shrimp Salad

2 pounds shrimp, pre-cooked and cleaned (prepare according to directions on package)
Chop into bite size pieces.
Prepare 1 cup rice according to package directions. Drain well and cool.

To rice add 1/2 cup minced purple onion, 1/2 cup chopped green olives, 1/2 cup chopped celery
Stir in 1 cup mayonnaise and fold in cooled shrimp. Chill and serve.

Make Ahead Curried Chicken Salad
De bone and remove skin from one prepared rotisserie chicken. Shred.
Add:
1 c. chopped celery
1 c. pineapple chunks, drained
1 c sliced green grapes
1 c mayonnaise
1/2 tsp curry powder
Chill overnight or all day. Before serving add 2 cups Chinese noodles

Duke Of Windsor Sandwich

Legendary Helen Corbett created this dish for a visit to Neiman Marcus by the Duke and Duchess of Windsor. It is delicious. Just don't think about the calories.

For each sandwich
Toast two slices of a good rustic bread -lightly buttered
Layer:
1 slice Swiss cheese
Add 2 to 3 slices of turkey breast
1 slice pineapple-water packed
3 strips of bacon (to keep the stove off, use the pre-cooked and microwave)
1 leaf lettuce

Make a topping of equal amounts 1000 Island Dressing and freshly whipped cream (unsweetened)
Put a large dollop of the dressing on the top of the sandwich and add the second slice of bread.
Serve with potato chips, a dill pickle and a knife and fork. Heaven!!!


Dessert?  The peaches are in.  The blueberries are ripe.  Grab a gallon of good vanilla ice cream and enjoy the blessings of summer!

Snips and Snails

Great insight from a Mom's Blog- Lucky Mom of Three Boys .  The times they are a changin' aren't they?  
Those boy are going to be men someday.  How to raise them to be the men we want them to be?  And what do we want them to be??  Read one Mom's observations below. 

What makes a great man? Eeek, that's a tough one! Or, more importantly, what kind of men do we want our little boys to become? And, how can we better support them as they develop?

There could be many different answers to this. What's your definition? Is a great man someone who is independent but also a team player, strong but emotionally connected and supportive, motivated, courteous, caring and affectionate, honest, protective, reliable, has good sense of humor? The list is almost endless and will be different for each person, male or female.
But what is a man's role today? Not that I aspire to the past, but just a few decades ago a man's role seemed far more certain -- the breadwinner, head of the house, protector. Now, women are actively encouraged to compete alongside men in everything from education to the workplace to sporting activities, including traditionally male-based events. This is absolutely as it should be and there is yet more to be achieved for girls and women's rights. But, while the focus quite rightly has been on female equality, is there a chance that in very recent times men, and particularly boys, have been overlooked?

What makes me say this? Well, being the mother of three boys I have a deep interest in their well-being, their opportunities and their role in life, and I have become aware of a growing number of negative challenges that boys of this generation are starting to face. You just have to hear the news to be enlightened about the concerning facts. In an Open letter to President Obama Mark Sherman quoted statistics for the U.S. (initially compiled by Tom Mortenson in 2011). These statistics state that boys are more likely to have a learning disability, to be suspended from high school, to lag behind their female counterparts academically, are less likely to graduate from school or achieve a bachelor degree and even more worryingly are more likely to be homeless, incarcerated in a correctional facility, and commit suicide. The position in the U.K. is worryingly similar. Why is this the case? And why does there not seem to be a greater focus on it?

On a social and cultural level, boys seem to face mixed messages when it comes to their masculinity. If they show too much emotion they may be branded a sissy (or dare I say a "momma's boy"!). Too much bravado and they are condemned for being unruly, rough and noisy. They should treat women as equals, but is being chivalrous OK? (I welcome it, but not all women do).

I wholly advocate boys being allowed to be themselves. Their differences from girls are what makes them unique, fun and interesting in their own right. Toy fights, mud, toilet humour, shows of strength, competition, what can seem like relentless energy, noise, thrill seeking and bravado are all things that should be celebrated about boys' characters. However, their softer side is also to be praised. Their creativity, imagination, thoughtfulness, sense of fairness and forgiveness, inquisitiveness, communication skills, caring nature and amazing ability to show love and affection are so very special. In a modern world where men are often a 50:50 partner in the home, especially when raising a family, these qualities learned in childhood will be embodied throughout adulthood. The male role seems to be evolving and so too surely must the typical male stereotypes -- hopefully including the ones relating to relationships with their mothers!

I am sure that every significant adult figure has a real lasting impact on a little boys' life. The father/son relationship is perhaps more easily defined but I would like to understand how mothers can also help their sons become some of the best men of the future. I have read a number of articles about this and the viewpoint that rings most true is that we should move away from the age old belief that a boy should be taught to be a 'man' from a young age - to be strong, stand on his own two feet and suppress his emotions. Instead, to support our sons (and if we are fortunate enough to be able to) we should try to develop solid and healthy mother/son relationships, which evolve as they grow on mutually agreed terms.

According to Dr William Pollack, author of Real Boys and a Harvard lecturer, "Far from making boys weaker, the love of a mother actually does make boys stronger, emotionally and psychologically. Far from making boys dependent, the base of safety that a loving mother can create provides a boy with the courage to explore the outside world. But most importantly, far from making a boy act in 'girl-like' ways, a loving mother actually plays an integral role in helping a boy develop his masculinity." Echoing these views Kate Stone Lombardi looked in detail at the benefits of a good mother / son relationship in her book The Mama's Boy Myth. So, as to the long list of qualities that people look for in the 'great man', I can't but try to play a part in helping my boys to achieve them... but nobody's perfect!

Looking at the bigger picture, to give all our boys the best possible start in life I would love there to be a more equal playing field, so that as they grow they feel as confident as their female counterparts that they can do and be whatever they want in their lives. In order to achieve this perhaps the time has come to raise the profile of boys and accept nothing less (or more!) than the same opportunities, choices and support for them as we campaign for, for our girls.
Ultimately, I think the kind of men our boys will become is determined by the individual boy himself. But, I do believe we all have an important role to play in providing the best possible support and environment within which they grow. Let's go for greatness!

