Words from the Wise

 In the years I have been writing The Care and Feeding of Teenagers, I have often relied on others.  Others who are far more educated and wiser than me.  One favorite expert has been Sue Blaney, author and blogger-Please Stop the Roller Coaster.  What follows is her last "two minute" tips for raising Tweens and Teens. Check her archives for lots of good advice.  Happy March. chrissie

This is my last 2 Minute Tip. As I have told you, I will be shutting down this website before the end of 2012. As I prepare to say goodbye, I have been reflecting on my experiences in parenting and in what I have learned from working with so many of you across the country over the past 10 years.
I don’t need to tell you that this is a dynamic time in your family’s life…you know that. Over the years I have observed something I want to share with you: that there are times even the most educated and professionally successful parents feel challenged to their core. While watching your teenagers develop and grow is exciting and fun, it can also be a time filled with contradictions, confusion and mixed messages. I remember the time I had a Nobel prize winner in one of my workshops – his 14 year old daughter had virtually brought him to his knees! There are many parents whose confidence gets severely tested as they raise their teenagers.

For that reason, the single most important thing I believe you can do is to reach out and connect with other parents. There is so much to learn from one another, and so many benefits from sharing your journey. That was why I started working in this field, to help connect parents in safe and helpful ways.

Here is a short list of 10 suggestions I’d like to leave you with in this final 2 Minute Tip. This is “what I know now” about parenting teenagers:
1. Have faith. The odds are really good that things will work out just fine.
2. Believe in your teen’s goodness.
3. Know something about adolescent development so your expectations are age appropriate and realistic.
4. Understand that teens still have a lot of growing up to do after high school. Don’t expect your high school student to think or act like an adult.
5. Be mindful of what you are bringing to the family dynamic. You can be part of the problem or part of the solution.
6. Sometimes parenting requires you to swallow your pride.
7. Try really hard not to judge other parents, kids and families.
8. If you feel yourself suffering from fear and worry you need to objectively assess what is happening. Are you over-reacting? How serious is the situation? Would you benefit from outside help? Getting professional help is never a sign of weakness, there are times it is exactly the right thing to do.
9. Never worry alone.
10. More than anything, focus on your relationship with your teen…

• Tune in to his/her feelings,
• Listen more than you speak
• Express your love [in ways that are comfortable for your teen],
• Spend time having fun together,
• Make sure he/she knows you are always in his court,
• Let your teenager know you don’t expect perfection,
• Make it clear that you care about a lot more than his grades and academic success.

It has been my privilege walking along beside you as you raise your teenagers. Thank you for allowing me into your life. Here’s to a great future for you and your family!
I’m leaving you with links to a couple of favorite items…

• the Parents’ Action Tool is a one page download of an item parents have found very  helpful,
• “What I Know Now: An Open Letter to My Recent Teens” may be the most popular post I have written, and I have closed every talk with it. If you haven’t read this, don’t miss it.

Thank you again….and God Bless.
Download the Parents’ Action Tool: