Blood Sweat and Success

In case you're in need of a little more evidence that the American Dream is alive and well, here's this.

An immigrant from the Ukraine just sold his company a couple of days ago to Facebook for $19 billion. You've probably heard all about it for a couple of reasons It involves a tech company that more than a billion people use, it involves billions of dollars and it's got a pretty rich back-story too.

Jan Koum immigrated in the early 1990s to the United States with his mom and grandmother. They lived in Northern California in a two-bedroom apartment where babysitting, cleaning, food stamps and welfare helped them survive.

His interest in computer programming eventually led him to a job at Yahoo! where his future business partner Brian Acton also worked. They worked there for nine years, and then took a year off to travel and play Ultimate Frisbee. When Koum returned to the United States, he applied for jobs at Facebook and Twitter and was turned down by both companies.

In 2009, he got an iPhone and started to develop an idea for an app that would send text messages internationally for free. He trademarked WhatsApp several months later, and now the company has more than 450 million users and is growing its user base by one million people per day.

This is a pretty simplified version of what really happened. What's missing are the months and years of blood, sweat and tears that went into building a multibillion dollar company. But the basic foundation is here. It's the will-do, can-do, never-give-up-attitude that's needed to achieve the American Dream.

And although Jan Koum's dream has turned into a very wealthy reality, it's not all about the money. Living the American Dream is about achieving your own happiness, your own fulfillment -- your own personal success story.

The American Dream dates back to the Declaration of Independence that proclaimed people are endowed with certain inalienable rights like "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." And in 1931, historian James Truslow Adams, the person credited with popularizing the term "American Dream," described it as "that dream of a land in which life should be better and richer and fuller for every man, with opportunity for each according to his ability or achievement."

Nobody is more familiar with this ideal better than entrepreneurs. They're on a mission to be happy with their earned success and they're not going to let anything stop them. Research shows that the average entrepreneur makes just under $45,000 per year and fails an average of 3.8 times before succeeding.

But recently, the quest for the American Dream has come under question. A study on the 2013 State of the American Family suggests that for my generation, the millennials, the dream is really more about day-to day control of your life. High unemployment and worries about the economy are making the American Dream seem like more of a pipe dream for some people. 

Don't tell this to Jan Koum who handled more than a few potholes on his path to success. His determination and brilliant ideas led him right back to where he started... sort of. He signed his multibillion-dollar deal at the former North County Social Services Office where he once lined up for food stamps.

Don't Worry Be Happy

My four children are out of college and joyfully on their way to the rest of their lives.  It hasn't been without some false starts but all seems well as I write this morning, today.....this week.  Let's just say, with grown children, you hold your breath every time the phone rings.

Expectations for our children as they go through high school and college is part of the process.  Having a goal and a plan is a good thing..  Our teens should  be given all the tools to succeed in life.  On the other hand, the insight that follows is something to add to the formula.  Success can be measured in many different ways.  Thanks to Garrett DeGraffanreid, teen blogger for his words of wisdom.

When I was 5 years-old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy.' They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.

― John Lennon

In today's society we're pushed to be successful, to be better than the person standing next to us. We're taught in school almost completely for the purpose of standardized testing to see what we can retain in a short period of time, only to lose it in the process of making more room to retain more knowledge.

We're forced into planning our entire life freshman year of high school. Where we'll go to college, what we'll major in and what we'll do afterwards are questions that batter us from school administrators and family members. I personally don't know what I'm doing this weekend, much less four, eight and 10 years from now. My career choice changes from month to month. I want to be a politician, a teacher, maybe a musician and some months when I feel like I'm going nowhere I settle for the neighborhood bum. I have no clue what I want to do with my life, and I know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

The problem is we teach kids to be someone, when we should be teaching them to be something. Instead of teaching that we should strive for success, usually identified as wealth and power, and settle for nothing less, we should teach our youth to be happy. Teach them to do something that they love to do. Something they'll be happy doing day after day after day.

In the eighth grade I had a teacher who changed my life by teaching me useful things. In addition to the classroom lessons he was required to teach by the state of Texas, he'd teach us life lessons. He taught us tips on job interviews, how to get out of our comfort zones and how to know when a date isn't going well. On one particular day he said he wanted to talk about our futures. He told us that when we were older, we should do what we loved, and that it was a waste of our time to do something that we weren't passionate about and that wasn't fulfilling to us.