Just Listen for a Minute

Graduation is the end of one chapter and the start of another.  Keynote speakers at college graduations are the luck of the draw.  Some speeches are shoozers, others will resonate with wisdom and common sense.  Here are a few quotes from some of my favorites.  chrissie

Steve Jobs, Stanford University in 2005

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.... Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.”



 

Bono, University of Pennsylvania in 2004

"The world is more malleable than you think and it’s waiting for you to hammer it into shape…That’s what this degree of yours is—a blunt instrument. So go forth and build something with it. Remember what John Adams said about Ben Franklin, 'He does not hesitate at our boldest measures but rather seems to think us too irresolute.' Well, this is the time for bold measures and this is the country and you are the generation." 

 

  

Jodie Foster, University of Pennsylvania in 2006

"There is nothing more beautiful than finding your course as you believe you bob aimlessly in the current. And wouldn't you know that your path was there all along, waiting for you to knock, waiting for you to become. This path does not belong to your parents, your teachers, your leaders, or your lovers. Your path is your character defining itself more and more every day."

 

 

Jessica Lange, Academy Award- and Golden Globe-Winning Actress, Sarah Lawrence College in 2008

"Be present. I would encourage you with all my heart just to be present. Be present and open to the moment that is unfolding before you. Because, ultimately, your life is made up of moments. So don't miss them by being lost in the past or anticipating the future." 

 

 

Bobbi Brown, CEO of Bobbi Brown Cosmetics, Fashion Institute of Technology in 2014

“Work hard but work smart. Always. Every day. Nothing is handed to you and nothing is easy. You’re not owed anything... No job or task is too small or beneath you. If you want to get ahead, volunteer to do the things no one else wants to do, and do it better. Be a sponge. Be open and learn.”

 

Christian Louboutin, Shoe Designer, Fashion Institute of Technology in 2014

“It is a great thing to be at your age… You are at a very specific time of age … an age where you can follow all your dreams. But also at an age when you can change—you can change your dreams, you can change paths. When you start something when you’re young, you should not decide ‘this is it, this is my way and I will go all the way.’ You have the age where you can change. You get experience, and maybe dislike it and go another way. Your age is still an age of exploration.”

 

 

Think Outside the Box

Maybe you are living with a college bound child.  Graduation is over and high school is now in the past tense. You are shopping for extra long twin sheets and comparing meal plans and freshman classes. Seventeen magazine shares some suggestions of what Not to miss in college.  Perhaps some pointers overlooked by an eager eighteen year old?

 

 College can be one of the best times of your life so far, as the next four years will be filled with amazing firsts (like first time living with a roommate who's not your sister, or the first time living without your parents!) and memorable experiences (like living in a dorm, taking a class with 400 other students, or rushing a sorority). With so many awesome opportunities at your fingertips, how can you make the most of the next four years? Start by making sure you don't miss out, as you might regret NOT...
...Living in a dorm...
We get it, you just want to be on your own, and honestly, dorms can get kind of icky (communal showers—really?!) and annoying (blasting music at 2 a.m. the night before a big Chem midterm—really?!). But do yourself a favor, and don’t rush to get out of the dorms. Living in the dorms gives you the chance to meet all kinds of new people who you might otherwise never hang out with—and really get to know them. It's good practice for learning to deal with different types of people, and chances are, you’ll find a few new BFFs within those halls. Plus, its kind of nice having someone who can help you with your seminar paper living right down the hall!
...Studying abroad (if you can swing the cost)...
Remember when you were younger, and you used to fantasize about traveling the world? Studying abroad in college is the perfect way to make that dream a reality. If you can make it work, take advantage of one of your school's study abroad programs. Not only will you get to eat delicious food, meet awesome new people, and learn a different language, but you'll also get to experience new places and cultures in a way that will totally open your mind and help you grow. (If that's not enough for you? AMAZING INSTAGRAM PHOTOS.)
...Getting ready for class…sometimes...
Let’s face it, mornings are a struggle—especially when you stayed up until 3 a.m. finishing the essay you forgot about (oops!). In college, rolling out of bed, grabbing your books, and rocking a T-shirt and yoga pants all day is totally acceptable. But once in awhile, skip the snooze button and shower, do your hair, and put on an outfit that doesn't include part (or all!) of your pajamas. Looking put-together shows your teachers that you’re serious about learning, so at least during those first couple of weeks, take the extra 30 minutes in the morning to make a good impression. Plus, the kid sitting next to you might one day become your boss or you her boss, so road-testing some non-bedhead could be a bonus.
...Visiting your high school friends...
Even though you'll be really caught up in everything going on at your own school, separating from your high school BFFs can still be hard. Save up some cash and take advantage of a free weekend to take a road trip to visit your HS friends at their schools. Getting to put faces and visuals with the names of all the people and places they're always talking about will help you stay connected even when it feels like you're living completely different lives. Plus, as much as you may love your college (obvi!), it's good to see what life is like outside of your campus, too! You can even bring some of your new college friends along for the ride. Not only will your new and old friends get to bond, but their dining hall might be a refreshing break from yours. Or at least their pizza places...
...Taking a class just because you're interested...
You have four years to complete your major. Take a class or two just because it sounds interesting, not just because it’s required. These are the classes that you'll excel in and value the most because you genuinely want to be there. And who knows, maybe it could help your find your major or minor, or lead you down the path to your dream career.
...Joining a club...
Whether it’s a social organization like Greek life, or an academic group like the newspaper, joining a club has TONS of benefits. Not only is it a great way to meet new people (and possibly some cuties!), but it also looks great to future employers! Getting involved on campus shows that you can balance multiple projects, can be a team player, and are willing to go above and beyond what is expected of you, not to mention, it's a great way to pick up some skills that might prove handy on a resume. So go to the Activities Fair your first week (even if it sounds totally lame), and sign up for at least one activity.
...Taking advantage of your professors' office hours...
Back in HS, your teachers would come to you if there was a problem with your homework or if you totally bombed a quiz, and there was usually an opportunity to make it up, or at least it gave you time to try to turn things around before the end of the semester. Unfortunately, college is not like that. It's on you to take ownership of your grades, stay on top of how you're doing in your classes, and get help when you need it. Even though your first year is going to be hectic, take the time to meet with professors. Most hold office hours when you can talk to them about anything from an upcoming paper or something in class you didn't understand to why you didn't get the grade you wanted on your midterm. A lot of profs also hold special review sessions before exams: GO!
...Switching to the major you really want...
It’s hard to believe that at the ripe age of 18 we're supposed to know exactly what we want to do with our lives. While there are some people who are #blessed and do know, it’s totally fine if you don’t (or if you change your mind!). Your first couple years of college are meant for discovering your passions, and changing your major is kind of like deciding what to wear in the morning—sometimes you have to try on a few different outfits before you find the perfect one. So if it turns out history or finance or pre-law just isn't for you, don't just stick with your major just because you don't want to start over or you'd been set on becoming a lawyer ever since you saw Legally Blonde. Focusing on what interests you is generally the best recipe for finding success, and you'll be much happier studying that all those hours at the library. Don’t be afraid to change your major once or twice (or four times…oops).
...Investing in a decent backpack.
You may be attached to your fave high school bag, but it might not cut it for college (there's no locker to keep going back to between periods). You’ll be carrying textbooks, notebooks, and a laptop with you basically everywhere you go, so get a sturdy (and stylish) backpack that’s up for the job. A two-strapper will help you avoid a seriously sore back or shoulder, and backpacks are totally trendy now, so you'll have no trouble finding the perf one to fit your style.
...Dating someone who's not your "type."
College is for trying new things—and that includes relationships. Normally into jocks? Chat up a musician! Dating different types of people helps you decide what you are really looking for in someone. That way when it comes time to DTR, you’ll know just what you want to do. And hey, you might be surprised by who you fall for!
...Cheering on your school at a game.
Even if you're more interested in what the players look like than what they are doing on the field, college sporting events can be so much fun! There’s nothing like showing your school spirit and rooting for your team with friends. So spend a Saturday afternoon or Tuesday night cheering on your school. Talking about the game could be the perfect, non-awkward way to chat up your crush!

