It's horrifying to watch. It's hard to miss. Turn on any news show and the video is endlessly played and discussed. Six girls lure a 16-year-old " friend" to a home with a phone call. She is met at the door by one girl while five others hide. As she walks into the trap two teens begin attacking her, slamming her head against the wall. When the ambushed girl regains consciousness, the girls take turns hitting her, all the while cheering one another on and videoing the thirty-minute attack. One voice is heard yelling: "There is only 17 seconds left, make it good." Two boys wait outside as lookouts.
All eight teens have been arrested for assault The victim apparently posted something against one of the girls on My Space. According to her attackers the girl deserved the treatment. Not one of the young women has showed any remorse for their deeds.
It's time for a reality check. This incident is not an isolated affair. Physical aggression among girls is a quickly growing trend. Statistics reveal that American girls are becoming as prone to violent behavior as boys. Dr Ruth Peters, a Today show contributor, sites the following:
· 20 years ago roughly ten boys were arrested for assault every one girl. That ratio is now four to one.
· Girls in gangs are just as likely to participate in beatings as boys.
· U.S. Department of Justice shows that in 1990 one in 50 juvenile arrests for all crimes is a girl. In 2003 one in three juvenile arrests for violent crimes is a girl.
· More than one in every four teens aged 13 to 15 who are arrested for aggravated assault is a girl.
The question is, why now? What has changed in our culture that triggers young women (and young men) to physically attack each other, seemingly without regret or remorse? Experts argue that video games, TV and movies, mass media, popular music and the Internet all glorify violence. There is a site to post fights on My Space called "Put Em On." That promised 15 minutes of fame further encourages the actions. It also validates and legitimizes the violence. Certainly, these examples are symptoms of a culture gone haywire, but these influences are unfortunately modeled by adult behaviors the kids come in contact with every day. Their actions are reflecting adult culture.
Sit a couple of times at a Little League game and watch a parent "lose it" over a call. Shows like Jerry Springer have made cat fighting a form of entertainment. A distraught Father murders his own children, just to get back at his wife. A college student dresses in black and methodically shoots anything moving, because of his own personal failures. Individuals drive by houses and fire guns out of the window, all in the name of "saving face." An inconvenient pregnancy is no big deal, thanks to Roe V/S Wade. Road Rage is how some deal with the frustration of merely driving a car. Could it be true? Is a society of screaming, vitriolic, short tempered and self- centered grown-ups raising America's children?
Remember Steve Martin's comment from the movie Parenthood ? "You have to have a license to go fishing but they put a live baby in your arms and let you walk straight out of the hospital." It's true. This infant is placed in our care, unfortunately, without any operating instructions. Mothers and Fathers have to go on instinct and what they themselves learned at their own parents knee. If the experience wasn't so great, statistics show the next generation won't be so great at parenting either.
American families must break this cycle. Kids cannot be cast adrift to raise themselves. Parents, get to your kids before the culture does. Then, when our children are faced with decisions, they will have the tools and the inner voices to make the right choices. Dr. Michael Bradley observes that parenting is a contact sport. Be connected with your children. Only through this connection will they learn what is right, what is good and what is true.
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Showing posts with label My Space. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Space. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Saturday, February 24, 2007
ICT2 (I Can Text Too)
Last weekend there was an editorial by Craig Harris in the Muskogee Phoenix. His topic was kids tech lingo. If you have ever watched your child respond to a text, you know how savvy they are. They whip the phone out with lightening speed and send a message back with an introduction, thesis and conclusion. Everything is abbreviated. Shortcuts do save on those pesky key strokes when teens are communicating during history class or driving down the highway at 60 miles an hour.
Examples shared by Mr. Harris include acronyms parents should watch out for. Some particularly alarming ones are POS (parent over shoulder), LMIRL (Let's meet in real life), WYRN (what's your real name) IWSN, (I want sex now) and RYO, (Roll your own). His column continues with some more innocent and amusing examples. DTTG (Don't go there girlfriend), GLG (good looking guy), TLITBC (that's life in the big city) and ADIP, (another day in paradise).