After thinking about this I walked out of his classroom with a different perspective on my future. I realized it's not the physical appearance of my future, but the emotional appearance that should matter most. The way I feel about what I'm doing should be the driving force of my work. We have the freedom to choose what we do with our life. We should do what we love, love what we do, and strive for personal happiness and success according to our own definition.

Well said Garrett.  Best of luck and God speed. 

Baby Can I Drive Your Car?

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  TweThis article was written by teen reporters from The Mash, a weekly publication distributed to Chicagoland high schools.

Driving. In Oklahoma, 87% of 16 year olds get their license.  They are driving, even though studies have shown that it is a dangerous activity.  Our state has recently added restrictions, which is a good step.  16 year old friend's can't just pile  in and blast down the highway.  A young contributor in the Chicago area shares excellent insight about teens behind the wheel. It's an interesting look at teens and driving in other parts of the country.

For decades, getting a driver’s license has been considered a rite of passage for teens everywhere. Driving a car—and ditching the parental chauffeurs — equals freedom to some. But for many of today’s teens, wheels can wait.

According to several recent studies, many teens are pumping the brakes on getting their driver’s licenses. In one study, AAA found that just 54 percent of teens are licensed before they turn 18. Forty-four percent got their licenses within a year of turning 16 (or the minimum driving age for their state).

When unlicensed teens were asked why they were delaying the process in the same study, 44 percent said they didn’t have a car. Thirty-six percent cited expensive gas prices, and 35 percent said they “just didn’t get around to it.”

For teens in Chicago, those answers may vary depending on location. Teens who live in or near the city often point to the Chicago Transit Authority (CTA) when asked about not having their driver’s licenses.

“I would like to learn how to drive. I think it’s a valuable skill, but I don’t have a strong need to right now due to the availability of (the) CTA as a mode of transportation,” said Walter Payton junior Anthony Charletta, who takes public transportation to and from school and on the weekends.

Of course, public transportation isn’t always as accessible in the suburbs. “I think it’s easier for city kids to hold off on getting their licenses because they have public transportation, but in the suburbs, you have to ask a friend or parent (for a ride),” said Suek, the student from Hinsdale Central.

For some suburban students, having a license — and a car of their own — comes with a higher social status. The pressure to have these things could drive some teens to get their licenses.

“Socially, there is a feeling of like, ‘Why don’t you have your license, man?’ And people who can’t afford a car kind of get shunned away,” said New Trier senior and licensed driver Karl Neumann.

Cost is key

On a national level, some experts blame the high costs associated with driving for teens’ reluctance to get a license. Driver’s education fees, insurance, gas and car repairs all add up to major expenses.

Kathy Bernstein, the regional coalition manager for the National Safety Council, said she sees major differences between her generation and today’s teens.

“When I was growing up, everyone got their license when they turned 16,” said Bernstein, who got her license the day she turned 16. “Very few people waited, and those who did did so because they didn’t have the confidence to get behind the wheel.”

Confidence doesn’t seem to be the major problem today, she explained.

A survey by the University of Michigan Transportation Research Institute found that about 30 percent of 18- to 19-year-olds identify cost as being a top reason for not getting a driver’s license.

“I don’t have my license because I prefer biking and public transit, and a car would cost too much,” said Nicholas Klise, a senior at Notre Dame Academy who plans to get his license before he goes away to college this fall.

Besides the cost of a car, insurance may be the next biggest expense teen drivers face. And because they’re new to the road, their rates are high. Beth Mosher, director of public affairs at AAA Chicago, explained why.

“Because the risk of a crash is significantly higher for young drivers, particularly during the first year of driving, teens’ insurance rates are often higher than that of their parents,” Mosher said.

Social media takes the wheel

There’s another interesting factor that could be discouraging young drivers: social media. Researchers at the transportation institute have learned that teens who use social media are less likely to own or drive a car.

“Virtual contact, through electronic means, reduces the need for actual contact,” said Michael Sivak, a research professor in the institute’s human factors group. In other words, social media could be replacing the need to hang out with friends in person.

AAA’s Mosher said she’s also noticed the trend: “We think teens have numerous ways to stay connected to their social network now that we’ve never seen in the past, and their need for a car to stay connected to friends has changed.”

Whitney Young senior Jeremy White said he’s seen his friends’ and classmates’ behavior change with social networks and texting.