Take a deep breath and enjoy  this summer with your college-bound son or daughter.  The house will be very quiet in September! chrissie

What Goes Around Comes Around

If you are living with a teen, you may be feeling unappreciated.  In fact, you may be feeling down-right hostility and resentment.  Slammed doors and deep sighs may be the norm in your home.  Don't despair. Blogger and college student, Lexi Herrick shares her insight from the perspective of twenty years.  Summer's here!  Enjoy.  Chrissie

To all of the parents out there that feel as though the stubborn adolescent that you created will never change, here is some hope for you. It's just a process to their becoming your biggest fan. To all of the young adults who have this figured out, let your parents know how awesome they are.

 It seems that every time my college-aged friends and I begin telling stories about our families, we always arrive at the same conclusion; our parents are simply the coolest people ever. Now I use the word "cool" because that is the evolution of being a parent that takes place.

When you are a child, your parents are like God. Everything they say and do amazes you and you worship their every move. This is because they control your whole world. No one has really given you any ideas other than those two magical creatures. Somewhere throughout the process of learning about other aspects of life and being influenced by the presence of your peers, your parents start to become the opposite of cool to you. You feel like they just don't "understand you" and all they want to do is "control your life." This phase continues for different amounts of time depending upon who you are. There is no exact science to how long you feel this way. But during this stage you are distant from your parents. You feel you need to escape them. If you are a teenage girl, you actually view your mother as the anti-christ, because for some reason mom is always the more evil one.

 If you're a teenager in general, you think every one of your friends is the absolute most amazing person to ever set foot into your life. You start trying to find things wrong with your parents and reasons why you'd rather lay locked up in your room listening to music than be around those two monsters and their expectations that feel so outrageous to you. Growing up is confusing, and feeling inadequate is natural. Insecurity means despising being questioned, and your parents question you a lot. Therefore you cannot stand them. Everything around you is changing. Friends are kind to you. Friends are also immensely cruel. You just want to be "cool." You want everyone to accept you. Therefore you try relentlessly to accomplish that and keep reiterating your teenage battle cry that you absolutely cannot wait to get the heck away from those awful parents of yours that hold you back. But then at some point, it all changes.

For some, it's when you graduate high school. For others, it is during high school. It can even last longer than college at times. The thing is, life will eventually start showing you how much better your parents are than literally everyone else. The first time you move away or experience any change, you realize all of the people you lose. You are actually friends with maybe two or three of the 15-plus BEST friends you would have died for in middle school or high school. You start watching life change and people change, and then you look around and whom do you see? It's those freaking parents again. You stop trying so hard to be accepted by everyone and cease all attempts to force people to stay in your life. You come to the beautiful realization that you only really need the people who put effort into the relationships that you have with them. You become happy with who you are and no longer feel like you have to impress people into being interested in spending time with you. You don't need to convince people that you're awesome. After all, your parents always thought you were.  

When you get older, you want to spend time with the people in your life who deserve to be there, and you actually appreciate the reasons why they deserve to be there. You remember every school play, dorky awards ceremony, and soccer game that your parents treated like the Olympics or the Oscars. You remember all of the people that made you feel like you weren't good enough and just think about your mom running around taking literally a thousand pictures of you with your friends standing in front of a stupid tree before prom. You realize you were always good enough; you were a celebrity to the coolest people ever. You will spend your entire adolescent years trying to figure out what it means to be "cool" and realize that your parents showed you all along.

I have learned from my parents. Be honest. Be a hard worker. Be dependable. Be kind. Be confident. Be true to yourself. I have learned that if I want to have positive people in my life, I need to choose people who treat me like my parents do. You learned this too I am sure, or you will. You know when a Friday night comes around and the idea of hanging out with your parents sounds like by far the best option. You know when something exciting happens in your life and they're the first ones you run to. You know when you are choosing a couple to double date with, and you know there's only one dynamic duo you want to call. Above all, you know your parents are the  people ever that have put up with as much of your crap, and loved you so unconditionally/   So go, give the coolest people ever a hug or a phone call, they deserve it.

How can I Make it Better?

