Who's the Boss?

Do you sometimes feel your teen shows you a lack of respect? Do your expectations not result in desired results? Does it it feel like you have lost control over your child and your home? Are your threats and cajoling falling on deaf ears? I promise, you are not alone. It is normal for tweens and teens to test their boundaries and question your authority. Normal, yes. Acceptable. No.

OK. Problem addressed. Now, how about a solution for getting your parent role back? Dr. Kevin Leman, contributor to Dr. James Dobson's magazine, Focus on the Family, offers the following insight.

It all comes down to who is really in charge in your family. Today's parents don't often act like parents. They are so concerned about being their child's friend, making sure their child is happy and successful, they fail in their most important role- to parent. They snowplow their child's road in life, clearing the path so the child never has to be uncomfortable or go out of her way. Mom and Dad become servants rather that parents who are preparing their children to be responsible and contributing citizens.

As a result, today's kids are becoming more powerful. They're all about me, me, me and gimmee. They are held less accountable for their actions and have less responsibilities in the family. Family becomes not what you give, but what you get. They rarely consider others besides themselves because they have never been taught to think that way.

Every child has a predictable strategy. He plays a trial and error game that is designed to get the best of you. He wins when he gets what he wants. If slamming the door has you trotting after your daughter with the car keys, she'll be more dramatic the next time. Children are masters at manipulation.

Leman offers the following strategy to regain your authority and insure your child is respectful and obedient.

Let Reality be the Teacher
Let nature take it's course. Don't rescue your kids from the consequences of failed responsibility.

Learn to Respond Rather than React
Often, parents react rather than respond. Our emotions get the better of us and we speak without thinking first. If the doctor says, " You responded to your medication," that's a good thing. If the doctor says, "you reacted to your medication," that's bad. Think about the difference when sweet thing asks (Insert anything here)....#1-I'm thinking of getting a tattoo...#2-There is a co-ed slumber party this weekend after the game...#3. I just don't think college is for me...

B Doesn't Happen Until A is Completed
You never have to change this strategy. It works every time with every age. If you've asked your child to do something, and it's not done, you don't go on until the next event-no matter what the event is. The secret here is consistency. Attitudes and behaviors may get worse for a time. Don't panic, it means you're on the right track. There is no threatening, no harassing, no warning. There are no put-downs. What is, is.

As you work together on attitude, behavior and character, you'll be building a relationship that is mutually satisfying. It's worth the effort. chrissie

Thrifty Recipes for Leftover Turkey

Understanding thrift begins at home, including thrifty ways to use up all that leftover turkey. The Pilgrims would have used up all the remaining bits of food. American Indians used every part possible of a plant or animal. Our African American foods are based in using up everything possible. Because goods and food are so readily available to us today, or because we get bored easily trying to eat up all the leftovers, is no reason to waste the abundance with which we have been blessed. Ironically, we are often starving in our abundancy - starving for good, healthy food cooked slowly and lovingly, that nourishes not only our body, but also our soul. Something even as easy to prepare as the following can satisfy those cravings.

Here are my favorite Thanksgiving leftovers recipes. If you have some great recipes to share with us, please post them in the comment section. Today, I'm makin' gumbo from a tried and true recipe I've used for the last 29 years. My family loves it and has come to anticipate it on this day. I hope your holiday season is filled with good food, good friends, good converation and good memories.

Turkey Gumbo
1/2 cup flour
1/4 cup vegetable oil and 1/4 cup olive oil
3 stalks celery
1 red onion
1 green pepper
1 clove garlic
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
1 sack frozen sliced okra
2 cans chicken broth, plus water to cover
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
4 drops Louisiana hot sauce or to taste
1 can Italian diced tomatoes
1 lb. smoked sausage, sliced
1/4 cup or to taste, diced leftover ham
2 cups or more diced leftover turkey, baked or smoked
1 bay leaf
Heat oil in heavy kettle or stock pot; add flour slowly, stirring constantly with wooden spoon. Cook, stirring until a medium brown roux is formed, about 20 minutes (you will have to turn the heat down - don't burn it). Add vegetables (down to okra, but not the okra) and continue cooking in roux until vegetables are soft, about 10 minutes or more for a better tasting roux. Add remaining ingredients and simmer for 1 to 2 hours. Can add 1 teaspoon brown sugar during last 10 minutes of cooking, if desired. Serve over a bed of rice in a soup bowl. My goal is to rival The Gumbo Shop's gumbo in New Orleans - the above recipe does not use shrimp or seafood and I like it that way at Thanksgiving. Here is The Gumbo Shop's recipe:
http://www.gumboshop.com/recipes

