Tis the Season

As parents, we try to make Christmas about family, friends, love, beliefs and traditions. As a family, we hope to instill in our children that the holiday is not about what we get, it is about being together and counting our blessings. It is difficult if not impossible to keep the abstract ideal of Christmas over the concrete reality of the holiday in America today. First and foremost December 25th seems more like we are celebrating commercialism, consumerism and all too often, over indulging our kids in the process.

Fortunately, The Committee to Encourage Corporate Philanthropy reports that there is a growing trend of people giving to charities at the holidays - either by making donations in someone's name or by stocking up on gifts from places who donate their proceeds.

In fact, hundreds of thousands of dollars can be collected even when individuals spend just a small amount on an individual gift. So maybe it's time to drag our kids away from their video games, mp3 players, and other expensive toys and teach them a life lesson about helping those less fortunate than they are.

Some great places to look:

http://www.heifer.org - Help families across the globe by sending not just heifers, but milk, honeybees, or wool.

http://www.supportunicef.org/ - Unicef accepts donations and also sells holiday cards and gifts to help children in need

httpdr;//awbridges-tore.stores.yahoo.net/cards.html -awbridge sells all-occasion cards made by children without homes

http://www.ebaygivingworks.com/ - Ebay Giving Works allows you to support nonprofit organizations by purchasing a wide variety of items through Ebay auctions

http://shop.stjude.org/ - Buy gifts online and support St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital

http://www.charitymall.com/ - Buy the items you normally buy through your favorite stores online and a portion of the proceeds goes to fund cancer research

http://www.charitygiftcertificates.org/ - CharityChoice gift cards allow the recipient to donate to up to 3 charities of their choice.

Two local non-profits that help Muskogee's children are Kid Space and CASA. Children in protective custody or in the court system have a safe place and an advocate. Monarch Inc. has Mothers trying to get their lives straightened out and children who through no fault of their own are involved in the process. These kids are waiting for Santa Claus too. The Salvation Army still needs help with their Angel Tree children. Any church can take donations for the Community Food Pantry. Habitat For Humanity always can use a helping hand. The Red Cross serves needs locally and beyond. The "Give Back" list just goes on and on. There are lots of places to give. Make your choice a family decision. Choose the one that speaks to you and your family.

Note: Don't miss An O' Henry Christmas at Muskogee Little Theatre. It opens December 3rd and runs for two weeks. Tickets are available at Sound World and information is at the Muskogee Little Theatre website. chrissie

We Gather Together

Do you have a funny Thanksgiving story? One that just has to be retold every year? The year the dog got the turkey or all the Great Aunts got tipsy while making the gravy? What about a special tradition in your family? Be it silly or somber, is it what signifies the holiday to you and yours? Say, a maiden aunt's crookneck squash turkeys made with colored toothpicks and construction paper. They sat precariously on their little toothpick legs, among the floral centerpiece and old wedding silver. And of course, those certain foods and recipes that your group's Thanksgiving table will never be without. Aunt Sue's Broccoli Salad or long gone Visie's yeast rolls. One taste, and she's back in the kitchen with you, bossing everyone and holding court.

Hands down, Thanksgiving is the best holiday of all. Understand, I love Christmas as much as the next person, but the shopping and decorating and weeks of leading up to, and days of taking down, are not exactly relaxing. It's the holiday that goes on forever. And all those expectations that have to be met. It's nerve-wracking. It's expensive. It's exhausting.

Thanksgiving. Now there's a holiday. You still get the family without the fuss. It's fallish. It's festive. It's fun. Everyone in one place without a game plan. There's time to catch up. Time to reconnect. And best of all, time to remember.

As the preceding generation leaves us, it becomes harder to stay connected. When my Mother and her sister were gone, the cousins all kind of floated, loosey goosey. First our Grandparents, and then our Mothers were no longer in charge. We realized very quickly how much we needed each other. We realized we wanted our children to have what we had been so blessed with. We grew up together with a strong sense of self. We had a knowledge of where we came from and who we were. The greatest gift we could give to our loved ones memory (and the greatest gift to ourselves) was to continue instilling a strong sense of family. Additionally, when we are gone, the younger generation will have each other to support and love them like only family can. They share a history because they have shared their lives.

Cousins move out of their house so you can stay there while your daughter is having heart surgery. Sister-in law's have Valentine parties for your grandchildren and shop better for your family than you do. Brothers sit with your husband while he smokes 25 Thanksgiving turkeys or dog sit their niece's Jack Russell, a dog only family could love. Brothers know why you are who you are, because they were there too. They know all the inside jokes. One key word and you look at each other and burst out laughing. Floyd! HA HA HA. Cousins bring baby presents and cry with you at funerals and have Easter get-togethers because Thanksgiving only comes once a year. Nieces and Nephews grow up with each other and then, these cousins start the marriage and new baby cycle all over again. That's the way it's supposed to work isn't it?

How about it? Put those Christmas lights down! Leave Santa in the attic a day or two more. Let the pumpkins and the mums stay for the weekend. Don't miss this holiday getting ready for the next one. May your Thanksgiving be memorable. May your Thanksgiving be happy. May your Thanksgiving be delicious. And most importantly, may your Thanksgiving be blessed with the gift of family.

