Where IS my Child?

 Oh, the preteen years.  My grandaughter is 9 and I am wondering when it is not too early to blame emotional drama on"preteen".  What follows is some excellent advice for dealing with your coming of age child. Good luck dear reader.  Good Luck.  chrissie

The explosive preteen
They can be temperamental and unpredictable -- one wrong move could set them off. Living with a preteen can sometimes feel like a walk through a minefield. How can you keep the peace and still make sure that homework and chores get done? Here are 10 tips that can help.

1) Think ahead
One of our best tools as parents is being prepared. As your son or daughter gets to the middle-school years, get ready for at least occasional conflicts. Think through what's truly important to you. Is your youngster's hairstyle as important as homework? Isn't her curfew more of a concern than crabbiness? Obviously, dawdling is a lot easier to accept than drugs. As these give-and-take situations start, know ahead of time what areas you're willing to negotiate and what areas you're not.
2) Break down big chores into small parts.
Sometimes young people feel overwhelmed by tasks, especially those they've let go for a long time. A disastrous bedroom, twenty-three overdue math assignments, a long-term project that's "suddenly" due in a few days (or hours!); all of these cause the preadolescent to give up rather than get started.
Help your child by showing her how to set smaller goals: Clean off your bed; get five assignments done tonight; assemble the materials for the project. Preadolescents have trouble structuring tasks so that they're more approachable. In an even and offhand way, you can help them with this.
3) Encourage your middle schooler to keep a daily list.
A weekly list is too much. Each day he can put a few things on it that need to be done that day. You might have to assign a specific time to each task. When he has finished the task, your child can draw a line through it to show accomplishment.
4) Don't hesitate to remind your middle schooler about appointments and due dates.
Try to think ahead about materials that she'll need for a project (unless you look forward to late-evening visits to K-Mart). This won't last forever. Remember that when she was learning to walk, you held her hands and made the path smooth. Now she's learning to take on a tremendous assortment of life-tasks and changes; she'll still need some hand-holding for about a year or so as she gets started on the road to being a responsible adult.
5) Be willing to listen, but don't poke or pry.
Kids this age value independence and often seem secretive. Keeping to themselves is part of the separateness they're trying to create. Let your child know you'd love to help him, but don't push him into a defensive position.
If your child is in the midst of a longtime friendship that is falling apart, the best thing you can do is stand by and be a good listener. It is devastating when parents see their children hurting, but taking sides or intervening isn't appropriate, nor will it help. Preadolescents do survive these hurts, especially if they know you're there to listen to their pain.
6) Be a friend.
Friends are people who accept us as we are. They listen, they don't needlessly criticize, they back us up when we're right, and pick us up when we're down. Be a friend to your middle schooler; some days your kids may feel like you're the only one they have.

7) Help your child see that all friendships have ups and downs.

Children need to learn that being "best friends" isn't always smooth sailing. People have differences of opinion and even get angry, but they still care for each other. This is what's going on when we get involved in those "I-hate-her-she's-so-stuck-up-and-how-could-she-do-this-to-me" conversations. As parents, we must help our kids see that one problem doesn't ruin a relationship, but stubbornness might. Middle-school friends have a lot of spats and falling outs that often mend in a short time.
8) When reprimanding, deal only with the precise problem. Don't bring in other issues.
"The trash is still here, and I want it out, now," is always better than, "You are so lazy! I told you to take that trash out two hours ago and it's still here! You'd live in a pigsty, wouldn't you? Well, you aren't the only one in this house, you know..."
9) If the issue is minor, keep things light.
The shoes on the floor, the wet towel on the bed, the carton left open -- these are maddening, perhaps, but not earth-shattering. Call attention to them in a humorous way so that your middle-schooler knows you want action, but that you're not being punitive: "Either the cat's smarter than I thought, or you left the milk carton open on the counter. One of you please put it back before it spoils."
10) Don't use power unless it's urgent.
Parents have the ultimate power, and kids know it. We don't have to "prove" it to them at every turn. Save your strength for those really important issues you've decided are non-negotiable. Eventually kids are going to possess power of their own, and we want them to be able to use it wisely.
These tips quoted are from H.E.L.P. How to Enjoy Living with a Preadolescent and MORE H.E.L.P. These pamphlets are authored by Judith Baenen and published by the National Middle School Association.