Turkey Tetrazinni
3 cuos leftover turkey, diced
1 cup shredded Parmesan cheese
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 jar Alfredo sauce
1 can sliced mushrooms
1/2 cup slivered almonds
1/2 cup chicken broth
1/4 cup cooking sherry
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
7 ounces cooked vermicelli, cooked
Stir together chicken, 1/2 cup Parmesan, and next 7 ingredients; stir in pasta. Spoon into lightly greased 7x11 inch baking dish. Sprinkle with remaining Parmesan. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes or until heated through. Makes 6 servings.

Turkey-Stuffing Bake
1 can (12 oz.) evaporated milk
3 tablespoons butter
2 cups leftover stuffing or 1 box instant
1 can cream of mushroom soup
2 cups diced turkey
2 cups shredded Swiss cheese
2 stalks celery, chopped
1 cup cooked broccoli
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
In saucepan, heat 3/4 cup of milk and the butter to scalding. In a large bowl, pour milk over stuffing; toss to mix well. Pat 1/2 stuffing mixture into a buttered 11x7 baking dish. In medium bowl, mix soup,remaining milk, chicken, 1 cup of cheese, broccoli and thyme. Spoon evenly over stuffing - top with remaining stuffing. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes. Top with remaining cheese and bake an additional 10 minutes or until cheese melts. Serves 6.

And my favorite on Friday morning...
Scrambled Eggs with Stuffing and Smoked Turkey
1 to 2 eggs per person
Any leftover stuffing - 1/8 or more cups, depending on number of eggs
1/2 or more cups diced turkey - more for more eggs
Salt and pepper to taste
Grated smoked gouda or a nice Havarti or any grated cheese you have on hand
Prepare eggs as normal for scrambled eggs. Heat butter in skillet as you normally would for
scrambling eggs. After eggs have set up a bit, add stuffing, turkey, salt and pepper and continue scrambling, turning as needed until eggs are cooked. Top with cheese immediately and seve while hot. Happy Black Friday!

-----------Melony

Over The River

I refuse. I will not. I am making a stand. There will be no Christmas at the Wagner's before Thanksgiving. The pumpkins are still piled on the front porch. Bittersweet and mum's are still in baskets and bins on my patio. Mr.and Mrs Pilgrim stand at attention on my dining room table, ready to greet family and friends on Thursday.

Yes. I have been Christmas shopping. Various and sundry sacks and boxes are crammed into every available closet. They are just not wrapped and under a tree already. I am certainly planning the always dreaded family picture when everyone is here. Ahh...Mom. Come on. Not today. Well, if not today, when we will we all be together again? Christmas. And then it is too late. Smile Everyone.

I know Christmas is coming. But Thanksgiving is in itself a great holiday. Let's not rush through the time to be with people we love most in the world. Let's enjoy THIS holiday without the pressure of presents and decorations and parties and credit cards and traffic and crowds. Just enjoy great food and great families-great football and great parades.

Santa Claus is coming to town-sure he is. Just not yet. Gather together and ask the Lord's Blessings....and be thankful!!! chrissie

Gearing Up

One week before Thanksgiving and the pantry is stocked; I'm ready to start cooking and baking. If your family is like mine, everyone has something that means the holiday. Nephews have already started calling to request their particular favorite. My own kids don't even have to ask, they know I'll have cheese grits, pink stuff, a certain broccoli salad, Grandmother's Chocolate Cake and Jezebel Sauce for the ham.

One of my first cookbooks was by Jane Justin of the Justin Boot Family. She compiled recipes for her daughter and ended up publishing them as a cookbook. The cookbook was great as a new bride source-she not just offered easy recipes but suggested the whole menu for the meal. I actually had Mother Jane's Prescriptions for Hunger before I had my first (and only husband). In the introduction to her cookbook, Jane Justin says, " I am not a natural cook but I consider myself a cultivated cook. I enjoy cooking- it is wonderful therapy for me and I hope that I can give happiness to others by inspiring them. If you are not a natural cook, maybe like me you can become a cultivated cook. My Mother did not inspire my kitchen much, but I learned lessons from her that made me realize the importance of how good meals make a happy home."

What follows is one of her recipes that my family always requests. It is so popular, that I cannot ever assign someone else to bring it. I have combined Jane's recipe with Visie's - She was my grandmother's right arm and a "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of cook....just like me!

Cornbread Dressing

Make a batch of cornbread. You can use a mix but do not use a sweet cornbread like Jiffy. Need it to fill a 10 x14 inch pan. Can bake the day before.
Crumble in a large bowl and set aside. Also tear up and add 5 or 6 slices of day old bread or 5 or 6 biscuits.

Melt in a skillet- 1 &1/2 sticks butter
Cook slowly until clear- 2 large yellow onions - chopped
10 ribs celery-chopped
1 bunch finely chopped parsley
Pour over bread mixture

Add
4 tbsp Lee and Perrin
1-2 tbsp Black Pepper
2 tsp poultry seasoning
1 tsp Tabasco sauce

Beat Well and add
4 large eggs

Add stock from giblets or you may use a low sodium chicken broth -either Rachel Ray's or Swanson's-cheap broth's are terrible (Here's the trick I think my family likes) Add enough stock to make dressing the consistency of cake batter--this results in a crunchy top and a moist inside.Be sure to mash all the lumps out of the dressing. Jane suggests a potato masher.
Taste the dressing and adjust seasonings. Grease well a large shallow pan and bake in a preheated 400 oven until nice and brown-about 30 to 40 minutes. You do not want a hard, dry dressing, nor a gooey, mushy one. When you remove, cover with foil until served. (Note: You can make up to the baking part in the morning )

Here's to a Happy Pre-Thanksgiving Week. May we all remember to be grateful for our blessings. If you have a family favorite, feel free to share the recipe and the memory with our readers. I need new ideas!!! chrissie
(You can google Mother Jane's Prescriptions for Hunger and though out of print, the books are out there)

***************

It's Never Easy

Throughout history Mothers have sent their boys (and now girls) off to war. Though the cause may be noble, it is never easy to send a child into harm's way. The soldiers are brave, yes, but those who love them and are left behind show courage too.

As a parent, you would do anything to make a Tour of Duty easier. A Mom can't control the enemy, but she can send love and support through packages from home. Recognizing the sacrifice and easing home-sickness through care packages may seem too simplistic. It is not. Just ask a returning soldier. It means the world. It means Home.

I remember my cousin Terry sent her boyfriend cookies. Her sweetie's tour was in Viet -Nam. He later shared the sweets had arrived pulverized. The cookies were more like flour than crumbs. He poured the mess into his field helmet, mixed it with water, and ate Terry's Toll House offering like soup. In the middle of a hostile jungle, Monroe savored every bite. It was sweet. It was familiar. It was from someone he cared about. It was something from not where he was, but where he wanted to be. The cookies meant home.

If you would like to make a soldier's holiday better, contact your local Blue Star Mother's group. They have a list of items that our men and women in uniform request and like to receive. Drop it off and they will mail it to local men and women who are serving our country.

