Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Make A Wish
I have talked a great deal about what makes the experiment of "family" successful. Family starts when our children are small, and if we do it right, continues for the rest of our lives. The key to me seems to be a constant presence, without seeming so. A lot of being the parent of adult children involves learning to keep our opinions to ourselves, but being available and supportive..
Children grow up. I know. It really happened. It's our job to have raised them with the tools needed to lead a successful and satisfying life. Part of this is, letting them lead that life. News Flash. It is theirs. Not yours. I have learned, venture an opinion or suggestion as the observing parent, be prepared to live with the consequences. Now, I am talking about life choices, not the living room drapes. Well, actually, let them pick their own drapes. Trust me. It works out better.
If you are a controlling parent of adult children, one of two things happens. Your children are insecure and dependent on you- and never experience the joy and challenge of being a "grown up." Additionally, there is a lot of pressure on you if things aren't working out too well. The second option is, your adult child resents your intrusion and pulls away from your input and advice. They also physically separate themselves. This is not the mid-life you want for yourselves. You want to be with your children and their families as much as possible. That is the gift we get for raising them.
The Wagner family is growing. Son Ward proposed to his lovely Ally over Christmas and we could not be more delighted. All the Wagner's gathered in Oklahoma City over the weekend. Since three of our four children live there, it seems we find any excuse to gather and be together. It was Annie and Ally's birthday week and of course, there was cake. And conversation. Lots of conversation. Wedding conversation. When. Where. Who.
Now there is nothing I love more than planning a wedding. I have lots of ideas. The ideal place. The flowers. The music........................so what did I do Sunday? Followed my own advice. Nodded my head. Added an" ummm" or a head nod when appropriate. Bit my tongue when I thought I wanted to bubble forth with something relevant...........................There is no way I am jeopardizing our future relationship together, as a family, over a four hour event. I mean, keep priorities straight. Down the road, there may be grandchildren!!!! chrissie