You read the post about the cough syrup. Now what? If you know your child has tried the Purple Stuff, beer, pot, pills, whatever, what do you do? Parents have varying reactions.
You've heard the expression, "when in wonder, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout"? It won't get you anywhere but upset. If you keep it up long enough, you may have a stroke. Too much adrenaline and cortisol produced by chronic over-reacting can lead to heart disease. That won't help anyone.
Then there is the "blind-eye" approach. It is really common to just ignore it. Chalk it up to teen behavior. Ignore it and it will go away. Everyone tries it (drinking, pot, speed, aderol...) and they turn out okay.
Really? Everyone?
And then there is the rescuing approach, in which the parent blames himself, the school, bad friends, society, a full moon, everyone and everything but the child himself.
It reminds me of what I call the grasshopper story. Last summer a very large, beautifully green and fresh grasshopper landed in my trash can, which happened to be open. I reached in and tried to get it out, but it jumped down a little further into the smelly trashcan. I tried to reach down further and pick it up, but it fell down under a really bad mixture of coffee grounds and old bar-b-que. As I gingerly picked up the newspaper on which the stinky mixture was sitting, the grasshopper fell all the way to the bottom, irretrievable. I was overcome with a very strong feeling of sadness and guilt, not only because I couldn't save the grasshopper, but because I had inadvertently, through good intentions, caused the demise of the grasshopper by my very attempt to rescue it. If I had left it alone, but monitored its progress, it probably would have found a way back out.
This is what we do to teens by perpetually rescuing them and never letting them face any consequences whatsoever. They don't learn how to control themselves, face their demons, and get on with life. They are held captive in a state of infantilism that will plague them throughout their lives.
What to do, then, when we find out our teen is indulging in potentially addictive and dangerous behavior - it is tricky. Everything from tough love, Camp Thunderbird, joining the Army, to hitting rock bottom, to simply outgrowing the risky behavior, can work or not work. It depends on the individual. That answer is not easy.
So, what I would like to suggest is also sometimes alot easier said than done, namely that you take care of yourself if you are in a dire situation with your child's drug or alcohol use. The prolonged stress produces sustained elevated levels of cortisol, shrinking the hippocampus and reducing the production of new neurons, which in turn impairs one's memory, mood, and ability to function normally on a daily basis. To help a "mis-functioning" child requires a functioning adult. Staying calm and taking positive action, for instance seeking the help of a drug/alcohol counselor, is a start.
Some people like to cook to relieve stress. Here is a Valentine's Day Chex Mix you can whip up in a flash.
1 sack Valentine's Day M & M's candies (they come in milk or dark chocolate now)
1 cup Valentines Day colored candy corn (available at Wal Mart)
2 - 4 cups Corn or Rice Chex
1 cup heart shaped pretzels
1 cup salted peanuts
Add all to an airtight container and mix. Vary proportions of each ingredient to taste. Happy Valentine's Day!
10 comments:
You are right. It's important that they associate consequences with the choices they make -- whether those are positive or negative, and that they are responsible for their life. I've seen so many teens "get it" and turn things around.
Hi, Suzanne. Did you happen to see the Grammy Awards last night? Mary J. Blige won a Grammy and in her speech she thanked the people who helped her on her path to be good, and she turned her life around after so many people had talked badly about her. Of course, she didn't graduate from high school, was abused as a child, etc., and didn't have a strong support group early in life. But, I know somewhere along the way someone had to have told her to stay on the right path, do the right thing, and for whatever reason, she couldn't listen until she was in her 30's. I guess "getting it" comes at all stages of life.
what makes what is abused now so tough is that prescription and over the counter drugs are the trend.........no illegal drugs bought in dark alley's. Kids go into their local store or buy the pills off the internet. It's much more dangerous than weed ever was. Look at the deaths of anna nicole and her son, just this week.
There is lots of bad stuff out there. heads up and don't be stupid about what your kids are doing.
Lawman, I am so glad you responded. My husband and I just had a conversation this morning about whether or not kids really don't drink and do drugs like they used to, or they are just more savvy about not drinking and driving. We came to the conclusion that they are just doing different drugs and self-medicating in other ways. Any parent who thinks just because they never hear about it, or just because kids don't have bad accidents like they used to in the '70's, 80's and 90's, is only fooling himself.
I know of three RX drug deaths in the last six months in this county all under 25 I think.
they chase them with booze- it works faster I was kind of surprised no parents have responded to this issue.
Hey, Lawman, I don't suppose you are watching Law and Order right now, are you? It is about kids throwing a bunch of pills into a bowl and just picking out what they want from over-the-counter cold medications, anti-psychotics, uppers, downers, just a free-for-all combination. The kids said, "It's all doctor prescribed," as if that makes it okay.
Chrissie and I talked about no one responding to the previous post at all. I thought it was kind of strange.
I was just watching channel 8 and three middle school kids in Tulsa were sent to the hospital for
O -D'ing on prescription drugs at school today. Chrissie
I saw that, too. And they were a student's prescribed anti-psychotic meds. Middle school is a very dangerous age for doing those kind of dumb things. Again, the push for anti-drug education is not very strong right now for some reason I can't put my finger on. We have SADD and RAID at Muskogee High School, but those are the kids who are already responsible, so it's like singing to the choir. Whatever happened to DARE? Is it obsolete?
This is a very important topic!!
Please forgive my absence! I have been a bit under the weather, and have had a lot of things going on that have kept me too busy to even think of visiting my computer..lol,,,but all is well and I am happy to see this topic discussed.
It is my personal belief that most of us want to ignore this ugly monster. We want to ignore it because it is so very painful to deal with. To adress it, we must first admit our kid is the kid "other" parents warn their kids about. We have to admit it is something we can't handle without outside help, that many times we feel is an intrusion into our own personal space. Thats a hard one to give up,,,our own personal space,,,but if we are going to help our child who may have a drug problem, it may just be necessary to open our lives up to an outside source who is trained and better equipped to help our child.
We have to "get over ourselves",,,and for many, it is much easier to keep pretending it is the kid down the block with problem.
I urge each and every Parent or primary care giver to please BE INVOLVED! Ask questions and be nosey! Kids are very secretive and unless you keep your eyes open and accept the fact that even your kid hides things from you, and could be involved in something that could end their life, you could lose your child! Talk about this with other Parents! Open up! Do you know what drugs are in the homes of your childs friends? Are you absolutely positive the kids are not, have not, experimented with those easy access drugs? What about your home? Are they within easy access? And if so WHY?? It's all about the future of all our kids!
CaveDwellers
I am glad you are back - we have missed you! You are right - I was shocked that no comment wsa left on the original post about cough syrup. I thought at first that maybe nobody has kids who have these problems. I really do think, though, that as you said, people don't want to think about it.
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