More on: Teen Social and Emotional Issues

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One Ringy Dingy

There is lots of debate about the right age for child to have a cell phone.  Safety.  Communication. Convenience.  There are good arguments for it, but also several possible problems.  What follows is a great laundry list of advice for any potential tween or teen who may be getting their first Iphone. Blogger Janell Hoffman offered the following to her 13- year -old son.  It instructs him how to be a responsible user of technology without abusing it and without becoming addicted. The terms and conditions are specific and insightful.  They probably should be heeded by all of us, not just our kids!

 1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?
2. I will always know the password.
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad". Not ever.
4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.
7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.
10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person ? preferably me or your father.
11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.
13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO -- fear of missing out.
15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.
It is my hope that you can agree to these terms. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to the iPhone, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and ever changing world. It is exciting and enticing. Keep it simple every chance you get. Trust your powerful mind and giant heart above any machine. I love you. I hope you enjoy your awesome new iPhone. Merry Christmas!
xoxoxo
Mom

The Waving Wheat Can Sure Smell Sweet

Technology has enabled us to participate from our living room in remarkable and grand events.  Walks on the Moon.  Safe landings of disabled air crafts.  People rescued off bridges, plucked from raging rivers, and saved from burning buildings.  We're invited guests at royal weddings and as a deaf child hears his Mother's voice for the first time. We smile through our tears as children are surprised by parents, returning home from war.

Sometimes what we see is horrific and life-changing.  Can anyone forget seeing the second plane come flying toward the World Trade Center?  Remember regular morning programming interrupted and the cut to what had been the Murrah Building?  Or yesterday, as we watched the funnel gather and grow stronger. The sky darkened and the radar screen in the corner of our television charted the course of the twister.  The weathermen calmly telling those in its path to take shelter, and behind them, the staccato storm alerts blasting the air. We watched in horror, because we knew what was about to happen.  We knew and we were helpless to change the course of events that would be the result of the tornado.

We watched the horror, but we were also allowed to experience the joy.  The joy as a frantically searching parent finally locates their young child.  A lost family emerges from a storm cellar.  The heroism of teachers with their young charges. An elderly woman survives the loss of her home, but mourns only the loss of her dog.  As we all watched, the reporter notices a small head peeking from the wreckage.  The woman breaks into a huge smile as they pull the pup from what once was her living room. She shares through her tears. "God answered both my prayers. "I am alive and so is my dog."

Over and over again, we hear the same refrain.  "It's only stuff. We'll rebuild. We have our family.  God is good.  We are alive."

And so it begins.  The rebuilding of lives.  Maybe, just maybe, because so many have participated in the event, rebuilding will be a little easier.  We all were there with our Oklahoma sisters and brothers as the world turned dark and threatening.  We will be there with time and money, and prayers. 

I want to share something that came through a social media site.  The author is Rana Gilpin.

And on the 9th day, God looked down on his planned paradise and said, "I need someone to live where the red dirt is settled." So God made Oklahomans. He said "I need someone who can handle the blistering summers and the freezing winters." So God made Oklahomans. "I need someone who can wake up in the morning, drink black coffee, head out to the fields, cut the wheat, bale the hay, and stay in those fields till long after dark" so God made Oklahomans. "I need people tough enough to stand the heat as they work day in and out on drilling rigs and pumping units." So God made Oklahomans. "I need people to wear Orange & Black, Crimson & Cream and though those schools are rivals, all can rise together to support the Orange & Blue." So God made Oklahomans. "I need people who believe in me and the power of goodness. People who aren't afraid to say 'Hello!' to one another and welcome in visitors to their land with open arms." So God made Oklahomans. "I need people who are strong enough to stand thru the strongest storms and the most devastating heartbreaks" So God made Oklahomans. And amidst the destruction, turn to me for comfort and come together as a state and rise above it all. So God, made Oklahomans.

I want to share another site-  http://www.buzzfeed.com/bennyjohnson/best-things-about-living-in-oklahoma

It is self-explanatory if you are an Oklahoman. born and bred or transplanted. We are one people from the best state in this grand country. We are Okies.

We Know we belong to the land

And the land we belong to is grand

 You're Doing Fine Oklahoma

Oklahoma. O.K.