Julie Fingersh, Huffington Post contributor. discusses college rejection letters.  The high school senior's angst as hopes are dashed with one thin envelope.  She has good insight. Nothing will make it easier but the tips below may help a difficult situation more bearable. Chrissie

Hear that cracking sound? It could be spring bursting into bloom. Or it could be the sound of millions of high school senior hearts breaking over college rejection letters.
If your kid is one of them, here's how it feels: Their future? Shaken and blank. All that misery and sweat invested in the school grind? Wasted. The answer to their innermost question, "Am I worthy?" Delivered in that skinny envelope -- a thunderous "No."
Now parents, you're up. You've got before you one of the most powerful teachable moments ever. And even if you think your teen would rather skin themselves alive than have this conversation with you, just know that you are singularly qualified to help them grieve, reframe and move forward.
Here's how to do it:
Meet them fully in their private hell. Fight the impulse to gloss over or short-circuit their grief. Skip the: "You'll be fine" or "It's their loss." The key to getting over this is dealing with it, not denying or explaining it away. Remember, our kids have been raised on the notion that their entire lives so far have led to this. Help them identify their worst fears and fantasies about what they think this rejection means to their future. Then give them the comfort of knowing that you truly understand and feel their pain.
Tell the truth about your own hardest failures. As parents, our most profound moments of self-doubt and rejection are valuable currency to our kids. Sharing honestly connects us to them on an adult level and will help them normalize this fork in the road. Didn't make honors when all your friends did? Passed over for a promotion you were in line for at work? Got rejected from your top college choice? Our kids need to know that we know -- and have survived -- how lousy and afraid they feel right now. Our skeletons in the closet are the ticket.
Help them see the "Appearance vs. Reality" of this moment. Remember, this is the generation of kids that has been awarded trophies just for showing up to practice. For many of them, rejection this authoritative is staggering. It's not just their future that feels at stake, it's their identity. Create some context for them: This is not the foreshadowing of a new, failing trajectory. This is one answer coming from a very imperfect admissions process run by a stressed-out room of directors trying to figure out how to make objective choices out of impossibly subjective information.
Shed light on the link between college and success. A 2014 Gallup poll found that when it comes to hiring, a mere 9 percent of U.S. business leaders ranked where a candidate went to college as "very important." What does matter most to 84 percent of top employers? Knowledge and applied skills in the field. Then there's the question of knowing how to create a fulfilling life. As we adults know, everyone's got to crack that code for themselves, and one's alma mater is a small piece of the equation. Where you go to school isn't nearly as important as what you make of where you go.
Help them see that a life story is never revealed in the moment. We live our lives in chapters whose bigger picture is revealed only over time. I always thought that I was born to go to Brown University. I knew it from the age of 12. It was my singular, youthful ambition. And yet, I was rejected while my two best friends got in. Devastated doesn't begin to describe what I felt. Reflecting back, I can see that the most joyous, important things in my life today -- my husband, kids and community -- would not have come about if I had gotten in to Brown. All roads lead to where you are. There's no telling what good may come from that skinny envelope.
Reassure them that their hard work has not been wasted. New research shows that the true predictors for a successful life are resilience, flexibility and persistence. All three are learned through failure, not success. Mention this now and they might kill you. But in a few weeks, without a word, email them this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/18/the-9-essential-qualitie_n_4760403.html?utm_hp_ref=email_share
Show them the road ahead. Reframed with the right perspective, this rejection is a pointer towards their next step. After coming to terms with the hand they've been dealt, your teen's job is to get excited about diving into the myriad of options they do have. The trick is to help them see the truth: They are in control. This is their life -- their move. The world is just as huge, wide open and waiting for them as it always was. And they've still got everything they need to end up right where they're meant to be.

It's Too Quiet!

Those of you who still have small children in the house may not believe it, but one day you'll actually miss the piles of laundry and dirty dishes left behind by your little ones. Kids -- they grow up so fast. And while you treasure the ever-evolving relationship you now have with your children as they grow up, admit it: you miss when they were still your babies. 
Huffington Post"s Shelley Emling  asked it's readers about the things they never thought they'd miss once their kids left the house, and here's what they had to say. I would add the conversations around the dinner table. Finally gathering together after a busy day and catching up on our day.  chrissie

1. "The noise and havoc ... of feeding hordes of teenage boys"

"I miss feeding hordes of teenage boys who ate in the 'orange food group': Doritos, mac and cheese, pizza rolls and the like."

2. "Their friends in and out of the house"

3. "Reading before bedtime"

"Singing in a car pool full of little girls. Dinner time conversations about history. Reading at bedtime. Actually, I knew I would miss all those things, and I do."
4. "Learning about them just by watching them in action"

"When they are not with me, I miss the 'ambient learning' about them. What I mean is that 'empty cups' show me they drink chocolate milk and 'magazines' show me their interests. Kids may not always state (out loud) what they drink... Or who they follow... But when they leave the evidence behind (and oh, they do :-))... I get clues into who they are and what they like. I often otherwise miss that connection."
5. "All the half-full soda cans and there not being one clean glass in the house"


6. "Being right in the middle of the chaotic mess of their lives"

"Who new I would miss the chaos that five wonderful kids can create! Whether that's their messy bathrooms, bedrooms or lives! I miss being in the middle of the mess SOMETIMES!"
7. "Shopping for prom and homecoming dresses"


8. "Waiting up for them to come home"


9. "Needing to bake for a variety of activities -- parties, bake sales, sleepovers, congratulatory cookie cakes."


10. "Doing laundry"

"Funny you asked that because I just shared a photo on my FB page of one of the piles of towels and bedding I was left with after my daughter and her three friends just went back to college after spending spring break at our house. I was actually happy to be doing all that laundry and I loved having them here and hearing all that laughing and screaming, and the constant opening and closing of the fridge door. And I definitely miss having an excuse for buying all that junk food."
11. "Getting up and fixing a lunch. Have a good day and a kiss goodbye"


12. "Having all their friends crash here on the weekends and breakfast together and hearing all the stories from the night before"


13. "The jumble of shoes by the front door"

Just Nod Your Head Yes.

