If Only....

I happened on some excellent insight from a young Huffington Post contributor.  Danielle Woo offers five  straight-forward and dead on tips from her very own very recent high school experience. Share with your own pre -teen or middle schooler.  Maybe, just maybe, they'll listen

As a teenager, you get a lot of things shouted at you from all different directions and it's often overwhelming. I've learned a lot over the last few years of high school and often find myself wishing so badly to be able to go back in time and talk to 14-year-old me. Here are some things I wish someone would have informed me in my naive, dreamer girl days.

1. High school is never like it is in the movies.

While we may already know this, it's hard not to map out your last four years of education as something based straight out of a Disney flick. Having a Troy Bolton of my own probably crossed my imagination when I was younger. As a freshman, everything is so new and you're dealing with the constant feeling of apathy all while caring way too much. It's a delicate balance that I think only teenagers alone ever understand fully. To put things in more cynical terms: lower your expectations. Don't expect your knight in shining armor to pick you up for a magical time at the school dance. Don't map out a crazy romance soiree that belongs in a Nicholas Sparks novel. Expect change, but don't try so hard to fantasize it. Romanticizing things will only lead you on a deluded pathway to empty cartons of ice cream.

2. Make friends with your teachers.

I regret any major attitude I had in the beginning of high school because it definitely tampers with the relationships you have with your teachers. Not all of them will be fair, or even tolerable, and while that may inspire you to want to take your first dignified stand against today's education system, it won't prevent you from failing. At certain times it is going to matter whether you get that extra two percent, and if you're not on good terms with your instructor, that number probably won't budge. Respect your teachers and pay attention in class because no, you're not "too cool for school." Personally, that kid who drags everyone down with their reluctance isn't someone I'm going to remember fondly after I graduate. In fact, I probably won't remember him or her at all. Don't waste your energy on trying to seem above your assignments because it'll just come back to bite you. Plus, who do you think is in charge of writing your recommendation letters for college? Exactly. In general, you want to be nice to all of your peers as well. Trust me, there will be times when it'll seem impossible but think of a few years when you graduate; do you really want to leave knowing you're entitled to more apologies than goodbyes?

3. Be the kind of friend you would want.
You're going to meet people who are dealing with all kinds of problems. Things like eating disorders and mental illnesses are rampant in today's youth and while you may not want to believe it, chances are you'll get to know someone who suffers from one. In times like this, you have to be that friend that's going to pick up the phone at 3 a.m. when someone needs to talk. Maybe you'll be the one experiencing these things, and in that case, what would you want your friend to do for you? Sometimes you won't feel like being there, maybe you'll be too tired to listen, but it'll be worth it in the end if you really just make yourself reliable. These people you call your friends are going to be the very ones who are going to get you through your toughest times in high school.

4. Do not wallow in self-pity.

As humans, we're naturally self-centered creatures. We want to focus on all that we've done right, and, unfortunately, all that we've done wrong. Of course, feeling sorry for yourself is okay, it's even healthy! But when you're the person who's always complaining about yourself and your life and questioning all the bad things that happen to you, no one is going to want to talk to you. Nobody is going to feel sorry for you. Wallowing in self-pity is gross and only makes you feel worse in the long run. You are amazing and talented and have all the right to own those moments that make you smile, so focus on that. No one is going to feel like running to dry you with a towel when you're the one pouring water on yourself.

5. You are beautiful, intelligent, and worth it.

It's cliche, it's all over inspirational magazines and, when overused, it's even cringe worthy. But it's true! Most teenagers experience a very common thing called low self-esteem. You're surrounded by hundreds of other people who are even better at the things you thought you were best at. While it took you forty minutes to do your hair this morning, she just rolled out of bed looking like the cover of Vogue. This afternoon you just hit your personal best in sports and you feel great, that is, until that guy over there zips past you on his first try doubling your standards. Stop comparing yourself. You're not stupid because you failed a history test. Memorizing dates isn't my forte either. Don't beat yourself up because you don't look like someone because, in reality, you never will. You are yourself and that's all you ever will be. It's both mentally and physically exhausting to hate yourself and stand in the mirror picking out everything you want to change. Think of yourself at your proudest moments and then pat yourself on the shoulder because that is exactly who you are. If you have countless problems with yourself, do something about it. You're the only one who picks yourself up after a long day to keep going, even when you simply feel like sleeping through it all. That's a pretty impressive feat, and don't let yourself be convinced otherwise.

