As a parent of an almost "tween", you've heard the chatter. "It's a whole new world, much worse than the terrible twos." "You won't believe the change in your kid -- like night and day." "Just wait until they hit middle school; brace yourself." Looking back on the 10-13 years, I have to say, it was different, but not so bad. Here are six great things about the tween years.
The Good News: You Have a New Buddy
Yes, I know, your job description doesn't read: "My Kid's Best Friend." And, no, you're not equals. But the tween years provide endless opportunities to bond on a deeper level than you did when your child was little. You can take your tween. out to lunch and have a completely different experience from a few years ago. Remember when a trip to a restaurant meant watching them color the kids' menu and knock over their milk? Now you can discuss everything from their friendships to current movies to politics. (And if they have to go to the bathroom, they find it on their own.) You need to shift gears and expect new behaviors. New. Not bad.
The Good News: You're Past the Do-Everything Stage
When the tween years come around, it's exhilarating to be free of the drudgery that comes with parenting small children: wiping bottoms, pouring juice, tying shoes. Not only that, but tweens can actually help around the house in meaningful ways, like emptying the dishwasher and taking out garbage. "It's simply less physically exhausting to be the parent of a tween. Kids make their own lunches and their own beds. They're self-cleaning. The day-to-day stuff is much easier.
Make It Even Better: Celebrate each new task your kids can do, and get over any guilt you have that you're slacking off by letting them take on more, says educator Annie Fox, author of the Middle School Confidential series. "Some parents mistakenly equate dependence with love," she says. "They feel that 'if he doesn't need me, he doesn't love me.' But do you really want to be cutting your kid's sandwiches when he's thirty?" Encourage independence by giving tweens more complex home projects once in a while.
The Good News: He Gets the Jokes
Your tween will love sharing a whole new level of wit -- puns, wordplay, sarcasm. This is a good time to expose kids to more grown-up movies and books, both current and classic. Of course, how far you want to go is a personal decision
The Good News: She's Interesting
Tweens develop passions and hobbies, whether it's basketball, Wii games, or musical theater. . And taking an active interest in your child's sport or hobby is good for her. She gets to be the teacher, which is a major confidence booster.
Make it Even Better: Find a hobby you can pursue together. Shared time on a hobby is not only fun, it is a time to talk and get closer to your tween. It is critical at this time in your child's life to keep communication open- much easier to do in a casual and fun setting.
The Good News: His Friends are Hysterical
Sure, a group of tweens can get loud and squirrelly, but you're privy to some of the most off-the-wall conversations ever. Carpooling with tweens is a world unto itself: Make It Even Better: "Offer your house as a gathering spot for your tween and his friends, or be the mom who drives everyone to the mall. Taking advantage of their need for a ride is the best way to get to know their friends.
The Good News: She Wants to Help
When tweens take on a project -- whether it's cleaning up a local park or volunteering at a food bank -- it's all or nothing. Let Them know how proud you are of their kindness and generosity, and do everything in your power to help them act on it. I
Don't forget the power of your example. If your objective is to raise a good citizen, you have to show what that means. Make it your business to be involved, and your tween will get involved Look for family opportunities for volunteerism; the more time you spend with your tween, the happier everyone will be. And that's not terrible at all. chrissie
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