New Moon Girls

I found a great on-line magazine. It is called New Moon Girls and is a bi-monthly magazine that is 100% advertising-free. It's topics are the highest-quality content for girls age 8 and up! You won't find diet advice or popularity contests here. Girls can submit art, poetry and articles. There are experts who write columns and answer questions. Topics are covered to empower young women and to help them gain confidence and courage.

This current issue is a good example. A psychotherapist writes about stress.- "A Girls Guide to Chill". What stress is, how to identify it and how to eliminate it is discussed by the expert in a clear and age appropriate manner. Additionally, young contributors add insight and advice to the reader.

Another column is Voice Box- hot topics being the subject. This page is written totally by tweens and teens. This month's subject is Texting and the comments are interesting. Another great column? Be a Shero. You gotta love the message there. This article includes a quiz to match the shero with her accomplishment.

There is a thirteen year old's essay on names and how they impact a girl's life. Her article is great but what an opportunity for budding writers. Teens can contribute to the magazine and actually be published. Could anything better reinforce the importance of literacy and learning? What it takes to construct a sentence, a paragraph and to cover a topic? Why vocabulary and support of a thesis is important. The English teacher in me loves this aspect of New Moon Girls.
Did you know there was a female undercover spy during the Civil War? Read her story in the magazine. How to relate and support friends whose parents are serving in the military is another topic in this issue. How to make a political change and a story about the artist who creates Wonder Woman are other offerings.

New Moon Girls magazine is about helping girls discover and honor their true selves, engage in meaningful pursuits and dialogue, and express their voices in ways that matter.Go to their site and share it with your daughter. It's a fabulous chance to put something safe, creative, positive and entertaining on their computer. Let me know what you think. www.NewMoon.com chrissie

Harpie. Banshee..... Mom??

Remember how you knew by your Mom's tone of voice if you were in trouble? If she was frustrated, tired, frightened or angry? I remember the sound of my Mother's voice as she called up the stairs. A simple request was even and quiet, a confrontation or disagreement was emotional and took the air out of the room.

Sometimes my own tone of voice can sometimes put others off, express impatience, or even indicate feelings that I'm not consciously aware of. I can try to verbalize something in a neutral way but my intonation and tone gives away my true feelings. It helps to hear myself as others hear me. And sometimes it isn't pretty. It shocks me to think that I sound like that at times. I see I still have a lot of work to do - on me.

This may raise a good question for each of us to consider: what's a major shortcoming in the way we interact with others? Perhaps we don’t listen very carefully, or we interrupt people, or we each think we have the right answer. Maybe our shortcoming isn't on the communication front, but we are a procrastinator, or we are disorganized, or we exaggerate so much people aren't sure when we are being accurate or honest. This is important here as we discuss parenting teenagers because I can be pretty sure that this short-coming shows up in our parenting. So now, as we tune into it, we have an opportunity to address it.

Our children are reflections of us in many ways. If we don’t pick up on our shortcomings on our own, we may see them in our child's behavior. We may not recognize it right away, but it is likely that some of the behavior witnessed from our teenager - the behavior that we find most irritating or worrisome, even - is behavior that s/he has learned from us. Let's try to look more objectively at our teenager and consider where they see that behavior being modeled. Oh- and we need to be sure to take a good long look in the mirror.

If we don’t like what we see, take note. Hear ourselves. And make a change. Chrissie

Is it Easter Already?

November 1st. How can it possibly be November 1st? I have to argue that as I get older, really and truly, the world is turning on it's axis faster. One blink and another week has passed. Two blinks and another month comes around. I can't even fill in a daily calendar anymore. The day is over before I can write something down.

Is this a phenomenon you have also experienced? It's not that I don't notice time passing. I do. I just can't seem to slow it down. Didn't I just put my Thanksgiving decorations away? Really. Now, I am pulling them down again.

Do you remember when Superman made the planet reverse so he could save Lois Lane? I wish that would work for non -super heroes. The question is, what day, hour or minute would one go back to? In Thornton Wilder's classic American play, Our Town, the character of Emily, after dying in childbirth, returns to Grover's Corners and to her childhood home. She sees herself on her twelfth birthday. She sees her Mother preparing breakfast and hears her Father calling good wishes down the stairs. The daily act of living is too painful for her to bear. "Do human beings ever realize life while they live it - every, every minute?" Emily asks.

In the popular musical, RENT, the signature song, Seasons of Love addresses time and how it is spent by each of us.

Five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes

Five hundred, twenty-five thousand, moments so dear.

Five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes

How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in tears.

I can't explain why life seems to be going so much faster. I can only promise myself to live it as best I can. To live intentionally and to never take a day for granted. I refuse to dwell on the negatives. I will change what I can and release what I can't. I won't look back someday and wish I had- I will look back and smile, because I did.

I don't care how sappy, if I love you, you will know it. I don't care how long something takes. We will share wonderful food together, travel to places we have never seen. We'll have parties for no reason and I will be there for those I love through thick and thin. We'll seize all opportunities to make memories and to just be together. Every single day is a gift and I don't want to waste it. One blink, and one is on the other side of their life. I insist mine will be a great big step. chrissie