I say fair is fair. It's time for parents to jump on the texting bandwagon. We can all get with these new smoke signals and communicate with our children. Won't our adolescents be thrilled! Imagine, sitting at the mall with friends, Penelope Sue's phone signals a text message. Penelope eagerly whips her phone out to see who is texting. AUBY...(are you behaving yourself?) Cody Wayne is squirming in the balcony at Sunday service and you notice his stealthy retreat, right before the sermon starts. Buzz.... his phone vibrates.... GSE&SDI-(God sees everything and so do I.)
Consider your seasonal shopping trips. No eye contact is made between you and your 15 year old until you and your credit card meet him at the cash register. You notice (from an accepted distance) little Johnny caressing a $160.00 pair of athletic shoes and making his way toward a clerk. NGHlvM (not gonna happen, love Mom). Texting would also be handy for inappropriate clothing choices our girls are making. OMCDB. (Over my cold, dead body).
I am liking this. Here's a couple more. Curfew has passed and there is no sign of sweet thing. IKWNXTBT. (I know we'll both enjoy all this extra time we'll be spending together). The grass is up above your knees because your teen just has not had time to mow the yard. D&ILVWY$- (Dad and I are off to Las Vegas with your allowance. Thanks!) Even better, there's mumblings about possible piercings, tattoos and alternative lifestyles. D&IROTEWYC$. (Dad and I are off to Europe with your college money. Bon Voyage Stud.)
This messaging could also be used for positive re enforcement. A co-worker runs into your child at lunch. Your son said hello, and,.... shook hands! With quivering fingers you text, CBPBsMH, (caught being polite, be still my heart). At Parent/Teacher conferences you are informed a grade has been brought up and the instructor notes extra effort......Gasp! NWDUW2G2C?, (Now, I'm listening. Where did you want to go to college?) And a catch all for anything positive? PPP (Particularly Proud Parent) .
Parent to parent communication would be interesting. Your phone signals a text at 11:30 one night. JHNOMPS-(just heard...insert your child here... name on my police scanner). Another parent notices your little darling seated in front of her at the movie. DHNIP. (Date's hands not in the popcorn. ) You hear the familiar mantra, "but everyone's doing it...., wearing it......, buying it.....," and with just a quick check of the parent network, a unanimous and resounding NOMW (not on my watch!) nips all discussion in the bud.
Teacher-parent communication could be short and sweet. ZZZZZ (Sleeping in class). FFFF (Failing in Class) . GRRRR (A horse's rear in class). NoHAHA (Not as funny as he thinks he is in class). Every time a teacher would pull a cell phone out, 30 students would snap to attention.
You get the idea. Let's join the tech revolution. We can now embarrass and humiliate our children in this simple and stress free manner. No more scenes. No more tears. We don't even have to look at them. Just text admonitions, compliments, threats and sage advice to our children. TTU4I. (They'll thank us for it).
Examples shared by Mr. Harris include acronyms parents should watch out for. Some particularly alarming ones are POS (parent over shoulder), LMIRL (Let's meet in real life), WYRN (what's your real name) IWSN, (I want sex now) and RYO, (Roll your own). His column continues with some more innocent and amusing examples. DTTG (Don't go there girlfriend), GLG (good looking guy), TLITBC (that's life in the big city) and ADIP, (another day in paradise).
I say fair is fair. It's time for parents to jump on the texting bandwagon. We can all get with these new smoke signals and communicate with our children. Won't our adolescents be thrilled! Imagine, sitting at the mall with friends, Penelope Sue's phone signals a text message. Penelope eagerly whips her phone out to see who is texting. AUBY...(are you behaving yourself?) Cody Wayne is squirming in the balcony at Sunday service and you notice his stealthy retreat, right before the sermon starts. Buzz.... his phone vibrates.... GSE&SDI-(God sees everything and so do I.)
Consider your seasonal shopping trips. No eye contact is made between you and your 15 year old until you and your credit card meet him at the cash register. You notice (from an accepted distance) little Johnny caressing a $160.00 pair of athletic shoes and making his way toward a clerk. NGHlvM (not gonna happen, love Mom). Texting would also be handy for inappropriate clothing choices our girls are making. OMCDB. (Over my cold, dead body).