Authority Figure . Not.

Do you sometimes feel your teen shows you a lack of respect? Do your expectations not result in desired results? Does it it feel like you have lost control over your child and your home? Are your threats and cajoling falling on deaf ears? I promise, you are not alone. It is normal for tweens and teens to test their boundaries and question your authority. Normal, yes. Acceptable. No.

OK. Problem addressed. Now, how about a solution for getting your parent role back? Dr. Kevin Leman, contributor to Dr. James Dobson's magazine, Focus on the Family, offers the following insight.

It all comes down to who is really in charge in your family. Today's parents don't often act like parents. They are so concerned about being their child's friend, making sure their child is happy and successful, they fail in their most important role- to parent. They snowplow their child's road in life, clearing the path so the child never has to be uncomfortable or go out of her way. Mom and Dad become servants rather that parents who are preparing their children to be responsible and contributing citizens.

As a result, today's kids are becoming more powerful. They're all about me, me, me andgimmee. They are held less accountable for their actions and have less responsibilities in the family. Family becomes not what you give, but what you get. They rarely consider others besides themselves because they have never been taught to think that way.

Every child has a predictable strategy. He plays a trial and error game that is designed to get the best of you. He wins when he gets what he wants. If slamming the door has you trotting after your daughter with the car keys, she'll be more dramatic the next time. Children are masters at manipulation.
Leman offers the following strategy to regain your authority and insure your child is respectful and obedient.
Let Reality be the Teacher
Let nature take it's course. Don't rescue your kids from the consequences of failed responsibility.
Learn to Respond Rather than React
Often, parents react rather than respond. Our emotions get the better of us and we speak without thinking first. If the doctor says, " You responded to your medication," that's a good thing. If the doctor says, "you reacted to your medication," that's bad. Think about the difference when sweet thing asks (Insert anything here)....#1-I'm thinking of getting a tattoo...#2-There is a co-ed slumber party this weekend after the game...#3. I just don't think college is for me...

B Doesn't Happen Until A is Completed
You never have to change this strategy. It works every time with every age. If you've asked your child to do something, and it's not done, you don't go on until the next event-no matter what the event is. The secret here is consistency. Attitudes and behaviors may get worse for a time. Don't panic, it means you're on the right track. There is no threatening, no harassing, no warning. There are no put-downs. What is, is.

As you work together on attitude, behavior and character, you'll be building a relationship that is mutually satisfying. It's worth the effort. chrissie

How Do You Spell Success?

How can we model success for our family?  How can we stress it takes hard work and pluck and drive? Confidence and courage needs to be added to the formula.  Empathy and sympathy thrown in too.  Successful lives include sacrifice and long range planning.  What follows is a short list to success.  By Dan Waldschmidt 

REUTERS/Tami Chappell

You have to do the hard things. 

• You have to make the call you’re afraid to make.
• You have to get up earlier than you want to get up.
• You have to give more than get in return right away.
• You have to care more about others than they care about you.
• You have to fight when you are already injured, bloody, and sore.
• You have to feel unsure and insecure when playing if safe seems smarter.
• You have to lead when no one else is following you yet.
• You have to invest in yourself even though no one else is.
• You have to look like a fool while you’re looking for answers you don’t have.
• You have to grind out the details when it’s easier to shrug them off.
• You have to deliver results when making excuses is an option.
• You have to search for your own explanations even when you’re told to accept the “facts.”
• You have to make mistakes and look like an idiot.
• You have to try and fail and try again.
• You have to run faster even though you’re out of breath.
• You have to be kind to people who have been cruel to you.
• You have to meet deadlines that are unreasonable and deliver results that are unparalleled.
• You have to be accountable for your actions even when things go wrong.
• You have to keep moving towards where you want to be no matter what’s in front of you.

You have to do the hard things. The things that no one else is doing. The things that scare you. The things that make you wonder how much longer you can hold on.

