Out of four children, we allowed our oldest boy to go to Cancun. He was graduating high school and assumed his right of passage was the Senior Trip south of the border. We allowed him to go, but so did his Father with two other Dads. These middle age men returned from sunny Mexico with eyes as wide as sand dollars, shaking their graying heads. These calm and well-traveled men were tongue tied and incredulous.
Even with his own parent somewhere in the vicinity, my son bungee jumped at a tourist stand, trusting other countries to have the same safety standards as his own did. Our designated Dads accompanied the kids crammed on a party boat called the Booze Cruise to Isla Mujeres. The evening culminated in various "games", organized by the cruise line and fueled by the tequila and Corona that had been consumed coming across to the island. You have seen "Girls Gone Wild"? Six years ago, this behavior was not marketed and aired on MTV. Our "chaperones" were absolutely shocked as inhibitions were broken down and good judgement disappeared as quickly as young girls T-shirts. Another night there was an altercation at Carlos and Charlie's and a stampede resulted as kids tried to get out of the way and out of the bar. Several were injured.
Perhaps you argue, "I trust my child. He would not participate in dangerous behavior." Or other parents counter, "They're graduating. Let 'em go have fun. You're only young once." The one my husband and I succumbed to was "everyone else is going"- but only one time.
Our kids go out of the country where liquor laws are non-existent and our teens are targeted customers. Granted, thousands of students return with a good tan and none the worse for wear. However, ask any of them if they would ever go back. In my totally unscientific survey, 8 out of 10 will say no. As young men and women mature in college, they realize what dangerous situations they were in and how naive and stupid they were. The P-A-R-T-Y attitude of so many hormones, combined with unlimited tequila, and all wedged into one small area can possibly result in bad things. Bad things. Remember Natalie Holloway?
There is binge drinking everywhere. There is random sex everywhere. There are bad people everywhere. But somehow, marketed trips that openly promote these behaviors are unsettling and disturbing. Yet year after year we allow our precious children to go out of the country, unsupervised and unmonitored.
The whole world is at their fingertips. The possibilities are limitless. How about Student Tours to Europe, backpacking in the Rockies, Teen Fantasy Camps or American beach destinations ? There is Disney World, Worlds of Fun or Six Flags. A group could book a floor at a lakeside resort , go Snow Skiing or tour the Rain Forest. How about identifying a popular band and planning a road trip in a chauffeured bus to their concert city? Cruise to Alaska, find like minded friends and take a week long course somewhere cool doing something you love, see New York, or Chicago, D.C. or San Antonio, .........just encourage your graduate to make a wise, a safe and a life- broadening choice.
If we find the above too expensive, should we allow our child to go South because it is cheap? Let's all agree it is OK to just say no to the trip and promise other choices at a later time. OK, I'm practicing, no......no...No!
30 comments:
Amen!
how has this become okay?
let's just say no. United as parents is the key.
It's too bad the school could not sponsor a senior trip like many schools do, to D.C. or someplace in the good old USA, but no one wants to be culpable anymore for kids' crazy behavior. Remember when we used to have a senior picnic at Greenleaf? But, we had to stop that in the late 70's or so, when they kept finding liquor in people's cars.
Unfortunately for my own kiddos, I had already heard years' worth of senior trip stories from my students. They knew better than to even ask to go.
I like the idea of a family trip together after your child graduates. It may be the last you can coordinate as a family for awhile. Take along your child's friends or meet their families somewhere fun, if you are close. It would actually be an experience your child can remember later!!
I let me son go several years ago and he came back with a lovely tattoo.
it became so infected he had to have IV antibiotics. this was a kid who hated shots and finger pricks what happens down there?
two years ago he paid thousands to have the "sunrise" removed from his back (he would not tell us how much he actually had to spend)
often the senior trip does not end up cheap!!
Some of these trips are accompanied by chaperones provided by the tour company. Activities are planned such as snorkeling, boogie-boarding, beach volley-ball and tours to the ruins.
Kids can go and be safe, yet still have a wonderful experience in Mexico or the Bahamas. The price is reasonable and affordable. Don't be so quick to judge all Senior Trips.
Ok. "Counter-Point" What tour group do you work for? I get a big picture of graduating seniors flying down to Cancun and riding a bus two hours in to the Mayan ruins...........in the travel brochure, maybe.
Tour chaperones!
You have got to be kidding.
Ok, Dreamer, just admit it, booze and drugs are not a big deal. A little bit won't hurt. What can I do anyway. Johnny needs to learn how to be social and interact and know his limits. At least in Mexico he won't get into too much trouble. His friends are going and his parents are good folks and they wouldn't allow their son to go if they hadn't checked it out.
Tu es loco in la cabesa!!!!
When you were our age, I bet you would have loved to go with friends down to Mexico after you graduated. It's what we do and look forward to all of high school. Chill Out and have a Corona.
Hey, "chill out", I like your attitude and suggestion. Mexico was a lot of fun for me at 14 and I tried most of those things. But that was in the horse and buggy days. You know I heard that nothing changes ....if nothing changes. What do you think?