I am liking this. Here's a couple more. Curfew has passed and there is no sign of sweet thing. IKWNXTBT. (I know we'll both enjoy all this extra time we'll be spending together). The grass is up above your knees because your teen just has not had time to mow the yard. D&ILVWY$- (Dad and I are off to Las Vegas with your allowance. Thanks!) Even better, there's mumblings about possible piercings, tattoos and alternative lifestyles. D&IROTEWYC$. (Dad and I are off to Europe with your college money. Bon Voyage Stud.)
This messaging could also be used for positive re enforcement. A co-worker runs into your child at lunch. Your son said hello, and,.... shook hands! With quivering fingers you text, CBPBsMH, (caught being polite, be still my heart). At Parent/Teacher conferences you are informed a grade has been brought up and the instructor notes extra effort......Gasp! NWDUW2G2C?, (Now, I'm listening. Where did you want to go to college?) And a catch all for anything positive? PPP (Particularly Proud Parent) .
Parent to parent communication would be interesting. Your phone signals a text at 11:30 one night. JHNOMPS-(just heard...insert your child here... name on my police scanner). Another parent notices your little darling seated in front of her at the movie. DHNIP. (Date's hands not in the popcorn. ) You hear the familiar mantra, "but everyone's doing it...., wearing it......, buying it.....," and with just a quick check of the parent network, a unanimous and resounding NOMW (not on my watch!) nips all discussion in the bud.
Teacher-parent communication could be short and sweet. ZZZZZ (Sleeping in class). FFFF (Failing in Class) . GRRRR (A horse's rear in class). NoHAHA (Not as funny as he thinks he is in class). Every time a teacher would pull a cell phone out, 30 students would snap to attention.
You get the idea. Let's join the tech revolution. We can now embarrass and humiliate our children in this simple and stress free manner. No more scenes. No more tears. We don't even have to look at them. Just text admonitions, compliments, threats and sage advice to our children. TTU4I. (They'll thank us for it).
Sunday, January 7, 2007
What in the Heck IS Facebook and Myspace??
Tonight, my third child and middle daughter had her girlfriends from college for the weekend. Wag put steaks on the grill (chicken for the non-red meat eaters) and Cath and I made the rest of our meal.
We were sitting around the dinner table over dessert. I was boring the girls with stories of my days at OU (Oklahoma University) back when. Surely someone from my generation remembers and has tales to tell of Denko Darlins' and "enchies" at Denko's. Denko was a real person with a meat cleaver always in his hand. He was often chasing us out of his establisment at 2:00 in the morning. Coach's on Main now sits where the infamous Denk's used to be . Share stories. There must be lots of Denko tales out there.
Anyway, we started talking about Myspace and Facebook. I realized I really did not have a clue except what I had glimpsed on one of my kid's computers. ( before they closed it......quickly. ) I of course had heard the horror stories about predators. We have all seen Dateline. Men with more warped hormones than healthy brain cells are repeatedly lured into false liasons with cameras rolling and police waiting.
Here is the simple definiton and explanation of Myspace.
http://www.techterms.org/definition/myspace
http://www.facebook.com/ is the sight for Facebook and there is an online tour you can take without signing up.
I decided we needed some expert advice so I went to the source. Here are four 19 and 20 year-old answers to my questions.
What are Facebook and Myspace? Which do you like better? Why? Do you know anything about how either was started?
They are "social" networks that people use to keep in touch, and just waste time on. Facebook is unanimously our favorite and it is also alot simpler to use. Facebook began as a social network at one particular college (either Harvard or Yale I think) and quite rapidly spread to other colleges. For the first few years you could only get a page if you had an edu.com in your email address..... Meaning that you were a college student. It was the coolest deal to get your address from school and immediately, set up your Facebook page. Now, with Myspace, Facebook allows anyone on. Boo.
How does another person access an individual's page? Can anyone access it? Can you block someone?
Every person who has a facebook account can set their privacy settings. All of our profiles are set so that only our "friends" can look at our profiles. That takes care of us having to block someone because only the people we know are able to look at our profile!
Do you check Facebook every day? Is there always something from someone on it? Are you always adding and updating your pages???