“Today, more and more kids use their phones to communicate rather than actually hanging out,” he said. “A lot of relationships are held over texts (rather) than face-to-face, and more and more I see kids not being able to stand up for themselves or function without a phone in front of them.

“Does it specifically affect driving? I honestly have no clue, but I could see how it would,” White said.

Klise, the Notre Dame senior, said he’s not so sure about the theory — especially when it comes to his social circle. “I disagree with it because social media does not replace face-to-face (contact) for me and my friends,” he said.

The loophole

There’s also the long process of getting a driver’s license, and it’s jam-packed with rules. Illinois’ graduated driver licensing program — sometimes referred to as “GDL” — dictates the laws for young drivers. If you’re under 18, there are detailed rules about what times you can be on the road, how many passengers you can have in the car and dozens of other safety precautions.

The overall mission of the program is to give new drivers the tools and time they need to become responsible.

Bernstein pointed out that there are many benefits to learning how to drive with mom and dad around.

“I can’t say whether or not it’s a good or bad thing that teens are delaying licensing. If they are doing so to avoid GDL, which ends at age 18, then they certainly open themselves to increased risk,” she said. “When a teen learns to drive and has strong parental support, risk is greatly reduced.”

Bernstein added that car crashes are the No. 1 cause of death for teens in the U.S., and they can happen as a result of driver inexperience.

Mosher agreed: “The GDL process and driver education are so critical in gaining necessary experience and preparing teens to be good, safe drivers, so we urge teens to go through this process.”

Although there are many logical reasons teens are waiting on their driver’s licenses, the practice and mentoring that comes along with old-fashioned driver’s education could be worth the investment.

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Why the delay?

When unlicensed teens were asked why they were delaying the process here’s how they responded:
44% didn’t have a car
39% could get around without driving
36% said gas was too expensive
36% said driving was too expensive
35% said they just didn’t get around to it
Source: AAA

Reach Out and a Touch Someone

Teen blogger, Tess Harkin offers the following rebuttal to a popular parenting opinion- teens are too dependent on technology and electronic devices.  " These youngsters have no idea how to research information.  In my day a card catalog and index cards got me where I needed to be."   Hmm.  Maybe the good old days weren't so great after all.

Technology is something that has become fully integrated in society with great speed. However, the use of it is still met with petty qualms on the daily. People argue that technology is ruining communication, that it's undermining the art of an in person conversation, and I'm sure we've all heard an adult say something along the lines of "Back in my day..." followed by a negative statement about how technology is ruining America. It certainly doesn't help that obesity rates seem to have increased alongside the use of technology, and that Internet addiction is now a real thing. It's almost too easy to agree with the majority and think, "People are right, technology is destroying the human connection." But I think just the opposite.

Technology brings people together. Shocking, I know? It sounds like some crazy marketing ploy, and many commercials support that. But the fact is, it's the truth.

I can talk to one of my friends in California, Canada or Taiwan with the touch of a button. Technology has helped me forge lifelong connection with people I would have lost touch with ordinarily. I can say I talk to more people now, whether it be through Facebook, texting or tweeting, than I did three years ago. And for the argument that nothing compares to face-to-face conversation? I'd love to engage and be a part of that, but the fact of the matter is, without Skype or Google Hangouts, I wouldn't be able talk to a large portion of my friends. I'm not trying to advocate for technology to replace all forms of in person conversation, I'm just trying to suggest the stigma attached to it isn't necessarily just.

One of the greatest arguments I have in favor of disproving stereotypes attached to technology is in my school, and within one class specifically. Having a jock, a punk rocker, a straight A student and a dancer all together in one room laughing, collaborating and creating sounds strangely similar to the plot of The Breakfast Club. But it's just my video production class. There's 12 other extremely different and diverse students in there with me, and to be honest, we don't have very much in common. But that hasn't stopped us from practically becoming a family. What is the common thread, uniting us? Funny you should ask. Technology. Working together with cameras and computers and all other sorts of gizmos and gadgets has linked us together in the best (and sometimes weirdest) way. Technology didn't push apart, it brought us closer together.

As I mentioned before, I'm not trying to suggest technology as a means to replace all personal communication. I'm merely proposing the idea that there's more value to digital connections than most people think there is. So next time you're on your phone and your parents roll their eyes and open their mouths, try to convince them of the benefit of that piece of plastic in your hands. And then make a date to see a friend in person.

If Only....

