Sunrise Sunset -Please!!!

I found a great blog site by a young woman named Vanessa VanPatten. Her insight can be helpful to parents and teens alike. She works with both groups to bring them closer. Vanessa writes from a not too far removed teen perspective (She's only 22) and a trained and educated parenting perspective. Her site is http://www.vanessavanpatten.com/

She writes- For parents: "Hang in there. Don't give up" . She wants parents of teens to know that their kids will "come back." Vanessa, too, went through a tumultuous time with her parents, and she remembers the pain of it. When she sees other families in the midst of a painful or dysfunctional period she knows that parents wonder if they will ever get through it...the negativity, the challenges, the bad behavior. Vanessa's not only seen it all, she's experienced it. Now, a young adult, she offers hope to parents and reinforces their efforts to listen and connect.

Another suggestions for parents is to facilitate and support your teen's relationships with other adults. "A good mentor can make a big difference to a teenager and provide adult guidance when a parent is not able to get through." She attributes some of her success to the positive mentors she had in a dance instructor and an older cousin. Think coaches, teachers, or counselors. She also suggests staying connected and communicating with other parents. There is definitely strength in numbers and less "nobody else has such an early curfew!" if all parents are on the same page.

For teenagers: "Strive for balance." If you are overly-stressed because of too many commitments or in response to high expectations, find time to take care of yourself, even if it means giving a little less effort to responsibilities. In reverse, if you are slacking and short changing yourself and your potential, get a grip and get focused. If school has you worried, identify why and find a solution. Tutors, study groups, meeting with teachers, time management...solve the problem, don't stress over it. If you are a big partier, party a little less, and be a little more responsible. If your physical or mental health is an issue, make yourself a priority. Diet, exercise, nutrition, counseling..take control and take charge of your own body. If relationships have got you bugged, change patterns and change your life. Big swings seem to be prevalent in teens lives, and learning to balance is the way to even things out.

My own observation has been that even when kids go through a rocky time, those that have good roots and a strong home life do seem to rebound back and straighten out. Functioning and contributing young adults are very successfully navigating this part of their lives - though their earlier years were rocky and unpredictable. Parents who were tearing their hair out and wringing their hands five years ago are now reaping the benefits of hanging in there and (come heck or high water) loving their headstrong teen unconditionally. Teens do grow up and many do grow out of those stages that seemed so daunting and confusing to their family. Eureka- a loving and contributing human type person miraculously reappears! That flesh of your flesh and blood of your blood returns to the fold. That familiar person you knew and loved stands before you. Behold. Your son or your daughter.