Yes...almost compulsively. Not always but pretty much every other day. At first it is really fun to update your page but the fun is semi -worn off at this point. Some people are very clever and inventive. Some not so much.
Here's a silly question. Are there poor souls who are as unpopular on their Facebook page as they are at their school or is there a level playing field for everyone through this communication method?
Um...well it says how many facebook friends you have, how many wall posts you have etc. But that doesn't really matter because some people are more into facebook and have everyone they know as a friend and others do not really care...so it really depends on if you are an 'active' facebook participant.
Talk about the friend who went for a job interview.
A good friend of mine went in for a job interview and the interviewer had her facebook page printed out and sitting on the desk...lucky for her the profile was totally clean and acceptable...which is not the same for everyone else.
You know how adults always say, "be careful of what you say and do. Reputation is everything." If the Facebook examples I have seen are any indication, some crazy stuff is out there for the world to see. How does someone make a decision to allow this about themselves? Is it so accepted now? Considered cool? Does this have any impact on how a person is perceived?
Well, everyone has a choice of what pictures are posted or not posted. We don't believe sexually explicit or embarrassing incidents to be an accepted form of behavior. These people are definitely judged if their pictures are highly inappropriate and everyone and I mean everyone will know about it.
Can things be deleted? Can you delete something from someone else's personal page?
You can delete anything that has to do with you, but no one else can delete something from your portfolio, unless they know your password.
Coaxing information out of kids always works better with good food. They will sit longer! Tonight I served a Spinach Salad that has been around for years. We featured it in a Service League's cookbook that was my provisional year project. It is delicious. Thanks Francie Faudree.
1 bag of baby spinach - stems removed. ( It is safe again, California promised)
1 can of Durkee's onion rings
1 jar of hormel bacon bits
4 hard boiled eggs-sliced
1 container fresh muchrooms-sliced (I leave this out as my children pick them out anyway)
1 small purple onion, sliced thinly
When ready to serve, toss, and dress with the following:
In blender combine,
1 cup canola or safflower oil (not olive)
1/2 cup sour cream
1/4 cup wine vinegar
1 tbsp sugar
1 tsp dry mustard
1 clove fresh garlic (light on the garlic)
3 tbsp dried parsley
dash of Tabasco
salt and pepper
You can make ahead but blend again, right before serving as sour cream will separate.
If I don't want to get the whole ding-dang blender out, I'll just do this is a clean mayo jar and shake it well.
We were sitting around the dinner table over dessert. I was boring the girls with stories of my days at OU (Oklahoma University) back when. Surely someone from my generation remembers and has tales to tell of Denko Darlins' and "enchies" at Denko's. Denko was a real person with a meat cleaver always in his hand. He was often chasing us out of his establisment at 2:00 in the morning. Coach's on Main now sits where the infamous Denk's used to be . Share stories. There must be lots of Denko tales out there.
Anyway, we started talking about Myspace and Facebook. I realized I really did not have a clue except what I had glimpsed on one of my kid's computers. ( before they closed it......quickly. ) I of course had heard the horror stories about predators. We have all seen Dateline. Men with more warped hormones than healthy brain cells are repeatedly lured into false liasons with cameras rolling and police waiting.
Here is the simple definiton and explanation of Myspace.
http://www.techterms.org/definition/myspace
http://www.facebook.com/ is the sight for Facebook and there is an online tour you can take without signing up.
I decided we needed some expert advice so I went to the source. Here are four 19 and 20 year-old answers to my questions.
What are Facebook and Myspace? Which do you like better? Why? Do you know anything about how either was started?
They are "social" networks that people use to keep in touch, and just waste time on. Facebook is unanimously our favorite and it is also alot simpler to use. Facebook began as a social network at one particular college (either Harvard or Yale I think) and quite rapidly spread to other colleges. For the first few years you could only get a page if you had an edu.com in your email address..... Meaning that you were a college student. It was the coolest deal to get your address from school and immediately, set up your Facebook page. Now, with Myspace, Facebook allows anyone on. Boo.
How does another person access an individual's page? Can anyone access it? Can you block someone?
Every person who has a facebook account can set their privacy settings. All of our profiles are set so that only our "friends" can look at our profiles. That takes care of us having to block someone because only the people we know are able to look at our profile!