I worked this whole senior year to pay for my trip to Playa Del Carmen with my class. My Mom doesn't have a say whether I go or not as she isn't paying for it. Lots of us are paying our own way and will be making every penny count!
OH MY GOD! I can't believe what I just read!
I don't care how long a child living in my home, under my rules, has worked to pay for anything! No human under the age of 21, living in someone elses home, ( be it parents or anyone elses ) has the right to feel their Parents have no say in the matter! What utter audacity!!
Unfortunately, this is the attitude of most of our kids, even our 10, 11, and 12 year olds!
And when did it become okay and acceptable for a high school senior to drink? Lose their t-shirts? Be involved in bar room brawls? We keep blurring the lines of commen decency, of what is right, and what is wrong, so we can remain "friends" with our kids. I am not my G-sons "friend". I am acting as Parent to him,,and by golly, a Parent is what I am going to be! His "friends" will join him as he drinks, gets high, has unprotected sex, and gets behind the wheel of a car. His Parent WILL NOT!!
One day, God will judge me on how I cared for his precious gift...I don't want to be ashamed...
CaveDwellers
Yeh, that comment about mom not having a say was a tad bit narcissistic.
Cave-Dweller It is good to hear from you. It is not alright but it happens-lots. There is a more relaxed and wide-open "acceptable behavior", even by the kids who do not participate themselves. It terrifies me.
Here's something Mel and I have observed among high school students. Many of them ARE supporting themselves- food, clothes, medical care if they have any...for many teens working is not just cars and movies. My seniors told me things like. "I don't keep my food in the kitchen because Mom and the other siblings would all eat it." "I have not had a meal that my
parent(s) paid for since I was 15." "I'm living in my car until I save enough from my job. Mom moved to a smaller place and her boyfriend don't want kids there."
I am not speaking in the broad sense...these examples are pretty exact. I don't know if that is Anonymous's situation but it is for many, at least in Muskogee.
America must make raising children a priority again. Not the American government for heaven's sake. The American Families.
I can't believe that anyone would condone going to Mexico for binge drinking and acting like an idiot. It's an example of having lost consciousness from watching too many episodes of Girls Gone Wild.
To me there is a big difference between acceptance and approval. The person runs the stop sign in front of me and didn't cause an accident. I accept the situation and that no one was hurt. I do not approve what happened. It makes me more observant and aware. Can I change them,no. Nurturing my kids is a different story. Where does my responsibility begin and end is the real question?
I know many kids are having to deal with issues they should not have to. It saddens me deeply to think of a kid living in a car because Moms boyfriend doesn't like kids. But I know it happens. I have seen it with my own eyes. What amazes me is that a kid in this situation can still focus on school work. That kid and the many like him need a lot of help from the community. Help that just isn't there I am sad to say. It breaks my heart. Most kids in those situations just give up. Education falls to the way side as the need for shelter, food, and somebody to care becomes the main focus. I know,,I was one of those kids. Thats why it is so important to me that my G-son get an education. Thats why it is so important to me that he know he is loved! He must know that we are here for him, no matter what. I want him to know he has people who are going to "point" him in the right direction when he takes a wrong turn. Even when he's kicking and screaming. I suppose what upsets me is the many kids who have nobody to care if they make it in life or not, and yet have enough fortutitude to make it on their own, seem to get overlooked by many of us. And the flip side of that is the kids who have loving people who's only interest is that their child have a better life, kick and scream , and make life misrable for everyone around them because they feel they should have no rules, and care less if they can hold down a job when they are 30. And to make it all worse,,we as a society, overlook the bad behavior in the name of "society is different now". And the kids who really want an education are suffering because we will not take a stand and say enough is enough...
CaveDweller;
I really like your point that because "society is different now" doesn't mean we should sit back and take it, and it doesn't make it right. You have mentioned that point before and it is a really good one.
Just as a lover of history, what I have observed is that society can only go so far and still survive. It can only go so far before some catastrophe oor another forces the society to bend back the other way. As a teacher, I would rather instill healthy values in people than face everyone losing their freedoms because of the people who cannot do what is right. I am afraid we are at that point now of having a citizenry which cannot do what is right on their own, without cameras pointed at them every minute.
It's not that there aren't good kids and adults out there - there really are. But, they are hanging on by a thread, imposed upon constantly by that growing majority of people who don't want to do what's right.
CaveDweller I think you hit on a really good example. It's like we are raising our kids in the arc of a swinging pendulum. One way is kids who are raised to feel entitled and brought up without discipline, or a swing the other way and these children are left to raise themselves without guidance, support or love. Either way, as Mel points out, our society suffers.
Both of your comments are so true! One can only hope and pray that we do not have to suffer a terrible disaster to force us to bend back the other way...Hopefully, we will come to our senses, but sadly, I fear Mel is correct in her assessment....