The More You Know....

As our children get closer to their teenage years, reading can often take a backseat to other enticing social activities. Face it, even though they know intellectually the important role that reading plays in their academic success, they can always find something better to do than crack open a new novel. But, there might just be something parents can do about that.

There appears to be a decreased interest in reading for many children at or around the age of 9, even in those who loved reading prior to that. Experts attribute this to the child's ever-increasing busy schedule as they become more involved in extracurricular activities.
Children that are 9 to 10 years old enter the 'world of distractions. With after-school activities, team sports, dances, television, video games, computer time, etc., this leads to less time for reading.
This is the time that parents need to try to make reading fun again so their children will make time for it.
Make it fun and interesting again.If your preteen saw the Harry Potter movie, have her read the book. If he is interested in baseball, have him read a sports biography.
Reading Is Fundamental, a national motivating force for literacy founded in 1966, offers great tips for parents who are trying to rekindle their child's love for reading.

• Help fit reading into their schedule. Kids say they would read more if they had the time.
• Set an example. Let your kids see you reading for pleasure.
• Give them an opportunity to choose their own material. When you and your child are out together, browse in a bookstore or library. A gift certificate or subscription is a nice way of saying, "You choose."
• Build on your child's interests. Look for books and articles that feature their favorite sports, hobbies or music.
• View pleasure reading as a value. Almost anything your child reads helps build his reading skills.
• Make reading aloud a natural part of family life. Share a newspaper article or a passage from the book you are currently reading – without turning it into a lesson.
• Surf the Internet for the hottest titles, and encourage your child to do the same.

"I teach an enrichment class for creative writing, and my students are from 11 to 13," says Deanna Luke, a Fort Worth, Texas children's book writer. "All of the parents but one signed their student up because they have some learning issues. By the end they were so empowered that they could imagine a situation and write it down and validate it. That allowed each one of them to become better readers and editors so they could refine their own work."
Luke says it is important to encourage your child to read about what they like. "The more they read about what they like, the more they can read about the things they need to know," she says. "It is the old adage, 'Practice makes perfect' that applies here."

With all the choices available to children these days, reading is just another thing to do. Children need to remember the importance of reading, and it's up to us as parents to keep the spark flickering when so many other things seem to be in the way. Set time aside for reading.  Turn off the television. Put away the cell phones.  Make video games disappear for the allotted time.  Everyone read.
Parents need to show the importance of reading for pleasure. They can do this by demonstrating that they read for pleasure themselves. Children learn by example: good and bad. To cultivate a love of reading in your child that lasts a lifetime, you must provide the example through your own actions.

Besides the old standbys that are on every school reading list, there are excellent contemporary authors writing for the teen genre.  Below are several newer books that are highly recommended for teen reading.  
This is also great  link that offers an extensive list of choices for your teen's summer reading.

 http://www.justreadflorida.com/recommend/PublicDisplay.asp

1. Divergent by Veronica Roth

© Katherine Tegen Books

Divergent is a thrilling story about a dystopia society set in Chicago which is split into five fractions, each of which place a particular virtue over all others. For instance, the Dauntless fraction believes in bravery above all other virtues, so to succeed there you must be brave. The main character of the story has to choose where she should live by figuring out who she is, what she wants out of life and which friends she can trust.
This book has placed debut author, Veronica Roth, on the New York Times bestsellers list and has been called 'a brainy thrill-ride of a novel' by BookPage.com. It is the start of a series in which book 2, Insurgent, was released in May 2012. Teens who like thrillers with lots of twists and strong characters will really go for this book.

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

© Dutton Juvenile

Another love story but it is seeped in the reality that there are teens who are fighting cancer and their lives are going to be cut short. Sometimes these teens are lucky enough to fall in love and have a partner to help them while they are dealing with the questions one asks themselves when facing the end of one's life, like 'Did my life matter?' or 'How will I be remembered?' The teen couple in this book gets that lucky.
This book is sad, touching, thought-provoking and worthwhile. I highly recommend it for your teen and for you!