I happened on some excellent insight from a young Huffington Post contributor.  Danielle Woo offers five  straight-forward and dead on tips from her very own very recent high school experience. Share with your own pre -teen or middle schooler.  Maybe, just maybe, they'll listen

As a teenager, you get a lot of things shouted at you from all different directions and it's often overwhelming. I've learned a lot over the last few years of high school and often find myself wishing so badly to be able to go back in time and talk to 14-year-old me. Here are some things I wish someone would have informed me in my naive, dreamer girl days.

1. High school is never like it is in the movies.

While we may already know this, it's hard not to map out your last four years of education as something based straight out of a Disney flick. Having a Troy Bolton of my own probably crossed my imagination when I was younger. As a freshman, everything is so new and you're dealing with the constant feeling of apathy all while caring way too much. It's a delicate balance that I think only teenagers alone ever understand fully. To put things in more cynical terms: lower your expectations. Don't expect your knight in shining armor to pick you up for a magical time at the school dance. Don't map out a crazy romance soiree that belongs in a Nicholas Sparks novel. Expect change, but don't try so hard to fantasize it. Romanticizing things will only lead you on a deluded pathway to empty cartons of ice cream.

2. Make friends with your teachers.

I regret any major attitude I had in the beginning of high school because it definitely tampers with the relationships you have with your teachers. Not all of them will be fair, or even tolerable, and while that may inspire you to want to take your first dignified stand against today's education system, it won't prevent you from failing. At certain times it is going to matter whether you get that extra two percent, and if you're not on good terms with your instructor, that number probably won't budge. Respect your teachers and pay attention in class because no, you're not "too cool for school." Personally, that kid who drags everyone down with their reluctance isn't someone I'm going to remember fondly after I graduate. In fact, I probably won't remember him or her at all. Don't waste your energy on trying to seem above your assignments because it'll just come back to bite you. Plus, who do you think is in charge of writing your recommendation letters for college? Exactly. In general, you want to be nice to all of your peers as well. Trust me, there will be times when it'll seem impossible but think of a few years when you graduate; do you really want to leave knowing you're entitled to more apologies than goodbyes?

3. Be the kind of friend you would want.
You're going to meet people who are dealing with all kinds of problems. Things like eating disorders and mental illnesses are rampant in today's youth and while you may not want to believe it, chances are you'll get to know someone who suffers from one. In times like this, you have to be that friend that's going to pick up the phone at 3 a.m. when someone needs to talk. Maybe you'll be the one experiencing these things, and in that case, what would you want your friend to do for you? Sometimes you won't feel like being there, maybe you'll be too tired to listen, but it'll be worth it in the end if you really just make yourself reliable. These people you call your friends are going to be the very ones who are going to get you through your toughest times in high school.

4. Do not wallow in self-pity.

As humans, we're naturally self-centered creatures. We want to focus on all that we've done right, and, unfortunately, all that we've done wrong. Of course, feeling sorry for yourself is okay, it's even healthy! But when you're the person who's always complaining about yourself and your life and questioning all the bad things that happen to you, no one is going to want to talk to you. Nobody is going to feel sorry for you. Wallowing in self-pity is gross and only makes you feel worse in the long run. You are amazing and talented and have all the right to own those moments that make you smile, so focus on that. No one is going to feel like running to dry you with a towel when you're the one pouring water on yourself.

5. You are beautiful, intelligent, and worth it.

It's cliche, it's all over inspirational magazines and, when overused, it's even cringe worthy. But it's true! Most teenagers experience a very common thing called low self-esteem. You're surrounded by hundreds of other people who are even better at the things you thought you were best at. While it took you forty minutes to do your hair this morning, she just rolled out of bed looking like the cover of Vogue. This afternoon you just hit your personal best in sports and you feel great, that is, until that guy over there zips past you on his first try doubling your standards. Stop comparing yourself. You're not stupid because you failed a history test. Memorizing dates isn't my forte either. Don't beat yourself up because you don't look like someone because, in reality, you never will. You are yourself and that's all you ever will be. It's both mentally and physically exhausting to hate yourself and stand in the mirror picking out everything you want to change. Think of yourself at your proudest moments and then pat yourself on the shoulder because that is exactly who you are. If you have countless problems with yourself, do something about it. You're the only one who picks yourself up after a long day to keep going, even when you simply feel like sleeping through it all. That's a pretty impressive feat, and don't let yourself be convinced otherwise.