I can see the point you all are making about graduating seniors going to Mexico. But remeber that there are some teens out there who can be responsible. I graduated 2 years ago and went to Cozumel with 10 friends and 2 moms. Our goal was to have fun but we were still responsible. Sure, we drank, but there was always at least one of us who took it easy to watch out for the rest of us. We chose to skip the booze cruise, but we still went out at night. When we went out, nobody was allowed to go anywhere on their own. We had heard the stories about kidnap, so we always stayed in our group or split into 2 groups, and when that happened at least 1 guy always accompanied the girls. There were no lost t-shirts, there was no unprotected sex, there were no tatoos, there was no bungee jumping. Other than drinking, the only dangerous thing we did was run into some jellyfish while snorkeling off the beach.
I am not being ignorant. I know plenty of wild and stupid things happen on senior trips, but some of us are responsible young adults. Just because we drink doesn't mean all of us are going to get out of control and do stupid things.
C - you said the right thing - RESPONSIBLE. I don't think any parent would object to their children going ALMOST anywhere as long as their kids are responsible (and activities are age appropriate). When it gets right down to it, you can drink right here in Muskogee - you don't have to go to Mexico to do it. But, everything you outlined - going in groups, having a male escort, having a designated driver (or walker, as the case may be), and just having a responsible attitude to begin with - are all the right things to do. This is sensible, and you are obviously a sensible person.
But, unfortunately, most 18 year olds placed in that situation are not sensible. It's when you get out there with people you don't know or with someone you thought you knew, but found out you didn't, that things can change. And, no, just because you drink doesn't mean you will get out of control, it just makes it more likely. I have known very few teenagers who can drink and not get out of control. In fact, I don't think I've known any. I know it seems weird, but there is a big difference between 18 year olds and 21 year olds.
We are talking about 18 year olds going to Mexico. It is illegal for 18 year olds to drink in the US because of maturity/majority issues, and just because you're in a country in which it is legal for you to drink, doesn't automatically make a person more mature or responsible.
This is an honest question - do you really think the majority of people you graduated with could or would be as responsible as you?
No, I know they wouldn't. In fact there was another group from our class that went to Cozumel right after us and I heard plenty of stories from them that disappointed me. But I think those that can be trusted should be trusted. As I recall, most of my group was sitting on the stage at graduation, I think we earned a little trust just by getting there. And I think we proved that some of us can be responsible while on a senior trip.
It would be a wonderful world if everyone were like you all...and you know I mean that sincerely!!!
Melony
C- Sweetheart, you are taking this personally. I know you all had a grand time and were responsible. On the stage (for those who don't know, top 10 graduating seniors at our high school) however, does not necessarily mean wise choices for everyone. The young girl who disappeared in Aruba was a top student on her way to a top college. I get your personal point but still think even you and your childhood friends who went to Mexico would have been safer other places. See you soon! XOX Chrissie
I just had a very "warm" discussion with my son in law about this very thing. His opinion was that if an 18 year old was responsible, had earned his or her own money to go to Mexico, then the Parent had no right to tell them they could not go.
I do agree with him and C. But the catch word here is "responsible".If I am paying said childs car payment so they can use their money to go to Mexico,,that in my book is not a responsible 18 year old..
And I agree that it is rare that any 18 year old does not lose a great deal of judgement after a few drinks. All people do. It is possible to to go to Mexico and not go crazy with the majority. But it is also safer to plan those graduation trips to someplace right here in the states.I think most kids want to go to Mexico for the drinking and the party side of it all. One thing never mentiond was that if you get into trouble in Mexico, it can be a very long time before you ever see home again. And also, most likely, if you become ill, or are injured, your insurance is of no use to you im Mexico. ANYONE reading this needs to check your insurance before you get on a plane to Mexico!
I suppose the bottom line is this: If the students who want to take a trip to Mexico have a problem with taking a responsible, level headed adult along as "voice of reason", they may need to ask themselves why ....
Once again, I agree that a few drinks is not a sign of trouble. It is the few drinks, peer pressure, and the feeling of "anything goes" when one is out of their normal setting where they normally would be more in control of their inhibitions, that get them into more trouble than they bargain for.
CaveDwellers
Yes, "anything goes" is exactly right.
Cancun was awesome on my senior trip. We had 35 or so students and Everyone had a wonderful time drinking and partying. Of course a few got a little too drunk and maybe puked a little, but growing up in muskogee I would say all 35 of us had puked from drinking before the senior trip. It is part of the modern adolescence. We all had a trip full of memories and noone was injured arrested kidnapped etc. You must not base your approval on one girl out of millions of american students being kidnapped. Cancun is a pretty safe place. Send your kids and I promise they will have great memories of it forever!
I'm glad you had such a good time on your senior trip....it is what made it so memorable that has our generation so concerned. Correct me if I am wrong, but where even 10 years ago, drinking was a component of partying, now it IS partying. A segment of High School and college kids drink not to get a buzz but to get wasted as quickly as possible...they drink whenever they are together, drinking is the social activity.
I know I am older and incredibly "out of the loop" to you, but this is really not a good thing. Bad things happen. People get in situtions, legally, morally, socially and medically that can change a life forever. I am not opposed to drinking, I am opposed to a social system that seems now to totally revolve around this incredibly powerful and unpredictable substance. I truly wring my hands and beat my chest about this issue, wailing like some ancient crone, dressed all in black and shaking my hands against the sky. sigh. I'm glad you shared..we want to hear from you!!!!
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