If you want a face with a name, I have one. CPL Eli Lamb. Eli grew up and was educated in Muskogee. He was deployed to Afghanistan last week. His Mother, Jackie Lamb, sent this information to me. I thought I would share it with my readers and perhaps they would want to send 19 year old Eli a little love from home. It would be well-received so far away and would be well appreciated by his very nervous Mother. Funny how something so simple could mean so much. We all like to know we're appreciated. We all like to know we're loved. God Speed Eli. Be safe. Be safe, all who serve our country. We are all so proud of your sacrifice and service. May we always remember. May we never forget.

(What follows is word for word from Mom, Jackie.)

Eli LOVES Skittles, original flavor beef jerky, Snickers, Sudoku, anything about OU. Some other ideas would be newspaper articles about the Roughers and updates on classmates. Kazoos, card games would be fun gifts that he could share with his brothers there, giving all of them something to do. He also loves "redneck" stuff- Jeff Foxworthy is a hero! Believe it or not, he also loves the Beverly Hillbillies and Gilligan's Island, so if you could find old comics or books of them he would like that. Hand wipes and baby wipes are always welcome since showers are few and far between. A package would need to be sent about the 3rd week of Nov. or so in order to get there by Christmas and they aren't guaranteeing that they will then, but no later than that. They are saying 4-5 weeks delivery times, maybe a little longer.

(Eli's address follows:)

Cpl. Lamb, Eli W.
2d AA BN B Co. Det A/Unit 73576
FPO AE 09510-3576

chrissie

A Penny Saved Is A Penny Earned

In 2007, The Oklahoma House of Representatives passed the Passport to Financial Literacy Act. This act requires students to meet financial education requirements in order to graduate. When I taught Seniors, I can verify many did not have a clue about money. Winning the lottery seemed to be the cure-all for all financial woes. A long term plan for a career and an expected standard of living did not necessarily go hand in hand. Government bail-outs and hand-outs were not just a short term solution, they were a life plan. Lawsuits seemed to be a handy budgeting tool. Getting hurt on the job, another. This all did not bode well for their future or the future of their families, their state or their country.

One of the ways offered to meet the financial literacy requirement is a Reality Check seminar. This is a role -playing event designed to teach teens about the financial responsibilities of adult life. Reality Check assigns teens all the details of an imaginary "grown-up" life: career, salary, marital status and children. Different booths offer opportunities to purchase housing, transportation, food, utilities, child care and- when and if they had extra money-entertainment. Unexpected situations are also navigated, like buying new tires, repairing a broken water heater and earning extra money by selling clothes on consignment.

Our teens don't have to wait for a Reality Check before learning about the value of money. The Institute of Consumer Financial Education lists the following tips:

# As soon as children can count, introduce them to money. Take an active role, because observation and repetition are two methods kids can learn by.
# Communicate with your children abut your values concerning money and how to save it and make it grow-and how to spend it wisely.
# Teach children the difference between needs, wants and wishes. This will prepare them for making good spending decisions in the future.
# Setting goals is a fundamental concept in teaching young people the value of money and also, how to save. Nearly everything a child or teen asks for can become the object of a goal setting session.
#Indoctrinate your children to saving instead of spending. Explain and demonstrate the concept of earning interest on savings. Consider paying interest on money earned at home and have them help you calculate the amount. Let them open a savings account.
# Give your children money in denominations that encourage saving. For example, give them a 5 ones instead of a five dollar bill.
# Allow your teen to make spending decisions, both good and poor, and then encourage a discussion of pros and cons before more spending takes place.
# Teach teens to keep a record of spending, savings and investments.
# Take kids with you to stores and explain how purchases are made.Let them help with a budget and a shopping list.

In 2007, Oklahoma Lawmakers passed the Passport of Financial Literacy. It requires certain financial areas be covered in high school curriculum. Some of these areas are: earning an income, taxes, bank services, fraud, identity theft, saving and investing. The Oklahoma Council On Economic Education is designated by the State of Oklahoma to provide training, materials and support for teaching financial literary in the state. The Council works with the State Department of Education to make sure teachers have what they need to help students learn to make good choices. If you are interested in offering Reality Check at your school, contact the OCEE at moneyisok.org.
chrissie