 A man leaves his parents and his wife becomes his focus. Sons grow up, meet girls, get married and voila, a couple is formed.
So is a Mother-in-Law.  And like it or not when this happens the rules change. With a new, precious daughter- in-law, I am trying to make sure I avoid the pitfalls of Mother-in lawism.  Kind of the wear beige and keep your mouth shut at the wedding, only for life!!! My newest mantra?  Mind my own business.  Mind my own business................chrissie

Pick your battles. So how do you avoid conflicts with your daughter-in-law? Here are some of the things Grandparents.com advises we shouldn't do and topics we should avoid:
Don't talk about...The baby’s name. My daughter-in-law refused to play the “What Are You Going to Name the Baby?” game for each of her three pregnancies. And who can blame her. “Colum? What kind of a name is that? Brandon. Tyler. Lucy. Adam.” Everyone weighs in on a name, loving it or hating it. She waited until each baby was born to tell us. Megan. Luke. Euan. Embrace the name. Whatever name your son and daughter-in-law choose.
Don't talk about...Where they live. If it happens to be closer to her parents, that’s okay. If it happens to be right next door to her parents, that’s okay. If it happens to be a room in her parent’s home, that’s okay, too. You are not being replaced! My daughter and son-in-law moved in with us for a while right after their first child was born. The other grandparents, who lived 200 miles away, never acted as if we were the victors in some game of tug of war. But I felt like a victor. And I felt guilty.
A few years later when the other grandparents moved in with my son and daughter-in-law and our by then two grandkids, I felt a little replaced. But I shouldn’t have because I wasn’t. Kids love their grandparents whether they are in the tiny room down the hall or an ocean away. My son’s children, whose other grandparents live in Scotland, are constant reminders of this. They Skype. Granny Scotland sends them “parcels” all the time. And when she flies into town, it’s as if Mary Poppins has arrived.
Don't talk about...Weight gain or loss. If your daughter-in-law looks a little bigger than she used to, do not say a word. Do not give her a gym membership, a three-month pass to Weight Watchers, a subscription to Cooking Light, or a lecture about calories when she reaches for a roll. (And if you go clothes shopping together, do not tell her that something makes her look big.) People gain weight. People lose weight. Say nothing.
Don't talk about...Seeing the grandkids. Sure, you want to see them. You want to open the door and have them rush into your arms and cover you with kisses. And maybe you want to take them somewhere: to the beach, the zoo, a park, on vacation. Maybe you love playing with them. On the floor when they are little, and board games as they get bigger. But maybe not. There are two kinds of grandparents: the get-on-their-level kind and the rise-to-my-level kind. Every grandparent is as different as every grandchild. And so is every parent. Some sons and daughters-in-law love for their parents to be around and involved in their kids lives. But some need space.
Once again, the parents get to make the rules. Are you around too little or too much? Ask them. What would they like you to do? How can you help. Wouldn’t you have loved for your in-laws to ask you these things?
Don't talk about...Rules for the kids. If your daughter-in-law asks you not do something, as in, “Please don’t give the children chocolate before they go to bed,” “Please don’t bring the kids another toy,” “Please, please, please don’t tell them stories about monsters,” listen to her. Respect her wishes just as you wanted your mother-in-law to respect yours. Grandparents are there for support, not to blaze the path with the grandkids. We had our chance with our own kids.
Don't talk about...Schooling. She likes Montessori. You prefer Waldorf. She chooses private. You believe in public. She says pre-school. You say, “Waste of money.” Don’t. We all got to raise our kids. We need to let our sons and daughters-in-law raise theirs. Where and when a child attends school is an important choice. But it’s not ours to make.
Don't talk about...How she spends money. This is a biggie. We all spend our money on things we think are important. My oldest daughter likes fancy restaurants and expensive shoes. My youngest likes concerts. I like all things Halloween. What’s a waste of money to one person is a necessity to another. So even if your daughter-in-law decides to get yet another butterfly tattooed on her arm, say nothing. It’s her money, her life, and her arm. And really, didn’t you want to make your own decisions when you were her age? And didn’t you want to be validated?
And while you're at it...
Don't talk about...Books as gifts. If you both read and love to talk about books themselves, fine. What I’m talking about here are books as gifts. Do not give your daughter-in-law any kind of etiquette book, a cookbook (unless she’s a good cook who loves to cook), self-help books or books about how to raise children. It’s passive-aggressive, and you know it. And, trust me, it will lead to a blow-up.
Don't...Putter in the kitchen. Do not rearrange the spice cabinet or clean out the silverware drawer or wipe down the counters no matter how much you want to. It’s criticism.
That’s all getting along is—being who you are and being accepted for it. And that’s all your daughter-in-law wants.

No Cooky Cutter Class

You know your own child. You know if he is a visual person. If she has to write instructions down to remember.  There is the daughter who is creative and imaginative. The son who sees the world as black and white and is analytical to the core.  Left brain?  Right brain?  Structured.  Flexible.   The good news is that education is following suit.  Teachers are being taught how to address the variety of learning styles represented in a classroom.  If your child seems to be struggling, perhaps this learning style is the key to his /success. Chrissie 

10 ways to differentiate learning…

Once upon a time in the olden days, the teacher stood out front and taught the whole class the same material in the same way. Everyone was expected to do the same tasks, some passed and some failed and were labelled ever after. The focus was on teaching, not on learning. One size was supposed to fit all and if you learned in a different way, too bad for you.

Time passed and it turned out that everyone didn’t learn in the same way after all. The teacher realised that learners have different needs, interests and abilities. Differentiated instruction was invented. The teacher prepared different tasks for each group in her class and preparation now took a whole lot longer. The needs of the learner were being better catered for, but the teacher was up all night.

She needed to think about differentiation in a different way.

10 ways to differentiate learning…

1. Let go.

Give the students (at least some) ownership of their learning. Don’t always be the boss of the class, be part of the community of learners. Don’t make all the decisions. Allow choice. Encourage students to think about how they learn best. Have students decide how to demonstrate their learning.

2. Change your expectations.

One size does not fit all. Not everyone fits the traditional mould of school, but that doesn’t mean they can’t learn. You might need to change what you do. Remember you teach people, not subjects.

3. Change the sequence.

Learners don’t need total mastery of all the skills before they can apply them. Provide meaningful, authentic learning opportunities for everyone. Turn Bloom’s taxonomy on its head. All students can solve real problems and write for a real audience.

4. Use technology creatively.

Blogging, film making, global interactions, social media, photography, gaming (and much more!) …all provide naturally differentiated opportunities for learners with varied levels of ability, different interests and special talents.

5. Care about what matters to them.

Encourage learners to follow their interests. Know their story. Make their learning relevant. Connect with their passions… or help them to discover what they might be.

6. Assess for learning.

It’s not about a test at the end. Record student thinking and track development over time. Create meaningful assessment tasks that allow transfer of learning to other contexts. Think of everything as an assessment. Every piece of work, every blog post, every interaction, every conversation can tell us where a learner is at and where they need to go.

