I'm Listening

Everyone knows those intuitive people who seem to know how we are feeling. They say the right things. They make us feel better by how they react and by what their responses are. These folks don't think they have all the answers, they just know the right questions. You feel like they can be trusted and have your welfare at heart. It's easy to open up and share. Those parents trying to communicate with teenagers could take a cue from these emotional experts. Its a new year. Here are some tips to work on better relationships with our children in 2011.

Be Sensitive
These parents pick up cues from their teen and sense how the children are feeling. These parents listen and empathize. Notice that word that keeps cropping up-Listen. It's a good thing to remember.

Be Responsive
These parents respond in ways that fit their child's cues. If the teen is frightened, they comfort him. If he's intense, they calm him. If she's insecure, they reassure her. But they don't excuse disrespectful behavior. Their limits are clear and enforced.

Reciprocal
There is give-and-take in the relationship. The parent respects the child's emotions and teaches him to consider thoughtfully the emotions of others. Empathy is an important life skill for everyone. Self-centered and me centered is counter-productive to all.

Supportive and Encouraging
They understand that learning to manage one's emotions takes time and effort. They support and encourage their child as he practices self-control and common sense. Handling stress, heartaches and disappointments in a positive and constructive way is a goal for all of us.

You know the old adage, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same results". If communication seems to have broken down in your home, identify what is definitely not working. Make a list and keep it handy. When an incident happens, examine the list and address a different way to handle the situation. This may seem simplistic but writing it down is a mechanical way that separates the emotions from the incident.

These simple actions enhance teen development, foster a positive sense of self-esteem, and, most important, keep you and yours talking. And that's a goal to work toward as a parent. It won't insure smooth sailing all the time, but communicating effectively makes those "teen" years a little less daunting. Chrissie