Feed by M.T. Anderson

© Candlewick

This is a great book for teens who are into computers, social networking and video games - which is pretty much all teens, right? A futuristic story about a group of teenagers who decide to go to the moon for spring break. While there, their feed - an information feed placed in their brains at birth - breaks. So, they end up in the hospital 'empty headed'.
Feed, which was a finalist for the National Book Award, is witty and entertaining. Most importantly, your teen will need to use their brain to get the message, as the characters learn to use their own brains as well.

Hallmark Greetings

High School Graduation Poems

High school graduation poems are designed to inspire graduates as well as commemorate a milestone. Whether you're about to graduate yourself, or you're just looking for a poem to express your sentiments to a special graduate, below are some options I happened upon.  No citations- no credit.  They

 were just floating out there on the internet..

Poems for the High School Graduate

Inspirational poems are often read at high school commencement ceremonies or included in graduation programs and greeting cards. Some are touching, while others contain a bit of humor most graduates can appreciate. Perhaps one of the graduation poems below will appeal to you.

Take a Moment

As Pomp and Circumstance serenades you down the aisle,
Take a moment to contemplate how you arrived at this moment.
Remember the help your parents gave and the sacrifices they made.
Spare a thought of gratitude for the teachers who were willing to explain things one more time...

Be thankful for the friendships you've made, the life lessons you've learned, and all the experiences you had - the good as well as the bad.
They've shaped who you are today.
As the strains of Pomp and Circumstance guide you down the aisle towards that stage,
Realize you're not just heading towards your high school graduation, you're stepping into your future.

Your Day Has Arrived

Graduation day is finally here,
And so now ends your high school career.
Always remember the friends you hold dear,
And look toward your future without any fear.

This is the day you've been preparing for
Since the day you walked through that first classroom door.
Now it is time to say good-bye,
And spread your wings - you're ready to fly.

So shed a tear and share a smile,
And be sure to remember all the while,
That although it may now be time to move on,
Today's memories will last your whole life long.

Now Is the Time to Dare

Dare to jump into your future with enthusiasm.
Dare to place no limits on what you hope to accomplish.
Dare to dream big and realize it's not just a cliché.
Dare to bring excellence to everything you do. 

High School Memories

Class room bells and noisy halls,
Watching the clock as last period crawls,
Getting a demerit for talking in class,
Trying to remember where you left your hall pass.

Rooting for your team at a big football game,
Hoping the teacher would not call your name,
Studying for tests trying to get higher scores,
The echoing slams of the hall locker doors.

Pep rallies, homecoming and class elections,
Trying to decide next year's course selections,
Pondering the source of the lunch room's mystery meat,
Choosing lab partners and changing your seats.

Some of these moments may seem rather small,
But it's the little things that you'll remember most of all.
So put on your cap and your gown and stand tall,
It's graduation day, so savor it all.

Graduation

A time for good-byes
A time for fresh beginnings
A time for remembering the past
A time for looking forward with hope
A time for taking stock of life so far
A time for celebration

A time of infinite possibilities... 

 

And then, a few tips if you have a speech looming or just want to compose your own poem to commemorate the big day.

Writing Your Own Poems

While you can use graduation verses already written by someone else, they are also good to use as inspiration in writing your own. In addition to catering perfectly to the feelings you are looking to describe, writing your own sentiments for graduation can personalize the experience.
When writing graduation poems:

• Think of personal experiences you'd like to focus on. For example, if using the verse for a close friend, think of a time the two of you spent together and use the verse to honor that.
• Remember that if you're using the verse for an invite or announcement, it is perfectly acceptable to tell the date and time of the event and a little more. Some graduation verses cleverly state the date and time of the party.
• Don't be afraid to write something to see what it sounds or looks like; you may be surprised how something you don't think will be good actually ends up being perfect. 

Just What the Doctor Ordered

Helping an adolescent become a caring, independent and responsible adult is no,small task.  It's arguably our most important job as a parent.  The experts at The Mayo Clinic offer some simple tips to improve our skills o guide our teens to a successful life. 

#1Show your Love.    Adolescence can be a confusing time of change for teens and parents alike. But while these years can be difficult, there's plenty you can do to nurture your teen and encourage responsible behavior. Use these parenting skills to deal with the challenges of raising a teen.