7. Embrace inquiry as a stance.

Create a culture of thinking, questioning, wondering and exploring. Start your questions with ‘What do you think?’ so that all responses are acceptable. Find ways to provoke learners’ curiosity and a desire to find out for themselves.

8. Don’t be the only teacher.

Students can learn from their peers, other teachers, parents, their on-line contacts, the world. Help them build their own personal learning network with and from whom they can learn.

9. Focus on learning, not work.

Make sure you and your students know the reason for every learning experience. Don’t give ‘busy work’. Don’t start by planning activities, start with the ‘why‘ and then develop learning experiences which will support independent learning.

10. Encourage goal setting and reflection.

Help students to define goals for their learning. Provide opportunities for ongoing self-evaluation and reflection. Provide constructive, specific feedback. Student blogs are great tools for reflecting on learning and responding to their peers.

If you’re the teacher in the story above, take a look at this chart, highlighting the differences between differentiated instruction and personalised learning. Personalization vs Differentiation vs Individualization by Barbara Bray.

Have a Plan

(s your teenager driving you crazy? Is all that angst, all those raging hormones, all that fighting for independence-making your home a battleground? Do you stare across the dinner table, dreaming of the day that doors don't slam, rooms stay clean and peace descends on your family once again? Dreaming of the day-your teen heads to college.

I read something sobering this weekend. In the United States today, over 50% of grown children will return to their childhood home within 5-6 years. And stay for a while.

That may leave you wondering, late at night....."Dear Lord, we didn't cover everything. They could be back by Thursday."

You frantically call your college -age children to remind them of the million things they don't remember you teaching them, Unfortunately, they are partying the night away, celebrating being liberated from their parents.

Well, all is not lost. Just remember, the time to start preparing children for adulthood is while they are still young. The alternative is a thirty-year-old teenager losing the remote control, leaving their wet towels on the floor and staying out past their curfew.

I happened upon a clever list. It outlines things teens should know before they leave home. What follows are some of the best ones.

1. They should know life is sometimes difficult so they won't get discouraged and move home.

2. They should know they now pay the bills.

3.They should know the lifestyle they enjoyed growing up is not waiting for them, just because they graduated from college.

4. They should know that if a friend's possessions make them feel bad about themselves, they should find new friends.

5. They should know the difference between washing a Lexus or owning one is education.

6. They should know to seek the advice of a mentor, not unemployed club friends.

7. They should know that if getting a good job was easy, everyone would have one.

8. They should know that self discipline is the key to solving life's problems.

9. They should know victims are never happy.

10. They should know life's challenges make us stronger, better, healthier, more spiritual and more grateful human beings.

Summer's flying by. Enjoy it with those you love. chrissie

Who am I Now?

I have been reading what I call, "a little book." It won't be on the New York Times Best Seller List. I probably won't see the author being interviewed by a talk show host. It has a limited audience but nevertheless speaks to those of us who pick it up.

The gift of an Ordinary Day - A Mother's Memoir, is a meditation on midlife. It speaks to those women who have passed babies and preschool and little league and moved on to curfews, hormones and children leaving home. It is a book about midlife want and loss. The author, Katrina Kenison assures us that mothers can reinvent themselves as their teens grow up. Mother's can truly claim new ground right along with their teenagers. Her book gives women the tools to switch gears and to find fulfillment and joy in this next part of our lives.

Kenison writes, "At mid-life, I managed to convince myself that physical movement was a prerequisite for change. Going somewhere else would satisfy a restlessness of spirit. Now, I recognize the restlessness for what it was-the first stirrings of fear that my own life would be over when my children left home. I began to ask the question, who am I now?"

"Once upon a time I took pride in the predictable patterns of our days; nap times and bath times and bed times. Later I taught my sons to cook for themselves and I proofread book reports and chauffeured carloads of boys. Now we're in a different place and a different time, and I need to become a different kind of mother. A mother who knows how to back off. A mother who's gaze is not so focused on her two endlessly absorbing children, but who is engaged in a rich full life of her own. "

"I must be a mother who trusts in who her children are, even if they aren't exactly who she thinks they ought to be. Who keeps faith in the future, even when the things her children do in the present give her pause. A mother who remembers, above all else, that the greatest gift she can give her nearly grown sons is the knowledge that, no matter what, she loves them both absolutely, just exactly as they are."
"
"What confirmed me as a mother from the first moment of birth to the now as each prepares to leave , is a heart full of love. That is the constant, the "never change". Love is the infinite, durable strand that's woven itself through all the days of a shared past and will wind it's way through our unknowable futures, no matter how much life separates us, no matter where my sons journey may ultimately lead them."

Katrina Kenison, in this small book, teaches the art of letting go and holding on. It is available at the Muskogee Public Library and on-line at Amazon. Enjoy. Chrissie

Thirteen Pink Candles

My granddaughter has a big birthday coming  up  She hits the double digits.  Ten years old.  Whoosh. The time goes in the blink of an eye. Turning ten is flirting with that pre-teen  part of a young girl's development.  Goodbye American Girl dolls.  Hello Jonas Brothers.

If Annebelle is like her Mother, she'll go kicking and screaming into this next part of growing up..  Being 10 is a golden time and I'm glad she's not in any hurry to totally leave childhood behind.  Her interest is peaked but so far, only wardrobe selection and bedroom decor seems to show a new maturity.  I hope we get to keep our little girl around a bit longer, but watching her continue to grow toward the woman she will be is a gift I look forward to. 