Those are the things that define you. Those are the things that make the difference between living a life of mediocrity or outrageous success.

The hard things are the easiest things to avoid. To excuse away. To pretend like they don’t apply to you.

The simple truth about how ordinary people accomplish outrageous feats of success is that they do the hard things that smarter, wealthier, more qualified people don’t have the courage — or desperation — to do.

Do the hard things. You might be surprised at how amazing you really are.

This post originally appeared at Edgy Conversations. Copyright 2014.

It Takes All Kinds

You know your own child. You know if he is a visual person. If she has to write instructions down to remember.  There is the daughter who is creative and imaginative. The son who sees the world as black and white and is analytical to the core.  Left brain?  Right brain?  Structured.  Flexible.   The good news is that education is following suit.  Teachers are being taught how to address the variety of learning styles represented in a classroom.  If your child seems to be struggling, perhaps this learning style is the key to his /success. Chrissie 

10 ways to differentiate learning…

Once upon a time in the olden days, the teacher stood out front and taught the whole class the same material in the same way. Everyone was expected to do the same tasks, some passed and some failed and were labelled ever after. The focus was on teaching, not on learning. One size was supposed to fit all and if you learned in a different way, too bad for you.

Time passed and it turned out that everyone didn’t learn in the same way after all. The teacher realised that learners have different needs, interests and abilities. Differentiated instruction was invented. The teacher prepared different tasks for each group in her class and preparation now took a whole lot longer. The needs of the learner were being better catered for, but the teacher was up all night.

She needed to think about differentiation in a different way.

10 ways to differentiate learning…

1. Let go.

Give the students (at least some) ownership of their learning. Don’t always be the boss of the class, be part of the community of learners. Don’t make all the decisions. Allow choice. Encourage students to think about how they learn best. Have students decide how to demonstrate their learning.

2. Change your expectations.

One size does not fit all. Not everyone fits the traditional mould of school, but that doesn’t mean they can’t learn. You might need to change what you do. Remember you teach people, not subjects.

3. Change the sequence.

Learners don’t need total mastery of all the skills before they can apply them. Provide meaningful, authentic learning opportunities for everyone. Turn Bloom’s taxonomy on its head. All students can solve real problems and write for a real audience.

4. Use technology creatively.

Blogging, film making, global interactions, social media, photography, gaming (and much more!) …all provide naturally differentiated opportunities for learners with varied levels of ability, different interests and special talents.

5. Care about what matters to them.

Encourage learners to follow their interests. Know their story. Make their learning relevant. Connect with their passions… or help them to discover what they might be.

6. Assess for learning.

It’s not about a test at the end. Record student thinking and track development over time. Create meaningful assessment tasks that allow transfer of learning to other contexts. Think of everything as an assessment. Every piece of work, every blog post, every interaction, every conversation can tell us where a learner is at and where they need to go.

7. Embrace inquiry as a stance.

Create a culture of thinking, questioning, wondering and exploring. Start your questions with ‘What do you think?’ so that all responses are acceptable. Find ways to provoke learners’ curiosity and a desire to find out for themselves.

8. Don’t be the only teacher.

Students can learn from their peers, other teachers, parents, their on-line contacts, the world. Help them build their own personal learning network with and from whom they can learn.

9. Focus on learning, not work.

Make sure you and your students know the reason for every learning experience. Don’t give ‘busy work’. Don’t start by planning activities, start with the ‘why‘ and then develop learning experiences which will support independent learning.

10. Encourage goal setting and reflection.

Help students to define goals for their learning. Provide opportunities for ongoing self-evaluation and reflection. Provide constructive, specific feedback. Student blogs are great tools for reflecting on learning and responding to their peers.

If you’re the teacher in the story above, take a look at this chart, highlighting the differences between differentiated instruction and personalised learning. Personalization vs Differentiation vs Individualization by Barbara Bray.

Other posts in the ’10 ways’ series.

Share this:

• Share

Like this:

Related

From teaching to learning...
In "Learning"

Planning for learning...
In "Learning"

With whom do you learn?
In "Blogging"

← Potential for learning…

What are your beliefs about learning? →

Leave a Reply