Authority Figure . Not.

Do you sometimes feel your teen shows you a lack of respect? Do your expectations not result in desired results? Does it it feel like you have lost control over your child and your home? Are your threats and cajoling falling on deaf ears? I promise, you are not alone. It is normal for tweens and teens to test their boundaries and question your authority. Normal, yes. Acceptable. No.

OK. Problem addressed. Now, how about a solution for getting your parent role back? Dr. Kevin Leman, contributor to Dr. James Dobson's magazine, Focus on the Family, offers the following insight.

It all comes down to who is really in charge in your family. Today's parents don't often act like parents. They are so concerned about being their child's friend, making sure their child is happy and successful, they fail in their most important role- to parent. They snowplow their child's road in life, clearing the path so the child never has to be uncomfortable or go out of her way. Mom and Dad become servants rather that parents who are preparing their children to be responsible and contributing citizens.

As a result, today's kids are becoming more powerful. They're all about me, me, me andgimmee. They are held less accountable for their actions and have less responsibilities in the family. Family becomes not what you give, but what you get. They rarely consider others besides themselves because they have never been taught to think that way.

Every child has a predictable strategy. He plays a trial and error game that is designed to get the best of you. He wins when he gets what he wants. If slamming the door has you trotting after your daughter with the car keys, she'll be more dramatic the next time. Children are masters at manipulation.
Leman offers the following strategy to regain your authority and insure your child is respectful and obedient.
Let Reality be the Teacher
Let nature take it's course. Don't rescue your kids from the consequences of failed responsibility.
Learn to Respond Rather than React
Often, parents react rather than respond. Our emotions get the better of us and we speak without thinking first. If the doctor says, " You responded to your medication," that's a good thing. If the doctor says, "you reacted to your medication," that's bad. Think about the difference when sweet thing asks (Insert anything here)....#1-I'm thinking of getting a tattoo...#2-There is a co-ed slumber party this weekend after the game...#3. I just don't think college is for me...

B Doesn't Happen Until A is Completed
You never have to change this strategy. It works every time with every age. If you've asked your child to do something, and it's not done, you don't go on until the next event-no matter what the event is. The secret here is consistency. Attitudes and behaviors may get worse for a time. Don't panic, it means you're on the right track. There is no threatening, no harassing, no warning. There are no put-downs. What is, is.

As you work together on attitude, behavior and character, you'll be building a relationship that is mutually satisfying. It's worth the effort. chrissie

How Do You Spell Success?

How can we model success for our family?  How can we stress it takes hard work and pluck and drive? Confidence and courage needs to be added to the formula.  Empathy and sympathy thrown in too.  Successful lives include sacrifice and long range planning.  What follows is a short list to success.  By Dan Waldschmidt 

REUTERS/Tami Chappell

You have to do the hard things. 

• You have to make the call you’re afraid to make.
• You have to get up earlier than you want to get up.
• You have to give more than get in return right away.
• You have to care more about others than they care about you.
• You have to fight when you are already injured, bloody, and sore.
• You have to feel unsure and insecure when playing if safe seems smarter.
• You have to lead when no one else is following you yet.
• You have to invest in yourself even though no one else is.
• You have to look like a fool while you’re looking for answers you don’t have.
• You have to grind out the details when it’s easier to shrug them off.
• You have to deliver results when making excuses is an option.
• You have to search for your own explanations even when you’re told to accept the “facts.”
• You have to make mistakes and look like an idiot.
• You have to try and fail and try again.
• You have to run faster even though you’re out of breath.
• You have to be kind to people who have been cruel to you.
• You have to meet deadlines that are unreasonable and deliver results that are unparalleled.
• You have to be accountable for your actions even when things go wrong.
• You have to keep moving towards where you want to be no matter what’s in front of you.

You have to do the hard things. The things that no one else is doing. The things that scare you. The things that make you wonder how much longer you can hold on.

Those are the things that define you. Those are the things that make the difference between living a life of mediocrity or outrageous success.

The hard things are the easiest things to avoid. To excuse away. To pretend like they don’t apply to you.

The simple truth about how ordinary people accomplish outrageous feats of success is that they do the hard things that smarter, wealthier, more qualified people don’t have the courage — or desperation — to do.

Do the hard things. You might be surprised at how amazing you really are.

This post originally appeared at Edgy Conversations. Copyright 2014.