Blogger Shelley Emling shares a wonderful letter she wrote to her 13-year-old daughter on her birthday. Her insight and advice is right on.   If we could just open their precious, little heads and pour it all in. 
Enjoy.  chrissie


People always say that my daughter looks just like my husband and nothing like me, a remark that's a bit disheartening considering that, in their next breath, they usually note how pretty she is. But it's true. My daughter looks very little like me and is also a completely remarkable, mysterious personality, as different from me as chalk is from cheese. Whereas I was wary and reserved at 12, she is bold and effusive.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, passers-by would glance at my two sons, then at my bulging belly, and say, "Oh, I bet I know what you're hoping for." And they were right. I love my boys like mad but I always, always wanted a daughter. I imagined the two of us would share secrets, spill personal stories and watch girly movies all night.
It hasn't quite worked out that way. Like most girls on the cusp of teenagerhood, she travels as part of a pack and rarely asks for my opinion about, well, most anything. And that's exactly the way I was with my own mother at that age, a mother who -- by the time I turned 21 -- was my very best friend.
No, my dear daughter, you have turned out to be nothing like I thought you'd be. Instead, you've turned out to be so much more. Seeing the world anew through your eyes is more fabulous than I could have ever imagined. And I will always be grateful to you for that.
So Happy 13th Birthday! And before you become awash in friends and presents and giggles and silliness tonight, take a moment to read these 13 things I'd like you to know, but would never force you to sit and listen to me say. (Or at least save it for when you come up for air in about, hmmm, six years.) Often, these sorts of lists are regurgitated pellets mined from other regurgitated pellets. But I assure you, the following bits and pieces come straight from my heart.
1. Try to have fun -- and a lot of it.
I told you this last summer, when you were rolling your eyes at me for singing along with a piano player in that funky restaurant in Latin America. But it really is true. Everyone is so darn serious all the time, especially as they grow older. But even when you're 50, don't be afraid to dance all night or skip in the rain or belly laugh while watching cartoons. Accept invitations. See the world. Be spontaneous. As the former governor of Texas Ann Richards once said, "Whatever the question is, the answer is always yes -- unless it's illegal."
2. Never be afraid to say no to someone.
Of course, after Richards' quote, I probably shouldn't follow with "just say no." But this is true as well. If you say "no," and don't hem and haw, people will appreciate your honesty -- even if they don't like what they hear -- more than they'll appreciate hearing a "yes" that you have to renege on. If you can't commit to something -- or to someone -- please say so. It may be an old-fashioned truism, but that doesn't mean "say what you mean and mean what you say" isn't true.
3. It is usually not about you.
As you grow older, don't worry so much about sucking your tummy in, or making sure there's not a hair out of place. Most of the time, no one is looking. Really. People like to think everyone is focused on them but, in actuality, people are usually focused on themselves. And if someone does something to you that's hurtful, it's almost certainly related to something going on in their life that has nothing to do with you.
4. No one will ever love you the way your dad and I love you.
I know, I know. You may get married. You may have kids. You may have countless boyfriends. And they will all love you enormously. There's no doubt in my mind. But when my mother died, I realized that no one in the world would ever light up the way she used to when I walked into a room.
5. Modesty is very attractive.
No matter what you call them -- tiger moms or helicopter parents -- a lot of moms and dads these days walk around telling their offspring how bright and capable they are, that they can do everything perfectly and be anything they want. As a result, many kids exude this sort of "I'm better than everyone else" self-confidence. And no doubt it's nice to be self-confident. But being humble will draw others to you, and make you stand out, more than pounding on your chest ever will.
6. Always stay close to your brothers.
Yes, I'm talking about the boy who put the cicada down your shirt. While the three of you might compete for attention in the household now, there will come a point when you all -- I'm hoping -- will be the best of friends. Support one another. Talk to one another. Be there when they need you and they'll be there for you. (I'll talk to them later.)
7. Life can turn on a dime.
My grandparents died instantly in a car accident so I speak from experience. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Never take anything for granted. Be grateful and tell your loved ones you love them -- every chance you get.
8. This too shall pass.
You told me the other day that this was your favorite saying. And I like it as well. No matter how mad you are, or how sad you feel, it will pass. Certain losses will impact you for the rest of your life, but time does heal the pain. I promise.
9. Try not to hold a grudge.
Life's way too short to constantly be mad at someone. Everyone makes mistakes. If you've inadvertently hurt someone, the last thing you want is for them to hold a grudge against you. Let things go. Be forgiving.
10. Don't build your worth on objects, but on experiences.
You can look around our house and tell that we've always valued travel a lot more than nice furniture. And I'm so glad we did.
11. Come out of your room every once in awhile.
We won't bite and you might actually enjoy yourself.
12. I value your opinion.
I may not always agree with you, but I want to hear what you have to say. I'm the first to admit I was a horrible teenager. If there was a rule to break, I broke it. I'm going to be watching you with an experienced eye and with your best interests at heart. But I will always hear you out before coming to any conclusions.
13. It's not uncool to have mom and dad in your corner.
When I went away to London to do my junior year abroad -- nervous but trying not to show it -- my mother said to me quietly, "You know, you are the prettiest girl here," just before I got on the plane. I remember rolling my eyes and saying, "Yeah, right mom" because clearly there were much prettier girls in the waiting area. But I knew what she was trying to do. And what I wouldn't give right now to hear my mom say those words to me again.
Finally, here's one to grow on -- a nugget from your oldest brother: "Make good choices."
And if you don't, we'll deal with it. So have a fabulous birthday today. I love you, you smart, gorgeous, unpredictable, hilariously funny 13-year-old girl.

Show Me the Money

It's crunch time for graduating seniors and time to get it in gear for juniors.  College applications . College choices.  Then. The hard part. Finding the money to pay for it.  It's tempting to  go with  so called "scholarship services".   Be careful. If it sounds too good to be true- it probably is.  Research carefully before paying anything!   Below are some easy guidelines for accessing if  services and promises are viable.  Chrissie

This article was written by teen reporters from The Mash, a weekly publication distributed to Chicagoland high schools.

By Katie Jenkins, Naperville North High School

Scholarship deadlines for the 2014-15 school year are quickly approaching, and college-bound students across the nation are scrambling to finish their applications.

While receiving free money is an exciting proposition, students should know that some offers are just too good to be true. The federal government has won $22 million in judgments against scholarship scam artists, according to a 2012 Federal Trade Commission report. Finaid.org estimates that victims are cheated out of as much as $100 million each year.

However, Charles Mayfield, associate director of financial aid at the University of Illinois at Champaign-Urbana, and Carol Krashen, College & Career Center assistant at Naperville North, have advice on how to protect yourself from scholarship swindlers.

1. Application fees

A scholarship provider should only request your time, not your money. If you’re ever required to send in an application fee, you’re most likely stepping into a scam. Even if the offer guarantees a refund, it’s unlikely that you’ll ever see the money you paid up front again. Krashen and Mayfield consider an application fee to be one of the most glaring red flags you’ll encounter.