Do you check Facebook every day? Is there always something from someone on it? Are you always adding and updating your pages???
Yes...almost compulsively. Not always but pretty much every other day. At first it is really fun to update your page but the fun is semi -worn off at this point. Some people are very clever and inventive. Some not so much.
Here's a silly question. Are there poor souls who are as unpopular on their Facebook page as they are at their school or is there a level playing field for everyone through this communication method?
Um...well it says how many facebook friends you have, how many wall posts you have etc. But that doesn't really matter because some people are more into facebook and have everyone they know as a friend and others do not really care...so it really depends on if you are an 'active' facebook participant.
Talk about the friend who went for a job interview.
A good friend of mine went in for a job interview and the interviewer had her facebook page printed out and sitting on the desk...lucky for her the profile was totally clean and acceptable...which is not the same for everyone else.
You know how adults always say, "be careful of what you say and do. Reputation is everything." If the Facebook examples I have seen are any indication, some crazy stuff is out there for the world to see. How does someone make a decision to allow this about themselves? Is it so accepted now? Considered cool? Does this have any impact on how a person is perceived?
Well, everyone has a choice of what pictures are posted or not posted. We don't believe sexually explicit or embarrassing incidents to be an accepted form of behavior. These people are definitely judged if their pictures are highly inappropriate and everyone and I mean everyone will know about it.
Can things be deleted? Can you delete something from someone else's personal page?
You can delete anything that has to do with you, but no one else can delete something from your portfolio, unless they know your password.
In a group of say 100, how many people's page is basically honest and truthful about themselves? (rough estimate). Would you say every teen and young adult with a computer have a personal page on one of these sites? I know nothing about statistics, but between the four of us we can only name a handful of college kids that don't have a facebook and/or myspace account. I think everyone's profile is pretty truthful, especially because their parents don't read it.
What advice to parents about their kids on these sights. Should they be banned until a certain age? Should they be screened until a certain age? If so, when. With all the media coverage, why do you think these younger kids are continuing to arrange meetings with strangers? Has computer talk become so familiar to your generation that it really does seem personal and intimate? Does it seem as if you really know the person at the other end. We are all four a little freaked out with the whole internet thing, that is why our privacy setting are set really high, we don't want creeps looking at our profiles and knowing more about us!!! Younger kids really need to understand the dangers and what can happen with contact and meetings. In a way, on Myspace, pre-teens and young teens have a chance to "talk Dirty" or "play doctor' so to speak in a very verbal way. Unfortunately there are sicko's out there who take it real seriously. I guess if someone's kid seems distant, distracted, aloof; if he or she is really secretive about time on the computer, if that parent alarm goes off, look closer and investigate what is going on.
Hope that helped. If you get a chance, go on the websites above to see some examples of pages. I remember when I would take an autograph book to slumber parties and friends would sign things about me. Chrissie and Danny sitting in a tree....K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love..then comes marriage, then comes Danny with a baby carriage. Of course the autograph book is out of date. Actually, the rhyme is an anachronism too. The baby carriage is now often in the middle of the rhyme!!!
Coaxing information out of kids always works better with good food. They will sit longer! Tonight I served a Spinach Salad that has been around for years. We featured it in a Service League's cookbook that was my provisional year project. It is delicious. Thanks Francie Faudree.
1 bag of baby spinach - stems removed. ( It is safe again, California promised)
1 can of Durkee's onion rings
1 jar of hormel bacon bits
4 hard boiled eggs-sliced
1 container fresh muchrooms-sliced (I leave this out as my children pick them out anyway)
1 small purple onion, sliced thinly
When ready to serve, toss, and dress with the following:
In blender combine,
1 cup canola or safflower oil (not olive)
1/2 cup sour cream
1/4 cup wine vinegar
1 tbsp sugar
1 tsp dry mustard
1 clove fresh garlic (light on the garlic)
3 tbsp dried parsley
dash of Tabasco
salt and pepper
You can make ahead but blend again, right before serving as sour cream will separate.
If I don't want to get the whole ding-dang blender out, I'll just do this is a clean mayo jar and shake it well.
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