#2. Positive Attention.  Spend time with your teen to remind him or her that you care. Listen to your teen when he or she talks, and respect your teen's feelings. Also, keep in mind that only reprimanding your teen and never giving him or her any justified praise can prove demoralizing. For every time you discipline or correct your teen, try to compliment him or her twice. If your teen doesn't seem interested in bonding, keep trying. Regularly eating meals together may be a good way to stay connected to your teen. Better yet, invite your teen to prepare the meal with you. On days when you're having trouble connecting with your teen, how about doing your own thing in the same space. Being near each other could lead to the start of a conversation. You might also encourage your teen to talk to other supportive adults, such as a coach, another family member or a family friend. 

#3. Don't Pressure.  No mini-me expectations.  Don't expect your teen to be like you were or wish you had been at his or her age. Give your teen some leeway when it comes to clothing and hairstyles. It's natural for teens to rebel and express themselves in ways that differ from their parents.  Remember your own fashion statements when you were 15.   Note: If your teen shows an interest in body art — such as tattoos and piercings — make sure he or she understands the health risks, such as skin infections, allergic reactions, and hepatitis B and C. Also talk about potential permanence or scarring.

As you allow your teen some degree of self-expression, remember that you can still maintain high expectations for your teen and the kind of person he or she will become.

#4.  Encourage Cyber Safety.  Get to know the technology your teen is using and the websites he or she visits. If possible, keep the computer in a common area in your home. Remind your teen to practice these basic safety rules:

• Don't share personal information online.
• Don't share passwords.
• Don't get together with someone you meet online.
• Don't send anything in a message you wouldn't say face to face.
• Don't text or chat on the phone while driving.
• Don't plagiarize.
• Talk to a parent or trusted adult if feeling threatened or uneasy

Some great tips from the folks at Mayo Clinic.  Thanks Minnesota.

Altruism Begins At Home

When I was teaching, I sponsored several clubs and organizations.  To name a few, Human Relations Council, Peer Mediation, Teens Against Tobacco Use, Class Adviser and Journalism Club.  Many of  the activities associated with the clubs were centered on the interests of the students, others to serve the school and still others, emphasized service and volunteering.  National Honor Society requires them all.  It is an invitation only organization that requires scholarship, leadership and service.  To be invited, a prospective initiate must not only have a certain GPA, they must also have a specific number of activity and community service hours.  As a sponsor and application reader, I must say that some of the volunteer hours listed were a stretch. 

Savvy college bound students know a well-rounded application includes not only good grades, but a impressive list of community service. This is important for not only admission but for scholarships and grants.  Creative and constructive volunteering is what colleges are looking for.  This means time and energy invested into something important. Something that makes a difference.  A car wash in bathing suits on a sunny Saturday to offset spring trip expenses is not such an activity.  Neither is picking up trash to fulfill court decreed community service.  Blowing up balloons for the prom does not a philanthropic project make.

It is easier for teens to grasp true service if it has been modeled at home.  What follows are some excellent suggestions from Good Morning America Parenting contributor, Anne Pleshette Murphy. She offers tips on raising a compassionate and caring teen.

You hear a lot of grumbling these days about how kids think only of themselves. It doesn’t have to be that way. Several studies show that altruism can start as early as 18 months of age, and kids who volunteer have better grades, fewer discipline problems and are less likely to abuse drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes than their more self-centered peers. Here’s how you can help them get started.
Charity begins at home. Early on, reward your child’s impulses to aid other people. Kids as young as 3 can sort silverware or help you with the laundry. Older children can support their siblings by attending their activities, tutoring or coaching, including in activities,  Let them learn to be the hero.
Know thy neighbors. Reach out to neighbors; work together to clean up a park or organize a giant yard sale to raise money for a charity. Adopt a grandparent in the area who may need assistance with grocery shopping or an occasional visit. Volunteer at a soup kitchen as a family, recycle together, plant trees, pick up trash, help Habitat for Humanity. Find something to do together.
Pick a passion. Many adolescents have strong feelings about the environment, racial inequality or other issues that inspire social action. Their internet savvy makes it easy to find ways to make a difference. DoSomething.org lists opportunities for teens, and Serve.gov finds dozens of volunteer opportunities by zip code. 

Making a difference is great for the recipient, but even better for the giver.  Help your child experience the satisfaction of truly giving back.  Not for recognition or scholarships, but because he should.  Because she learned about those thousand points of light, at home. Chrissie