2. Limited contact information

You should always look for the sponsor’s contact information—that’s a strong indicator of whether or not a scholarship is legitimate. If you can’t find a phone number on the site’s “Contact Us” page, you may have uncovered a crucial red flag. However, a listed phone number doesn’t guarantee a valid scholarship. “If there is a phone number listed, I would Google it,” Krashen said. “If it were a scam, you are likely to find complaints and warnings from others.”

Also, be wary of scholarship foundations that list California or Florida addresses. According to FinAid, many scholarship scams are based in these two states.

3. Paying for advice on how to pay for college

You should never pay for financial aid advice. “While I wouldn’t necessarily call this a scam, we do see instances of students paying for financial aid and college financing advice,” Mayfield said. “The same information is available for free through a variety of resources—a college’s financial aid office being one or a high school counselor being another.”

The list of free resources doesn’t end there. You can search scholarships through the U.S. Department of Labor’s online search tool, careerinfonet.org/scholarshipsearch. Foundations, libraries and community organizations also provide books and information.

4. Privacy policy tricks

When a scholarship offer seems to good to be true, you should always examine its privacy policy. Here, you can discover whether or not the sponsor plans to sell your personal information to a third party. If they do, refuse the offer and continue your search.

Likewise, you should never have to give your information to a third party as part of your application. “If you have to apply for something else in order to be considered for a scholarship—for example, if you have to apply for a credit card or apply for a loan—we usually find those to be scams,” Mayfield warned.

5. Sketchy search engines

Neither Krashen nor Mayfield discourage online research, but they do advise you to be especially cautious. If you’re looking for a safe scholarship search engine, Mayfield recommends fastweb.com. “When you complete all the information for Fastweb, you’re not releasing your information for scholarships yet,” he said. “You are going to be presented with a list of scholarships, and then it is up to you to apply for each of the scholarships individually.”

Krashen agrees that national search engines have merit, but she suggests students create a separate email account if they plan to sign up for these scholarship-matching sites.

“Students have to realize that the only way that colleges are going to communicate with them is through their email,” Krashen said. “I’ve heard horror stories of students not responding to a college’s email due to the plethora of spam mail that they are getting (from such sites).”

Read more teen-written articles on TheMash.com

Take a Cleansing Breath

Jim Jordan, MD is a leading expert on parenting girls from 2 - 20 years of age. He is a Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrician, international speaker, author, media and school consultant.  Dr. Jordan's expertise focuses on teen girls.  In this discussion, he offers practical and simple exercises to offset busy and stressful lives.  It teaches young women to look inward and find themselves. That core place where each one mediates on who they are and what they really want.  

Kids and teens today are moving too fast, and their busy-ness and constant distractions with technologies leaves them feeling disconnected, restless, and stressed. I coach girls in my retreats, camps, and school programs to learn how to slow down, get quiet, and go inward. This is crucial in order for girls to figure out who they are and what they really need.

The following are ways that girls can get calm and work on their 'inner resumes'.

1. Breath work: When you can focus all of your attention on your breathing, everything else gets pushed aside and you are in your body and in this moment. I have girls count to five as they breathe in, hold the breath a few seconds, and then slowly breathe out as they count backwards to zero.

2. Focus on your senses: On my retreats, I'll have the girls go outside, close their eyes, and then sit quietly for 10 minutes and just take in all the sounds around them. Or I'll have them stare for minutes at a time at some aspect of nature: laying down and looking up at clouds, tree branches against the sky, flowers, or stars at night. Focusing on one sense like this is a powerful way of being mindful and in the moment, which is very calming.

3. Writing: This is one of my favorite habits for girls to adopt. This can look like journaling your feelings and thoughts, writing short stories or poetry, or writing songs. It's a great way to quiet yourself and check in with your emotions and thinking, as well as a healthy way to express your innermost feelings and desires.

4. Art: Some girls sketch, paint, doodle, or sculpt in order to slow themselves down. We have often done mandalas at camp, which is drawing inside a circle as a way to tap into your self-conscious. I know girls who make friendship bracelets, knit, and jewelry for friends with rubber bands. Again, it's a valuable way to shut out the world and go inward.

5. Music: Listening to music or playing an instrument is quieting. Writing songs and singing also fit under this category. Nature sound tapes are also meditative for many kids.

6. Physical activities: Practices like yoga and tai chi have been used to self-quiet and relax for thousands of years. Having girls do progressive muscle relaxation exercises works as well. Many runners describe getting into a trance or zone when they run distances.

7. Guided imagery: Doing visualization is also a great de-stressor and a means to get focused and calm. At our camps, we will take a long hike through the woods, down to a lake or creek, and stop along the way to quietly observe some aspect of nature. Once back, we will guide the girls to recall the trip, remembering what they saw and heard all along the way. This then becomes a memory they can go back to whenever they want to relax their minds and focus on something positive and calming during the school year.

8. Pets: Sitting down and talking with their pets, real and stuffed, quickly calms many kids and teens. Their dog listens without interrupting them, and their love is unconditional.

9. Nature: Research has shown that time in nature is very grounding, and a good place to get quiet. I encourage girls to find safe spots outdoors where they can go to decompress. This can look like climbing trees, sitting beside a creek or lake or ocean, or walking through the woods. Quiet moments at our camps where we pause to watch a sunset over the lake, or stargaze in a field at night have become popular rituals that our campers love and look forward to each summer they return.

10. Mindfulness: I encourage girls to become more mindful, as in doing one thing at a time with your full, one-pointed attention. Multi-tasking is stressful, but mindfulness is relaxing and centering.

We need to guide kids to balance out the relentless noise and distractions of their everyday lives with times of quiet solitude where they can reflect, soul-search, daydream, and gather themselves. Learning to connect with your inner voice, wisdom, and knowing can only come during periods of peace and quiet.

This so Called Life

Here's an oldie but goody.  I posted this 4 years ago and it is still relevant. This me generation needs to be taught how to be responsible.  If not, they are going to have a big dose of reality after college.  Plucky. Creative. Hard working. Realistic. Happy Spring Break Everyone.  Enjoy the time off. chrissie

 Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things teens did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel--good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. This is a subject both Mel and I have discussed over and over. We are doing this next generation no favors by enabling and excusing them. It is daunting to think about turning the wheels of the world over to young men and women who don't have a clue about hard work, responsibility and commitment.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with an expense account until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
And finally, the best of all- Rule #11. Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
  Have a great week. Chrissie